One of the best things about living in Music City (Nashville has that name due to the Fisk Jubilee Singers NOT country music, by the way) is you can’t help but have at least a few musician friends regardless of what you do for a living. Since I came from a music industry family and I worked in entertainment media for many years, that ups my count significantly. And one of the really fun things about hanging with music folks is you’re gonna find yourself talking about songs that you probably haven’t thought about in years.
For instance, an impromptu game that some of my peeps like to play is “What’s the best song?” for different topics. I’ll explain. Like infidelity? A top fave of mine is “Everything I Miss at Home” by Cherelle. A man who you can’t seem to get over? “How Can I Ease the Pain” by Lisa Fischer. Fellatio (yeah, I said it)? Yep — got one for that too; it’s by one of 615’s best Shannon Sanders and it’s off of a project he did way back in 1999 (fun fact: the original version of Heather Headley’s hit from back in the day, “In My Mind” is on it). The song? “Interstate.” Unfortunately, he never did a visual for it, so I’m gonna share another one that hits the mark: Usher’s “Good Kisser.”
Usher - Good Kisserwww.youtube.com
As I was rewatching it, I realized that aside from the cutie pie with the freckles (Black women with freckles look dope), I think what makes the video so visually appealing is all of the different lips that are showcased…wouldn’t you agree?
And that’s why I thought it would be a perfect way to intro this article. Because, thanks to it and a company called Bijoux Indiscrets that sells a product that they call Oral Pleasure · Oral Sex Lip Gloss, I’ve been inspired to share why, if you want to become an oral sex master yourself, there is something that you need; something that you’ve probably underestimated as being absolutely essential.
What could that be? You saw the title: lip gloss.
Lips Play a Bigger Role in Oral Pleasure than People Think
GiphyI’m not sure if this will surprise any of you or not yet are you aware that, reportedly, only 28 percent of women like to go down on men? For shame, for shame because, while I personally don’t think that it’s something that should be done randomly or casually (you can get an STI/STD from oral sex too, people), if you’re willing to participate in coitus, the experience can only be that much better if you’re both down to…get down (if you know what I mean).
Anyway, because a lot of my life consists of writing and talking about sex — and more specifically, how to make it more satisfying for all parties involved — I oftentimes interview people on various sexual topics. And when oral sex comes up, something that both men and women say is, that lips play just as much of a starring role as tongues do.
In fact, not too long ago, a guy told me, “Technique is important but what is even more important is a woman who’s enthusiastic about giving head and has really soft lips. That takes sh—t to another level.”
And you know something that can get you smooth lips that feel absolutely amazing? Lip gloss. Well, to be thorough, first you should exfoliate your lips with a lip scrub (or toothbrush) and then you should apply some lip gloss to them. Why? I’ll be more than happy to break it all down for you.
Lip Gloss Is Sexy AF
GiphyIf there are two things that I have too much of, it’s sneakers and lip gloss. When it comes to the latter, I like it because it’s a low-maintenance way to make my very full lips (thanks Dad for giving me those) appear sexy as hell (because I don’t have to worry about the smudging or smearing of lipstick; more on that in a bit). How do I know? Because it’s rare that I’m out and someone doesn’t compliment me on my lips, the kind of lip gloss that I have on, or both. And since it’s been reported before that men are drawn to a woman’s lips more than any other facial feature that she has — why wouldn’t you want to apply something that will make yours appear wet, sultry, and super alluring? Lip gloss can make that happen.
Lip Gloss Reduces Dehydration
GiphyFrom a functional standpoint, lip gloss is bomb because it can help your lips to retain moisture. This is good to know if you’re going to be outdoors for hours on end; however, this article is about oral sex, and since we’re all grown — when you’re performing fellatio (if you’re doing it right anyway), quite a bit of saliva is going to be involved. And since spit contains enzymes that can actually dry out your lips and cause them to feel chapped…none of that works in the giver or receiver’s favor. So yeah, if you want to keep your lips in good shape during the umm, process, lip gloss should definitely be applied beforehand.
Lip Gloss Is More “Convenient” than Lipstick
GiphySince I already told you in the intro that Shannon’s song is about a man getting head and the title of it is “Interstate,” I’m sure you can just about guess where it all went down at, right? You know, it’s interesting that when I talk to some of my female clients about why they are hesitant to be more spontaneous when it comes to sex (including oral sex), they usually say something along the lines of they don’t want everyone in their business. Well, when it comes to lips, specifically, one way to be (more) discreet is to apply lip gloss instead of lipstick.
Like I said earlier, there’s no smudging, no smearing and you can easily reapply it after all is said and done and no one will have to know anything that you don’t want them to know. In fact, another reason why I’m super fond of lip gloss is when I go out to eat, I don’t have to worry about how my lips look after the meal; they pretty much look the same as before and if I want a bit more sheen, I can just put another layer of gloss on without even the need of a mirror. Perfect.
Use Flavored Lip Gloss
GiphyOkay, so now that we’ve gotten some of the practical points about lip gloss out of the way, let me share a few ways that it can make the act itself so much more pleasurable for you both. As far as flavored gloss goes, if you’re someone who’s a bit shy when it comes to sperm/semen even in its pre-ejaculate stage if you apply a gloss that tastes like cherries, pineapple, or peach, that can mask some of the his “naturalness” so that it doesn’t wreck your flow — or his.
