Serena Williams Never Thought She'd Marry A White Guy
Being a mother is one of life's biggest challenges, but also one of its greatest rewards.
I remember waking up the day after my divorce was finalized, New Year's Day two years ago to be exact, and I was flooded with emotion. I didn't expect to break down in tears after the judge slammed her gavel the week prior. Although I knew in my heart it was the right decision to make for myself and my kids' emotional stability, it was the permanent end to that college-sweethearts-turned-married-couple "dream."
It was also the beginning of a new life as a single, working mother. And while I felt free, I was also terrified.
I had a lot of fear and anxiety about whether I would be able to pull it off, but I knew it was my chance to prove to myself--and to those who thought I made the absolute worst decision of all time--that I could do it. The sacrifice it takes to raise two small kids while juggling starting a new career while also doing what it takes to make ends meet still takes its toll on me some days. But I am still here, making more headway and gaining more strength than I could have ever imagined. And as the late, great Bob Marley said, "You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice."
"Strong" is the exact word I would use to describe perhaps the greatest athlete of our time, Serena Williams.
Without a doubt, she is the most dominant woman to ever grace the sport of tennis. Her rise to the top is not only inspirational, but if you peel back the veil of superstardom, her story is relatable as well. She's managed to overcome body shamers, transcend the shadow of her big sister Venus, and now she seems to have it all as a wife and new mother.
But even with her icon status solidified, Serena still wants us to know she is just like the rest of us. So much so that she is now starring in a five-part docuseries chronicling her pregnancy, her afterbirth health scares, and her life as a new mother and wife while returning to a career she has all but dominated. In a recent interview with the NY Times, she said:
"I like to believe, and I would like other people to understand, that I'm no different than anyone else. I have the same struggles a lot of women have had, and a lot of women are probably determined to carry their baby in the door. And a lot of women are determined to do a lot of the stuff that I do, and there's literally no difference between me and them with the exception of the side of me that just so happens to play professional tennis."
"Being Serena" premiered last night on HBO, and if you've ever wanted a behind the scenes look at arguably the most famous tennis players alive, here's your chance. With this new docuseries, she has moved into a new space of transparency and honesty that will leave viewers with better idea of who she is as a woman and not just an athlete. We will get a peek into what it takes for her to be one of those women that seem to have it all.
"A lot of people see me on the court, and they only judge and see that side of me, and there's so much more to my life and to me. That's not me, actually to be honest, on the court. As much a part of my life as it is, I become a different person when I play tennis. The second I step onto the facilities, the grounds, I become a different person, and the second I step off, I'm back to being Serena, no pun intended."
"I'm back to being Serena, no pun intended."
In the article, Serena also touched on how opposites attract when it comes to the love of her life, her husband Reddit co-founder Alexis Ohanian. He entered her life in a package she never thought about in terms of a husband or the father of her child, but he was everything she wanted, and everything she didn't know she needed.
"I'm an athlete. He's a business guy. I'm black. He's white. We are totally opposite. I think we just complement each other. I think we understand hard work in different ways. Literally all I tell Alexis is, 'Well, you know, there's such a difference between white people and black people.' He always gets to hear about the injustices that happen; that wouldn't happen if I were white. It's interesting. I never thought I would have married a white guy, either, so it just goes to show you that love truly has no color, and it just really goes to show me the importance of what love is. And my dad absolutely loves Alexis."
"Ultimately I wanted to be with someone who treated me nice, someone who was able to laugh with me and someone who understood my life and someone that loved me. And you know, I'm sure there's other people out ther. But you know, Alexis is the one I connected with, and I wouldn't have it any other way."
In less than a year's time, Serena landed the man of her dreams, got the ring, secured a prestigious tennis victory, got pregnant, and gave birth. Some say you can't have it all, but Serena and women like her are proving to us that you can, in fact, be a mother AND have a thriving career.
"You shouldn't have to wait to have a baby until you retire. If you want to have a baby and take a few months off or a year off and then come back, you shouldn't have to be penalized for that. Pregnancy is not an injury."
