
Lifestyle & Fitness Coach Monica Bencomo Prioritizes Self Above All Else

In xoNecole's series Mother/Hustler, we sit down with influential mom bosses who open up about the ups and downs of motherhood, as well as how they kill it in their respective industries, all while keeping their sanity and being intentional about self-care.
If you thought being a full-time business owner while homeschooling two small children and still managing to get a full-body workout in is hard, try doing it while you're 34 weeks pregnant. While many of us would shudder at the thought, there is one smooth Mother/Hustler who accepts this challenge with a smile.
The 32-year-old founder of Moms Wear Heels, Monica Bencomo is a force of nature that knows that securing a bag means nothing if you don't secure yourself, first, sis.
No one is immune to burnout, not even this seemingly superhuman Lifestyle and Fitness Coach who shared that she deeply understands the struggle of trying to fill an empty cup. She told xoNecole, "As a recovering people pleaser, I'd often go out of my way to ensure all my clients were happy, and I'd overgive and overperform. That led to burnout."
Monica, who will soon be a mother-of-three, says that while her plate is often full, it's only full of the projects she chooses to say yes to. "Nah" is a complete sentence, and when given the choice between securing a check and securing her sanity, Monica chose the latter. "Realizing my kids had to come first, and that I wanted to give them a happy mom (not a burned-out one) forced me to say 'no' to anyone or anything who wanted more than I thought was fair."
As a full-time wife, mother, and business owner, Monica says that hustling ain't easy, but most things that are aren't really worth having, are they? We caught up with Monica, who gave us the tea on how she manages to balance motherhood, entrepreneurship, and self-care at the same damn time. Here's what she had to say:
How do you handle moments when you feel overwhelmed?
"I pray. Then I remind myself in that moment of what my most important priorities are. Then I tackle them accordingly."
When do you feel most productive?
"The morning--I am such a morning person. I wake up before my kids so I can have alone time, and get my creative work done. The morning is when I feel most optimistic, and when I have the most energy to conquer the day."
What’s the hardest part of your day?
"That's usually towards the end of the day, after many hours of homeschooling, working from home, tidying up, and taking care of everyone when my energy begins to wane and I still have to do nighttime baths, reading, and planning for the next day."
How (and how often) do you practice self-care?
"Every. Day. I won't get out of bed until I've meditated, prayed, gone over my gratitude, and asked for guidance. For me, self-care is not an option or a luxury; it's vital to my overall health and happiness as a mom."
What is your advice for dealing with mom guilt?
"Check yourself, guilt isn't always something to shun away. Sometimes guilt serves as a painful reminder that we need to shift something in our lifestyle. I believe you can be a great mom and go after your dreams, but there is a delicate balance only your heart will be able to weigh. I always guide my clients to listen to what their emotions are trying to communicate with them. Guilt may have something to teach you in that moment."
What’s the most important lesson you’ve learned as an entrepreneur?
"That no one will work for or believe in you or your dreams if you don't--and that not everyone will like you--or understand you--sometimes even family and friends. And that's okay! Your destiny is your business--not theirs."
What is the most important lesson you want your kid(s) to learn from you?
"Most of all, I want them to exemplify self-love--to live in this world knowing that they matter--their contributions, gifts, and unique traits. It breaks my heart to see so many young people suffering from depression and anxiety due to not feeling valuable because they're comparing themselves to IG models or reality stars! I want my kids to be thinkers, have discernment, and believe in themselves in a world that constantly tries to make them feel insecure; which drives my work and my mission with Moms Wear Heels today."
Why was it important to you to be an entrepreneur even though some people may think that a 9-5 offers more stability?
"It's been my experience that 9-5s do not offer stability--I've been let go of 'safe' jobs I hated due to budget cuts and am grateful for that happening so that now, I have the courage to work for myself. Once I graduated from college and everyone asked where I wanted to work, I intuitively knew it had to be for me. No job was attractive enough to cause me to trade time away from my kids for money. And as Jim Carey said, 'We can fail at what you don't want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.' I've been an entrepreneur for 8 years and have no intention of turning around now."
What advice do you have when it comes to time management as a mogul mommy?
"So many women I've worked with have told me they don't have time for the things they claim they want in life--whether it's exercising or chasing a dream. We all have the same 24 hours in a day--so do a time audit and really see where your time is going. Are you on social media too long? Are you chilling with Netflix or YouTube when you could be growing your business? Be honest and investigate where your time and energy is going on a daily basis, and reprioritize where necessary."
