

How We Met is a series where xoNecole talks love and relationships with real-life couples. We learn how they met, how like turned into love, and how they make their love work.
What happens when you put 22 gorgeous single men and women on a beautiful island with no phones and lots of smoking hot sex appeal? For fitness influencer Clinton Moxam and Wilhelmina model Uche Nwosu, it resulted in a nearly three-year relationship and a fur baby named Rue. The post-MTV's Are You the One?season six power couple still flourished in their love and addiction for one another despite their confirmed "no match" midway through the season. Now, we can all watch their YouTube videos together in jubilee and root for them as they post cute #RelationshipGoals photos that bless our Explore pages.
Though Uche is originally from East Grand Rapids, Michigan and Clinton is originally from Palm Bay, Florida, the two lovebirds have made Hollywood their home. Unfortunately, this wasn't always the case and the two had to adjust to living apart for nearly half a year. "We had to do long-distance for about five months last year and we definitely had to work on our communication––but we made it through and came out on the other side stronger," said the certified personal fitness trainer. With growth comes growing pains, but even with their fights and disagreements, Clinton and Uche still managed to come out swinging. Three years to the date they met, Clinton popped the question and made his three-year girlfriend his fiancee and life partner.
"We have different communication styles which was something that we have had to work on throughout our relationship," says the lifestyle influencer. "Also - what to watch on TV. Clinton always caves though, we're finishing up Real Housewives of New Jersey: Season 10." Clinton chimes in that their disagreements are typically caused by miscommunication regarding things that are happening in their individual lives and not communicating it to one another effectively. "This can lead to one of us being offended about how the other is seeming to act, not realizing that the issue isn't even really between the two of us," adds Clinton.
In this installment of How We Met, we caught up with the reality television alumni and newly engaged couple about meeting on MTV, the importance of effective communication to avoid arguments, and their appreciation for each other's sense of humor.
*This interview was conducted prior to Clinton's proposal or knowledge of the proposal.
How They Met:
Uche: I got a scouting call right after New Years' 2017 for an MTV show. I had just moved from Chicago to Los Angeles at the time where I was interning for a stylist and I didn't think much of it. I went through the first round of interviews and before I knew it, it was the middle of May and I was being flown into Los Angeles for final casting. Long story short, I ended up going on a reality show in New Orleans purely for the experience. We were both going through different situations at the time and neither of us were looking for love on the show whatsoever. I always laughed when the whole premise of the show was centered around "winning love and money" when that's exactly what ended up happening for me.
Clinton: I moved to NY right after graduating college in August 2016. From there, I was doing a bit of modeling and trying to grow my social media platforms. I was contacted by MTV about a show they were casting called Are You the One?. I went through the whole casting process and was picked to be on the show. I met Uche on a big green stage with 20 other people as we started filming for the show.
Instant Attraction:
Uche: The day we met was also the day we met the rest of the cast (22 of us). That day is still a huge blur to me! The cameras, the mics, the house, everything was so new. I remember I didn't even end up talking to Clinton until the very end of the night. We ended up sitting by the pool and talking for a few hours. Like I said, my intention coming on this show was just to have an experience and possibly win money––I had gone through a lot of not great situations prior, and at the moment I wasn't looking to get into a relationship. I remember on day four (mind you, these TV days are unlike real days! Whereas when you meet someone in the "real world" you spend maybe a few hours a day with them––we were spending 24 hours, all day, every day with each other––with no phones or contact with the outside world. Every three days marks a "TV week"), talking to my friend Nicole and telling her that I really think I was starting to like Clinton, but I wasn't sure what to do about it. I was definitely being cautious, I didn't know what was going to come from it and didn't want to start getting attached! All I know is we just gravitate towards each other, always.
