

How We Met is a series where xoNecole talks love and relationships with real-life couples. We learn how they met, how like turned into love, and how they make their love work.
For newly-engaged couple Jaleesa and Eric, their mothers were the catalysts of their love story. Jaleesa had no idea that a woman she'd known as an 'aunt' for most of her life would be the common thread between her mom and her soon-to-be mother-in-law. One night in New York would be the beginning of a forever with a love that the Bronx native couldn't have ever imagined. It all started with her mother encouraging her to thank Eric's mother at the function they had gathered at to celebrate the life of a loved one. From there, his mother offered to connect Jaleesa with her son, Eric. "I jokingly noted that I lived in L.A. and that I’m trouble. She responded, 'Well then, y’all can be cousins.' She showed me a picture of Eric and I immediately said, 'That’s not my cousin,'" Jaleesa recalls.
Jaleesa might have joked that she was trouble, but in their very first interaction, Eric could tell there was something special there and there was an attraction at first sight. His interest was piqued from the very first FaceTime call. She would need a little more convincing, but after some strategic liking of her Instagram pics, the connection between the two was established from there. And a year into the relationship, the 29-year-old knew he had found the one in Jaleesa. So much so, that he popped the question on the night of their anniversary. "I was so nervous and anxious all day. Not because I wasn't sure if she would say yes, but because this is such a life-changing decision," he admits to xoNecole.
The Sony Sniper
During a photo shoot at the Brooklyn Bridge under the guise of it being a shoot to commemorate their first year together, Eric popped the question to the HBO Multicultural Marketing Manager. He continues, "We are taking pics naturally posing in our element then the photographer directs Jaleesa to face the bridge, and I'm hyping her up like, 'It's giving boss,' 'It's giving big dawg,' 'It's giving HBO,' 'It's giving executive,' and the last one, 'It's giving fiancée,' and when she turned around I was on one knee. And Ja being Ja, after she wiped her tears before she said yes, she says 'Okay, okay, let me hear your speech,' and I spoke from the heart."
Eric surprised Jaleesa for a second time that night by taking her to a rooftop lounge where her mother, close friends, and immediate family had gathered to celebrate them and the next chapter of their love. "I love him so much and I’m so blessed that I get to spend my life with my life partner," Jaleesa affirms.
In this installment of How We Met, Jaleesa and Eric talk about how they met, courtship, and important lessons they've learned in love.
The Sony Sniper
How They Met
Jaleesa: I love this story. My mother and Eric’s mother have a mutual friend and she’s been an 'aunt' to me most of my life. However, their paths have never really crossed because they are in separate friend groups. For the first time, the friend groups came together to support my aunt during a difficult time in her life. I was there and at the end of the night, my mother said we should say thank you to Eric’s mom. Somehow [Eric's mom and I] ended up talking and laughing together, and she mentioned she had a son she wanted to put me on with. She FaceTimed him from my phone, but the reception was bad.
He texted me that evening to ask who it was and I told him “Hey Eric. It's Jaleesa. Your mother is trying to put you on, but I told her that I’m trouble.” He responded “What kind of trouble?” I loved the flirty response. I ended up going back to L.A. a few days later, and we didn’t get to meet in person. We spent the first month or so getting to know each other via FaceTime and phone calls. One day he said, "I have to come and see my baby." He flew to L.A., the rest was history, and now we’re engaged!
Eric: I believe it was a Thursday night. So I’m home that night watching TV, probably a basketball game. So I get a FaceTime call from my mother and when I pick up she's saying something to me but I can't really hear her because they’re turnt up over there. But I do hear her say, 'Hold on,' and she puts an unfamiliar face in the camera (Jaleesa) but the service is terrible so I can’t really see or hear what's going on. They then call from what I'm guessing was Jaleesa’s phone and it's the same thing, I can’t really see or hear anything but I was able to get a good enough view of Jaleesa to see that she was an attractive woman.
