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Idris Elba Just Gave Us One Of The Best Relationship Words—EVER
Like at least half of the free world, I've always had a bit of a thing for Idris Elba. Only, my reason is probably a little different. In many ways, he really does remind me of my first love (I'd post a pic but my exes endure me using them as content enough without my giving up visuals too). It took me FOR-E-VER to really get past the man I fell for back when I was a freshman in college. But, back in 2015, when I went on my customized get-your-heart-pieces-back tour, he and I made peace. We expressed that we would always love each other; we just…will never work, in that way—again.
Here's the thing, though. When there is peace between two people, you truly want what's best for him. My ex? I want him to find his, what I call, "now one". And, although a sistah has had her fair share of fantasies about Sir Elba, I am thrilled that he has as well.
I have a pretty good memory and I remember when Idris insisted that he was never getting married ever again. Remarkably, it wasn't all that long ago (two summers ago, to be exact). Yet here he is, a married man, with him and his beloved Sabrina Dhowre gracing the July issue of British Vogue's bridal edition, showing everyone that Black love is still alive and doing very well (thank you very much).
When I watched some video footage of them at the last Met Gala (on People's site), it was dope how, although he is the celebrity, she is clearly his star. I liked that they both spoke freely and equally in interviews and also how comfortable they were in one another's space. Their energy conveyed that they were in love yes, yet they really are in like too. Dope.
I think something that Idris said in his British Vogue interview about his relationship with his wife is probably why everything seems so…healthy:
"Sabrina has deepened friendships with people I've known longer than [her], nurturing the best side of me to make me connect to my friends more."
Nurture. Sabrina nurtures him. I personally find that word to be a relationship superpower and something everyone should look for in their own "now one". If you give me a sec, I'll break down why I say that.
To Be Nurtured Is to Be “Fed”
A few weeks ago, I was schooling one of my 29-year-old friends on A Different World. That show will forever be in my top five of favorites. There's one episode that features Whitley realizing that her boyfriend Julian was not going to support her in her desire to become an art buyer. When she vented all of that to Dwayne, he said (among other things), "You need someone who is going to feed you, Whitley."
Five-star dinners would be nice, but I'm pretty sure that Dwayne was coming from the "supply with nourishment" (which is basically what nurture means). One of the best synonyms for nourish is "cultivate". To be cultivated is to receive the special kind of attention that helps you to thrive, both personally as well as professionally.
The late-yet-still-great Dr. Myles Munroe used to talk about the power of a man cultivating a woman. He defines cultivate as "to bring out the best in everything around you". There's absolutely no way you can't thrive if your partner is committed to the cultivating process. Cultivate is such a beautiful word.
To Be Nurtured Is to Be “Supported and Encouraged”
I have a married male friend who is very accomplished. Something that he used to say often was, "It's very hard to go home to a woman who complains all of the time. I'd rather stay out in the world where I am respected and celebrated." What's interesting about that statement is, I was just talking to another married male friend who is currently going through a divorce. Something he said he told his soon-to-be ex is, "You are supposed to be my source of strength, not the very thing that weakens me."
Whenever I hear stuff like this, I visualize a game with cheerleaders on the sideline. The gender of the players and cheerleaders are completely interchangeable. The point is that we all need folks who are going to cheer for us, honor us, have our backs, get us through the tough times—make us feel like if no one else can be relied upon for encouragement and support, they can be. Consistently so too.
Many relationships have crashed and burned because one or both individuals refused to endure the challenging times (which is what support means) and/or inspire their partner to soar to new heights (which is what encouragement does). Don't sleep on how much your partner needs both of these things. It's critical to your relationship's health and longevity.
To Be Nurtured Is to Be “Strengthened”
A clear indication that you're in the kind of relationship you should get out of (or at least get counseling for) is if your connection with someone is making you weaker instead of stronger. When a relationship is truly strengthening you, it will, by the mere definition of strong, help to make you "mentally powerful or vigorous" and "especially able, competent, or powerful". It will even be a source "of great moral power, firmness, or courage".
If what you're currently in has you on a non-stop emotional roller coaster ride, it causes you to question your worth or value or (catch this one) it puts your own morals and value system into influx just so you can make it "work", your relationship is doing the very opposite of what it should be doing—both to and for you.
To Be Nurtured Is to Be “Cherished”
If you've been to more than three weddings before, you've probably heard the word "cherish" come up in the marriage vows. It's also in the Bible; in the New King James Version, only twice. It's in reference to Christ (peep it) nourishing and cherishing his church (Ephesians 5:29) and a nursing mother cherishing her children (I Thessalonians 2:7).
Cherish is clearly a very special and sacred word. It means that, not only are you being cared for, but you're receiving the TLC kind of treatment. It means that the object of your affection has a deep love for you. It means that they see and treat you like a real treasure. It also means that they embrace you and are attached to you (in the non-stalker or codependent type of way, of course).
This brings me back to something else that Idris said about his relationship that I really liked. He said that he and Sabrina have been "literally inseparable since we met." Nothing about them appears to be that way because they need to be; I'm pretty sure it's like that because they want to be.
Does your partner cherish you? Do you cherish your partner?