"Pregnancy is not an injury."
Not everyone has the luxury of taking a ton of time off after having a baby, but getting back into career mode is a choice, and it is usually a really good one. When I became pregnant with my first child, my son, I was full swing into a career that had me working long hours on my feet everyday--I worked until a week before my son was born, on doctor's orders, not my own.
At the time, my kid's father and I BOTH decided it made a lot of financial sense for me to become a stay-at-home mother. A daughter, marital turmoil, and a divorce later, I was forced to start all over in the working world with a gap in my resume the size of the Grand Canyon! It wasn't easy, and it still isn't, but I've found a way to not only work towards my career goals, but to also be a loving, caring, and PRESENT mother to my kids.
Since my current situation isn't easy, it takes that much more strength, patience, and forward-thinking just to manage the day-to-day expectations of being a working mother. Serena is a reminder of how resilient women are and a testament to the belief that not only can women do it all, but they can have it all too.
Make sure to catch the five-part documentary series, "Being Serena" currently airing on HBO, and we'll all be watching as she returns to superhuman form in the game of tennis!
Read the full feature story on The New York Timeshere.
*Featured Image: Damon Winter/The New York Times
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Michelle Schmitz is a writer and editor based in Washington, DC originally from Ft Lauderdale, FL. A self-described ambivert, you can find her figuring out ways to read more than her monthly limit of The New York Times, attending concerts, and being a badass, multi-tasking supermom. She also runs her own blog MichelleSasha.com. Keep up with her latest moves on IG: @michellesashawrites and Twitter: @michellesashas
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
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THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
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Tell me something. Whenever you hear the word “rest,” what immediately comes to mind? If you’re gonna say sleep, while that is indeed one definition, I want to encourage you to look well beyond that. By literal definition, rest is super multifaceted. It means things like “refreshing ease,” “a period of solitude or tranquility,” “mental and/or spiritual calm” and “absence of motion.” To rest is to take a breather, to get in some intentional downtime, and to relax so that you can get some well-earned relief.
People who know how to rest know how to stop long enough to be still. If that means taking a nap, so be it. If that requires disconnecting from the world for a moment, they are all about it. In short, individuals who are intentional about getting the rest that they need (and we all need it by the way) are those who tend to be very focused on living a life that is full of serenity and peace.
Okay, so keeping all of this in mind — do you get enough rest? I’ll go deeper. When you hear quotes like “Love turns work into rest” (Teresa of Avila), “Everything needs a break” (Toby Beta), and “Real rest feels like every cell is thanking you for taking care of you,” what goes through your mind? What do you do to make these sayings actually come to life?
If rest is something that you know you could stand to get a lot more of yet you’re not really sure how to go about doing it beyond getting 6-8 hours of sleep in, here are 10 hacks that can help to get you into the place of pause, comfort and even leisure (all of which are synonyms of the word “rest”) that you are beyond deserving of.
1. Treat Yourself
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Although it is my personal opinion that more research should be done on the benefits that come from self-pampering, I did happen upon a study that said thatwhen working women make a point and purpose to indulge themselves, it can reduce depression symptoms. And what does self-pampering look like? Whenever I’m asked this question, I make sure to say that I think it goes beyond basic self-care (like taking a bubble bath); pampering should be about doing things that you almost feel guilty for like booking a hotel room for the weekend do nothing but finish a favorite book or scheduling a spa day that is more than just a couple of hours long (like literally the entire day).
When you decide to treat yourself, not only are you saying that you deserve to invest some time and resources into nurturing yourself on a 2.0 level, but you are also choosing to do something that helps you to get off of life’s busy train for a moment so that you can actually relax and rest. That said, when’s the last time that you’ve done it?
2. Set Firm Boundaries
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If there’s one thing that my circle knows about me, it’s that I’m gonna set and state some boundaries. Because I grew up around so many people who would completely railroad my needs and feelings, I’m sure that’s part of the reason why I’m damn near hyper-intentional about having limits now. Take my phone number, for instance. It’s pretty common knowledge that not a ton of people have it, that I would rather video chat with those who don’t (because I can Google Chat or Skype them), and if someone who does happen to have it gives it out without my permission, I will change my number and not give it to them (because…lesson learned).