Clinton: Similar to Uche, I was in a prior situation before going on to the show. It was a situation where myself and the person involved were not 100% sure what direction we were going. When the show started, I wasn't actually interested in getting to know anyone. I was hoping it would possibly create other opportunities for me and I would win the money in the end. The entire first day was hectic. I didn't have a conversation with Uche until later that night as we were both trying to have different conversations with different people, not exactly thinking that any of the conversations would lead anywhere, but that's just what we were there to do. From my initial conversation with her, I knew she would be the only person I could even hold a conversation with. She was so effortlessly funny and charismatic, but I don't think either of us thought much of it. It wasn't until day three or four that I was just watching her as she walked through the house and I got this feeling inside of me like a little light bulb turned on and I said to myself, '"Hold up! you really like her." From that moment on, she hasn't gotten rid of me!
Courtesy of Uche & Clinton
"From my initial conversation with her, I knew she would be the only person I could even hold a conversation with. She was so effortlessly funny and charismatic, but I don't think either of us thought much of it. It wasn't until day three or four that I was just watching her as she walked through the house and I got this feeling inside of me like a little light bulb turned on and I said to myself, 'Hold up! you really like her.' From that moment on, she hasn't gotten rid of me!"
First Date:
Clinton: Our technical first date was on the show. The whole house wanted us to win a date so we could go into the "truth booth" to see if we were a match (spoiler alert: we were not). We finally won a date on week five. We went on a ferry in New Orleans, had a caricature artist draw us, and it was really fun. Later that night, we had to go into the truth booth and find out we weren't a match so the day… didn't end quite well. Our first date outside of 'the house' was mini-golfing and a movie! It's like we were waiting to see if the spark we had on the show would still be there in the outside world and it without a doubt was.
Making It Official:
Uche: Well, before the show I was kind of in flux as to where I wanted to be and what exactly I wanted to do. It just so happened that earlier that year, my mom took a job at a hospital in Florida where she would work two weeks out of the month in Urgent Care. The show stopped filming at the end of July and I decided to go see my mom before making my next steps. It just so happened that out of all the places in Florida she could have relocated to, it was exactly 49 minutes away from where Clinton's mom lived.
Clinton: Before the show started, I decided it was time for me to move back home to Florida, so I packed my car and planned to drive down to Florida after the show finished. It just so happened that we ended up being there at the same time which allowed us to spend a lot of time together. I would go to her mom's place Thursday through Sunday every week and we would just hang out and spend time together. We went on dates and we went out, but the majority of our time was just spent getting to know one another and laughing. We did this for about 5-6 months and in November of 2017 while filming the "Reunion" episode of the show that we were on, I officially asked Uche to be my girlfriend.
Uche: I honestly wasn't trying to get humiliated on national TV so I was leaving it all up to him to take the next step. I don't know, it was like I was looking for some big red flag. Everything just seemed too good to be true––I've never met anyone like him.
Clinton: Uche never pushed me to make it official. Even though we were very exclusive and open with one another, we were taking our time trying to really get an understanding of one another. We learned so much about each other and developed such a strong foundation of love in this time that the night I asked her to be my girlfriend. I also told her I loved her because I knew what we had was going to last.
Courtesy of Uche & Clinton
"Uche never pushed me to make it official. Even though we were very exclusive and open with one another, we were taking our time trying to really get an understanding of one another. We learned so much about each other and developed such a strong foundation of love in this time that the night I asked her to be my girlfriend. I also told her I loved her because I knew what we had was going to last."
The Sweetest Thing:
Uche: His sense of humor and his heart! No one loves me better or makes me laugh harder. We will literally spend the whole day making each other laugh. I don't know if anyone else thinks we're funny? But, I don't know… Saturday Night Live should probably give us a call.
Clinton: Definitely her sense of humor and her smile. From the moment we met, we've naturally bounced off of one another and our relationship is filled with jokes and laughter. I say her smile because I think it's the cutest thing in the world. I love seeing her smile because it's the physical representation of how she is actually feeling. Seeing my woman happy makes me happy, and that's why I love that smile.
The One:
Uche: It definitely happened over time. When he first told me, the night of the show reunion––I was surprised he said it, but I felt the exact same. I had thought I had been in love before, but I realize now that's not what that was. I kept saying I felt "different", that I had a "different feeling". I still don't even know how to describe it but he really is my other half. It just feels right and I feel the most me when I'm with him. I HATE to be cheesy, I'm so sorry, but honestly––every single day I am reminded that it really is love.
