How Designer Carmen Alexandra Protects Her Peace by Being Selfish With Her Time
In xoNecole's Mother/Hustler series, we sit down with influential mom bosses who open up about the ups and downs of motherhood, as well as how they kill it in their respective industries, all while keeping their sanity and being intentional about self-care.
Have you ever wondered how much of your life is actually about you? From the kids to your job, to your man, to the bills––can you actually say that you spent more than five minutes of your day investing in your damn self? While being self-centered is frowned upon, fashion designer and owner of She. The Collection, Carmen Alexandra wants you to know how important it is for you to designate time every day to center yourself, sis.
Anyone who's ever started a business knows that these entrepreneurial streets ain't easy, but Carmen refuses to let burnout get the upper hand. The blogger knows that you can't pour from an empty cup and says the key to manifesting the overflow you've been looking for is being selfish about your self-care. "You have to put yourself first. You can't take care of them if you can't take care of you," Carmen told xoNecole in an exclusive interview. "The person you were before you became a mother still matters and still deserves her selfish times."
"You have to put yourself first. You can't take care of them if you can't take care of you. The person you were before you became a mother still matters and still deserves her selfish times."
To Carmen, one of the most important lessons she wants to teach her daughter is the power of peace, and she can only do that through action. She explained, "I want my kids to be in tune with their peace, to know that they are in control of their peace of mind. I want them to be able to identify things that disrupt it so they can work through it."
We sat down with this smooth mother/hustler, who spilled all the details on focusing on self-care and securing the bag at the same damn time.
How do you handle moments when you feel overwhelmed?
Deep breaths and short meditations keep me sane! I also make lists to help me prioritize and work more efficiently.
What’s the hardest part of your day?
The hardest part of my day is from 4 to 5 pm when I'm trying to ship and make it to the post office. It seems like so many mistakes and errors happen within the hour.
How do you practice self-care?
I take myself to dinner and a movie every Tuesday, and I tell myself plenty of positive affirmations daily.
When do you feel most productive?
I feel most productive Monday through Wednesday when my daughter is with her dad.
What is your favorite way to spend “me time”?
Home alone, looking crazy---a little medicated, a little tipsy---dancing around my apartment to my favorite songs.
Why was it important to you to be an entrepreneur even though some people may think that a 9 to 5 offers more stability?
There's so much beauty in being able to create. I get to make clothes for people around the world, and the clothes make them look and feel good. I get to work with brands that are diverse and make amazing products. A 9 to 5 never fulfilled me.
How has being a mother helped you become a better entrepreneur (or vice versa)?
Being a mother has taught me balance. I've learned to work productively so I can sit down and enjoy moments and share my creativity with my daughter.
What is the biggest challenge you’ve faced as a mom who runs a business?
My biggest challenge was my postpartum body and regaining my confidence. I felt after giving birth I would be able to jump back into my old clothes the same way.
What advice do you have for moms who are looking to start their business but haven’t taken a step out on faith yet?
What are you waiting for girl? The time is now! Take that leap of faith and don't give up. Be consistent and push yourself the way you would push your kid(s) or your best friend.
Do you think it’s important to keep your personal and professional life separate? Why or why not?
I think it's important to be honest about life because it's not as pretty as it is on social media. It's important to balance it. I may tell my followers that co-parenting is hard but I will never dog my daughter's father out because I'm upset that we miscommunicated over something.
As a mogul mommy, what advice do you have about time management?
Write! Make to-do lists with timeframes. It feels amazing scratching things off of that list. And sometimes there are things that need to be moved up, switched to tomorrow, or things that are too time-consuming, which allows you to see that you may need to hire someone to help you.
What tips do you have for financial planning, both professionally and for your family?
Spending diaries will really show you where your money goes and how you can spend and save more efficiently.
For more Carmen, follow her on Instagram at @caxshe!
Featured image by Instagram/@CarmenAlexandra.
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
This Black Woman-Owned Creative Agency Shows Us The Art Of Rebranding
Rebranding is an intricate process and very important to the success of businesses that want to change. However, before a business owner makes this decision, they should determine whether it's a rebrand or an evolution.
That's where people like Lola Adewuya come in. Lola is the founder and CEO of The Brand Doula, a brand development studio with a multidisciplinary approach to branding, social media, marketing, and design.
While an evolution is a natural progression that happens as businesses grow, a rebrand is a total change. Lola tells xoNecole, "A total rebrand is necessary when a business’s current reputation/what it’s known for is at odds with the business’s vision or direction.
