Our Postpartum Marriage Was The Birth Of A New Love
First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage.
This old adage is true but what no one explains to you that after the baby, there are an abundance of changes that happen to the marriage. The marriage evolves into a new entity that is filled with sleepless nights, colic-filled cries, disagreements about who got up with the baby last, and who should fold the clothes.
And to top it off, we as women are still dealing with the physical demands of birthing six to ten-pound baby.
Our emotions and hormones are easily disrupted, and we are often left with an overwhelming sense of not knowing ourselves anymore. We feel lost because we have this new title as "mom" with the old title of "wife/fiancée/girlfriend" seeming too complex to even fathom. So along my journey of postpartum-hood filled with many bumps in the road I have learned a couple of things.
Here are my tips to help your marriage/relationship withstand the blessing of a new baby.
Be Patient With Your Significant Other.
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The birth of your child brings about new stressors and causes new ones to develop. Anyone telling you different is obviously lying. The important thing to remember is that you are going through this experience together so, while you may be changing diapers, your significant other may be clocking in more hours at work. Both jobs are equally as hard but drastically different.
Communicate how you feel and what you need to feel supported. This might mean that you need a girl's night out when your husband has an off-day or you plan a romantic house picnic (yes, there is such a thing) when your man gets home from work. Whatever it is, just be sure to communicate openly about your needs. Nothing breaks up a relationship faster than assumptions and the distrust built from those assumptions.
Don’t Forget To Say "Thank You".
Young family in livingroomThe first few months after the birth of your baby are busy with learning about your baby, making appointments, revamping your finances, and trying to figure out a normal routine. Often, the first things to go in your relationship are the simple nuances that make the relationship thrive. Don't forget to tell your significant other thank you for the simple things. "Thanks babe for bringing me a bottle of water." "Thank you for taking my turn last night with our crying little one." "Thank you for cooking dinner and making my plate."
All these things seem like small gestures but you must realize that these small gestures mean that you continue to see your partner as someone that is helpful, loving, and most of all an individual that is there with you and for you during this transitional time in life. We all want to feel appreciated so be sure to show gratitude to your loved one during this time.
Laugh. Often.
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As a first time mom, there were times where I had no idea what the hell I was doing. I have put on diapers wrong, got poop on my hand, and been sprayed by my little one (boy mom problems). All these things are now jokes between my spouse and I because at the end of the day, our little guy is happy and thriving. If you can still find moments to bond over laughter at your mistakes and even at your triumphs, this will continue to bond your relationship together. Laughter releases stress and lets us all know that there is joy in all things.
There are no perfect recipes for a thriving relationship. There isn't such a thing as relationship goals. Each relationship is faced with its own set of obstacles and challenges. The birth of my son has been one of the best things that have ever happened to me. It has strained my relationship with my spouse as well as caused it to flourish in ways I never expected. At the end of the day, if the good times outweigh the bad and you have your partner by your side, your relationship will blossom and overcome the obstacles of postpartum-hood.
Featured image by Getty Images
Tabitha Rivers is a wife, mother, and a thrill-seeker learning how to navigate the world as a successful black millennial women, all while making sure her crown never falls.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Rihanna Talks Shedding Expectations And Finding Balance As A Mother
Since becoming a mother in 2022, Rihanna has defined parenthood by her terms and hopes to pass that sense of autonomy on to her children.
For Vogue China’s April cover story, Rihanna shared her perspective on raising her two sons with A$AP Rocky, and how she hopes to preserve her children’s uniqueness, devoid of societal expectations.
"The most beautiful thing...is that [children] come into the world with their own individuality and sincerity, without any logic or conformity,” she told the publication. “Which usually makes you feel that you must fit into a certain group."
The “Work” artist, known for her trendsetting style and captivating persona, expressed her desire to support children in fully embracing their individuality and encouraging them to be whoever they want to be. "It's really beautiful to see and I want to continue to help them navigate that and make sure that they know they can be whoever they want to be,” she says.
She continues, “They should embrace it completely, because it's beautiful, and it's unique. I love them just that way."
From shattering music charts to shaking up the beauty industry, Rihanna has forged a path that has since created the “dream” life we see today. One that she says has made her parents proud of.
“I’m living my dream,” she continued. “My parents were very proud of that because they just wanted me to be happy and successful. So, I think the key thing is to find some kind of balance. Yes, balance is important. Do this and you get the best of both worlds. You can write your own life the way you want, and it will be beautiful. Sometimes, you just need to let go of everyone’s expectations and start living your own story.”
Rihanna, who shares sons, RZA, 23 months, and Riot, 8 months, with rapper A$AP Rocky, recently shared her vision for expanding her family in the future in Interview Magazine.
When stylist Mel Ottenberg asked about the number of additional children she hoped to have, Rihanna replied, "As many as God wants me to have.”
"I don't know what God wants, but I would go for more than two. I would try for my girl,” she adds. “But of course, if it's another boy, it's another boy."
Featured image by Neil MockfordWireImage