Clinton: I knew it was love because of how Uche and I were with one another. I had experienced love, commitment, and the challenges that come along with it. I saw it in both of us that we had the capacity and the willingness to be selfless, understanding, genuine and truthful with one another because Uche showed me all of those characteristics from the time we met. Love is a feeling but it also takes a lot of work and we were both ready for that.
Courtesy of Uche & Clinton
"I had experienced love, commitment, and the challenges that come along with it. I saw it in both of us that we had the capacity and the willingness to be selfless, understanding, genuine and truthful with one another because Uche showed me all of those characteristics from the time we met. Love is a feeling but it also takes a lot of work and we were both ready for that."
Baggage Claim
Uche: I had to learn that every argument doesn't mean it's the end all be all. It sounds so silly now, but I was so used to being in tumultuous relationships where I always had to have my guard up and be ready for the next curveball. This relationship has matured me so much and I am so happy we met in the time we did, Lord knows I had to go through the things that I did to fully appreciate and recognize a blessing when it's presented to me. We've also had to work on our communication. I've always thought that being outgoing meant that I was a good communicator––so wrong. I've had to be honest with myself and realize that I actually kind of suck at communicating when it comes to talking about the not fun and uncomfortable elements of life. We've really grown!
Clinton: We had to learn how to talk to one another about our past and the things we struggle with as individuals. We navigated those conversations by proving to one another over time that we can be trusted with knowing the hard things that neither of us wants to tell people we cannot 100% trust. As time passed and we continued to prove ourselves to one another, we opened up more and became even closer. I also had to unlearn the kind of "tit for tat" mindset. We're one, we're in this relationship together and we both bring different things to the table that are valuable in different ways.
Talk To Me Nice
Uche: I would say that my love languages on the giving end are: gift-giving and words of affirmation. On the receiving end, it would be acts of service and gift-giving, but by gift I mean ANYTHING. If someone ever gives me anything that lets me know they're thinking of me, honestly anything, it means a lot to me I don't know why. Oh, especially cards! I keep all of my cards. If you've ever written me a card, literally ever, I guarantee you I still have it!
Clinton: My love language is words of affirmation. I'm pretty simple––I don't need much but I do need my woman to tell me that she's proud of me and that she sees me. I'll do anything for her and I just want to know that she appreciates me.
Courtesy of Uche & Clinton
"I had to learn that every argument doesn't mean it's the end all be all. It sounds so silly now, but I was so used to being in tumultuous relationships where I always had to have my guard up and be ready for the next curveball. This relationship has matured me so much and I am so happy we met in the time we did, Lord knows I had to go through the things that I did to fully appreciate and recognize a blessing when it's presented to me."
Loving Yourself:
Uche: I've been through my fair share of frogs. I'm not saying I'm perfect, I've definitely had to grow up a lot and learn from past relationships. But never have I ever been fully appreciated and encouraged to be who I am, SO authentically. I've always been a confident person but going on such a widely publicized show opens you up to so much scrutiny. There was so much positivity and love coming my way but you are always going to have your online trolls and negative people that want to bring you down.
It's so easy to focus on the negative and I did fall into that trap many times, especially right after the show when things were still fresh. Clinton has never left my side and has always lifted me up, had my back, and encourages me ALWAYS to be exactly the person I am. Never too much!
Loving Your Partner:
Clinton: I've learned that love requires a lot of patience. We met at 21 and 23 years old, I don't think people understand how much there is to figure out individually and together at this point in life. I definitely didn't realize that, now that we've known each other for three years and we've gone through different things together, I'm seeing how important patience is.
I'm becoming my own person, she's becoming her own person and we are also coming together as one. Growing up, we are conditioned to think that you are supposed to find this perfect person and then they complete you, which isn't true at all. What really happens is you find an amazing person and you guys love and commit to one another and then there's a lot of work to be done. It's all worth it because the love and relationship you build is unbreakable!
For more Uche & Clinton, follow them on Instagram!
