Let me make something clear: you don't owe ANYONE an explanation about your sexuality, values, beliefs or behavior.
If recent conversations on sexual consent have taught us anything, it's that you have the right to change your mind at any time when it comes to what you choose to do with your body, whether you're butt naked underneath Chris Brown and one of his boys or if the only thing filling you is the Holy Spirit during Sunday service. You have to live with your choices and shouldn't feel pressure to have a press conference every time you drop your panties. But when it comes to celebs, the popular belief among the public is that those same rules don’t apply. With that said, I can kind of understand the backlash coming reality star and hip hop heir Angela Simmons’ way after announcing her pregnancy via Instagram on Friday.
Rumors flew that the Foofi and Bella fashion designer was pregnant after she announced she was engaged to a mystery man a few weeks ago. As I scrolled through my Instagram feed I even dropped a comment or two in Angela's defense. Not everyone who seemingly gets engaged out the blue is secretly planning a shotgun wedding. So of course I found myself brushing some Morton crystals off my shoulder when Simmons who has always been very vocal about her virginity announced that she was expecting. Sadly, it almost seemed as if she was forced to make announcement as pictures began to surface on social media of her bare belly exposed while on a run with fiance who has since been revealed as Sutton Sean Tennyson.
Simmons' Instagram pics as of late have been modest especially when compared to past posts where she has never hesitated to show her abs fresh from a workout. Of course when she broke the news, her comments’ section was filled with as much criticism as congratulations:
“I bet its a lot for Rev Run to swallow that not ONE of his three oldest kids are married, but had kids out of wedlock. Its not the worse thing in the world but I know it had to bother him.”“The fact that she was doing them work outs like that is irritating to me lol you ain't got to lie Craig.”
“He's overjoyed because he is set for life now!! Smh. She preached it but did not live by it!”
When two people can come together in a healthy relationship and build a family, that's always something to celebrate, but I must say I'm not completely surprised by the backlash as people criticized the fact that her religious family already includes at least two siblings that have brought children into the world outside of marriage. Fans equally jumped to Simmons’ defense expressing that as a grown woman, she doesn’t own anyone an explanation on her life choices:
“First off... people announce they are pregnant in their own time... There's usually a time frame people wait to make sure it's a viable healthy pregnancy... she owes none of u idiots an explanation... are u gonna fund her baby or hospital bills??? And how many of u b**ches have babies and NO husband??? Let's alllll wait on that”“Was she our black "Madonna"? Another 28 yr old virgin crumbled 🙄🙄🙄 like really people... It's not a scandal!!! Shoot if she's been holding out that long she should be applauded... Girl is financially able... Ready to be a mother obviously!!!”
While I wish her the best, I'm not exactly losing sleep over what fans are speculating might be a "Brandy Norwood" situation where a celeb uses marriage to cover an unplanned pregnancy or what they feel may be a blemish on their moral character. We all have to live with our choices whether they become trending topics or not. However, I do think Simmons' situation offers insight into the idea that celebs are some of the best people to start open honest conversations about sex. If we can applaud the choice to be celibate or celeb virginity announcements, why can't we have those same conversations about consent, contraception and STD testing? I don’t believe celebs should be on the payroll of The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned pregnancy, but if they are going to make such a big deal out of being public about their sexuality, why not use those powers for good? Maybe it's the sex ed geek in me but you might catch me dabbing a time or two when a singer slips a lyric in about grabbing some protection before commencing the back breaking session or seeing one of the Kardashians mentioning the birth control pill they may have missed. There’s a whole gray area between celibacy and the decision to have sex. Angela has repeatedly discussed her moral and religious values in the past, so it’s no surprise that many fans are now wondering, “What happened?”
[Tweet "Celebs love to kick the “I didn’t choose to be a role model” line, but it happens by default."]
I’ve worked as a sex educator for almost seven years. The reason I chose the field is because I felt everything from media to the laws in America send conflicting messages about values in regards to how people behave in their personal lives and what they choose to publicly express about their sexuality. What bothers me most about celebrity pregnancy announcements and the bold statements some choose to make about their personal lives are the stigmas they can perpetuate. As much as celebs love to kick the “I didn’t choose to be a role model” line, the truth is it’s a role that often happens by default. Let’s not act like how you appear to your fans doesn’t matter on some level. It matters when you’re selling albums. It matters when you’re getting ratings for your reality show. It matters when they’re purchasing your sneaker line. But suddenly it doesn’t matter because you’re just living your life and people have opposing opinions? While I feel that celebs shouldn’t have to sign over their private lives in blood to public to maintain their success, I do think they have to be mindful of catching feelings over the push and pull game they play with the public. We probably shouldn’t be basing our personal life decisions on the examples set by celebs or anyone else for that matter, but let’s not delude ourselves by saying celebs have zero influence on public perception and behavior. Making a pregnancy announcement on Instagram isn’t an invitation to be bullied or shamed, however you can’t catch feelings when people express their thoughts on your lifestyle or point out when your values conflict with your behavior. (For the record, Simmons has yet to make a statement on the backlash and whether she is personally offended by it all or not and debates seem to have occurred between fans only at this point).