Later that night, I text that same number asking, "Who’s this?” Jaleesa states her name talking bout how my mom was tryna put me on but she's trouble and the slick talker that I am, I reply back and say, “What kind of trouble?” And I must say that was probably the line that reeled her in. After that night, we didn't speak for about two or three days and I’ll be honest I felt a little way so I went into my bag of tricks and searched for her Instagram, and luckily her IG handle is her actual name. I liked a few pics to get her attention and the next day I got a text from Jaleesa and the rest is history.
Kai Byrd
First Impressions
Jaleesa: When his mom showed me his photo, I was like Whew, this man is fine. My fiancé is fine. He has that bad boy look though. He’s 6’2'' and tatted up everywhere, so at first, I just thought he’d be someone I could entertain whenever I came to New York. I didn’t expect him to be such a genuinely good and loving man.
Eric: Like I said when I first saw her on Facetime, I thought she was attractive and I must say from that little 30-45 minute text exchange I felt like we had a little vibe going but I didn’t expect us to be where we are now.
First Date
Jaleesa: Eric flew to Los Angeles for the weekend. It was our first time meeting. My stomach was in knots. I thought I would throw up. I was so nervous but when I saw his face, all my nerves went away and I knew. This is my baby and the first thing I did was kiss him…very passionately. He planned an entire weekend for us. He never asked me once, “What are you into? What kind of food do you like?” He flew in from New York not knowing much about L.A. and planned a weekend of activities that consisted of a hike in Malibu, a fun activity at the Break Room, we did the Museum of Illusions, and a fancy rooftop dinner. It was beautiful. A man with purpose!
Eric: Our first date was a whole weekend and it was actually our first time seeing each other in person. I flew to L.A. and had a whole weekend planned for my baby and she ain’t even know it. She probably thought I was a corny dude that was just coming to shack up for the weekend but I had to set the tone and let her know that I didn’t come to play. The vibe from start to finish was unmatched and I have never felt anything like it before in my life. When the weekend ended, I dreaded having to go back to New York.
"I flew to L.A. and had a whole weekend planned for my baby and she ain’t even know it. I had to set the tone and let her know that I didn’t come to play. The vibe from start to finish was unmatched and I have never felt anything like it before in my life. When the weekend ended, I dreaded having to go back to New York."
Kai Byrd
Getting to Know Each Other
Jaleesa: As crazy as it sounds, I truly believe we fell in love during that month of courtship, before we even physically met. We spent our first weekend together and everything felt so natural. Eric was a gentleman from the beginning and extremely intentional. He’d surprise me with flowers and made every effort to show me he wasn’t playing about me. At the end of our first weekend, he told me it wouldn’t take him six months to figure out what he wanted to do with this and basically told me he was in love with me. I told him I felt the same and we’ve been committed ever since.
Eric: I'm going to give it to y’all raw right now. I don’t remember exactly what she said but the nature of the conversation led to an 'Okay, what is this' type of thing, or like, 'Are we dating or exclusive or what?' Ja wanted to know straight up. I told her, “I thought the weekend we spent made that pretty clear.” And that's all that needed to be said.
The One
Jaleesa: Eric left no room for anyone else. There’s just something about a man with purpose who is confident and romantic and who treats you the way you deserve to be treated. With Eric, I didn’t have to compromise. He gave me the world. He spoiled me and was extremely romantic. He is still very romantic. I don’t think I’ve ever been told where we’re going. He’s the “get dressed and be ready by 8” type of man and I love it. Choosing to be committed to him was a very easy choice. I was confident that there was no other man for me. That I truly had found my life partner.
I’ve spent a lot of time working on myself. On my relationship with God and on loving myself. I know what love feels like. I knew it was love when it felt exactly how I love myself. Nothing less.
Eric: Even from 3,000 miles away Ja was quote-unquote "applying pressure" in a way that I haven’t seen or felt before and when I say 'applying pressure,' I don’t mean she was pressuring me into a relationship, she was just simply setting the bar high. I was realizing that Jaleesa was the first person I wanted to speak to when I woke up and the last person I wanted to talk to before I went to sleep. And anytime in-between where we didn’t speak, which was very rare, I was wondering what she's doing, where she is, and why she isn’t texting me.
