We've all heard the tips, suggestions, and unofficial rules for when it's time to give up the goodies.
"You have to wait after three dates!"
"Girl, don't you drop them drawers until at least 90 days!"
"Wait until your wedding night or else you're nothing but a Jezebel!"
However, when to have sex isn't a one rule type thing that applies for all because everything isn't for everybody. There are some couples who did the deed on their first date and ended up in long-lasting marriages while some 90-day couples ended in breakups. And it's the same thing the other way around. A 90-day wait can lead to marriage and a one-night stand can stay a one-night stand.
So when is the right time to bless your beau with your "love below"? According to Jada Pinkett Smith, when he's already emotionally invested.
During a Howard Stern interview last year, the 43-year-old mom said she didn't drop the drawers until she and Will Smith were together for a month. Despite the fact that Will was already an A-list actor, Jada advised that women need to make sure their man is "emotionally invested" before giving up the goodies. Once the two were on the same page, Jada said they made love so wonderful that they became inseparable and have remained that way for almost 20 years.
"Listen, I tell people all the time, you got to invest! Emotionally, he's got to invest. Will was a little different because he been after me for a little while. He came to Winston-Salem to ask me again to be on [Fresh Prince], and I said no again. Basically [I was torturing him]. There was chemistry. Sometimes chemistry is automatic. It's just who he is. If I remember correctly, it was maybe about a month. A month [before we had sex]. It was wonderful. We were inseparable after that. That was it! It's done! I was 23, so really that was it. I've been with him since I was 23 years old."
Again, that is just one woman's experience and opinion, but it does seem like a pretty darn good one. A quick booty call or one-night stand is normally only good for physical stimulation. However, when you're in a relationship, there has to be something more to it than just what's in his pants or else he's no different from any other man. It's the emotional attachment and connection that turns sex from cute little sparklers on a birthday cake to the Macy's Forth of July fireworks show. Who wants candles when you can have fireworks?
While Jada waited a month, some other celebrity women waited longer before they felt it was time. In fact, TLC member Chilli is 100% against first-night sex. Writing for a Vibe blog a couple of years ago, Chilli said women who sleep on the first night have a personal issue they need to work on (example: the need to feel loved) She also advises that waiting allows a woman to know more about a man and what she can and can't deal with since having sex too soon can cloud her judgment. #dicktamized.
You can have chemistry. You can have a connection. But it doesn’t mean you’re supposed to have sex. People get it all mixed up. You can look at an ocean and it’s the clearest water in the world, or it looks like it’s shallow, but if you can’t swim, don’t jump in it!
A lot of times, people can look at women and say she’s a ho, but to me I’m like, well the guy slept with her too. What does that make him? I look at a guy who would sleep with a chick on the first date the same way I would look at the woman. I’ve never had sex on the first date. I’m not into labeling people, but I definitely think those are issues that a person has. I don’t know if it’s the need to feel like somebody’s loving you… Whatever it is, it’s an issue.
I don’t think you should give away your goods and when I say goods, just you as a person to someone that you don’t know. Test the waters, be careful, take your time with things, ease into it and then see. Nine times out of 10, if you spend enough time with somebody and if you hold that part back, you probably will find something that you don’t want to deal with about them and you’re like, “You know what, I’m good.”
But when you have sex too soon, it brings on this connection that makes you feel like you have to deal with that person and you stick it out for some reason because of those feelings. It brings on premature feelings that aren’t even real. You become attached, especially women.
It won’t kill you to wait. I’m definitely not promoting fornication. It would be great if everybody could wait until they got married. The world would be a better place.
We wonder how long she made her young boo thang wait?
After sleeping with her three husbands on the first night, actress Stacey Dash says she's "holding the kitty hostage" until there's something more than just physical attraction. Check Page Two for her newfound philosophy on why she, Yandy, and R&B singers Keri Hilson & Alicia Keys prefer to wait.