It's understandable to see why her fans are upset. Simmons made statements about her virgin as recently as this year when appearing on the morning show “The Breakfast Club” and I even recall her making those same claims on her own reality show “Growing Up Hip Hop” which filmed in 2015. Let me be clear once again: Angela is entitled to change her mind. Raise your hand if you hopped back into bed with that trifling ex a time or two after just telling your homegirl you were through with his sorry a** or treated yourself to that Popeye’s $5 box knowing damn well the way your diet is set up, fried chicken isn’t an option. Even if Simmons decided she wanted to have sex, get pregnant and be a wife within a week’s time, like Bobby Brown said: it's her prerogative. Behavior that completely contradicts what we say we stand for is the human condition, but with that we also can’t be offended when people call us out on our hypocrisy. Specifically when it comes to celebs, their platforms grant them a position of power to either perpetuate a stigma or fight against it. I don’t think fans are offended by Simmons’ right to change her mind as much they are her sudden departure from a lifestyle that seemed to endorse celibacy. They’re only making what she chooses to do with her body a big deal, because she once did.
I do question the message that this situation sends to young women who had idolized her as a moral figure that was proud of her virginity, but not as proud of her choice to have sex.
It’s a stigma that unfortunately has plagued women since the beginning of time and probably will continue to do so until we stop placing virginity as some sort of precious prize. I also can’t help but notice that none of the male Simmons siblings seem nearly as pressured to detail their sexual behavior to fans. When I was pregnant almost 2 years ago, I still remember the unnecessary impulse to defend my baby bump when people tried to sneak a glance at my left hand. There was even one incident when a man who worked in my building who never hit me with more than a “Hey, how are you?” took it upon himself to mention, “I hope he put a ring on it.” I even found myself holding my tongue to keep from reciting the rehearsed speech about how I got pregnant AFTER getting engaged because I did things the right way and a whole bunch of BS that he wasn’t entitled to before I stopped myself when realizing it was none of his damn business and that there really wasn’t a “right” way, only the way that worked best for my life. When Simmons made multiple statements about her virginity in the past a part of me wanted to scream that she didn’t owe anyone that explanation whether she was Reverend Run’s daughter or Hugh Hefner’s. Just as some fans feel she doesn’t owe anyone a reason for her choices now, my only argument is that she didn’t owe anyone an explanation about waiting for marriage to have sex either.
If anything, what I think we can all take away from people’s criticisms as well as defenses of Angela Simmons’ personal choices is the need for more open, honest conversations about sex and less normalizing of certain behaviors over others. I honestly think more celebs should pull a Kerry Washington and completely keep their personal lives private if they’re not prepared to for the opinions that follow the Instagram pics they choose to share with the world. Let’s take this as a lesson learned that when it comes to your bedroom, what does (or doesn’t) go down in it is your own damn business, but when your sexual moral code is a selling point it’s only matter of time before people will want receipts.
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Skylar sees things differently. At the time, she was shooting content on her iPhone. Temi came into the picture with a new perspective, an understanding of tech, and, eventually, a camera. “He doesn't give himself enough credit,” Skylar says. “He wasn't just my tripod. He wasn't just standing behind the camera and going ‘click.’ He was giving advice. He was giving me insight to how I could look at things from a different perspective. And I was like, 'Oh, he’s an artist.' I think it was maybe a heartbeat of that kind of energy of like, ‘Baby, can you take this picture?’ And it turned so quickly into, we're partners. We can work together in a way where we're advancing each other's creative thinking.”
The pair often says they’re two sides of the same coin. Skylar is an Aquarius. She attended art school, paints, and loves poetry. She’s more than happy to let the couple’s management firm and agency, Kensington Grey, handle their admin work. And, she loves to sleep in. Temi, on the other hand, wakes up early. He’s a Virgo. He loves a to-do list and regularly checks in on the couple’s brand partnerships spreadsheet to make sure everything is on track.
Because his storytelling was steeped in his love of technology, he didn’t always think of himself as a creative person. “Where I [am] the dreamer who wants to pluck things out of the sky and spend all day with my head in the clouds, Temi [is] so good at grounding me and helping me figure out how to make things make sense on paper. We just work together in such a complimentary way,” Skylar says.