"For example, if you’ve fundamentally changed what your product is and does, it’s likely that your brand is out of alignment with the business. Or, if you find your company is developing a reputation that doesn’t serve it, it might be time to pump the brakes and figure out what needs to change.
She continues, "Sometimes you’ll see companies (especially startups) announce a name change that comes with updated messaging, visuals, etc. That usually means their vision has changed or expanded, and their previous branding was too narrow/couldn’t encompass everything they planned to do."
Feature image courtesy
The Brand Doula was born in 2019, and its focus is on putting "the experiences, goals, and needs of women of color founders first," as well as brands with "culture-shifting missions."
According to Lola, culture-shifting is "the act of influencing dominant behavior, beliefs, or experiences in a community or group (ideally, for the better)."
"At The Brand Doula, we work with companies and leaders that set out to challenge the status quo in their industries and communities. They’re here to make an impact that sends ripples across the market," she says.
"We help the problem solvers of the world — the ones who aren't satisfied with 'this is how it's always been' and instead ask 'how could this be better?' Our clients build for impact, reimagining tools, systems, and ways of living to move cultures forward."
The Brand Doula has worked with many brands, including Too Collective, to assist with their collaboration with Selena Gomez's Rare Beauty and Balanced Black Girl for a "refresh," aka rebrand. For businesses looking to rebrand, Lola shares four essential steps.
1. Do an audit of your current brand experience — what’s still relevant and what needs to change? Reflect on why you’re doing the rebrand in the first place and what success would look like after relaunching.
2. Tackle the overall strategy first — before you start redesigning logos and websites, align on a new vision for your brand. How do you want your company to be positioned moving forward? Has your audience changed at all? Will your company have a fresh personality and voice?
3. Bring your audience along the journey — there’s no need to move in secret. Inviting your current audience into the journey can actually help them feel more connected to and invested in your story, enough to stick around as changes are being made.
4. Keep business moving — one of my biggest pet peeves is when companies take down their websites as soon as they have the idea to rebrand, then have a Coming Soon page up for months! You lose a lot of momentum and interest by doing that. If you’re still in business and generating income, continue to operate while you work on your rebrand behind the scenes. You don’t want to cut existing customers off out of the blue, and you also don’t want so much downtime that folks forget your business exists or start looking for other solutions.
While determining whether the rebrand was successful may take a few months, Lola says a clear sign that it is unsuccessful is negative feedback from your target audience. "Customers are typically more vocal about what they don’t like more than what they do like," she says.
But some good signs to look out for are improvements in engagement with your marketing, positive reviews, press and increase in retention, and overall feeling aligned with the new branding.
For more information about Lola and The Brand Doula, visit her website, thebranddoula.com.
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Your Scalp Ages Six Times Faster Than Your Face. Why It Matters.
If someone were to ask you about the part of your body that you personally think you neglect the most, what would you say? For me, it wasn’t until I became intentional and proactive about taking care of my scalp that I realized that it’s easily in my top three (check out “10 Things Your Scalp Has BEEN Waiting For You To Do”).
The main thing that got me into the mindset of pampering my scalp more was that, when I got serious about growing longer hair, I realized that I couldn’t really accomplish that goal unless the foundation of my locks — my scalp — was in pristine condition. And y’all, that doesn’t “just happen” — quite a bit of effort has to go into having a clean, healthy, and thriving one.
Something that helps you to achieve that goal is learning as many facts about your scalp as you possibly can. And if it trips you out to know that your scalp ages six times faster than your face does, you are not alone, chile. I felt the same way when I first found that out.
So, now that your eyes are staring wide-eyed at your screen let’s learn more about why our scalp has a tendency to age in the way that it does, along with some hacks for how to slow down the aging process…for our overall hair and hair goal’s sake.
What Causes Your Scalp to Age? What Speeds Up the Process?
GiphyOkay, so when you get a sec, check out Verywell Mind’s article, “Your Body Gets Much Older at These Two Ages, Study Shows.” If you’re at work and skimming this, I’ll give you the ages off the rip: 44 and 60. I’m not anywhere close to 60; however, I am definitely past 44, and so, when I read this, I thought about if I recalled experiencing noticeable changes back then, as far as my scalp was concerned.
Honestly, it’s been over the past two years or so that it seems to be drier than usual, which has resulted in me having to purify it more (there are serums out here for that; scalp exfoliation can help with this, too) so that it doesn’t get so irritated. And yep, both of these are indications of a scalp that is sho ‘nuf aging.
See, because a lot of us tend to not provide our scalp with the consistent TLC that it needs, the neglect, along with the drop in collagen production and natural sebum that comes from our scalp and hair follicles — these are the things that play a direct role in our scalp becoming dehydrated at a faster pace than usual.
