June is my birthday month (Geminis stand up!) and since I’m not a holidays person (check out “So, What If You Don't Observe Holidays?”), my friends definitely don’t mind being a lil’ over-the-top about my special day. Shoot, even as I was penning this, two texts came through from friends (one who also happens to be a Gemini, actually) to get on the books to hang out before my birthday passes me by.
And even though I am a bona fide ambivert who enjoys my own company more than anyone else on the planet, I must admit that I really like — adore, really — my circle of friends and enjoy going out on dates with them. Each one brings something different to my life, and each date leaves behind a unique type of experience and set of memories. Yeah, dating my friends never gets old. Not to mention the fact that it’s highly beneficial and, dare I say it, even necessary if you want to properly nurture the non-romantic connections that you have.
And so, in honor of how important it is to care for your friendships, I’ve got a few real-deal reasons why going out on dates with your friends, as much as you can, is one of the absolute best things that you can do — for all parties involved.
Quality Time Is Essential in All Relationships
GiphyIt really is wild, the songs that will randomly come to mind, whenever I’m writing content. Today, it’s High-Five’s “Quality Time” (if you know, you know). I know why it did, too, because, when it comes to going on a date, the main point and purpose of it is to spend quality time with another individual (or at least it should be — check out “Guess What? Dating Was Never Supposed To Be Transactional.”).
And although usually we think of that in the context of getting to know or to spend undivided time with someone who we have a romantic interest in, the reality is that any time you make plans to hang out with another individual without any distractions, that is technically a date. And yes, in order for any relationship — new or otherwise — to grow, quality time is essential.
I don’t just mean on the phone either. My closest female friend? If it’s not a phone call, it’s texting, and if it’s not texting, we are sending each other news links throughout the day, each and every day. However, whenever she comes to my city or I go to hers, the time is just…different. Just being in someone’s physical presence and absorbing their personal energy helps you to connect with them in a very profound way.
So yeah, when it comes to my top reason for why I think that friends should “date each other,” for the sake of mutually spending some much-needed quality time — that comes before all of the rest.
Dating Your Friends Does Wonders for Your Holistic Health and Well-Being
GiphySeveral years ago, TIME published an article entitled, “Why Spending Time with Friends Is One of the Best Things You Can Do for Your Health.” The content in it shared data like socializing with people you care about can lower your stress levels, boost your heart health and even lower your risk of eventually becoming diagnosed with a chronic disease.
Other studies say that spending time with your friends can help to give you a greater sense of purpose; provide the accountability you need to develop/maintain good lifestyle habits; make you feel more confident; reduce your chances of experiencing depression or even having a stroke, and it can increase your longevity overall. In fact, one study cited that “People with no friends or poor-quality friendships are twice as likely to die prematurely” to the point where it’s worse than — get this — smoking 20 cigarettes a day!
What this means to me is, even if you don’t think that you have time to hang out with your friends, you should certainly make it. From all of the research I saw, your physical, mental and emotional health and well-being all depend on it. LITERALLY.
Friends Have Their Own Love Languages Too
GiphyA few years back, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “This Is How To Apply Love Languages To Your Friendships.” I mentioned love languages again in the article, “7 Hacks That'll Make Your Friendships (Even) Better” because that’s how important I think it is to know if your friend’s top way of wanting love expressed to them is quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch (physical touch is affection not sex; that can’t be said enough), acts of service or gifts.
Why? Because no two friendships are the same and when each of your friendships are fluent in each other’s love language, it tends to make communicating and connecting much smoother. For instance, I have a friend who really couldn’t care less about getting a Hallmark card (I like those, though); she is far more moved by when you hear something that she mentioned on a call and you meet the need (like if she said that she’s been too tired to cook and you shoot her a DoorDash gift card) because she’s an acts of service type of gal.
Well, along these same lines, what I have learned is when it comes to planning dates with my friends, it has more of an impact if the date speaks to their love language too. For instance, my quality time friends? It makes no sense to have them be my movie buddy, chile, because they want undivided attention where they can talk and ask lots of questions. Meanwhile, my gifts friends? They don’t care where we go or what we do, so long as I have some type of “thought about you” token in tow. LOL.