Featured image courtesy of Uche and Clinton.
Your February 2025 Horoscopes Are All About Self-Love & Soulful Alignment
Explore your sign’s 2025 horoscope predictions to learn what is in store for you this year in love, career, and more. Check out the love compatibility of each sign to learn more about zodiac pairings and all things compatibility.
February is a coming together, as a culmination of community and abundance is evident. Some significant planets go direct this month after being retrograde since this past year, and we can finally take a deep breath. We walk into the month in Aquarius season, and the focus during this time is on coming together with the people you resonate with on a soul level, opening your heart to love, and gaining perspective in the process. When the Sun is in Aquarius, everything feels more electrified and inspiring, and this is one of the best months of the year to manifest and set your intentions.On Feb. 4, Venus enters Aries, Jupiter goes direct in Gemini, and the energy and passion return. Venus in Aries is fiery, dynamic, and puts self-love first. While Venus is in Aries for the entire month, February is all about going after the things you want in love, and trusting that you will be supported here. Jupiter goes direct on the same day after being retrograde since Oct. 9, and we can see our blessings manifest more effortlessly now, especially regarding communication matters, networking, short travels, education, and the mind. Jupiter finishes its Gemini transit on Jun. 9, so over the next few months, this is a good time to expand your mind and your vision, get creative, and meet new people.
What February 2025 Has In Store For Your Zodiac Sign
The Full Moon of February occurs in Leo on the 12th, and this is the Snow Moon of the year. This Full Moon brings emotions to the surface and creates self-clarity and honesty in the process. This Full Moon is a time to let go of old versions or ideas of yourself that don’t align with who you are today and to focus on what feels authentic and empowering for you right now.
On Valentine's Day, Mercury enters Pisces until Mar. 3, and the mind is on love right now.
While Mercury is in Pisces, we speak in words of poetry and spirituality, and mental connections turn into romantic ones. This is a beautiful energy to walk into on the day of love, signifying an urge to be around people who truly understand you right now.
Pisces season begins on Feb. 18, and we move into a time of closure, healing, creativity, and introspection. On Feb. 23, Mars goes direct in Cancer after being retrograde here since Jan. 6, and being retrograde in general since Dec. 6. With Mars now direct, there is more energy and direction at our disposal, and less confusion on where to go from here. Mars will be direct in Cancer until Apr. 18, and there is a lot of love, support, and intuition to be felt right now. Mars in Cancer supports others while also cherishing boundaries, and this is a good time to feel more stability in matters of the home and heart.
We end the month with a New Moon in Pisces on Feb. 27, and this is a time of magic, dreams coming to fruition, and romance in the air.
A New Moon in Pisces reminds us that what has been lost always comes back around in a new form, and helps us see what our heart is grateful for right now. This is a great New Moon to set your intentions for the future and to dream the dream. Overall, February is an inspiring and enlightening month, and your heart is the one leading the way right now.
Read for your Sun and Rising Sign below to see what February has in store for you.
ARIES
February is all about love for you, Aries. You are thriving within relationship matters as Venus is in your sign for most of this month. Venus moves into Aries on Feb. 4 and will be here until Mar. 27, however, Venus will be going retrograde in your sign on Mar. 1. So, use February to walk into some new beginnings in love, but remember to take your time with things here as well. You are overall feeling more reciprocity, support, and positive recognition now, and self-love is key this month.
On Feb. 12, we have a Full Moon in fellow fire sign Leo, and this Full Moon occurs in your 5th house of romance.
This is a beautiful Full Moon for seeing love bloom and for experiencing a sense of fulfillment that brings you closer to another. Before the month ends, Mars goes direct after being retrograde in an area of your life having to do with the home, family, close loved ones, and emotional stability. With Mars now direct here, new foundations can be built in your world, and you feel more supported and secure as you end the month.
TAURUS
This month is a time to reflect, accept, and move into your new beginning, Taurus. There is a lot to process this month, and with the Sun in your 10th house for most of February, a lot of your focus right now is on your goals, purpose, and life path. The Full Moon happening mid-month is an opportunity for you to see things clearer in the home, and to create space for more support and nourishment here. You are letting go of what is weighing you down or making your emotional world feel more difficult to process this month.