"As crazy as it sounds, I truly believe we fell in love during that month of courtship, before we even physically met. We spent our first weekend together and everything felt so natural. At the end of our first weekend, he told me it wouldn’t take him six months to figure out what he wanted to do with this and basically told me he was in love with me. I told him I felt the same and we’ve been committed ever since."
Kai Byrd
Favorite Part
Jaleesa: His spirit. Eric is one of the most loving, selfless, and gentle people I’ve ever come across. He is a genuinely good person with pure intentions. I love that about him. I also LOVE his voice. Lord. Those voice notes in the beginning really did something to me.
Eric: Jaleesa is very intentional with everything that she does but especially in regards to our relationship and her sense of humor matches mine. I tell people we are the real-life Martin and Gina from top to bottom.
Lessons in Self-Love
Jaleesa: Whew, I am still learning about the patience and grace that you have to give yourself through this relationship. I’ve spent so much time working on myself as a woman that I got into this relationship and thought I had all the answers. I don’t. I make mistakes. I still have things I have to unpack and unlearn. It’s very important to be patient with yourself and give yourself grace. Just because you know the type of relationship you want to have, and you may even have the tools to build a healthy, loving, relationship - that doesn’t mean that you know how to. That doesn’t mean you know how to apply those tools and so the relationship requires a great deal of self-awareness and patience.
Eric: I'm the type of person that will give you the shirt off my back and do anything in my power to help someone, especially if I love them but Jaleesa is continuously preaching self-love and how I need to put myself first more. Take more days off. Don’t pick up anyone's workload when they fall short. She is always telling me how she wishes I could just stay home and lay around and relax because I work so hard and often go out of my way to help the people closest to me, her included. Through our relationship, I’m learning how important it is to put myself first and what self-care looks like.
Kai Byrd
Shared Values
Jaleesa: Family and friendship are extremely important to both of us. We value family time and are very mindful about maintaining the relationships that are close to us. Loyalty. Infidelity is a deal-breaker for both of us and it's not something we’ll ever compromise on. For both of us, your word is important. That also comes from how we grew up. I grew up in the South Bronx and Eric is from Hollis. Your word is everything.
Eric: I like to make sure that no matter what we have going on we always, always, always make time for family even if we aren’t in the best of moods to do so. Family is everything. Another one is to say what you mean and mean what you say, then stand on it, and never compromise your character and who you are for anything. Stay sucka-free.
Baggage Claim
Jaleesa: We go to therapy every week and that’s truly been a game-changer for us in helping us navigate difficult conversations and unpack things from our past that I’m not sure we’d be capable of doing on our own. I’d say for me I really had to, and I am still learning how to, be more vulnerable and trusting. I always felt I deserved this type of love, but that doesn’t mean when it came into my arms I was the most receptive to it. I’ve had to get rid of that toughness and work on being more open and expressive and allowing my partner to see all of me and trust that he would love and support me through it. A healthy, stable, fulfilling relationship is built off trust, communication, and patience. You have to lead with love and can’t assume the worst of a person.
Eric: Therapy is extremely helpful. Shoutout to our therapist, that's my dog. Some bad behavior I had to unlearn was being more aware of how I move and set boundaries with women. I realized, in the beginning, that I was doing things that wouldn’t be okay based on the boundaries of our relationship and based on what we were trying to build, and still in building mode wasn’t fair to Jaleesa.
"I always felt I deserved this type of love, but that doesn’t mean when it came into my arms I was the most receptive to it. I’ve had to get rid of that toughness and work on being more open and expressive and allowing my partner to see all of me and trust that he would love and support me through it. A healthy, stable, fulfilling relationship is built off trust, communication, and patience. You have to lead with love and can’t assume the worst of a person."
Edrick
Lessons in Love
Jaleesa: I would say the most important thing that I’ve learned is that people that love you will still disappoint you and that doesn’t change the fact that they love you. My fiancé is an AMAZING man. Even the amazing men just do stupid things sometimes. That’s life. But what matters is that he doesn’t do anything that compromises my love for myself, the boundaries of our relationship, or my values. So when he makes mistakes I always check and say, “Is this a mistake or is this a reflection of his character?” I think it's very important to accept that people you love are not perfect and that you have to be able to work together and really be a team. I make mistakes every day too. I’m no different. Therapy too. Therapy really helps.