Bottom line with this point is, you already get points for asking a friend out on a date. However, you get a bevy of bonus ones whenever you plan a date that centers around their love language. Trust me, I have tested this out.
Remember the Saying: “People Change and Forget to Tell Each Other”
GiphyA quote that I find myself using pretty often with couples is “People change and forget to tell each other.” A playwright by the name of Lillian Hellman once said it. And here’s what’s really insightful about that saying: There are studies which say that we tend to transition so much as individuals that right around every 10 years, there are parts of us that become totally different people. In another article that I read on the same topic, it stated that although our core personality traits tend to remain relatively the same (and I agree with that), “People evolve and change over time...Our interests and approach to the world changes. Our experiences change who we are, and how we internalize and interpret the world around us.”
This is why I’m personally not big on when people are like, “I can go months without talking to my closest friends and we can just pick up where we left off; that’s how close we are.” Chile, even plants need to be watered a few times a week and if you aren’t intentional about nurturing your friendships, emotional distance really can form.
Before long, usually without even noticing it, you realize that you’ve grown apart on some levels and what’s really holding you together is nostalgia not a true connection (and yes, there is a difference). One of my friends, we hung out for the first time in about a year (because her plate is currently beyond full) and we definitely had a few, “Oh, you don’t do like that anymore?” and “Oh, when did you decide to think that way?” moments.
It’s because — just think about it: If it is indeed true that we make a whopping 35,000 different decisions on a daily basis…12 months of that? Yes, some of those choices are going to be impactful enough to alter us and when we’re different, our relationships end up shifting on some level too.
Dating your friends helps you both to keep up with the subtle and not-so-subtle changes, so that your relationship can adapt to them. This one right here can’t be emphasized enough.
You Don’t Always HAVE Time. You’ve Got to MAKE It.
GiphyLet me circle back to something that I said earlier, just to really bring the point of this entire piece home. I think it’s hilarious that when it comes to dating, a lot of women will be quick to be on some, “If he wanted to, he would” — oh, but when it comes to making time for friends, many will go into how busy their schedules are. Sis, the same point actually applies: What is a priority to you, you will figure out…one way or another. And when you see all of the reasons why hanging out with your friends is good for you, them and the relationship overall — why would you not want to prioritize “in your face” time with them?
The problem is that a lot of us try to “cram people into” our lives when, what we need to do is, discipline ourselves enough to actually schedule them into our world. So, at the top of each month, as you’re figuring out what those four weeks are going to look like, shoot your schedule over to a friend or two to see when they can meet up for some type of date. Once it’s on the calendar, I promise you that it won’t feel so stressful; in fact, it will be something that you can look forward to.
You and your friend can go on a date and it will be all good — start to finish. Talk about a pick-me-up that’s always worth it. It never misses. Ever.
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So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
Then there were those who gave up their zip code altogether and found a permanent home in the skies. After years spent recruiting students for a university, Lisa-Gaye Shakespeare became a full-time travel influencer and founded her travel company, Shakespeare Agency. And she's not alone.
These stories mirror the experiences of women across the world. For millions, the pandemic induced a seismic shift in priorities and desires. Corporate careers that were once hailed as the ultimate “I made it” moment in one's career were pushed to the back burner as women quit their jobs in search of a more self-fulfilling purpose.
xoNecole spoke to these three Black women who used the pandemic as a springboard to make their wildest dreams a reality, the lessons they learned, and posed the question of whether they’ll ever return to cubicle life.
Answers have been edited for context and length.
xoNecole: How did the pandemic lead to you leaving the cubicle?
Randi: I was becoming stagnant. I was working in mortgage and banking but I felt like my personality was too big for that job! From there, I transitioned to radio but was laid off during the pandemic. That’s what made me go full throttle with entrepreneurship.
Gabrielle: I moved around a lot for work. Five times over a span of seven years. I knew I needed a break because I had experienced so much. So, I just quit one day. Effective immediately. I didn’t know what I was going to do, I just knew I needed a break and to just regroup.
Lisa-Gaye: I was working in recruiting at a university and my dream job just kind of fell into my lap! But, I never got to fully enjoy it before the world shut down in March [2020] and I was laid off. On top of that, I was stuck in Miami because Jamaica had closed its borders due to the pandemic before I was able to return.
