A Pregnancy Scare Scared Me Away From You
In the backseat of your car not too long ago, things got a little heated.
I went from indulging you from the passenger seat to laying face down, ass up in the backseat. As you finish, I knew that just as you came, you would also cum to your senses…if you catch my drift. I look out of the window to make sure no cars were coming, open the door, pull my panties up, and my dress down. As I'm adjusting myself, I slowly feel your remains falling out of me. What the hell did I just get myself into? Another moment of after happy hour sex may have just cost me my ass this time. I look at you in despair as you ask me what's wrong, and I casually, yet with much remorse ask, "Did you nut in me?”
That is a moment I will never forget.
The next few days were so frightening. I was feeling scared, my body was extremely tense, and in my mind I was definitely later than expected on my cycle. Not only was my period missing, but so were you.
Usually after sex, I don't hear from you until you're ready to feel me again, but this time was different. See, this time I was actually afraid. Not that you hadn't text me, or checked on me, no. I was afraid that if I was to be pregnant, that you would be the father. That single thought alone ruined me.
See, for years I adjusted.
I adjusted to secretly being the love of your life behind many closed doors and somehow I became okay with it. It had become an identity of mine that I wasn't ready to part with, one that I also had gotten away with without the fear of consequences. Until now. As the thoughts of pregnancy ran through my mind, I began to think of the life my child would have to endure with not only me, the insane mentally unstable person I had become. Or you, the emotionally unavailable, egotistical male that seemed to neglect or run away from anything that came close to making an impact on his heart.
If you couldn't love me, what could you do for a child that you helped create?
It was within those moments of thoughts that I knew I had to let you go. I didn't want a child, and it's not because I didn't want to bring one into the world, but I could allow myself to put another human through the heartache and pain that I allowed for myself for so long. I knew that I wanted the father of my child to be one who respects me and loves me enough to love me in public just as much as he loves me in private. I knew that I wanted the father of my child to be my best friend and my soulmate, and not just one who occasionally touches my soul with strokes other than his ego. It couldn't be you, and I had to assure that.
[Tweet "A pregnancy scare scared me away from you."]
Away from casually loving you, and into deep hiding to where loving myself was only a page away. For so many years I had never been punished for loving you. For so many years, I got away with being filled with everything inside of you, except your heart and it finally caught up to me.
This is an open letter to my former situationship. Like a lot of women, I found myself involved with a man I knew wasn't right for me. I subjected myself to late night/backseat after hours rendezvouses with a man who had no real attachment to me.
I accepted the "love" I thought I was worth, and since I felt like nothing, I was content with him treating me like nothing, using and abusing me, until he came and went and I had nothing left.
I knew I deserved more, but at the time, I didn't love me enough to even open my mouth in an attempt to vocalize those needs.
Although the transition was hard, I can proudly say that it's been a few months since I've let go and allowed myself to recover with this revelation.
Here are ways I used my pregnancy scare to help me regain my self worth:
I looked at the woman I was on the road to becoming.
I wrote down my goals, and looked at the progress I had made mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I began to look at the bad habits (the type of men that I was after) and realized that the men that I had been entertaining didn't add up or bring something greater to what I was already giving myself.
I began to take a deeper look into my mental health.
If you look up the definition of insanity, one of the things that will pop up is doing something that is very foolish or unreasonable. That is exactly what I was doing. And repeatedly. Mentally, I had tricked myself into thinking that it was okay for me to be controlled by my fear of being alone and I allowed a foolish treatment to myself. This made me weaker mentally.
I stopped looking for potential.
The good thing about growth and maturity is that as you get older, you begin to rid yourself of the Disney fairytales of a guy going through hell and high water to get the woman of his dreams back after he allowed the ball to drop. Potential is so powerful when actions are provided with it. No actions were put in place for the situation that I was in, just kind words and temporary gestures. Don't get it twisted, that by itself is not potential. As women, we have to realize we deserve so much more.
[Tweet "Potential only has power when actions are provided with it."]
I know now what I truly deserve, and I've grown so much since then.
Thank God for that pregnancy scare.
Have you ever had an awakening moment in your journey to loving yourself and having self worth? Share with us below!
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Chelsey Cummings is a 24 year old, Texas Southern University student who resides in Houston, Texas. Majoring in Communications with a focus in Print Journalism, with hopes of becoming a published author. Follow her readings on keepingupwithchello.wordpress.com and Instagam: keepingupwithchello.
This Black Woman-Owned Creative Agency Shows Us The Art Of Rebranding
Rebranding is an intricate process and very important to the success of businesses that want to change. However, before a business owner makes this decision, they should determine whether it's a rebrand or an evolution.
That's where people like Lola Adewuya come in. Lola is the founder and CEO of The Brand Doula, a brand development studio with a multidisciplinary approach to branding, social media, marketing, and design.
While an evolution is a natural progression that happens as businesses grow, a rebrand is a total change. Lola tells xoNecole, "A total rebrand is necessary when a business’s current reputation/what it’s known for is at odds with the business’s vision or direction.
"For example, if you’ve fundamentally changed what your product is and does, it’s likely that your brand is out of alignment with the business. Or, if you find your company is developing a reputation that doesn’t serve it, it might be time to pump the brakes and figure out what needs to change.
She continues, "Sometimes you’ll see companies (especially startups) announce a name change that comes with updated messaging, visuals, etc. That usually means their vision has changed or expanded, and their previous branding was too narrow/couldn’t encompass everything they planned to do."