Mercury enters your 11th house of hope, community, friendship, and manifestation on Valentine’s Day this year, and you move into a time of inspiration. You are thinking of all the things that make you feel empowered, loved, and in tune, and it’s time to create more of this energy around yourself. We have a New Moon in this same area of your chart before the month ends on Feb. 27, and you are ready to look forward in life rather than at the past of what could have been.
Overall, this month is about listening to your heart and spending more time taking care of yourself.
GEMINI
February is a chance to take a break, Gemini. You need more time to process and prepare for what’s ahead of you, and you are taking the time to do so this month. February begins with Jupiter going direct in your sign after being retrograde here since Oct. 9. Jupiter, the planet of blessings, will be direct in your sign until Jun. 9, and won’t be here again for another decade. This is your opportunity to set intentions, focus on your dreams, and make some important achievements happen.
Extra good luck and support from the universe are with you now, and the key for you is to let things come to you naturally through patience and dedication.
On Feb. 12, there is a Full Moon in your 3rd house of communication, and some important culminations are coming through in matters of the mind. You are coming to some conclusions about something, and it’s changing your perspective overall. Before the month ends we have a New Moon in an area of your life having to do with your career, professional world, and reputation, and this is a good time to set your intentions for what goals you want to see through right now.
CANCER
February is a month of enlightenment, Cancer. You are aligned with the path you are walking on right now, and everything is starting to make a little more sense to your heart. This month we have a Full Moon in your 12th house of closure, and you are moving away from an emotionally heavy space. You are letting go of a lot of what has kept you conflicted, and there is a sense of peace that is being obtained in the process. This is your month of inspiring others through your resilience and gift of forgiveness.
Mars goes direct in your sign on Feb. 23 after being retrograde here since Jan. 6. With Mars retrograde in your sign since we began the year, there has been a lot for you to reflect on and emotionally process, and you are seeing yourself and your life with a new perspective and passion. Mars will be in Cancer until Apr. 18, and this is the time to take action on the things that you haven’t been ready to move forward with these past few months. On Feb. 27, we have a New Moon in Pisces, and you are leaving the month in the mood for an adventure.
This is the time to get out of your comfort zone, travel, or do something fun.
LEO
February is about protecting your energy and what you are bringing to fruition in your life, Leo. With a Full Moon in your sign mid-month, you are moving through a time of culmination, release, and inner clarity, and there is a lot to reflect on right now. You are recognizing your need to create boundaries from those who don’t serve you or your life path and are focusing on the things that feel good for you.
With the Sun in your 7th house of love for most of the month as well, you are gaining clarity on the relationships you want to move forward with, and where you need to create more space.
Venus is in Aries and in your 5th house of romance, self-expression, creativity, and joy for most of the month, and your heart is yearning for some excitement. When it comes to love in February, opportunities are coming to the surface for you to get out of your head and into your heart, heed the call. At the end of the month, Mars goes direct in your 12th house of closure, and you are moving into a breakthrough. You end February with less weight on your shoulders and more energy to just be.
VIRGO
Trust your intuition this month, Virgo. February is a month of getting organized, gaining clarity, and feeling purposeful. With Jupiter going direct in your 10th house at the start of the month, blessings follow through regarding your career and professional world. The intentions you have been setting and going over these past few months, are coming to fruition for you now, and you are being recognized and supported for your efforts here. This is a month of feeling a level up in your life, and like you are where you want to be.
Mars goes direct on Feb. 23, after being retrograde in an area of your life having to do with friendship, community, and your hopes and dreams over the past month or so. With Mars now direct in Cancer, it’s easier for you to feel hopeful and to see and experience the magic in life. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in your sister sign Pisces on Feb. 27, and love takes on a new beginning. This New Moon is one of the best of the year for you to set your intentions for love, and trust where your heart is being called to right now.