Randi O
xoN: Tell us about your journey after leaving Corporate America.
Randi: I do it all now! I have a podcast, I’m an on-air talent, I act, and I own a public relations company that focuses on social media engagement. It’s all from my network. When you go out and start a business, you can’t just say, “Okay I’m done with Corporate America,” and “Let me do my own thing.” If you don’t build community, if you don’t build a network it's going to be very hard to sustain.
Gabrielle: I realized in New York, there was not a lot to do for Black lesbians and queer folks. We don’t really have dedicated bars and spaces so I started doing events and it took off. I started focusing on my brand, Raw Honey. I opened a co-working space, and I was able to host an NYC Pride event in front of 100,000 people. I hit the ground running with Raw Honey. My events were all women coming to find community and come together with other lesbians and queer folks. I found my purpose in that.
Lisa-Gaye: After being laid off, I wrote out all of my passions and that’s how I came up with [my company] Shakespeare Agency. It was all of the things that I loved to do under one umbrella. The pandemic pulled that out of me. I had a very large social media following, so I pitched to hotels that I would feature them on my blog and social media. This reignited my passion for travel. I took the rest of the year to refocus my brand to focus solely on being a content creator within the travel space.
Gabrielle
xoN: What have you learned about yourself during your time as an entrepreneur?
Randi: [I learned] the importance of my network and community that I created. When I was laid off I was still keeping those relationships with people that I used to work with. So it was easy for me to transition into social media management and I didn’t have to start from scratch.
Gabrielle: The biggest thing I learned about myself was my own personal identity as a Black lesbian and how much I had assimilated into straight and corporate culture and not being myself. Now, I feel comfortable and confident being my authentic self. Now, I'm not sacrificing anything else for my career. I have a full life. I have friends. I have a social life. And when you are happy and have a full quality of life, I feel like [I] can have more longevity in my career.
Lisa-Gaye: [I'm doing] the best that I've ever done. The discipline that I’m building within myself. Nobody is saying, ‘Oh you have to be at work at this time.’ There’s no boss saying, ‘Why are you late?’ But, if I’m laying in bed at 10 a.m. then it's me saying [to myself], 'Okay, Lisa, get up, it's time for you to start working!’ That’s all on me.
xoNecole: What mistakes do you want to help people avoid when leaving Corporate America?
Randi: You have to learn about the highs and lows of entrepreneurship. You have a fast season and a slow season and I started to learn that when you're self-employed the latter season hits hard. Don't get caught up on the lows, just keep going and don't stop. I’m glad I did.
Gabrielle: I think everyone should quit their job and just figure it out for a second. You will discover so much about yourself when you take a second to just focus on you. Your skill set will always be there. You can’t be afraid of what will happen when you bet on yourself.
Lisa-Gaye: When it comes to being an influencer the field is saturated and a lot of people suffer from imposter syndrome. There is nothing wrong with being an imposter but find out how to make it yours, how to make it better. If you go to the store, you see 10 million different brands of bread! But you are choosing the brand that you like because you like that particular flavor.
So be an imposter, but be the best imposter of yourself and add your own flair, your own flavor. Make the better bread. The bread that you want.
Lisa-Gaye Shakespeare
xoNecole: Will you ever return to your 9 to 5?
Randi: I wouldn’t go back to Corporate America. But I don’t mind working under someone. A lot of people try to get into this business saying, “I can't work under anyone.” That’s not necessarily the reason to start a business because you're always going to answer to somebody. Clients, brands, there’s always someone else involved.
Gabrielle: I went back! I really needed a break and I gave myself that. But, I realized I’m a corporate girl, [and] I enjoy the work that I do. I’m good at it and I really missed that side of myself. I have different sides of me and my whole identity is not Raw Honey or my queerness. A big side of me is business and that’s why I love having my career. Now I feel like my best self.
Lisa-Gaye: I really don’t. For right now, I love working for myself. It's gratifying, it's challenging, it's exciting. It’s a big deal for me to say I own my own business. That I am my own boss, and I'm a Black woman doing it.
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Featured image courtesy of Lisa-Gaye Shakespeare
Originally published on February 6, 2023