Eric: I never liked to look at love as a job but during this time with Ja, I’ve realized that loving someone unconditionally is a job because in our cases we fell in love before we even knew everything about each other or knew each other's flaws so we’re pretty much learning how to love unconditionally on the fly. And I feel like that's the most beautiful and at times that can also be the most stressful part of our relationship but we are a team and we always find a way to get to some common ground.
For more of Jaleesa, follow her on Instagram.
Featured image by Kai Byrd, courtesy of Jaleesa Diaz
Your February 2025 Horoscopes Are All About Self-Love & Soulful Alignment
Explore your sign’s 2025 horoscope predictions to learn what is in store for you this year in love, career, and more. Check out the love compatibility of each sign to learn more about zodiac pairings and all things compatibility.
February is a coming together, as a culmination of community and abundance is evident. Some significant planets go direct this month after being retrograde since this past year, and we can finally take a deep breath. We walk into the month in Aquarius season, and the focus during this time is on coming together with the people you resonate with on a soul level, opening your heart to love, and gaining perspective in the process. When the Sun is in Aquarius, everything feels more electrified and inspiring, and this is one of the best months of the year to manifest and set your intentions.On Feb. 4, Venus enters Aries, Jupiter goes direct in Gemini, and the energy and passion return. Venus in Aries is fiery, dynamic, and puts self-love first. While Venus is in Aries for the entire month, February is all about going after the things you want in love, and trusting that you will be supported here. Jupiter goes direct on the same day after being retrograde since Oct. 9, and we can see our blessings manifest more effortlessly now, especially regarding communication matters, networking, short travels, education, and the mind. Jupiter finishes its Gemini transit on Jun. 9, so over the next few months, this is a good time to expand your mind and your vision, get creative, and meet new people.
What February 2025 Has In Store For Your Zodiac Sign
The Full Moon of February occurs in Leo on the 12th, and this is the Snow Moon of the year. This Full Moon brings emotions to the surface and creates self-clarity and honesty in the process. This Full Moon is a time to let go of old versions or ideas of yourself that don’t align with who you are today and to focus on what feels authentic and empowering for you right now.
On Valentine's Day, Mercury enters Pisces until Mar. 3, and the mind is on love right now.
While Mercury is in Pisces, we speak in words of poetry and spirituality, and mental connections turn into romantic ones. This is a beautiful energy to walk into on the day of love, signifying an urge to be around people who truly understand you right now.
Pisces season begins on Feb. 18, and we move into a time of closure, healing, creativity, and introspection. On Feb. 23, Mars goes direct in Cancer after being retrograde here since Jan. 6, and being retrograde in general since Dec. 6. With Mars now direct, there is more energy and direction at our disposal, and less confusion on where to go from here. Mars will be direct in Cancer until Apr. 18, and there is a lot of love, support, and intuition to be felt right now. Mars in Cancer supports others while also cherishing boundaries, and this is a good time to feel more stability in matters of the home and heart.
We end the month with a New Moon in Pisces on Feb. 27, and this is a time of magic, dreams coming to fruition, and romance in the air.
A New Moon in Pisces reminds us that what has been lost always comes back around in a new form, and helps us see what our heart is grateful for right now. This is a great New Moon to set your intentions for the future and to dream the dream. Overall, February is an inspiring and enlightening month, and your heart is the one leading the way right now.
Read for your Sun and Rising Sign below to see what February has in store for you.
ARIES
February is all about love for you, Aries. You are thriving within relationship matters as Venus is in your sign for most of this month. Venus moves into Aries on Feb. 4 and will be here until Mar. 27, however, Venus will be going retrograde in your sign on Mar. 1. So, use February to walk into some new beginnings in love, but remember to take your time with things here as well. You are overall feeling more reciprocity, support, and positive recognition now, and self-love is key this month.