LIBRA
February is all about perspective and the intentions you are setting in your life through the thoughts you are thinking, Libra. The Sun is in your house of romance and Venus is in your house of partnership for most of the month, and there is a lot to look forward to right now. New developments are coming to fruition within your relationships, and you are reaping what you have sown, feeling grateful for what has come to fruition for you.
This is a beautiful month for travel, moving forward in your partnerships, and feeling more commitment and support in doing so.
With Jupiter also going direct this month, your home life and foundations see improvements and expansion. Anywhere you have been feeling limited here is being lifted for you now, and you are able to breathe and think bigger about what is possible for you and your sense of stability in life. The Full Moon happening on Feb. 12, is a chance for you to connect with the people who inspire you, and to let go of anything that doesn’t feel authentic to who you are today or how you feel about things.
SCORPIO
February is a month of feeling loved, Scorpio. Everything's coming together for you exactly how you have envisioned it, and with the Sun in your house of family, support, and foundations, you are feeling closer to your loved ones in the process. We have a Full Moon in your 10th house of career in mid-February, and culminations are coming through in your professional world, as recognition for your efforts and hard work are here for you now. This Full Moon is about taking the time to congratulate yourself for how far you have come and to feel gratitude for your progress in life.
On Feb. 23, Mars goes direct in fellow water sign Cancer, after being retrograde in an area of your life having to do with travel, adventure, spirituality, and education over the past month or so. With Mars now direct, travel plans follow through and it’s easier for you to see the bigger picture. The New Moon of the month takes place on Feb. 27, and this is a beautiful time for you to experience joy and pleasure. You are ending the month by making your inner child happy, showing up, and connecting with the love that surrounds you now.
SAGITTARIUS
This month is a transition month for you, Sagittarius. You are moving on from what has been, and a few of you may even be moving physically or traveling during this time. This is a month of getting into new energy and letting things go where it is needed. February begins with your ruling planet Jupiter going direct after being retrograde since last fall, and you are able to experience more of the blessings in love that you have been looking for.
Love turns a new page this month, and it’s because you are no longer settling for things that don’t align with what you want for yourself or your future.
On Feb. 12, a Full Moon is happening in an area of your life that has to do with your passion, inspiration, travel ventures, and perspective, and you are getting the full picture right now. This Full Moon is about accepting the truths that have come to the surface and following through on plans that you have had for yourself. Mars goes direct in your 8th house of transformation on Feb. 23, and you end the month experiencing a personal breakthrough. A lot is changing for you in February, and you are the one leading these efforts forward because you are owning the life you deserve.
CAPRICORN
A new month is here, and you are looking forward to all of the new experiences you are about to get into, Capricorn. February is an inspiring, passionate, and eye-opening month for you and you are making a lot of progress. With the Sun in your 2nd house of finances, values, and self-confidence for most of the month, you are spending a lot of your time developing new plans and intentions for yourself, especially financially. Mid-month we have a Full Moon in your 8th house of shared resources, and the support that you need to thrive and expand financially right now is becoming clearer to you.
Towards the end of the month, Mars goes direct in your sister sign Cancer, after being retrograde in an area of your life having to do with love, partnership, and harmony over the past month or so. With Mars moving forward again, so are you in love, and your relationship dynamics feel a little more balanced and empowered for you. On Feb. 27, we have a New Moon in Pisces to close out the month, and this New Moon for you is all about setting your intentions regarding communication, networking, and the ideas you want to build off of right now.
AQUARIUS
Your season is here, and everything is falling into place for you now, Aquarius. This is a month of feeling a positive culmination of everything you have been working towards, and seeing the rewards for your efforts. With the Sun in your sign until the 18th, all eyes are on you and you are focused on your personal goals, investments, and self-courage. Jupiter goes direct as we begin the month, turning things around for you in love and helping you see things with a new perspective here.
Blessings and understanding within relationship matters bloom for you now, and you can finally take a break from the confusion here.
With Venus in your 11th house of friendship for most of February, this is the month for connecting with the people who you resonate with on a soul level and giving your heart more time to enjoy the company. The Full Moon happening mid-month occurs in your opposite sign, highlighting your romantic life and sense of partnership. Love comes full circle as you let go of the past here and see the gifts of the partnerships you have been building in your life.
