How Long Should You Make Him Wait For Sex?
We've all heard the tips, suggestions, and unofficial rules for when it's time to give up the goodies.
"You have to wait after three dates!"
"Girl, don't you drop them drawers until at least 90 days!"
"Wait until your wedding night or else you're nothing but a Jezebel!"
However, when to have sex isn't a one rule type thing that applies for all because everything isn't for everybody. There are some couples who did the deed on their first date and ended up in long-lasting marriages while some 90-day couples ended in breakups. And it's the same thing the other way around. A 90-day wait can lead to marriage and a one-night stand can stay a one-night stand.
So when is the right time to bless your beau with your "love below"? According to Jada Pinkett Smith, when he's already emotionally invested.
During a Howard Stern interview last year, the 43-year-old mom said she didn't drop the drawers until she and Will Smith were together for a month. Despite the fact that Will was already an A-list actor, Jada advised that women need to make sure their man is "emotionally invested" before giving up the goodies. Once the two were on the same page, Jada said they made love so wonderful that they became inseparable and have remained that way for almost 20 years.
"Listen, I tell people all the time, you got to invest! Emotionally, he's got to invest. Will was a little different because he been after me for a little while. He came to Winston-Salem to ask me again to be on [Fresh Prince], and I said no again. Basically [I was torturing him]. There was chemistry. Sometimes chemistry is automatic. It's just who he is. If I remember correctly, it was maybe about a month. A month [before we had sex]. It was wonderful. We were inseparable after that. That was it! It's done! I was 23, so really that was it. I've been with him since I was 23 years old."
Again, that is just one woman's experience and opinion, but it does seem like a pretty darn good one. A quick booty call or one-night stand is normally only good for physical stimulation. However, when you're in a relationship, there has to be something more to it than just what's in his pants or else he's no different from any other man. It's the emotional attachment and connection that turns sex from cute little sparklers on a birthday cake to the Macy's Forth of July fireworks show. Who wants candles when you can have fireworks?
While Jada waited a month, some other celebrity women waited longer before they felt it was time. In fact, TLC member Chilli is 100% against first-night sex. Writing for a Vibe blog a couple of years ago, Chilli said women who sleep on the first night have a personal issue they need to work on (example: the need to feel loved) She also advises that waiting allows a woman to know more about a man and what she can and can't deal with since having sex too soon can cloud her judgment. #dicktamized.
After sleeping with her three husbands on the first night, actress Stacey Dash says she's "holding the kitty hostage" until there's something more than just physical attraction. Check Page Two for her newfound philosophy on why she, Yandy, and R&B singers Keri Hilson & Alicia Keys prefer to wait.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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How A Stay At Switzerland's Luxurious 7132 Hotel Reminded Me To Live The Life I Deserve
Sometimes, as women—especially as single Black women—we simply need to be reminded that we are deserving of living a life we dream of. Even if that means creating it for ourselves. I recently set out on a weeklong trip to Switzerland, a trip I’ve been wanting to take for years, and near the end of my visit, I had an epiphany.
“DeAnna, this is the life you deserve,” I thought to myself as I took in the gorgeous bathroom in my suite at the famous 7132 Hotel and Thermal Spa. It was one of the most luxurious hotels (and bathrooms) I had ever stayed in—and that’s saying a lot for someone who often travels for work.
To help you better understand why this was such a mental awakening for me, I first need to give a bit of my backstory. I’m in my late thirties. I’m an attorneyand a journalist. I own a home and have traveled the world extensively. Essentially, I’ve done everything in life I set out to do. However, when it comes to dating, I struggle. Not because there is anything wrong with me per se, but because my career and “lifestyle” often create problems in my romantic relationships.
View from my hotel room
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I’ve been told everything from, ‘I can’t continue to date you because you seem to choose your career over wanting to settle down and have kids’ by a man after only the second date to ‘Maybe if you just sat down somewhere for a while, I’d actually wife you’ by someone who has honestly never proven themselves to be the settle down type. And these are only a handful of the things I’ve been told over the years.
It’s been frustrating, to say the least, and there have even been seasons where I purposely dimmed my light in hopes that my career wouldn’t push away potential suitors. I know what you’re thinking, “Girl, why would you even consider that? If they’re for you, it won’t matter what you do.” Hey, don’t judge me, but also, I one hundred percent agree.
My hotel bathroom
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That’s why this recent moment in Switzerland was right on time. When I first walked into the hotel to check in, I was blown away by the surrounding beauty. It was a five-star property with one of the world’s most famous thermal bathhouses. Yet, it was something about seeing that 90% of the hotel’s guests were couples, that forced me to sit back for a bit of introspection—while soaking in the thermal spa, of course.
As I went through the mental conversation, there was a battle of sorts. On one hand, I knew that being able to partake in experiences like the one I was having at that moment was important to me. I knew that, at times I actually love being able to dabble in the finer things—after all, I’ve worked hard to be able to afford them. On the other hand, and sadly, I knew that sometimes being a single Black woman that publicly showcases her “luxurious” habits can intimidate men and even scare them off from pursuing you under the guise of them feeling like they “can’t do anything for you, because you have everything.”
My hotel room
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So, what is a girl to do?
Do I minimize/hide the life and experiences that I have? Do I play down the hard work I’ve put in to get where I am professionally? Or, do I risk being single in exchange for being able to have said life, without backlash?
Luckily, the joy that I felt while being at this property won. There was something about taking a full day to simply pamper myself at the bathhouse and in my in-room steam shower and soaker tub, indulging in cuisine from a 2-star Michelin restaurant and doing all of this while surrounded by an amazing group of Black women that reminded me—this is certainly the life I was meant to live and that I deserve. Even if it means that right now, I’ll just have to provide it for myself until the right partner comes along. And honestly, I’m okay with that.
Restaurant at 7132 hotel
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