Here's How To Feel More In Control Of Your Life
There is no better feeling than reclaiming your power. You know, taking back control of your life. I should know because I spent all of 2019 and most of 2020 reclaiming my power after I gracefully swan-dived into losing my identity. And that is one of the worst feelings in the world – to not know who you are, what you're doing, and why you're doing it. Losing your sense of "why" should be a sign in itself. But oftentimes you don't realize this until you're sitting in the dark crying your eyes out. Because it's in this moment you begin to realize you're on the verge of losing control of yourself if not already.
I wouldn't wish these feelings on anyone, it's never easy, and it's never fun. It's one of the most uncomfortable things you will ever go through. But sometimes we need to go through a situation to understand our wants and needs. As I began to step into my power and purpose, the uncertainty in my decisions scared me at first. The unconventional route is a road less traveled – undesired, misunderstood, and judged. Little did I know everything would work out in my favor. And the level of control I have over my life right now is something I never dreamed of.
Here are a few things I learned, and I found helpful in my journey in taking back control of my own life. These things are never easy to do, but with practice it becomes easier. The art of self-awareness takes patience and making a conscious effort to spend time with yourself.
How To Feel More In Control Of Your Life
1.Trust Your Intuition
hip hop squares intuition GIF by VH1GiphyDecision-making is hard, especially when it comes to everyday life decisions. But one of the things I learned was to trust my intuition. You know that weird feeling in the pit of the stomach or the lightness you feel in your chest? Those are signs that something is right or wrong – let that guide you. The universe will confirm your decisions for you too. I remember the day I decided I was done letting a certain situation control me. The minute I chose to move forward with that hard decision, every other related life decision I said yes to started to make sense.
2.Ask For Help
GIF by Iyanla: Fix My LifeGiphyI am not one to ask for help, but I had to learn it's OK to ask for it. I was so used to figuring things out on my own. Because that's just me – my mother raised me to be self-sufficient always. But when you don't have the answer and you're unsure of your direction, know it's OK to seek guidance. Talk to family or friends you can trust or seek professional help from a life coach or a therapist. You'll discover the right techniques and tools you need to get your life back on track.
3.Check-In With Yourself
Don't let days, weeks, or months pass you by without taking a moment to check-in with you. It has to start here. Be aware of your feelings as you go through the process of gaining control of life. Ask yourself reflection questions to understand if the path you chose is working or if there is something you can change.
4.Be Selective With Everything
clueless alicia silverstone GIFGiphyProtect your time, space, energy, and more importantly your heart. When you are trying to gain control of your life, you have to be selfish AF. But I mean selfish in a good way. Be selective in how you spend your time and who you spend your time with too. Be selective with everything and everyone in your life periodt. Communicate to your squad that you're focusing on yourself and that getting your life right is the priority. Trust that the people in your circle will respect and understand your selfishness. Your family and friends will get it – because we all have gone through a period in life where we lose control. And if they don't get it – use boundaries or cut them off. It is what it is, and don't apologize for it.
5.Control Your Thoughts
happy the best GIF by @SummerBreakGiphyControlling your thoughts is probably the hardest step of all. This daily struggle is real too, but it is doable. What you think – is really what you become. You have to have a level of self-awareness to catch yourself when your mind starts to wander into confusion and negativity. The minute you start to think a negative thought, quickly switch to a positive thought or affirmation. It literally takes a second to get your mind right. Practice makes perfect – and it takes 21 days to create a new habit.
Taking control of your life takes time. It's not a quick fix, and it doesn't happen overnight. Find the strength to look in the mirror on the days you don't want to. You have to keep looking at your reflection until you are you again.
Knowing you're in control of your life is a power like no other. And knowing your life is truly yours is something that no one can take away from you.
Be empowered queen.
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Camille is a lover of all things skin, curls, music, justice, and wanderlust; oceans and islands are her thing. Her words inspire and her power is her voice. A California native with Trinidadian roots, she has penned personal essays, interviews, and lifestyle pieces for POPSUGAR, FEMI magazine, and SelfishBabe. Camille is currently creating a life she loves through words, self-love, fitness, travel, and empowerment. You can follow her on Instagram @cam_just_living or @written_by_cam.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Regina King Reflects On Grief and Loss After Her Son’s Death: ‘The Sadness Will Never Go Away.’
The pain of losing a child is an experience that no parent wants to go through — and actress Regina King is now ready to speak about her experience with grief two years after her son’s passing.
In her first TV interview appearance since her son, Ian Alexander Jr., died by suicide in January 2022, King sat down with Good Morning America, to reflect on the tragic loss.
“I’m a different person, you know, now than I was January 19,” King shared. “Grief is a journey, you know? I understand that grief is love that has no place to go.”
“I know that it’s important for me to honor Ian in the totality of who he is, speak about him in the present because he is always with me and the joy and happiness that he gave all of us,” she added.
The Shirley star also added that it's vital to discuss the common misconception surrounding depression, noting that battles with mental health can manifest in diverse ways. “When it comes to depression, people expect it to look a certain way — they expect it to look heavy,” King told Robin Roberts.
“To have to experience this and not be able to have the time to just sit with Ian’s choice, which I respect and understand… He didn’t want to be here anymore, and that’s a hard thing for other people to receive because they did not live our experience, did not live Ian’s journey.”
Jeff Kravitz / Contributor/Getty Images
The Academy Award winner openly revealed that she was initially “so angry with God.”
“Why would that weight be given to Ian? Of all of the things that we had gone through — therapy, psychiatrists, programs — and Ian was like, ‘I’m tired of talking, Mom,' " she said.
With the memory of her son near to her, King said through tears, “My favorite thing about myself is being Ian’s mom and I can say that with a smile, with tears, with all of the emotion that comes with that. I can’t do that if I did not respect the journey.”
Anderson, 26, was a musician, DJ, and King’s only child. In 2019, Ian escorted his mother on the red carpet of the Golden Globes where she took home the award for "Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture."
He toldE! News at the time, "She's just a super mom. She doesn't really let bad work days or anything come back and ruin the time that we have. It's really awesome to have a mother who I can enjoy spending time with."
Understanding that grief is shared by many others, King emphasizes the unique weight of her role as Ian's mother and acknowledges that the sadness will always be a part of her.
“Sometimes, a lot of guilt comes over me. When a parent loses a child, you still wonder, ‘What could I have done so that wouldn’t have happened?’ I know that I share this grief with everyone, but no one else is Ian’s mom, you know? Only me. So it’s mine. And the sadness will never go away. It will always be with me.”
If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), text "STRENGTH" to the Crisis Text Line at 741-741, or go to suicidepreventionlifeline.org.
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Featured image by Shannon Finney / Stringer/Getty Images