On Feb. 12, we have a Full Moon in fellow fire sign Leo, and this Full Moon occurs in your 5th house of romance.
This is a beautiful Full Moon for seeing love bloom and for experiencing a sense of fulfillment that brings you closer to another. Before the month ends, Mars goes direct after being retrograde in an area of your life having to do with the home, family, close loved ones, and emotional stability. With Mars now direct here, new foundations can be built in your world, and you feel more supported and secure as you end the month.
TAURUS
This month is a time to reflect, accept, and move into your new beginning, Taurus. There is a lot to process this month, and with the Sun in your 10th house for most of February, a lot of your focus right now is on your goals, purpose, and life path. The Full Moon happening mid-month is an opportunity for you to see things clearer in the home, and to create space for more support and nourishment here. You are letting go of what is weighing you down or making your emotional world feel more difficult to process this month.
Mercury enters your 11th house of hope, community, friendship, and manifestation on Valentine’s Day this year, and you move into a time of inspiration. You are thinking of all the things that make you feel empowered, loved, and in tune, and it’s time to create more of this energy around yourself. We have a New Moon in this same area of your chart before the month ends on Feb. 27, and you are ready to look forward in life rather than at the past of what could have been.
Overall, this month is about listening to your heart and spending more time taking care of yourself.
GEMINI
February is a chance to take a break, Gemini. You need more time to process and prepare for what’s ahead of you, and you are taking the time to do so this month. February begins with Jupiter going direct in your sign after being retrograde here since Oct. 9. Jupiter, the planet of blessings, will be direct in your sign until Jun. 9, and won’t be here again for another decade. This is your opportunity to set intentions, focus on your dreams, and make some important achievements happen.
Extra good luck and support from the universe are with you now, and the key for you is to let things come to you naturally through patience and dedication.
On Feb. 12, there is a Full Moon in your 3rd house of communication, and some important culminations are coming through in matters of the mind. You are coming to some conclusions about something, and it’s changing your perspective overall. Before the month ends we have a New Moon in an area of your life having to do with your career, professional world, and reputation, and this is a good time to set your intentions for what goals you want to see through right now.
CANCER
February is a month of enlightenment, Cancer. You are aligned with the path you are walking on right now, and everything is starting to make a little more sense to your heart. This month we have a Full Moon in your 12th house of closure, and you are moving away from an emotionally heavy space. You are letting go of a lot of what has kept you conflicted, and there is a sense of peace that is being obtained in the process. This is your month of inspiring others through your resilience and gift of forgiveness.
Mars goes direct in your sign on Feb. 23 after being retrograde here since Jan. 6. With Mars retrograde in your sign since we began the year, there has been a lot for you to reflect on and emotionally process, and you are seeing yourself and your life with a new perspective and passion. Mars will be in Cancer until Apr. 18, and this is the time to take action on the things that you haven’t been ready to move forward with these past few months. On Feb. 27, we have a New Moon in Pisces, and you are leaving the month in the mood for an adventure.
This is the time to get out of your comfort zone, travel, or do something fun.
LEO
February is about protecting your energy and what you are bringing to fruition in your life, Leo. With a Full Moon in your sign mid-month, you are moving through a time of culmination, release, and inner clarity, and there is a lot to reflect on right now. You are recognizing your need to create boundaries from those who don’t serve you or your life path and are focusing on the things that feel good for you.
With the Sun in your 7th house of love for most of the month as well, you are gaining clarity on the relationships you want to move forward with, and where you need to create more space.
Venus is in Aries and in your 5th house of romance, self-expression, creativity, and joy for most of the month, and your heart is yearning for some excitement. When it comes to love in February, opportunities are coming to the surface for you to get out of your head and into your heart, heed the call. At the end of the month, Mars goes direct in your 12th house of closure, and you are moving into a breakthrough. You end February with less weight on your shoulders and more energy to just be.
VIRGO
Trust your intuition this month, Virgo. February is a month of getting organized, gaining clarity, and feeling purposeful. With Jupiter going direct in your 10th house at the start of the month, blessings follow through regarding your career and professional world. The intentions you have been setting and going over these past few months, are coming to fruition for you now, and you are being recognized and supported for your efforts here. This is a month of feeling a level up in your life, and like you are where you want to be.
