Queens See Queens: xoNecole Celebrates Women of Color In Media With Table of 20 Dinner
When I reflect on last year and what it truly meant to me, three words come to mind: transition, alignment, and sisterhood.
2017 was the end of a gruesome transition period between leaving my celebrity gossip blog NecoleBitchie.com, and stepping into a new chapter, which saw the launch of xoNecole – an empowering lifestyle website for young women of color. During that transitional period, I've lost friends, lost money, and almost lost my mind (a few times). However, what I gained by taking a risk and betting on myself and the woman I wanted to be, meant so much more to me.
When the clouds of a storm disappear, everything is new again and the sun shines brighter than ever. I'm there now. And after the rain, I can now confidently say that I can watch my brand grow into the beautiful empire I always knew it could be.
In 2017, I learned the importance of being in alignment and the power of manifesting the life you want for yourself.
Laying in the fetal position in my bed on days that entrepreneurship was beating me down like I had stolen something wasn't serving me. I had to make sure I was getting up and relentlessly fighting for my dream, every single day. And I had to position myself so that when a big opportunity came, I was ready for it. And that meant shifting my perspective. That meant manifestation in its highest form.
In May, I remember sitting down with a close friend at a coffee shop in New York. She was unemployed, and I was struggling with keeping xoNecole running from where I lived in Arizona due to mounting operational expenses. I said, "Girl, if you could predict where you would like to be in 6 months, what would it look like? Let's live in that for a moment."
For 15 minutes, we quietly jotted down in our notebooks where we saw ourselves in 6 months using the present tense, "I am…"
Exactly six months later to the date, while in my new office in New York, I randomly opened my notebook and saw the life I was currently living written out line by line. I had manifested everything into reality and I sat there stunned with chills running down my spine and tears in my eyes. I owned the reality I wanted because I called its name and demanded it to become what it now is. That's a testament to the power of words.
In 2017, I also learned about the power of sisterhood. I wouldn't be where I am today without a strong tribe of women who had my back. A team of women who were passionate about work that was deeply rooted in purpose and positivity. My sister, friends, mentors, and business associates. Women who were uplifting and encouraging. Who had the same fight, passion, and purpose to empower other women to be their best selves. My Tribe!
I've also learned that choosing comradery over competition always produces wins for everyone.
And in honor of that, on December 19, xoNecole held its first Table of 20 event, a celebration of women in digital media – and it was the epitome of tribe vibes.
The dinner, aptly titled "Queens See Queens", was an ode to power women in digital media, especially those who have been making major moves behind-the-scenes at their respective outlets or media brands by pushing positive narratives for women of color.
The room was filled with genuine love as we shared hugs, laughs and promises of collaborations and partnerships. While feasting on dinner by Omar's Kitchen and champagne from Belaire, we clapped and cheered as each woman shared their story of adversity and triumph. Many of the women in attendance shared the common risk of moving to New York with just a few bags and uncertainty, and now have been blessed to see the rewards of success they could have only dreamed about.
Cori Murray, Essence Magazine Entertainment Director, shares a few words
Necole Kane, EIC xoNecole attends Table of 20 | Flower wall by IG: Dreamwork Diva
Natasha Alford, Deputy Editor at The Grio
Lilly Workneh shares the news that she is the new Editor-In-Chief at Blavity and Shadow and Act
Sharde Miller, producer - Good Morning America
Arianna Davis and Tracy G toast to an amazing 2018 ahead
Necole Kane and Omnoire's Christina Rice - Queens see Queens
Candice Benbow, Candace McDuffie, Brande Victorian, Natasha Alford and Danielle Young
Natasha Alford, Janel Martinez, Lilly Workneh, Necole Kane, Tracy G, Chasity Cooper, Charreah Jackson
The gathering was the perfect closing of 2017 – the year of the caterpiller – and grand opening to 2018, the year we finish transforming into the butterflies we were meant to be.
Success can be a lonely road without sisterhood.
I pray that you find your tribe in 2018 and beyond. May we uplift, inspire, and encourage each other! And cheers to more collaborations in this new year!
Click through the slideshow below to see exclusive photos from the dinner celebration:
Feel free to follow these amazing women that were in attendance.
Our Guest List
Necole Kane – Editor-In-Chief xoNecole.com
Sharde Miller – Producer, Good Morning America
Lilly Workneh – Editor-In-Chief, Blavity
Natasha Alford – Deputy Editor, The Grio
Arianna Davis – Senior Features Writer, Refinery29
Candice Benbow – Writer, Public Speaker (4:43, My Vodka Has Lemonade In It)
Tracy Garraud – Founder, She's Beauty And The Beast | co-host Sway In The Morning
Christina Rice – Founder, Omnoire
Charreah Jackson – Senior Relationship Editor, ESSENCE Magazine | Author
Brande Victorian – Managing Editor, Madamenoire
Cori Murray – Entertainment Director, ESSENCE Magazine | co-Host Yes Girl! Podcast
Claire Sulmers – Founder, FashionBombDaily.com
Danielle Young – Producer, The Root
Danielle James – Style & Beauty Editor, Hello Beautiful | Founder, Model Citizen
Renae Bluitt – Founder, In Her Shoes Blog, She Did That Films
Janel Martinez – Founder, Ain't I Latina
Tiffany Battle – Founder, The Werk Place!
Soraya Joseph – Digital Media Manager – Ebony Magazine
Candace McDuffie – Multimedia Journalist (Forbes, Glamour, Teen Vogue)
Chasity Cooper – Community Director, Her Agenda
Also many, many thanks to Jamilah Barnes who helped organize this incredible event, as well as Mecca Moore who produced this amazing experience for all of us. The details were impeccable, with sand globes provided by Sandglobe.love, and the gorgeous flower wall by Dreamwork Diva.
*Originally published on necolekane.com
Necole Kane is the founder and Editor In Chief of xoNecole.com. After spending 7 years as a successful celebrity gossip blogger, the Maryland native launched xoNecole.com with the mission to promote positive images of women of color as well as empower, educate, and inspire millennial women to live their best lives. Keep up with Necole on Instagram and Twitter @hellonecole, or through her personal website NecoleKane.com.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images