
Janese Talton-Jackson Was Killed Because She Said 'No'; Why I Will Continue to Say 'No'

I have a boyfriend.
Well I actually don’t, but that’s what I used to tell men who refused to accept I didn’t want to be bothered even after I politely turned them down. It was a lie that I’m not proud of – mainly because I prefer to be honest – but I was afraid of what could happen if I declined their advances. However, I soon learned that means nothing to someone who won’t accept “no” for an answer.
I had been living in my last apartment for nearly four years when one of the groundskeepers started lurking around my building. Every morning I’d see him poking in the shrubbery and mulch. I recall thinking, Damn, didn’t he just prune those bushes yesterday and the day before that? And when I would stop at the complex’s dumpster, I’d spot him driving over to the trash site in his golf cart hauling stray twigs as I descended the stairs. His behavior annoyed and unsettled me, but I didn’t want to appear paranoid so I ignored that gut feeling that tells you something is amiss.
One day he got up the nerve to invite me to dinner at his place.
“No thank you,” I replied.
But he only tried to entice me with promises of authentic African food like that would change my mind. However, I wasn’t impressed by his self-proclaimed cooking skills, and the more he insisted, the more my responses moved along the spectrum from nice to not-quite-nasty.
“My friend is from Sierra Leone, and she cooks the best ‘African’ food,” I retort. “I’m good.”
I told my friends at work that the maintenance guy was trying to make me dine at his apartment.
“Well, is he cute?” they ask.
I was appalled that his actions were excusable based solely on his looks or that I should automatically say, “Yes!” if he’s attractive. It still didn’t mean he was safe, and he was still a stranger even if I did run into him every day all across the premises. But they also seemed to miss an entire point: If a woman says she’s not interested, then that’s exactly what she means. She isn’t overreacting, and she shouldn’t relent to pressure based on a superficial trait like appearance. So I didn’t mention it to anyone else. Not my family or the guy I was seeing. I didn’t even tell the property manager, and that was partly because if he was fired, he’d still know where I lived, which wasn’t in a gated community or a secured building. The last thing I needed was to find him outside my door.
I thought he’d give up once he saw my guy walk me down the steps one morning. He didn’t look up, didn’t even whisper a “good morning.” But the idea that I was with someone only encouraged him to become bolder in his approach. The groundskeeper called me one afternoon, only I never gave him my number! He didn’t even have my full name! The only explanation I could come up with was he went to the main office and looked me up with whatever little bit of information he had. I felt violated because my file held a wealth of personal information: my social security number, birth date, employer, emergency contact.
Over lunch the next day, I told a male friend what had happened. “You know he can access your apartment at any time,” my friend cautions before launching into another warning on hidden cameras.
That was enough to prompt a conversation with the property manager, but it didn’t make me feel any more at ease. In fact I felt less comfortable than the two times men chased me in a car and a Penske truck – just a few months ago for the latter mind you – on busy streets as I traveled home. Both times I had to speed and run red lights to elude them because I didn’t want them to know where I rested my head at night. This fool, on the other hand, already did!
I remember these events as I read about Janese Talton-Jackson, the 29-year-old mother of three who was recently gunned down outside of a Pittsburgh bar by a man whose advances she rejected inside the establishment. For whatever reason, she wasn’t interested – and that is her absolute right. Yet her shooter still felt he could take her life because she turned him down. It was a senseless act predicated on the assumed entitlement to our time and bodies. The rationalization must be that we should feel lucky and flattered to receive male attention, but we just don’t admit it because we’re too coy or playing hard to get. It’s equally upsetting when other women think the same way and fault us for not engaging with the man anyway.
But the truth is we’re just not that into every man. We aren’t obligated to entertain anyone if we don’t want to, and anything a man offers beyond the initial “no” is simply unwanted. And we won’t accept for blame for the way men process rejection.
[Tweet "We aren’t obligated to entertain anyone if we don’t want to."]
I shouldn’t feel compelled to lie, flee, duck, and hide from guys who think persistence is sexy. I shouldn’t have to assuage egos, either, and say, “I’m seeing someone,” which is perceived to be gentler than the harsh “I’m not interested” to avoid any repercussions. I shouldn’t have to hand out fake names and numbers to get a guy out of my presence. And Janese Talton-Jackson shouldn’t have had to exit a bar, looking over her shoulder and peeping around corners because she expressed disinterest. We should be able to simply say, “No, thank you” and not fear that we’re going to be stalked or killed in return.
Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by xoNecole/YouTube
Colman Domingo’s Career Advice Is A Reminder That Our Words Shape Our Reality
When it comes to life, we are always here for a good reminder to shift our mindsets, and Colman Domingo just gave us one we didn't know we needed.
In a resurfaced clip from an appearance at NewFest shared as a repost via Micheaux Film Festival, the Emmy award winner dropped a gem on how he has navigated his decades-spanning career in Hollywood. The gem in question? Well, Colman has never identified with "struggle" in his career. Let that sit.
Colman Domingo On Not Claiming Struggle
"I’ve never said that this career was tough. I’ve never said it was difficult. I’ve never said it was hard," Colman said. "Other people would say that—‘oh, you're in a very difficult industry. It's very hard to get work and book work.’ I’m like, I’ve never believed that."
Instead of allowing himself to be defined by other people's projections about their perceptions of what the industry is or was, Colman dared to believe differently even if his reality was playing catch up with his dreams:
"Like Maya Angelou said words are things. And if you believe that, then that's actually what it is. Actually I've just never believed it. Someone told me some years ago, they said, 'I remember you were, you're a struggling actor.' I'm like, 'I don't.'"
"I wasn't attached to a struggle. I was attached to living..."
He continued:
"Even when I was bartending and hustling and not having opportunities or anything, I never believed that I was struggling because I wasn't attached to a struggle. I was attached to living and creating and being curious."
Colman’s philosophy of attaching to living instead of struggle has blossomed into an enduring career. He first made his mark on stage in acclaimed Broadway productions before transitioning to the screen, where his star began to rise in the 2010s following his role as Victor Strand in Fear The Walking Dead. From there, his presence only grew, landing memorable supporting roles in If Beale Street Could Talk, Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom, and the hit series Euphoria.
In more recent years, Colman has stepped fully into the spotlight with standout leading performances in Rustin and Sing Sing, both of which earned him widespread critical acclaim and Academy Award nominations for Best Actor.
With all that said, Colman's advice is no doubt powerful, especially for those who are chasing their dreams, building something from the ground up, or have question marks about what's next in their careers. Words shape our realities, and how we speak about our journeys even in passing matters.
Words Create Our Reality & Colman Is Living Proof
"I tell young people that. To remember the words that you say about yourself and your career are true. So, I choose to make it full of light and love and it's interesting and every day I'm going to learn something new even if it looks like I don't have what I want but it's important to be in the moment... you really build on the moments moment to moment.
"And you're looking back at your career as I've been in it for what 33 years and you're like, 'Wow, that's what I've been doing.' And I've stayed strong to that so I think that is truly my advice."
Let this be your sign to give your path a reframe. When the path you're on feels uncertain, the journey is still unfolding. Like Colman said: "I wasn't attached to a struggle. I was attached to living."
That's a Black king right there.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Soul Brother/Soul B Photos/Shutterstock