Mars goes direct on Feb. 23, after being retrograde in an area of your life having to do with friendship, community, and your hopes and dreams over the past month or so. With Mars now direct in Cancer, it’s easier for you to feel hopeful and to see and experience the magic in life. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in your sister sign Pisces on Feb. 27, and love takes on a new beginning. This New Moon is one of the best of the year for you to set your intentions for love, and trust where your heart is being called to right now.
LIBRA
February is all about perspective and the intentions you are setting in your life through the thoughts you are thinking, Libra. The Sun is in your house of romance and Venus is in your house of partnership for most of the month, and there is a lot to look forward to right now. New developments are coming to fruition within your relationships, and you are reaping what you have sown, feeling grateful for what has come to fruition for you.
This is a beautiful month for travel, moving forward in your partnerships, and feeling more commitment and support in doing so.
With Jupiter also going direct this month, your home life and foundations see improvements and expansion. Anywhere you have been feeling limited here is being lifted for you now, and you are able to breathe and think bigger about what is possible for you and your sense of stability in life. The Full Moon happening on Feb. 12, is a chance for you to connect with the people who inspire you, and to let go of anything that doesn’t feel authentic to who you are today or how you feel about things.
SCORPIO
February is a month of feeling loved, Scorpio. Everything's coming together for you exactly how you have envisioned it, and with the Sun in your house of family, support, and foundations, you are feeling closer to your loved ones in the process. We have a Full Moon in your 10th house of career in mid-February, and culminations are coming through in your professional world, as recognition for your efforts and hard work are here for you now. This Full Moon is about taking the time to congratulate yourself for how far you have come and to feel gratitude for your progress in life.
On Feb. 23, Mars goes direct in fellow water sign Cancer, after being retrograde in an area of your life having to do with travel, adventure, spirituality, and education over the past month or so. With Mars now direct, travel plans follow through and it’s easier for you to see the bigger picture. The New Moon of the month takes place on Feb. 27, and this is a beautiful time for you to experience joy and pleasure. You are ending the month by making your inner child happy, showing up, and connecting with the love that surrounds you now.
SAGITTARIUS
This month is a transition month for you, Sagittarius. You are moving on from what has been, and a few of you may even be moving physically or traveling during this time. This is a month of getting into new energy and letting things go where it is needed. February begins with your ruling planet Jupiter going direct after being retrograde since last fall, and you are able to experience more of the blessings in love that you have been looking for.
Love turns a new page this month, and it’s because you are no longer settling for things that don’t align with what you want for yourself or your future.
On Feb. 12, a Full Moon is happening in an area of your life that has to do with your passion, inspiration, travel ventures, and perspective, and you are getting the full picture right now. This Full Moon is about accepting the truths that have come to the surface and following through on plans that you have had for yourself. Mars goes direct in your 8th house of transformation on Feb. 23, and you end the month experiencing a personal breakthrough. A lot is changing for you in February, and you are the one leading these efforts forward because you are owning the life you deserve.
CAPRICORN
A new month is here, and you are looking forward to all of the new experiences you are about to get into, Capricorn. February is an inspiring, passionate, and eye-opening month for you and you are making a lot of progress. With the Sun in your 2nd house of finances, values, and self-confidence for most of the month, you are spending a lot of your time developing new plans and intentions for yourself, especially financially. Mid-month we have a Full Moon in your 8th house of shared resources, and the support that you need to thrive and expand financially right now is becoming clearer to you.
Towards the end of the month, Mars goes direct in your sister sign Cancer, after being retrograde in an area of your life having to do with love, partnership, and harmony over the past month or so. With Mars moving forward again, so are you in love, and your relationship dynamics feel a little more balanced and empowered for you. On Feb. 27, we have a New Moon in Pisces to close out the month, and this New Moon for you is all about setting your intentions regarding communication, networking, and the ideas you want to build off of right now.
