5 Gems From Summit21 That Elevated My Life
The #blackgirlmagic was real at Summit21. Created by women's lifestyle brand 21Ninety, the event brought more than 1,200 Black women together in Atlanta to network and discover ways to elevate their life.
I've been to a few amazing conferences over the years, but Summit21 transformed me in a way that I could never imagine. I laughed, cried, and said "yasssssss" more times than I can count.
Related: 10 Conferences Women Should Invest In For A Successful 2018
There were so many gems dropped by the speakers, but here are five that stood out most:
1. You can't afford to not take care of yourself.
Author Teyonna Lanez
Self-care was a big focus during Summit21. Each day began with meditation to set the tone for the day.
Celebrity wellness and lifestyle guru, Latham Thomas, shared that self-care includes doing check-ins to see how you're feeling and asking for what you need. Equally important is creating boundaries to protect your space and taking your time so you aren't rushing through life.
For branding mogul Karen Civil, self-care includes meditation and leveraging the power of crystals.
To close out Summit21, the founders of GirlTrek highlighted their goal to inspire one million women to commit to 30 minutes of exercise each day. Through their "Tubman Doctrine," a radical self-care practice for freedom fighters, they encouraged women to channel Harriet Tubman by saving themselves first and finding wellness practices that brings them joy.
Throughout the conference, these ladies and many others emphasized the need to take care of yourself to truly lead an enriched life.
2. Know your why.
"If you stand on your why and learn the lessons you need to know this season, you'll get where you need to be," said author and business executive Sarah Jakes Roberts.
She described how your "why" keeps you grounded. Whether it's for the culture, community, or your family, it's bigger than you and ensures that you stay committed to what's important.
A part of knowing your why is understanding your purpose.
"You can choose your passion but you can't choose your purpose," said actress Ashley Blaine Featherson during her fireside chat with comedian Robin Thede. "If you're living in your purpose, success is inevitable. You can't fail because God created you for it."
3. You are culturally wealthy.
Writer Alex Wolf helped me see the power in being a Black woman in a different way. During her session about capitalizing on your blackness, she showed how the people who make Black culture aren't the same people who make money off of Black culture.
Alex highlighted that as Black women, we are the mother of American culture, and we're sitting on a goldmine just for being ourselves. Her "Issa-Cardi Theory" showed an example of how to capitalize on our cultural wealth. Using Issa Rae and Cardi B as inspiration, Alex says that we can resonate with others by starting where we are, being unapologetically Black, and focusing on being relatable.
"The whole world is in love with our culture, and if you don't own it, someone else will."
4. Getting involved with politics is not an option.
"Our lives are literally on the line," said political strategist Angela Rye during her fireside chat.
She discussed the importance of identifying our top concerns (such as justice, prison reform, or women's rights), so we're prepared to raise our voices during the midterm elections this November.
Natasha Murphy of Black Girls Vote and Dr. Wendy Osefo of 1954 Equity Project echoed Angela during their impact session. Black votes are crucial because blood was paid through our ancestors. We owe it to them and ourselves to get involved with our local, state, and federal government elections.
5. Embrace the growing pains.
Author Teyonna Lanez
Singer Sevyn Streeter talked about how she gets excited when she feels things coming to an end because it signals a new beginning. She mentioned that it's important for us to understand that change doesn't have to be perceived as negative - instead view it as an opportunity to add different things to your toolbelt of life.
"Don't be afraid of transitioning," says Sevyn. "If God is tapping you on the shoulder, telling you to jump, don't be afraid of the water."
Summit21 helped me see my life more clearly and provided me with actionable steps towards making my dreams a reality. If you weren't able to attend, I encourage you to come to this transformative conference next year!
*Featured Image via Sistas In Stem/Instagram
Teyonna Lanez is a brand strategist and producer with a love for doing the inner and outer work -- mindset shifting and marketing. The Atlanta native is passionate about social media storytelling and sharing positive affirmations to help people maintain inner peace despite external chaos. Connect with on Instagram @TeyonnaLanez or on her site TeyonnaLanez.com.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LISTÂ HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:Â Â
​Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
​Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
​Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images