Hey, see it how you want yet my life is peaceful because when my phone rings, I know it’s someone who I have invited to be in that close of proximity to me and, because I am highly selective of my world, I know that some sort of laughter, insight or reciprocity (instead of constant negativity, drama or someone draining me) is on the other end. And for me, that puts my mind, body, and spirit at rest.
That’s one of my boundaries. Yours may be something totally different. All I’m saying with this tip is make sure that you have some. As one of the quotes in the signature of one of my email accounts says, “Boundaries are what you say 'no' to. Priorities are what you say 'yes' to.” (Nick Chellsen) You’ll be amazed by how peaceful your life is when you unapologetically decide who has the character to bring peace into your life vs. who…doesn’t.
3. Take (More) Power Naps
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I’ve actually shared in other articles that, reportedly,1 in 3 people do not get enough sleep on a regular basis. That’s not good (at all) because (for starters) when you’re sleep-deprived, you absolutely are robbing yourself of the opportunity to be calm, relaxed, and peaceful. In fact,sleep deprivation is tied to things like anxiety, moodiness, poor judgment,not being able to read others’ emotions well, and just an overall sucky quality of life.
What can you do to help yourself out in this area? Take some power naps. Making the time to nap for 10-30 minutes (no more or less than that if you want to get the best results of one), can give your system a recharge that isbeneficial in all kinds of ways. Power naps help to improve your mood, make it easier for you to concentrate, and boost your memory — they simply make it easier for you to function overall (especially if you need some additional “oomph” to get through the end of your workday).
And how does all of this help you to ultimately get more rest? Think about it: when you’re in a good headspace, you are able to perform better; this means that you aren’t stressed out while you work and that you can complete tasks in such a thorough way that it’s easier for, not just your body to leave the office, but your mind as well.
4. Do the “4-7-8 Exercise”
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Not too long ago, while reading an article about how to breathe correctly on the American Lung Association’swebsite, I took special note of how it is not just important to breathe through the nose; we should also take a good amount of air in through our stomach too. That got me thinking about when I first got introduced to what is known asthe 4-7-8 exercise.
If you’re not familiar, basically what you do is take in new air for 4 seconds before holding it for 7 seconds and then slowly releasing it for 8 seconds. Why would you do this? Well, if you’re someone who struggles with feeling nervous or anxious, it can help with that. Another benefit is it’s a wise move to make before turning in at night because it calms your senses, lowers your blood pressure, andstimulates your body to produce more melatonin within your system. An additional perk is that some health professionals say that it’s an all-natural way to decrease migraine-related discomfort (if that’s something you struggle with).
You can’t rest if you can’t relax and you can’t fully relax without knowing how to breathe properly. Try this hack out and see if it doesn’t improve things for you, physically, on a few different levels.
5. Put Some Sandalwood on Your Pressure Points
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If you like scents that are reminiscent of wood or amber with a hint of sweetness, sandalwood is gonna be right up your alley. And here’s the thing about it —there are physical and mental benefits that directly come from applying it to your body. From a resting standpoint, sandalwood helps to decrease anxiety levels. If it’s mixed with lavender oil, it can lower your cortisol levels as well. Since sandalwood also contains some pretty impressive anti-inflammatory properties, it can help you to sleep better (becauseinflammation and sleep deprivation are actually linked). Not to mention that if a part of what keeps you from being in a peaceful state is you’ve got some skin irritation or a skin-related issue like eczema or psoriasis going on,sandalwood is able to soothe that too.
And here’s the thing: if you apply some sandalwood to a pressure point like the top of your inner ear, the middle of your forehead, or the spot at the base of your thumb and gentle press, that can relax you even quicker becausethose are points on the body that help to relieve anxiety. Yep. Sandalwood for the win, everyone.