It’s been more than six years since Brooklyn-based couple Temi and Skylar started dating, and nearly four since they cemented their working relationship. On TikTok and Instagram, the couple’s travel, fashion, and home content regularly rack up hundreds of thousands of views. They’ve worked with brands such as Coach, Aesop, Away, and Liquid IV, bringing their vibrant perspectives to every campaign they execute. Still, nearly two years since both Temi and Skylar committed to full-time content creation and creative directing, the couple says their romantic connection remains their priority.
“We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting,” Skylar says.
Working from home can make it hard to separate work from personal life for any entrepreneur. It can be even more challenging when your business partner is also your lover. Temi and Skylar had already used couples therapy as a tool to help them effectively communicate with one another. When they ran into challenges while working together, their therapist helped them set physical boundaries to help combat the issues.
"We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting."
“It actually took us doing very specific physical things to create boundaries between work and play in our relationship,” Skylar says. “So, for instance, we will only have conversations about work when we're out of bed or we're at the table or in the office. Initially, when we started, we had to light a candle to say that, 'Okay, this is a space where we're connecting, we’re not talking about work.' We needed really hard boundaries at the top. And then it became a little bit more organic.”
The boundaries have been crucial to implement, especially because the couple began working together so naturally. When the pair first met, Skylar was NY-based a social strategist for BuzzFeed and was using content creation to drive business to her lingerie company. She was shooting her own content. Temi was working for Microsoft in D.C. He’d recently traded in his DJing equipment for a camera. “I've always loved taking pictures,” he says. “Even when I was a kid, my African mother would wake me up at 3:00 a.m. [during a] party, and be like, 'Come take the family picture.'”
Growing up, Temi says he watched his parents support each other and be the true definition of partners. He knew he wanted the same for his own relationship. But, the couple also wanted to make sure they were being financially responsible. The pair didn’t quit their traditional jobs until they’d saved up two years' worth of their cost of living. And, Temi received his Master of Business Administration from New York University with the knowledge that it could either help him advance in his corporate career or be applicable to his business with Skylar.
Temi and SkylarCj Hart @hartbreakToday, they say their working relationship is more of a “quiet dance.” They still implement some of the boundaries they learned in therapy, but they also lean into their natural strengths and deep love for one another. When we speak, Temi has planned a date for the couple to see Princess Mononoke in 4K IMAX and added it to their Notion so they can factor it into their busy schedules. “I fully plan to date for the rest of my life,” he says.
Skylar says the couple doesn’t just wait for date nights to check in with one another, though. This often happens in the mornings, after Temi has made her peppermint tea and poured himself a cup of coffee. When they ask each other how they slept, she says, it’s not just a “nicety.” It’s a genuine question meant to foster connection.
“A lot of it happens during the day in the midst of work. We'll stop and we'll hug. Or we’ll slow dance in the kitchen,” she says. “Sometimes it's hard to set a whole date night when you have 7,000 things going on. So, we must grasp these moments and check in when we can. And I think it's become so organic to us that I actually didn't even realize how often we do it. But all day long, we're like, 'Are you good? I felt like your energy shifted,' because we're best friends, we just know. We just feel it happen.”
What’s better than being in love? Building wealth while doing it. Watch Making Cents here for real stories of couples who make money moves together.
Featured image by Cj Hart @hartbreak
Anyway, one of them was recently expressing in the chat that, although, according to her doctor, her hormone levels seemed to be fine, she felt like certain perimenopause symptoms were telling her otherwise. She’s probably right because the reality is you can be in a state of perimenopause — the transitional phase that comes right before menopause — anywhere from 4-10 years (keep in mind that the average age for entering menopause is 51).
And so, after hearing about some of what she was experiencing and recommending things like evening primrose oil and raspberry leaf tea, it reminded me that I should also pen an article on seed cycling — a practice that is gaining more traction when it comes to all-natural ways of keeping certain hormones in balance.
If you’re curious about what seed cycling is all about, I’ve got a few details that may interest you — and might provide you with some perimenopausal relief — below.
What Is Seed Cycling and Why Is It Becoming More Popular?
GiphyProbably the easiest way to define seed cycling is it’s all about consuming certain seeds during certain times of the month in order to balance out your hormones — well, not only balance hormones but boost fertility and also decrease symptoms that are directly related to menopause.
The thought process of seed cycling is if you consume certain seeds during the first half of your menstrual cycle, it will help to balance out your estrogen levels; then if you consume certain seeds during the other half of your menstrual cycle, it will balance out your progesterone levels.
So, which seeds are you supposed to take?