AQUARIUS
Your season is here, and everything is falling into place for you now, Aquarius. This is a month of feeling a positive culmination of everything you have been working towards, and seeing the rewards for your efforts. With the Sun in your sign until the 18th, all eyes are on you and you are focused on your personal goals, investments, and self-courage. Jupiter goes direct as we begin the month, turning things around for you in love and helping you see things with a new perspective here.
Blessings and understanding within relationship matters bloom for you now, and you can finally take a break from the confusion here.
With Venus in your 11th house of friendship for most of February, this is the month for connecting with the people who you resonate with on a soul level and giving your heart more time to enjoy the company. The Full Moon happening mid-month occurs in your opposite sign, highlighting your romantic life and sense of partnership. Love comes full circle as you let go of the past here and see the gifts of the partnerships you have been building in your life.
PISCES
February is your month of abundance and opportunities, Pisces. There is a lot to tend to this month, but you have the empowerment and passion to do so. Jupiter goes direct in your 4th house as the month begins, and you are feeling stronger foundations emotionally and within the home right now. Progress is being made in the spaces that are close to the heart, and you are feeling the blessings of support and stability in your life. The Full Moon happening on Feb. 12, is about letting go of unhealthy daily routines or habits and giving yourself more space to figure out what feels right for you.
On Valentine's Day this year, Mercury enters your sign, and your mind is focused on love, understanding, and connection. The conversations you are having now are fulfilling your heart and inspiring you, and you are gaining clarity in relationship matters as well. Pisces season officially begins on Feb. 18, and it’s your time to shine, to love, and to be loved in return.
Before the month ends we have a New Moon in Pisces on Feb. 27, and this is one of the best times of the year for you to set your personal intentions, manifest, and reinvent yourself.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
When you work with couples (especially married ones), you’re gonna hear just about everything (relationship-related) eventually. Here’s what I mean: About six months ago, while in a session with a couple, after asking them both to rate their sex lives on a scale of 1-10, while the wife said “8,” the husband gave a surprising answer. “Well, the sex is like a 9 if you’re talking about intercourse but it’s like a 5.5 overall.” Huh? What does that mean? “She is silent in bed and I hate it. And no matter how much I bring it up, nothing changes.”
After about three sessions, we were able to figure out what was going on. She was self-conscious in that area, plus, she also thought that hearing wasn’t a sense, in sex, that should be a big deal. If you’re on her team, you can check out “How To Incorporate All Five Senses To Have The Best Sex Ever” to grasp why that is absolutely not true. Not only does research tell us that sex sounds can help us to perform better, it can boost our (sexual) self-esteem, help us to communicate pleasure (and sometimes, displeasure) and it can also be a form of reassurance for (and from) your partner.
All of this got me to thinking: although a lot of people do actually enjoy sounds and/or words during sex, out of random curiosity, I wanted to know which ones they are — and why. And so, I got together 12 people (six men and six women) who told me what they enjoy hearing most during coitus. After reading this, please feel free to hop in the comments to share if you can relate — or if other things work for you instead.
*Middle names are used in my interview pieces so that people can speak freely*
1. Haven. 34. In a Serious Relationship.
“Cue Destiny’s Child’s ‘Say My Name,’ girl! There is nothing better than a man being inside of you and saying your name at the same time. There’s a sneaky hack to this too: It’s been my experience that men who don’t say a woman’s name then is because they don’t want to mess up and say her name with some other chick. If he says yours, there’s no one else or he doesn’t care about slipping up. Don’t challenge me on this until you’ve thought it through and tested it out. It has always worked for me.”
2. Nathaniel. 28. Single.
“I never got why people were into porn. Mostly all they are doing is moaning and screaming a lot and even that sounds fake. I like words. Tell me what feels good and what you want more of. Say it in a way that is sexy not like you’re a military instructor. I don’t like silence but if you’re gonna just make sounds and not say anything, I’m not turned on as much.”