PISCES
February is your month of abundance and opportunities, Pisces. There is a lot to tend to this month, but you have the empowerment and passion to do so. Jupiter goes direct in your 4th house as the month begins, and you are feeling stronger foundations emotionally and within the home right now. Progress is being made in the spaces that are close to the heart, and you are feeling the blessings of support and stability in your life. The Full Moon happening on Feb. 12, is about letting go of unhealthy daily routines or habits and giving yourself more space to figure out what feels right for you.
On Valentine's Day this year, Mercury enters your sign, and your mind is focused on love, understanding, and connection. The conversations you are having now are fulfilling your heart and inspiring you, and you are gaining clarity in relationship matters as well. Pisces season officially begins on Feb. 18, and it’s your time to shine, to love, and to be loved in return.
Before the month ends we have a New Moon in Pisces on Feb. 27, and this is one of the best times of the year for you to set your personal intentions, manifest, and reinvent yourself.
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Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
Know what I’m old enough to remember? MCI phone cards. Billing phone calls to third numbers. Beepers. Two-ways. A life without cell phones (let alone smartphones) and the internet. So, you know what all of this meant, right? Communication, especially communication with a bae, was oftentimes expensive and/or challenging, and, especially if it was a long-distance situation, it required that you be prepared to write at least a few letters from time to time.
Now? Well, let me put it this way: When’s the last time that you sat down to handwrite a grocery list, let alone a love letter? Oh, please believe that I am pointing the finger at myself too because, these days, even I attempt to jot down a quick message in a greeting card, I think about how stellar my father’s penmanship was and I’m damn near mortified in comparison…all because I don’t handwrite things, nearly as much as I should. SMDH.
Y’all, technology has its pros. When it comes to romance and intimacy, especially, it can also have its cons too. As I say often, in the wise words of the philosopher Aristotle, “The excess of a virtue is a vice” and y’all, just think about it: shooting a quick text vs. making the time to share your thoughts in your own handwriting this Valentine’s Day — which one do you think would make the bigger and longer impression? Which one would move the heart more?
Shoot, not to mention the fact that our society shells outa whopping $27.5 billion on the holiday each and every year. Hmph. I recently saw a social media post where a woman said that a man who is “trying to get with you” should spend no less than $1,000 on V-Day. SMDH…AGAIN. If you’ve read enough of my content, you know that I am not team “drain a man,” especially when it comes to a fleeting holiday.Relationships should always be about reciprocity, so if you don’t want simply a card and a hug on February 14, be prepared to give more than that.
However, I will also say that when it comes to conveying romance, being creative, and showing someone how thoughtful you can be, a handwritten letter is a very nice touch. And so, in the spirit of Cupid’s Day, if you and your partner are sexually active, you can really make his toes curl if the letter that you write happens to be a SEX LOVE LETTER.
Let’s discuss.
Don’t Let Technology Talk You Out of Writing a Letter. Here’s Why.
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My godchildren’s mother must have stock in Hallmark because, if there is one thing that she is going to do, it is send cards while making sure that her daughters do the same. It’s a great practice, one that I remember doing while I was growing up as well. Since my mother kept some of the ones that I sent to my grandparents when I was little, it’s actually a great memory to look back on (via photo albums). However, beyond taking a walk down memory lane, there are other reasons why writing a letter is a beautiful gesture.
For instance, when you think about shooting someone a quick text — really, who benefits more? If you’re really honest with yourself, it’s probably you because texting is convenient and saves a lot of time. And that’s just my point. Handwriting a letter? It requires you making the time to share your thoughts and feelings and who doesn’t want to feel like someone values them enough to spend time that they won’t ever get back on them?
Another reason why writing a letter is bomb is because, something that I will sometimes recommend that my clients do, is write letters to each other, even if/though they live in the same house.
Handwritten letters give you the opportunity to really think about what you want to say which ultimately tends to make the messages a lot more meaningful. Something else that’s wonderful about letter writing is you can put so many personal touches on it — from the stationery that you choose to the scent that you put on the paper to whether you want your words to be in print or you’d prefer to pen them in cursive.
