How Spring Cleaning Became An Act Of Self-Love For Me
Why wait until spring, mid-spring, or even summer to declutter your life? Spring is slowly but surely approaching, the time is NOW to do early spring cleaning! I did something this month for the first time in a long time. Instead of waiting until spring like most of people do, I took accountability for the clutter in my life in the here and now. And guess what? I haven't felt this light, liberated, or in control of my life in a very long time.
During the clearing out process, I got really emotional. I realized that I was holding onto a lot of things that were hindering my growth and blocking prosperity. Some items made me feel like, "One woman's trash is another woman's treasure." Other items made me feel like, "Out with the old and in with the new."
Breakdown
I finally threw away old pairs of stripper heels that I still felt the need to hold on to. Some odd years ago, literally, I used to be an exotic dancer before finding myself through self-love and spirituality. During the time period that I was dancing, I left home due to verbal and physical abuse and looked to the strip club as a "safe haven" and place to become "independent." It turned out to be anything but that, but that's a whole 'nother story.
I held on to those old stripper heels because I thought I needed a reminder of my strength and how far I've come from my past.
Throwing them away was the most empowering and bravest thing that I've ever done. I proved to myself that I don't have to hold on to a rough past in order to heal, it's better to release and let go! From there, I ended up with five other huge garbage bags to throw away and a big bag of clothing to give away, good karma.
Next, I hired a professional carpet cleaner to bring my carpet back to life. Lastly, I burned sage and cleared the energy of my whole entire living space.
I say all of this to say, don't wait any longer and start today. Challenge yourself while cleaning and decluttering your life. Don't do a half ass job, really get it done. Start by asking yourself is there anything that I'm still holding onto that needs to be released? What baggage in my life do I need to let go of? Does this item make me happy? Does this imagery bring back good memories? Does this person deserve to continue to be a part of my life journey?
Breakthrough
Anyone or anything that you that you do NOT want to carry into spring, release it and let it go. Anything or anyone that should have been left in 2017… or maybe even 2016 or 2015, the time is NOW to have trust and faith in yourself and the Universe enough to bravely move forward! You owe it to yourself to live a life of peace, joy, and abundance.
Don't let negative energy or energy that no longer serves who you are right now get in the way of what this life has in store for you!
You will instantly notice a change in your life and in the world when you start with self. Decluttering your mind, your home, your car, your phone, etc. are all acts of self-love. Never allow anyone to make you feel bad for having self-preservation, that's the biggest act of self-love. If you can't love and nurture your own self, then you can't do provide that to anyone else.
Put yourself first unapologetically by doing some SPRING CLEANING in an area of your life that needs it most.
Today.
xoNecole is always looking for new voices and empowering stories to add to our platform. If you have an interesting story or personal essay that you'd love to share, we'd love to hear from you. Contact us at submissions@xonecole.com.
Featured image by Shutterstock
- 5 Ways To Spring Clean Your Sex Life - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- How To Spring Clean Your Work Life - xoNecole: Lifestyle, Culture, Love, & Wellness ›
Natural Muurmaid is a spiritual wellness lifestyle brand. She is a Writer, Reiki Master, Tarot Reader, Seamstress, Yogini, and Doula and Gemologist in training.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LISTÂ HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:Â Â
​Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
​Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
​Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images