6. Play Board Games
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While more and more folks are out here giving younger and younger kids phones so that they can "fit in," studies reveal that longer screen time only increases a child’s chances of experiencing anxiety and depression. And while we’re on the topic of “unplugging” — when’s the last time that youplayed a board game? Aside from the fact that they increase your confidence levels while also being a lot of fun, board games can also help improve your mental health and reduce stress too. So, if you and your bae are a little tense these days or everyone in your house could stand to take a chill pill, pull a board game out. You might be surprised by how much more relaxed you will feel after doing so.
7. Have Sex in the Afternoon
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Listen, I’ve been writing about the benefits of sex for quite some time now and I promise you that the more that I learn, the more it baffles me that more folks don’t highly prioritize sex far more often than they tend to do. SMDH. I mean, just the mere fact thatscience backs that sex produces “feel good hormones” like endorphins and oxytocin, drops stress hormones (like cortisol) and directly promotes rest and relaxation — -these points alone should be enough of a reason to get some in, just as much as you possibly can!
And why am I shouting out the afternoon as opposed to the common go-to (at night) or even morning sex? Well, not only dopeople tend to be more energetic and mindful during coitus if it happens in the middle of the day, but sex during that intensifies your senses,complements a man’s surge of estrogen (which will make him want to cuddle more) and it makes things more spontaneous as well.
And just what time of day should you be trying to make all of this happen?Somewhere around 3 p.m. is good. I guess based on whatever time zone you’re in. #Elmoshrug
8. Drink Some Coconut Water
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If you’re like me and you think that water tastes like wet air, have you ever tried hydrating yourself with the help of some coconut water? Since it’s a good source of potassium and antioxidants, coconut water can do wonders if you’re looking for something that will help to settle your nerves, if you’re feeling a little frazzled, or if you need a bit of help with concentrating.
So, sip on some coconut water straight or treat yourself to a mocktail that contains it as a main ingredient. You can try out some delicious recipes by clickhere,here, andhere.
9. Massage Your Feet (with an Essential Oil)
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While reading an article about if feet are as sensitive as hands, it reminded me to share yet another resting hack for all who are curious.Since many reports state that there are as many as 200,000 nerve endings in our feet alone, it would make all the sense in the world thatreflexology (a type of massage that focuses on hands, ears, and feet especially) would be hella effective.
One of the reasons why I’m personally a fan of foot massages (even if it means that I have to give my own self one) is because it provides holistic benefits on a lot of levels. A foot massagehelps reduce pain, ease digestion, and decrease eye strain — and yes, it also helps you to relax more and sleep much better.
The only thing better than a “plain” foot massage? Applying a warm carrier oil like sweet almond or avocado to your feet after you’ve mixed it with an essential oil that is proven to reduce stress like lavender, bergamot,lemongrass, neroli, and ylang-ylang will significantly increase your quality of rest in record time. How? Well, whenoils are applied to your feet, you are able to absorb them into your system faster.
10. Take a Full Day Off
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Personally, I’m abiblical Seventh-Day Sabbath observer. I was born into that practice and even though, I identify of a disciple (John 8:31-32) now, I still do it with not one single regret (even at the expense of losing certain job offers, etc.). Taking a full day off (Friday sunset through Saturday sunset) helps me to rest, recalibrate, and reenergize in a way that is incomparable to anything else!
Even if Scripture/Hebrew culture isn’t your thing, I still encourage you to take a full 24-hour day off to do nothing but REST. If you live alone, of course, it’s easier than if you have a family. However, having a day when you can sleep in, eat late, walk in nature, have more than one round of quickie sex — do things that are associated with ease, tranquility, and calm…that makes it so much easier to handle the demands that are outside of your sanctuary (your home).
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An author by the name of Daniel W. Josselyn once said, “Rest is not a matter of doing absolutely nothing. Rest is repair.”
The next time you need some rest, you know it and a part of you tries to talk you out of it, tell “it” to shut all the way up. You are doing no one any good if you’re not actively repairing yourself by resting.
Words to (always) live by.
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Featured image by pixdeluxe/Getty Images