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Our Postpartum Marriage Was The Birth Of A New Love


First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage.

This old adage is true but what no one explains to you that after the baby, there are an abundance of changes that happen to the marriage. The marriage evolves into a new entity that is filled with sleepless nights, colic-filled cries, disagreements about who got up with the baby last, and who should fold the clothes.

And to top it off, we as women are still dealing with the physical demands of birthing six to ten-pound baby.

Our emotions and hormones are easily disrupted, and we are often left with an overwhelming sense of not knowing ourselves anymore. We feel lost because we have this new title as "mom" with the old title of "wife/fiancée/girlfriend" seeming too complex to even fathom. So along my journey of postpartum-hood filled with many bumps in the road I have learned a couple of things.

Here are my tips to help your marriage/relationship withstand the blessing of a new baby.

Be Patient With Your Significant Other.

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The birth of your child brings about new stressors and causes new ones to develop. Anyone telling you different is obviously lying. The important thing to remember is that you are going through this experience together so, while you may be changing diapers, your significant other may be clocking in more hours at work. Both jobs are equally as hard but drastically different.

Communicate how you feel and what you need to feel supported. This might mean that you need a girl's night out when your husband has an off-day or you plan a romantic house picnic (yes, there is such a thing) when your man gets home from work. Whatever it is, just be sure to communicate openly about your needs. Nothing breaks up a relationship faster than assumptions and the distrust built from those assumptions.

Don’t Forget To Say "Thank You".

Young family in livingroom

The first few months after the birth of your baby are busy with learning about your baby, making appointments, revamping your finances, and trying to figure out a normal routine. Often, the first things to go in your relationship are the simple nuances that make the relationship thrive. Don't forget to tell your significant other thank you for the simple things. "Thanks babe for bringing me a bottle of water." "Thank you for taking my turn last night with our crying little one." "Thank you for cooking dinner and making my plate."

All these things seem like small gestures but you must realize that these small gestures mean that you continue to see your partner as someone that is helpful, loving, and most of all an individual that is there with you and for you during this transitional time in life. We all want to feel appreciated so be sure to show gratitude to your loved one during this time.

Laugh. Often.

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As a first time mom, there were times where I had no idea what the hell I was doing. I have put on diapers wrong, got poop on my hand, and been sprayed by my little one (boy mom problems). All these things are now jokes between my spouse and I because at the end of the day, our little guy is happy and thriving. If you can still find moments to bond over laughter at your mistakes and even at your triumphs, this will continue to bond your relationship together. Laughter releases stress and lets us all know that there is joy in all things.

There are no perfect recipes for a thriving relationship. There isn't such a thing as relationship goals. Each relationship is faced with its own set of obstacles and challenges. The birth of my son has been one of the best things that have ever happened to me. It has strained my relationship with my spouse as well as caused it to flourish in ways I never expected. At the end of the day, if the good times outweigh the bad and you have your partner by your side, your relationship will blossom and overcome the obstacles of postpartum-hood.

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Tabitha Rivers is a wife, mother, and a thrill-seeker learning how to navigate the world as a successful black millennial women, all while making sure her crown never falls.

Before she was Amira Unplugged, rapper, singer, and a Becoming a Popstar contestant on MTV, she was Amira Daughtery, a twenty-five year-old Georgian, with aspirations of becoming a lawyer. “I thought my career path was going to lead me to law because that’s the way I thought I would help people,” Amira tells xoNecole. “[But] I always came back to music.”

A music lover since childhood, Amira grew up in an artistic household where passion for music was emphasized. “My dad has always been my huge inspiration for music because he’s a musician himself and is so passionate about the history of music.” Amira’s also dealt with deafness in one ear since she was a toddler, a condition which she says only makes her more “intentional” about the music she makes, to ensure that what she hears inside her head can translate the way she wants it to for audiences.

“The loss of hearing means a person can’t experience music in the conventional way,” she says. “I’ve always responded to bigger, bolder anthemic songs because I can feel them [the vibrations] in my body, and I want to be sure my music does this for deaf/HOH people and everyone.”

A Black woman wearing a black hijab and black and gold dress stands in between two men who are both wearing black pants and colorful jackets and necklaces

Amira Unplugged and other contestants on Becoming a Popstar

Amira Unplugged / MTV

In order to lift people’s spirits at the beginning of the pandemic, Amira began posting videos on TikTok of herself singing and using sign language so her music could reach her deaf fans as well. She was surprised by how quickly she was able to amass a large audience. It was through her videos that she caught the attention of a talent scout for MTV’s new music competition show for rising TikTok singers, Becoming a Popstar. After a three-month process, Amira was one of those picked to be a contestant on the show.

Becoming a Popstar, as Amira describes, is different from other music competition shows we’ve all come to know over the years. “Well, first of all, it’s all original music. There’s not a single cover,” she says. “We have to write these songs in like a day or two and then meet with our producers, meet with our directors. Every week, we are producing a full project for people to vote on and decide if they’d listen to it on the radio.”

To make sure her deaf/HOH audiences can feel her songs, she makes sure to “add more bass, guitar, and violin in unique patterns.” She also incorporates “higher pitch sounds with like chimes, bells, and piccolo,” because, she says, they’re easier to feel. “But it’s less about the kind of instrument and more about how I arrange the pattern of the song. Everything I do is to create an atmosphere, a sensation, to make my music a multi-sensory experience.”

She says that working alongside the judges–pop stars Joe Jonas and Becky G, and choreographer Sean Bankhead – has helped expand her artistry. “Joe was really more about the vocal quality and the timber and Becky was really about the passion of [the song] and being convinced this was something you believed in,” she says. “And what was really great about [our choreographer] Sean is that obviously he’s a choreographer to the stars – Lil Nas X, Normani – but he didn’t only focus on choreo, he focused on stage presence, he focused on the overall message of the song. And I think all those critiques week to week helped us hone in on what we wanted to be saying with our next song.”

As her star rises, it’s been both her Muslim faith and her friends, whom she calls “The Glasses Gang” (“because none of us can see!”), that continue to ground her. “The Muslim and the Muslima community have really gone hard [supporting me] and all these people have come together and I truly appreciate them,” Amira says. “I have just been flooded with DMs and emails and texts from [young muslim kids] people who have just been so inspired,” she says. “People who have said they have never seen anything like this, that I embody a lot of the style that they wanted to see and that the message hit them, which is really the most important thing to me.”

A Black woman wears a long, salmon pink hijab, black outfit and pink boots, smiling down at the camera with her arm outstretched to it.

Amira Unplugged

Amira Unplugged / MTV

Throughout the show’s production, she was able to continue to uphold her faith practices with the help of the crew, such as making sure her food was halal, having time to pray, dressing modestly, and working with female choreographers. “If people can accept this, can learn, and can grow, and bring more people into the fold of this industry, then I’m making a real difference,” she says.

Though she didn’t win the competition, this is only the beginning for Amira. Whether it’s on Becoming a Popstar or her videos online, Amira has made it clear she has no plans on going anywhere but up. “I’m so excited that I’ve gotten this opportunity because this is really, truly what I think I’m meant to do.”

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