Not to mention the fact that if we’re still using chemicals on our hair, applying plenty of heat, and already dealing with other scalp-related issues like dry scalp, dandruff, or eczema — well, there you go: the perfect scalp aging storm.
If anything, keeping all of this in mind can actually serve as a PSA to ease up on some of your styling techniques, use a moisturizing shampoo, and apply a leave-in conditioner to slow down the aging process. Okay, but I’m getting a little ahead of myself. I’ll circle back to this part, in more detail, towards the end of this.
How an Aging Scalp Affects Your Hair
GiphyEven though I’m sure you get that your scalp is indeed the foundation of your hair, I do wonder if more of us took the time to really let that sink in, would we actually be better about taking good care of our scalp? For instance, did you realize that when your scalp is dryer or older, both your scalp and hair end up experiencing oxidative stress (which can cause your hair to gray faster), weaker hair follicles (which can lead to excessive hair shedding and hair loss) along with dull, thin and frizzy hair too?
So yes, you definitely should care about what state your scalp is in and do what you can to keep it from aging — especially prematurely aging — as much as possible.
5 Tips to Keep Some Youth in Your Scalp for Years to Come
GiphyNow that you know why an aging scalp is such a big deal if you’re ready to create the kind of scalp regimen that can help you to maintain a younger one for a longer period of time, here are some easy and practical things that you can do.
1. Take a multivitamin.
Since vitamin deficiencies are pretty prevalent in this country, it can never hurt to take a multivitamin as a nutrient supplement, especially since vitamin A helps your scalp to produce sebum, vitamin C helps your scalp to produce collagen, and zinc helps to strengthen your hair follicles. By taking a multivitamin, you can get all of these nutrients into your system with the help of one capsule or pill.
2. Use gentle products (most of the time).
A misconception that is easy to have is that if you use hair products a lot, you always need to use a hair-clarifying shampoo — you know, one that contains sulfates. The problem with that is sulfates are basically like a detergent for your hair. This means that, over time, they can strip moisture from your scalp, which can lead to dry scalp and brittle hair as well.
To prevent this from happening, it’s best to use a mild shampoo and a clarifying one no more than once every third wash day (at the most if you shampoo and condition your hair every 2-3 weeks) and definitely not on the days when you are planning to do a protein treatment (because those can dry out your hair too). The rest of the time, a milder shampoo that also contains softening ingredients like keratin, shea butter, amino acids, panthenol, and/or glycerin is going to be a much better bet.
3. Massage your scalp on a weekly basis.
Wanna decrease your stress (including oxidative stress) levels? Massage your scalp. Increase blood circulation to your hair follicles? Massage your scalp. Thicken your hair over time? Massage your scalp. Distribute sebum more evenly throughout your scalp? Massage your scalp.
When you add to this the fact that a scalp massage — even a quick DIY one — can also relieve tension headaches and migraines, whether it’s with your fingertips or an actual scalp massager, you’ll be doing your scalp (and body) good to devote 10-15 minutes, 2-3 times a week, to rubbing on your head a bit (tips for how to give yourself a proper scalp massage are here).
4. Apply peppermint or tea tree oil.
Speaking of scalp massages, if you want to keep bacteria off of your scalp so that it remains cleaner and healthier in between wash days, apply a few drops of peppermint or tea tree essential oil to a carrier oil like grapeseed or virgin olive oil to your massaging process.
If you warm up the oil blend first, it will provide an amazingly soothing effect, increase circulation even faster, and also promote healthy hair growth (peppermint oil) and/or prevent dandruff and psoriasis to your scalp (tea tree oil).
5. Try a scalp facial.
Imagine if you really did treat your scalp like you did the rest of your skin. If you did that, you would probablygive your scalp a facial from time to time. What exactly does that consist of? First, you would need to deep-cleanse your scalp (like with a clarifying shampoo). Then, you would need to (gently) exfoliate your scalp to remove any dead skin cells.
Next, you would need to apply the kind of serum that would provide it with lots of hydration to your scalp (there are some exampleshere). Finally, you would need tonourish your scalp with an oil like jojoba, rosemary, avocado, sweet almond, or lavender oil. Then, you’re done.
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There is nothing wrong with aging. Aging is a blessing. However, since our scalp ages so much faster than the rest of our skin, why not do your part to slow down the process — so that it can “age gracefully” and your hair can flourish in the process? Follow these tips, and you’ll be on your way to making that happen. I can almost guarantee it, sis.
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Featured image by Prostock-Studio/Getty Images