Add Some Cinnamon Oil to Your Lip Gloss
GiphyIf you’re all about creating a surprising sensation, you’ve got to bring some cinnamon oil into the mix. If you go with a high-quality brand, it will be sweet to the taste to you while providing a warm and sensual tingling feel for him. I’m actually such a fan of it that I gave it a shout-out in the article, “10 Ways To Have An 'Extra Sweet' Vagina” that I also once penned for the platform because, if you apply it to your vulva (not vagina, please), it can be a sweet treat for him as well. Will it burn? Nah. Well, let me put a disclaimer on that: quality cinnamon oil means that a little bit goes a really long way. So, as long as you’re not dumping a ton of it on either set of your lips, you should be more than fine.
Play Around with Some Glow in the Dark Lip Gloss
GiphyYou learn something new every day, right? What might trip you out today is one poll revealed that when men are in a relationship, they prefer to have sex in the dark while women prefer the lights to be turned up (hmph). For now, what I’ll say about that is although great sex should include all five senses in action when you remove one, that can amplify the others. That said, if you can relate to this and either you and/or your partner like the lights to be off (or dim), how about some glow-in-the-dark lip gloss? It’s fun. It’s sexy. And it’s something that I can almost guarantee that your partner won’t see coming (umm, no pun intended!).
Prevent Afterplay Discomfort with Lip Gloss
GiphyBecause lip gloss adds moisture, enhances the appearance of your lips, maintains a smooth texture, and helps to keep your lips feeling nice and comfortable — it’s definitely something that you should keep by your nightstand for after you blow his mind (again, no pun intended). See it as a way of rewarding your lips for all of their good…service.
___
All this from lip gloss. Yep…all of this from lip gloss. And now that I’ve hopefully hyped you up, how about sending your man a text with a pic of a tube of lip gloss? Ask him to guess why. Then surprise him with the answer the next time you see him.
I bet he’ll never see a tube of gloss the same way…ever again.
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Camesha created the organization after her struggles with mental health and the lack of community she experienced. The Chicago native explains how she created Sista Afya to be rooted in “culturally grounded care.”
pixelheadphoto digitalskillet/ Shutterstock
“So at my organization, Sista Afya Community Care, we focus on providing mental health care through a cultural and gender lens,” she tells xoNecole. “So when we think about the term intersectionality, coined by Kimberlé Crenshaw, we think about the multiple identities that lead to certain experiences and outcomes as it relates to Black women.
“So in the context of culturally grounded care, being aware of the cultural history, the cultural values, and then also the current issues that impact mental health outcomes.”
Words like “strong” and “independent” have long been associated with Black women for some time and many of us have begun to embrace the soft life and are using rest as a form of resistance. However, some of us still struggle with putting ourselves first and overall shedding the tainted image of the “strong, Black woman” that had been forced on us.
Camesha shares that while there’s more and more communities being created around empowerment and shared interests like running, she still questions, “are Black women really comfortable with being vulnerable about sharing their experiences?”
Being vulnerable with ourselves and others play an important role in healing the instinctive nature of always being “on” for everyone. “I'm currently facilitating a group on high functioning depression, and yesterday, we talked about how when Black women may be struggling or have shared their concerns with other people. They may be minimized, or they're told to just be strong, or it's not so bad, or I went through something worse back in Jim Crow era, so you should be thankful,” she explains.
“So I think there's a challenge with Black women being able to be honest, to be vulnerable and to receive the support that they need in the same capacity as how much they give support to other people. So that is probably a very common theme. I think we've made a lot of progress when we talk about the superwoman syndrome, the mammy stereotype, the working hard stereotype, the nurturing stereotype. I think we're beginning to unpack those things, but I still see that we have definitely a long way to go in that area.”
I think there's a challenge with Black women being able to be honest, to be vulnerable and to receive the support that they need in the same capacity as how much they give support to other people.
Roman Samborskyi/ Shutterstock
While we’re unpacking those things, we know that we’re still women at the end of the day. So as we continue to serve in various roles like mothers, daughters, sisters, and caretakers, we have to make caring for ourselves a priority. Camesha reveals four ways we can still care for others without abandoning ourselves.
Trust
First things first, trust. Camesha explains, “Some of the burdens that Black women have can be linked to not feeling like you can trust people to carry the load with you.
“It's hard because people experience trauma or being let down or different experiences, but one of the things that I found personally is the more that I'm able to practice trust, the more I'm able to get my needs met. Then, to also show up as my best to care for other Black women.”
Know Your Limitations
Another thing Camesha highlighted is Black women knowing their limitations. “The other thing that I would like to bring up in terms of a way to care for yourself is to really know your limitations, or know how much you can give and what you need to receive,” she says.
“So often, what I see with Black women is giving, giving, giving, giving, giving to the point that you're not feeling well, and then not receiving what you need in return to be able to feel well and whole individually. So I really think it's important to know your limitations and know your capacity and to identify what it is that you need to be well.”
Don’t Take On A Lot Of Responsibilities
Next on the list is not taking on so many responsibilities, sharing herself as an example. “The other thing is taking on too much responsibility, especially in a time of vulnerability.
“One thing that I personally struggled with was being so passionate about community mental health for Black women, and saying yes to everything and taking on so much responsibility,” she reveals. “That affected me to do well in serving Black women and then also impacting my own well being.”
Practice Self-Care
Lastly, she notes the importance of practicing self-care. “The last thing is really practicing regular self care, regular community care, so that it's embedded into your daily life. So for me, having prepared meals, going to the gym, getting eight hours of sleep, spending time with friends and family, all of those things are part of my self care that keep me at my best,” she explains.
“Then community care, leaning into social networks or social groups, or spending time with other interests or hobbies. That's a part of my community care that keeps me going, so that I can take care of my needs, but also to be able to show up best in care for others.”
Find out more about Camesha and Sista Afya Community Care at communitycare.sistaafya.com.
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