3. Xen. 40. Married.
“Cuss words. Dirty, filthy, on-repeat cuss words. It’s funny because I don’t cuss in ‘real life’ at all, so when I first got with my now-husband and I was screaming ‘F-ck me!’, he really didn’t know how to take it. It’s not that I have a problem with cussing. I’ve just always associated it with sex, so that’s where it comes up. I won’t get into what he says back…that’s between us. We’re quite fluent in the swear words and they are excellently positioned during sex, though. Know that.”
4. Douglass. 39. Dating.
“My favorite is to be told how good I taste and to hear how a woman responds when I say the same thing to her. I don’t think women realize how self-conscious it can make us if they turn up their face at the thought of swallowing or if they spit it out in front of us. Imagine if we were that way to you? A woman who is all-in, giving and receiving, with head? She’s a fan favorite.”
Shellie here: This actually reminds me of an Instagram post that I recently watched. It’s, eh, poetic enough that you can probably watch it at work. Umm, I think. LOL. You can check it out here. Oh, and cue Lil Wayne’s “Lollipop” song too.
5. Nori. 29. Dating.
“I don’t know what it is, but any time a man whispers, ‘Whose is it?’, that is going to make me bust right there! He can’t say it; he has to whisper it and, preferably, he needs to do it right when he enters and right before he knows that I’m about to cum. It’s kind of primal in a way. Since I like intense, animalistic sex — that tracks.”
6. Jacob. 27. Engaged.
“The first time I heard a woman say, ‘Pound my p-sssy, n-gga!’, I lost it — yes, ‘it’, right there! If you’re a man who gives even half of a damn, a lot goes through your mind during sex including making sure that you are being as gentle and comfortable as possible. When you come across a woman who doesn’t give a damn about sh-t like that, who wants you to let go and be free — you’re in for a great night. You just might get turned out in the process too.”
7. Vivyca. 43. Single.
“Who doesn’t like to hear how good they feel? Just make sure that you’re as descriptive as you can be. How warm am I? How wet am I? How do I feel on you? Moan and grunt a bit in between your words. Make me understand what I feel like because I don’t know unless you tell me. Is it getting hot in here? Damn.”
8. Keith. 35. In a Serious Relationship.
“I like humming. Hum in my ear. Hum on my ear. Hum on my penis. The sensation of humming is indescribable.”
Shellie here: I did some quick research on this one. According to science, humming improves our mood and feels really good — on the giving and receiving end. So, Keith might just be onto something with this one.
9. Queen. 24. Dating.
“You ever notice how men want to come out of you, right after they nut? That annoys me [insert laughter here]! I was so used to that, that when an ex of mine would hold my hips and say, ‘I’m not ready to leave yet’ — that would sometimes make me have another orgasm. Now I’m trying to figure out how to get other guys to say it. Suggestions?”
10. Erik. 43. Single.
“I’ve been with a few bi and multilingual women in my time. I’m always excited to find that out. A woman who moans in another language? Top-tier sh-t. The accent. The new words. All of it. Nothing has been better in my book yet and I’m middle-aged!”
11. Sloanne. 35. In a Serious Relationship.
“It might sound self-involved but my favorite thing to hear during sex is mostly myself. Damn, now that I said that out loud, it REALLY sounds arrogant but hear me out! I like hearing me enjoy ‘him’. Like when I tell my man that he makes me wet or he gets me to, what’s the word — coo, it arouses me more because it’s almost like I’m not in control of what comes out of my mouth. My job requires that I be hypervigilant with what I say — I just love the vocal release that comes from sex because I can let it all out.”
12. Reid. 30. Married.
“’Mercy sex’ is awful. Men endure it because, if that’s the only way that we’re going to get some — okay. But when you’re just having sex with us to get us to not want to for the next few days, your attitude and energy are going to show it. That’s why I like it when my wife tells me not to cum yet or to stop what I’m doing because she’s not ready to. That means she’s in the moment and doesn’t want to rush. Music to a married man’s ears!”
___
Again, I’m always going to believe that…vocal activity during sex is going to make sex better because even reading this had me a little tingly inside. LOL. Seriously, though, the (main) purpose of this was simply to remind you that sex is best when EVERY PART OF YOU is involved. DIY sound effects included.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Giphy