How has being a mother helped you become a better entrepreneur (or vice versa)?
"Being a mom woke me up to my potential. Being a mother has also made me become more organized and better at time management. I realized that every 'yes' I'd give others was a 'no' I was giving to my kids and family. And that helped me to draw fierce boundaries as a businesswoman! As a mother, I only say 'yes' to things that I really want to say 'yes' to, and I've learned that 'no, thank you' really is a complete sentence."
What tips do you have for financial planning, both professionally and for your family?
"Have family meetings. If you're married, you and your partner need to be on the same page. If you're single, you can do this yourself. My husband and I meet weekly and monthly to go over things like finances, goals, etc so we're on the same page. Develop a vision as a family, and practice discipline! If you decide you want to buy a home in the next two years, for example, plan to spend more frugally and save a certain amount each time you're paid. Set tangible goals you can measure. And check progress each time you meet."
To learn more about Monica and join the Moms Wear Heels Movement, follow her on Instagram @MomsWearHeels!
Featured image courtesy of @MomsWearHeels.
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
'He Said, She Said': Love Stories Put To The Test At A Weekend For Love
At the A Weekend For Love retreat, we sat down with four couples to explore their love stories in a playful but revealing way with #HeSaidSheSaid. From first encounters to life-changing moments, we tested their memories to see if their versions of events aligned—because, as they say, every story has three sides: his, hers, and the truth.
Do these couples remember their love stories the same way? Press play to find out.
Episode 1: Indira & Desmond – Love Across the Miles
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for Indira & Desmond, love made it stronger. Every mile apart deepened their bond, reinforcing the unshakable foundation of their relationship. From their first "I love you" to the moment they knew they had found home in each other, their journey is a beautiful testament to the endurance of true love.
Episode 2: Jay & Tia – A Love Story Straight Out of a Rom-Com
If Hollywood is looking for its next Black love story, they need to take notes from Jay & Tia. Their journey—from an awkward first date to navigating careers, parenthood, and personal growth—proves that love is not just about romance but also resilience. Their story is full of laughter, challenges, and, most importantly, a love that stands the test of time.
Episode 3: Larencia & Mykel – Through the Highs and Lows
A date night with police helicopters overhead? Now that’s a story! Larencia & Mykel have faced unexpected surprises, major life changes, and 14 years of choosing each other every single day. But after all this time, do they actually remember things the same way? Their episode is sure to bring some eye-opening revelations and a lot of laughs.
Episode 4: Soy & Osei – A Love Aligned in Purpose
From a chance meeting at the front door to 15 years of unwavering love, faith, and growth, Soy & Osei prove that when two souls are aligned in love and purpose, nothing can shake their foundation. Their journey is a powerful reminder that true love is built on mutual support, shared values, and a deep connection that only strengthens with time.
Each of these couples has a unique and inspiring story to tell, but do their memories match up? Watch #HeSaidSheSaid to find out!
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Did You Know That Certain Traits In Men Can Make It Easier For You To Orgasm?
Recently, while doing a podcast interview on how God, love, and sex all work together, I shared something that I find myself saying quite a bit to church folks (whenever those topics, together, come up): “The main purpose of sex is not procreation, it’s oneness. Adam and Eve did not procreate until after they left the Garden of Eden. They had sex prior to that, though.” (Genesis 2:24-25, Genesis 4:1)
The reason why I think that this is relevant to today’s topic is, as I was doing some research for it, I found myself rolling my eyes quite a bit as I read things like “men need to orgasm in order to release sperm; women don’t need an orgasm to conceive” and “Why do women orgasm? It’s still a mystery.” Umm, is it? Because if you factor in the oneness component that I just mentioned (which more people should take to heart if you ask me) and then add to that the fact that the ONLY purpose of a clitoris is sexual stimulation and satisfaction for a woman — female climaxing and the need for it to happen as much as possible should baffle absolutely no one.
Sex serves a layer of benefits and yes, for both men and women, pleasure should be one of them. And since that is the case, a woman being able to orgasm, as much as she can, should be promoted…in content on a consistent basis.
And that is why I thought some of you might find it interesting that there are certain things about men, specifically, that science says can increase the chances of you climaxing — not only more but more intensely too.
Let’s dive in.
