Army Vet Kevin Clark Says A Man Will Make Time For Who & What He Wants
For all my ladies looking to indulge in a little more than chocolate and wine this month, xoNecole is here to help. We've rounded up more than a fair share of eye candy and we found out exactly what they're looking for in love and how they personally care for their women. From musicians and models to poets and actors, these amazing men are sure to make your heart skip a beat. Check out these gorgeous MCMs and don't ever say we never did anything nice for you. We always got you, sis.
Meet Kevin Clark.
If his face looks familiar, it's because Kevin was one of the gorgeous men featured in the viral Shea Moisture beard ad. He's also walked runways for New York Fashion week and modeled for brands such as Cantu, Nike, and GQ. But don't get it twisted, this 6'6'', North Carolina native head-turner is more than just good looks. He's also a distinguished Army veteran and contractor.
Indulge responsibly, ladies…
Courtesy of Kevin Clark
On the Top Qualities He Looks For in a Woman…
"Confidence, good morals and upbringing. And religious views. A sense of humor, intelligence, and chemistry. We have to share similar values in life."
On His Ideal Date...
"Anything where we can interact as much as possible [with] someone I'm just starting to date. A setting like a bar for a happy hour, a wine tasting, or brunch."
"Anything that allows for talking and getting to know each other more would be ideal for me, instead of planning to attend an event or activity where it wouldn't be as much personal interaction between the two of us."
On What He’s Learned from His Last Serious Relationship…
"I [think] that communication is always key, especially with a long-distance relationship. And to be in the present and live in the now. And that's for in life in general, not only relationships. What's meant to be, will be and you can't change that no matter what you do. Being in the present will allow your relationship to naturally grow."
On His Major Deal-Breakers…
"Insecurities that come from a previous relationship. Any type of manipulative behavior. Not being attentive or showing that you care or not showing that you actually mean something to them. And not having the same religious beliefs, although it would have never got to the point of a relationship if not."
Courtesy of Kevin Clark
On the Toughest Part About Dating Nowadays…
"Because social media is big today, it can make dating tough when it starts affecting your relationship in negative ways. A lot of jealousy and comparisons can come from it, which leads nowhere positive. And I think [the] majority of people in today's society now are dating moreso for sex instead of dating for a relationship."
On How He Makes His Special Woman Feel Loved…
"I believe that actions speak louder than words from both sides. You make time for anything you want in life and for a special woman I make time for her, consistently! Time that's dedicated only to her, not with her and the boys, or family, just us. Whether it be for a day or two, or week or whatever. Just try to show that she's important in my life and means that much to me. Listening to her, and not just listening but being an active listener. Understanding, responding and remembering."
"And although actions speak louder than words, words are also important. Telling her how you feel about her, complimenting her on the regular. I had to learn more over the years, but now this is something that I do for sure."
On the First Thing He Notices About a Woman When She Walks into a Room…
"Probably what clown she's coming to meet up with."
His Relationship Status…
"Today, I'm single but taken."
For more of Kevin, follow him on Instagram.
Writer. Empath. Escapist. Young, gifted, and Black. Shanelle Genai is a proud Southern girl in a serious relationship with celebrity interviews, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, and long walks down Sephora aisles. Keep up with her on IG @shanellegenai.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images