What Sex Workers Need You To Know About Their Careers
King Noire
Pronouns:
He/Him
Occupation(s):
"I'm a Master fetish trainer. A Master Fetish trainer is someone who helps people identify their fetish and then helps them find ways to live them and experience them in healthy, pleasurable, and safe ways. I'm an adult performer or male talent — "porn star" or however they describe it today — an Erotic Touch Masseuse, Fantasy Flight Pilot, and I've been a Gogo Dancer."
What has your time in the industry been like? How has FOSTA impacted you?
"I think since I do a lot of different things, a lot of times people are just a taken aback when they find out what i do. I think if people find out what I do before they've spoken to me, come to a lecture, or musical performance or anything else I do, they automatically think, 'Well, he slang dick for a living, so he's got no brain or no soul or no heart.'
"The perception of sex workers is that we're all doing this to pay for drugs or it's [generally] just a negative stereotype that a lot of people have towards sex work that kind of permeates into all the different aspects of what we do. People think that they can talk to you any kind of way, whether it's online or at a tradeshow. They think they can just put their hands on you. They say wild stuff that they wouldn't say to anyone else. I get d*ck pics, p*ssy pics, all types of sh*t all the time. If I get 20 per day, I know that a woman is probably getting 100 to 1000 a day... It's open season on anyone who is in the adult entertainment industry. I [constantly] have to remind myself that if it's like that for me, then you know it's way worse for what sisters are going through out here."
"I think it's important to look to people for who they are and their deeds instead of what their profession [is]. I think it's also important to realize sex is a natural thing, it's a beautiful thing, and we are all human."
What should the world know about sex work?
"We're your family, we're your neighbors, we're everyday people just like you — we just happen to make money in a different way. I think it's crazy that we live in a world where if somebody tells you, 'Hey, I work for the military and I drop bombs on people for a living," that's more respected than if somebody tells you that they dance and entertain people. What people do for a living doesn't make them good or bad, it's just how they earn a living.
"I think it's important to look to people for who they are and their deeds instead of what their profession [is]. I think it's also important to realize sex is a natural thing, it's a beautiful thing, and we're humans in a lot of ways. People come to us, who might not be able to find someone to help them experience the world in a way that they wanted to experience the world or open up their eyes to news ways to pleasure. It's not a negative thing, it's a positive thing. Everyone in the world got here through sex and I think most of us are having sex, so I don't think that's something that should be frowned upon."
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Motor City native, Atlanta living. Sagittarius. Writer. Sexpert. Into all things magical, mystical, and unknown. I'll try anything at least once but you knew that the moment I revealed that I was a Sag.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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I've struggled with my weight for most of my life. As an adult, I found myself looking for answers to heal my body and weight fluctuation; then, after a discussion with a therapist who had a background in nutrition, I learned the word cortisol.
Cortisol is a stress hormone released by the adrenal glands. It helps your body deal with stressful situations, as your brain triggers its release through the sympathetic nervous system, also known as "fight or flight," in response to stress or trauma. When cortisol levels are too high, there can be long-term impacts such as weight gain in the midsection, chronic disease, mood changes, anxiety, and a host of other health issues.
Across social media, there have been tips due to the heightened discussion on cortisol and ways to naturally lower levels. While digging deeper into cortisol levels, I tapped expert and therapist Justine Ashlee to discuss how we can access our trauma to naturally lower cortisol levels.
What Is Cortisol?
First, before we get into how we can lower it, let's just break down cortisol. Cortisol is the hormone that tells your body that fight or flight is here, and if that response is constantly being triggered or set off, you're constantly holding it all inside, and that cortisol is finding a home in your body instead of releasing it. So when you're constantly exposing your body to stress, your cortisol levels are continuing to rise. It's like asking someone whose home keeps being burglarized to get rid of their safety weapons. How can you feel safe to do so if you are constantly being robbed? Our bodies are the same as it relates to cortisol.
You want to lower your stress levels around you so that the stress and fat cells inside of your body finally feel safe to leave and never return. And that stress that we need to manage is not just outside stress from the world; it's the stress that we give ourselves when we aren't gentle with ourselves.
Natural Ways To Lower Cortisol
1.Get Proper Sleep
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I feel like we don't pay attention enough to how imperative rest is. We joke about getting our eight hours, but when you don't get enough sleep, your body is in a constant state of awareness and hypervigilance. So even though you can function off a few hours, that eight hours is always what's needed because when you're not getting adequate rest, there's always something else underneath the surface. And good sleep, not sleep with the TV on, lights, etc., because if you need all that to sleep, that's another issue that you need to get to the bottom of why that's needed.
2.Acknowledge Trauma & Lower Stress Levels
Cortisol is released when stress is present, and as Black people, we are disproportionately impacted by stress due to racial trauma. Epigenetics research has helped us to understand intergenerational trauma, which is the trauma and stress that is passed down through our DNA. But this acknowledgment doesn’t mean that we cannot lower our stress levels. It’s information that we need so that we can prioritize reducing everyday stress. That can look different depending on your lifestyle, but lowering stress levels might include yoga, mindful meditation, boundary setting, lifestyle changes, diet, and regular exercise.
3.Reduce Your Caffeine Intake
fermate/Getty ImagesHigh levels of caffeine can cause heightened levels of cortisol, as studies show caffeine increases cortisol secretion in people at rest or undergoing mental stress. Reducing your caffeine intake and eliminating caffeinated beverages in the evening can reduce stress and may help you lower cortisol levels.
4.Low Impact Exercise
Exercise is stressful to the body, so going slow and light two to three times a week is the best way to go. Because often what happens is when you push yourself with these high-impact exercises, you have to be mindful that cortisol naturally leaves your body when you exercise, but you want it to come out and leave your body, not leave and come back.
You don't want your body to associate the gym with a severe source of stress because when that happens, the cortisol will return, so moderate to low-impact exercise to start is key.
5.Assess Your Relationship With Food
AleksandarNakic/Getty ImagesIn tandem with everyday stress, you have to figure out how you are feeding your body and how that impacts your cortisol levels. If you're craving something, it's because your body needs it. And I am not necessarily saying that your body needs the food; you could be craving dopamine or oxytocin. This is why the idea of eating for comfort shouldn't be demonized, so if you're craving cheesecake, eat the cheesecake.
But on the back end, before you give in to your next craving, ask yourself what this food is giving you that you aren't getting elsewhere and how you can get this feeling without food. Who can I laugh with? How can I experience comfort and joy beyond what I put on my plate?
6.Reduce Your Desire To Always Be Accessible
Aside from our trauma, I don't think people factor in the effect of capitalism, the hustle and grind, and the constant expectation that being accessible at all times has on us and our cortisol levels. When you combine that in tandem with your own body makeup, you are constantly raising your cortisol levels. Focus on reducing your overall stress on a daily basis.
7.Don't Focus On Weight Loss, Focus On Body Safety
FOTOGRAFIA INC./Getty ImagesIf you’re attempting to lower your cortisol levels for weight loss, know that cortisol levels are about more than just weight, so we should focus on the safety of our bodies. When safety and release become the focus, the fat will be unemployable. Sometimes, I look at my midsection and just rub it and say thank you, and that's my way of telling it that we are safe, so it doesn't have to work as hard to keep me safe and store fat as a means of protection.
If you want immediate results to lower cortisol levels you can do a lot of things for immediate results, but if you want longevity, you have to get to the root of the issue and not the branches. Don't obsess over why it's coming back, and instead focus on what is at the root of your body constantly being in a state of fight or flight response.
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