To Be Nurtured Is to Be “Supplied with What Is Necessary for Life, Health and Growth”
Wholeness. Something that I strive to be and encourage the singles that I talk to be as well is whole before ever getting with someone else.
I'd much rather choose someone who helps my already-full-cup to overflow than someone who will fill deep bottomless voids.
So yeah, when Idris said, "You know, I'm 47 this year, been married and lived a full life before I even met Sabrina. It wasn't something that I wanted to do, get married again. But …", as someone who's never been married before and will be turning 45 in a couple of weeks, I felt that all up in my soul and spirit.
Idris has lived a full life. FULL LIFE. He loved being single. Now he loves being married. Sabrina is not "giving him a life" so much as she's going to be a source of what takes him to another level in it. Y'all this—all of this—is what nurturing does. So yes, Sir Idris Elba. I don't know if when you said that Sabrina nurtured you that you realized that you preached the sermon for the week, but I'll pass the offering plate around for you one time because you certainly blessed me.
Until I can define my relationship with a man as being "nurturing", I'll keep living a full life as a single woman. Thanks for leading by example on that tip. I appreciate you and yours.
Featured image by Sky Cinema / Shutterstock.com
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
In the vibrant world of travel influencers, Black women are making waves and offering fresh perspectives on globetrotting adventures. And when we say, “Book that trip,” we can’t help but recognize the women who fill our feeds with the inspiration to do so.
These trailblazing travel influencers capture breathtaking destinations and weave powerful narratives of enjoyment, leisure, and joy. From serene beaches to bustling cityscapes, these creators provide a unique lens through which we can experience the beauty and complexity of the world. It’s not just the photos that entice us. It’s the glimpses into local cultures, hidden gems, and the personal growth that comes from the second-hand exploration of new destinations.
Whether you're seeking travel inspiration, practical tips, or a vibrant community to connect with, following these Black women travel influencers will enrich your Instagram feed and ignite your wanderlust.
Jordan Aminah (@thebeautifuljordan)
Jordan is a dynamic travel influencer who stopped our scroll with her solo travel adventures to Juneau, Alaska — ever tried a reindeer hot dog? We love to see Black women try new things and explore the world through a fresh and lively perspective.
@thebeautifuljordan Welcome to Juneau, Capital of Alaska!🇦🇽❄️🦀🏔️ I picked this trip up to try something new and it turned out to be one of my favorite trips ive done so far! Alaska is beyond underrated! A while ago I heard about Tracys King Crab Shack and her world famous deadliest catch crabs. So when I found out we had super long layovers there I decided, imma get some 🦀! I also went whale watching🐳🐋Juneau is one of the best places to whale watch and I had the experience of a lifetime. I will detail this whole layover in another video. Please visit Alaska and add this to your list! #juneaualaska #juneau #tracyskingcrabshack #alaska #flightattendant #layoverdiaries #blacktravel #blacktraveler
Destiny Owusu (@ohwawa_)
Known as “Miss Enjoyment,” Destiny has been gracing our feed with a creative approach to travel and storytelling from London, Mexico, back to NYC.
Gezelle Renee (@gezellerenee)
With an eye for detail and a heart for adventure, Gezelle Renee captivates her followers with stunning photography and insightful travel tips. Her Instagram feed is a vibrant tapestry of global experiences, from Turkey to Thailand, with plenty of moments to add to your Pinterest board.
Skylar Marshai (@skylarmarshai)
If you follow Skylar Marshai, you know that her travel journey and storytelling are nothing short of mesmerizing. From her style to her creative documentation of her adventures, we love to see a Black woman expressing her passion for travel from coast to coast, land to sea, and beyond.
Oyin Edogi (@sweetlikeoyin)
Oyin not only catches flights, but she also puts on the best fits and the flyest makeup routines. Her content is filled with colorful destinations that will inspire you to pack your best looks and see that world.
Chelsea Davis (@chelseadoestravel)
Creator Chelsea Davis has traveled to over 100 countries by the age of 30 and did so through solo travel and making travel a priority. If you need the inspiration to stamp up your passport, she’s your girl.
Dr. N’Dea Bmekween (@bmekween)
TikTok creator Dr. N'Dea Bmekween is a dynamic content creator celebrated for her engaging and relatable videos. Her content captures the wonder of travel while providing helpful tips for aspiring travel influencers and content creators to make a living out of their passion.
@bmekween It’s totally possible to travel for free, you just have to plan and capitalize on these opportunities. If you want to learn my strategy for applying and winning travel scholarships, I teach you the details in my ebook “how to get paid to travel” #freetravel #travelrewards #travelcreditcards #biltrewards #hiltonhonors #scholarships #travelscholarship #paidtravel
Ciara Johnson (@hey_ciara)
Ciara quit her job “to travel the world solo,” and now she’s sharing her worldwide exploration through inspiring content for aspiring nomads.
Asiyami Gold (@asiyami_gold)
Asiyami’s seamless blend of travel, fashion, and lifestyle creates a sophisticated and inspiring feed. Add her to your summer travel mood board.
Lee Litumbe (@spiritedpursuit)
Lee Litumbe, the face behind Spirited Pursuit, is dedicated to exploring travel, adventure, and cultural experiences. A must-follow for a digital travel guide!
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Featured image by Getty Images