Feature image courtesy
The Brand Doula was born in 2019, and its focus is on putting "the experiences, goals, and needs of women of color founders first," as well as brands with "culture-shifting missions."
According to Lola, culture-shifting is "the act of influencing dominant behavior, beliefs, or experiences in a community or group (ideally, for the better)."
"At The Brand Doula, we work with companies and leaders that set out to challenge the status quo in their industries and communities. They’re here to make an impact that sends ripples across the market," she says.
"We help the problem solvers of the world — the ones who aren't satisfied with 'this is how it's always been' and instead ask 'how could this be better?' Our clients build for impact, reimagining tools, systems, and ways of living to move cultures forward."
The Brand Doula has worked with many brands, including Too Collective, to assist with their collaboration with Selena Gomez's Rare Beauty and Balanced Black Girl for a "refresh," aka rebrand. For businesses looking to rebrand, Lola shares four essential steps.
1. Do an audit of your current brand experience — what’s still relevant and what needs to change? Reflect on why you’re doing the rebrand in the first place and what success would look like after relaunching.
2. Tackle the overall strategy first — before you start redesigning logos and websites, align on a new vision for your brand. How do you want your company to be positioned moving forward? Has your audience changed at all? Will your company have a fresh personality and voice?
3. Bring your audience along the journey — there’s no need to move in secret. Inviting your current audience into the journey can actually help them feel more connected to and invested in your story, enough to stick around as changes are being made.
4. Keep business moving — one of my biggest pet peeves is when companies take down their websites as soon as they have the idea to rebrand, then have a Coming Soon page up for months! You lose a lot of momentum and interest by doing that. If you’re still in business and generating income, continue to operate while you work on your rebrand behind the scenes. You don’t want to cut existing customers off out of the blue, and you also don’t want so much downtime that folks forget your business exists or start looking for other solutions.
While determining whether the rebrand was successful may take a few months, Lola says a clear sign that it is unsuccessful is negative feedback from your target audience. "Customers are typically more vocal about what they don’t like more than what they do like," she says.
But some good signs to look out for are improvements in engagement with your marketing, positive reviews, press and increase in retention, and overall feeling aligned with the new branding.
For more information about Lola and The Brand Doula, visit her website, thebranddoula.com.
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Angela Bassett Just Won Her First Emmy, Here's A Look Back At Her Stellar Career
Angela Bassett's legacy keeps getting better and better. After three decades of giving us remarkable performances and racking up awards, the legendary actress can now call herself an Emmy winner.
She recently won her first Emmy for outstanding narration on National Geographic’s nature documentaryQueens during the Creative Arts Emmys. She opened up about the win to a reporter. “This is one of the big ones, and that doesn’t usually happen,” she said.
“Whenever you’re acknowledged, I’m just, you know, a girl who just wanted to act. My mentors were way out ahead of me. I just looked to them and got inspiration and hope and, and I just put my focus, my energy, and my love to try to make it happen in my life and for my life.”
She concluded, “So each and every day, I try to remember that first love, and when this happens, I appreciate it.” In honor of Angela's recent achievement, we take a look at her extraordinary career.
Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images
Academy Awards
In January 2024, the 66-year-old actress received an honorary Oscar for her esteemed career. This came after being nominated for the prestigious award twice, in 1994 for What's Love Got to Do with Itand in 2023 for Black Panther: Wakanda Forever. During her speech, she reflected on her journey, her love for acting, and praised other Black actresses.
"Thank you, thank you to the Academy and the Board of Governors for this award," she said. "I have considered acting my calling and not just my career. I do this work because I find it meaningful and I hope in some way that it makes a difference and has an impact. To be recognized in this way for what I love doing is truly wonderful and I am beyond grateful."
Critics Choice Award
The mom of two won Best Supporting Actress at the 2023 Critics Choice Awards for her role as Queen Ramonda in Black Panther: Wakanda Forever.
BET Awards
The 9-1-1 actress won Best Actress at the 2023 BET Awards.
Golden Globes
In 2023, Angela received a Golden Globe for Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in Any Motion Picture for Black Panther: Wakanda Forever. She won her first Golden Globe in 1994 for her starring role in What's Love Got to Do with It.
Photo by Lionel Hahn/Getty Images
Black Girls Rock!
In 2019, Angela was the recipient of the Icon Award for Black Girls Rock! She gave a rousing speech while accepting the award. "My purpose as a Black woman, as an actress, has always been to portray excellence on the screen, to be proud, unapologetic, and without regret," she said.
NAACP Image Awards
The decorated actress has won countless Image awards. In 2020, 2022, and 2023, Angela won Outstanding Actress in a Drama Series for 9-1-1. In 2023, she took home awards for Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture for Black Panther: Wakanda Forever and the Entertainer of the Year.
Other films/ series she has Image awards for include What's Love Got to Do with It, How Stella Got Her Groove Back, Black Nativity, Music of the Heart, Ruby's Bucket of Blood, The Score, Malcolm X, Sunshine State, The Rosa Parks Story, and ER.
Screen Actors Guild Awards
Angela took home the award for Outstanding Performance by a Cast in a Motion Picture in Black Panther at the 2019 Screen Actors Guild Awards.
Walk of Fame
Photo by Jean Baptiste Lacroix/WireImage
The legendary received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame on March 20, 2008. During the ceremony, she reflected on when she first moved to L.A. to pursue her dreams. “I meant to stay six months, but I stayed. Today, my cup runneth over!” she said in her speech. “I am crying now, I cried yesterday and the day before. … This day is so, so special to me.”
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