How Masculine a Man Is
I’m gonna be honest: All of the women out here who give pushback on submission and yet want a man to physically look up to (you know, someone who is 6’ or over which is only 15 percent of the male US population, by the way) fascinate me. So, you want a man who towers over you yet you think it is antiquated for a man to lead you? Do tell. Anyway, that is the first thing I thought about when I read that a man’s level of masculinity plays a significant role in how often a woman is able to orgasm and how quickly she is able to do it.
It would appear that some of the backstory on this is, on the physical tip, men with strong jawlines and broad shoulders represent being in good health as well as being able to protect their family while research also reveals that men with beards make many women believe that they would be good fathers. And yes, as much as social media may say — or scream — otherwise, women tend to prefer dominant (exerting authority or influence) men more as well. All of this together, in the bedroom, results in more and faster orgasms for women. Fascinating.
A Man’s Personality
A sense of humor in a man can really take him a long way in life — including when it comes to giving women orgasms. That’s why articles like “Funny Men Give The Best Orgasms, According To Research” exist. Although it’s probably a given that a lot of us are drawn to this character trait because it makes us feel good, research also says that humor taps into our creativity, makes it easier for us to adapt to things, and can help us to be better problem-solvers too.
Sexually, I would think that being funny helps because humor and orgasms both provide dopamine hits which is the feel-good hormone that runs throughout our bodies. While we’re on this topic, other personality traits that will make you cum more when it comes to men include being creative, warm, and faithful — gee, imagine that. #sarcasm
Also, a Man’s Self-Esteem
I’m pretty sure it doesn’t surprise you in the least that the more intense your orgasms are with a guy, the more attractive you’ll find him to be and the more willing you’ll be to have sex with him multiple times a week. Yeah, y’all be careful with this one because something else that science says is whenever a really good orgasm comes your way, as a woman, your brain literally switches all the way off for a moment (which could explain a lot when it comes to who some people choose to deal with out here…just sayin’). Anyway, apparently it would seem that a truly confident man is who’s able to pull all of this off.
That makes sense because confidence is all about having a high sense of self-worth; embracing challenges; not having a lot of self-doubt; listening well to others; standing firm on one’s own beliefs; putting plans into action, and taking control of one’s life. Plus, since a lot of women will admit that they prefer a man to be a provider and protector, which in turn causes them to feel safe, and feeling safe also makes it easier to let go and enjoy sex fully — yes, all of this tracks.
Foreskin
If no one else will say it, I WILL: the double standard on foreskin vs. the extra skin that a lot of women have when it comes to their vulva is absolutely ridiculous. In fact, if you know some things about your clitoris, it’s constructed a lot like a mini-penis in the sense of it experiences an erection of sorts when it’s aroused and the clitoral hood is the clitoris’s “foreskin.” So, to be out here giving the “ick” to men for how they were born when some of us have large or hanging lips — yeah, let’s chill on that.
Besides, according to science, “uncut men” not only have a greater level of sensation during sex, but that extra bit of skin (which isn’t as much as a lot of y’all make it out to be…relax) actually gives women more consistent orgasms too. Don’t believe me? Read this here and this here.
If He Ejaculates
I dunno. If you’re not a selfish partner, this one seems like common sense because, if a man “completes the act”, that means he was able to “get his” and that seems like something any good lover would want for their partner (the only thing better? Experiencing it with him at the same time!). However, what I did find interesting is there’s a greater chance that a woman will orgasm herself if she knows that her partner came.
In fact, one study said that a little over 50 percent of women thought that it was very important that their partner ejaculated during sex while a little over 22 percent said that they experienced more intense orgasms if he came during intercourse.
Some studies say that the sensation of the sperm inside of the vagina may play a role in this; however, since that means that you must engage in unprotected sex (check out “Thinking About Going Condom-Free? Read This Before You Do.”) in order to vouch for this one…I’ll just say to use forethought, wisdom and definitely get tested before attempting it.
BONUS: How Your Friends See Him
The more you learn, boy. Have any of you heard of the sexy son hypothesis before? The gist is this: If you create children with someone who other women find attractive, the belief is that you will end up having sons who have that same quality. And yes, being with someone who you think is appealing to other women — seems to increase the chances of you having an orgasm too (chile).
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Hmph. It’s intel like this that explains why so many think pieces say that the brain is the most powerful sex organ that we have. Anyway, if you’re someone who wants to have more orgasms or more intense orgasms, perhaps take some of this data to heart. For all you know, it might be the blueprint that you’ve been looking for all along.
Thoughts? Comments. Confirmations? LOL.
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