And then, there’s a reason that’s tied to a sappy film that I just watched (again) on Tubi over this past weekend — a romantic movie that I can’t freakin believe turns 15 this year (what is time, people?!): Dear John (Channing Tatum and Amanda Seyfried). Definitely one of the elements that made it so sweet and precious to watch was the fact that John (Tatum) and Savannah (Seyfried) spent an entire year writing letters back and forth to one another while he was on military assignment.
How can you not feel loved when someone puts in that kind of effort? Yeah, folks don’t handwrite letters like they used to — that doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t, though.
How a Handwritten Love Letter Can Benefit Your Relationship
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Although probably no one can be absolutely certain about the origin story of a love letter, I do like that one article that I checked out said that probably the Song of Solomon is probably a good place to start. If you’ve ever checked some of those chapters out, the words are poetic, sensual and even intense at times. And even though other love letters that followed may have been due to the fact that distance prevented couples from being able to talk face-to-face, let’s not act like history doesn’t also tell us that love letters were a form of wooing. It is a way of documenting your interest, affection, admiration and desire for the one you care so deeply for.
Something else that’s dope about love letters is it’s a way to document the journey of your relationship with someone — it’s also a solid way to hold yourself accountable to the words that you speak. Case in point: something that I oftentimes advise my clients to do is jot down a list of 10-20 things that made them choose their partner. Then I ask them to post it somewhere where they and their partner can see it on a daily basis (like a bathroom mirror or kitchen’s refrigerator). That way, on the not-so-great days, they can refer to the list and remember to see things from a broader perspective than how they may be feeling at the moment — and that can help to reignite their feelings so that they can get back on track.
One more beautiful thing about love letters? It can help you to express your love for your partner in a way that you may not be able to otherwise. While, in a conversation, you might simply say, “I love you,” in a letter, you probably will be more compelled to expound upon why — and that can make you feel more confident in the relationship while affirming your partner at the same time. Perfect.
What I’m basically saying here is that a love letter can plant seeds in your relationship that will flourish in ways that you couldn’t even imagine at the time that you actually wrote it. And if it can do all of that…imagine what a SEX LOVE LETTER is able to do.
What’s the Difference Between a Love Letter and a Sex Love Letter?
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Although, on the surface, I’m sure you get that a “regular” love letter is about mostly about love while a sex love letter is pretty much about sex — the thing that I really want you to get is that the focus of the latter needs to be about how you feel about your sex life with your partner through the lens of love. To make this make more sense, I’m going to use synonyms for love that can be applied to sex:
- What do you especially APPRECIATE about the intimacy that you share with him?
- What EMOTIONS do you feel while you’re having sex with each other?
- What drives your PASSION for him?
- What do you CHERISH the most about your moments, in bed, together?
- What about his body do you RELISH?
- When you think about him, what causes you to have feelings of LUST?
- Is he a TENDER kisser or lover? If so, expound on that.
- What happens during sex that you really LIKE?
- What about him, sexually, are you PARTIAL to above all others?
- What about sex, with him, do you ENJOY the most?
See…a sex love letter. If you answer these 10 questions, in your own words, on some pretty stationery, that has a scent that he adores (or arouses him like a blend of lavender and pumpkin), and maybe you even put a sexy pair of thongs into the envelope and then mail it to him (my personal favorite) or put it under his pillowcase, on his car seat or in his gym bag — how could your man not feel seen, wanted and even respected, even sexually, by you? And how could that not make this a very special Valentine’s Day?
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I will never forget when a husband once told me that the best thing that his wife ever did for him was present a set of flashcards that had nothing but positive adjectives to describe how she felt about him: “Women don’t get the power of their words sometimes. They really can build or kill.”
This Valentine’s Day, “build your man up” by letting him know, lovingly, what intimacy with him truly means to you. You never know how he will return the favor.
In my experience, when a man is celebrated in this way…it is oftentimes…TENFOLD.
In and out of the bedroom. #wink
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