Flax and pumpkin seeds during the first 14 days of your cycle and then sesame and sunflower seeds during the last 14 days. And what if your period isn’t on a 28-day cycle? Well, then what you would do is take flax and pumpkin seeds during your follicular phase (the first day that you start your period through the day that you ovulate) and sesame and sunflower seeds during your luteal phase (the time that happens right after your ovulate and ends once your period starts). And why these seeds in particular? Were they just pulled out of thin air? Nope.
Flaxseeds contain phytoestrogenswhich is a form of plant-based estrogen. Estrogen is low at the beginning of your menstrual cycle, so phytoestrogens can help your body build up your uterine lining. When you are going through the latter stages of perimenopause/menopause, estrogen levels can significantly decrease; phytoestrogens can help to bring your levels back up. That said, as far as periods are concerned, flaxseeds can help to regulate your cycle (which can also make it easier for you to conceive, if that is something that you are trying to do). As far as perimenopause and menopause are concerned, they can help to make their symptoms more bearable.
Pumpkin seeds are a rich source of magnesium and manganese which help to ease PMS symptoms and reduce menstrual discomfort. When it comes to perimenopause and menopause, magnesium can reduce anxiety and depression and help you to sleep better which can reduce symptoms that are associated with both conditions. And manganese? Manganese helps to regulate blood levels and improve bone density. Pumpkin seeds also contain a considerable amount of zinc that helps to regulate hormones. Fertility-wise, pumpkin seeds can increase testosterone levels and they can help you to have a healthier pregnancy.
Sesame seeds also have phytoestrogens in them; however, the reason why sesame seeds are recommended for seed cycling is because the zinc, selenium, vitamin E, and fatty acids in them are what help to give your progesterone levels a boost during the second half of your menstrual cycle. Progesterone not only creates a healthy uterine lining, if an egg isn’t fertilized, but it also helps your body to shed the lining. When it comes to perimenopause/menopause, progesterone is needed because it can help reduce the impact of hot flashes and menopause-related insomnia. When it comes to conceiving, sesame seeds can help to reduce inflammation and boost your immunity — making it easier for your body to get pregnant.
Sunflower seeds are loaded with vitamin Eand that alone makes them great when it comes to your menstrual cycle and dealing with perimenopause and menopause-related symptoms. That’s because vitamin E helps to reduce period discomfort and, if you happen to have heavy cycles, it can help to decrease the amount of blood that you lose during your cycle as well. For those dealing with perimenopause and menopause, vitamin E helps to bring relief to symptoms like hot flashes and vaginal dryness. Sunflower seeds can also aid in fertility, thanks to the fatty acids in them that can make it easier to conceive.
So, as you can see, there is a method to the madness when it comes to the seeds that are selected for seed cycling. Okay, but how do you actually incorporate seed cycling into your lifestyle? Good question.
How to Do Seed Cycling in Order to Receive the Most Optimal Results
GiphyIf you want to try seed cycling in order to see if it helps you and your hormones out, this is what you will need to do:
During days 1-14 (again, your follicular phase), you will need to take one tablespoon of ground flaxseeds and one tablespoon of ground pumpkin seeds.
During days 15-28 (again, your luteal phase), you will need to take one tablespoon of ground sesame seeds and one tablespoon of ground sunflower seeds.
The strategy here is if you do this consistently for 3-4 months, you should start to see an improvement when it comes to the imbalance of your hormones. It should also go on record that some health experts recommend adding 1200-1500 mg EPA/DHA to the follicular phase of seed cycling and evening primrose oil to the luteal phase. That’s because EPA/DHA are fatty acids that help to reduce bodily inflammation and evening primrose oil helps to decrease PMS symptoms as well as hot flashes.
As far as side effects go, there currently aren’t any drastic ones that have been reported. The main thing to keep in mind is that you may experience some gas, bloating, or changes in your bowel movement patterns for a moment. That’s because certain seeds are filled with fiber.
How These Seeds Will Benefit Your Health Regardless
GiphyNow that you know more of what seed cycling is all about, you might be wondering if it’s truly worth your while. The truth is that research is still being conducted which means that there are articles out in cyberspace that tend to Elmo shrug seed cycling more than anything else. My two cents? I mean, the fact that the four seeds listed have other health benefits, if you’re someone who prefers to take all-natural approaches to your health, it can’t hurt to up your intake of flaxseeds, pumpkin seeds, sesame seeds, and sunflower seeds anyway. Here are a few (additional) reasons why.
Flaxseeds. Aside from the fact that flaxseeds are a beneficial source of fiber and protein, they are also good for you because they are rich in omega-3s (which reduce inflammation and decrease cholesterol levels), they can help to keep your blood sugar levels in check, they are good at assisting with weight management and they can strengthen your digestive system.
Pumpkin seeds. If you’re currently trying to eat less meat yet you don’t want to do it at the sacrifice of your daily protein needs, pumpkin seeds are the answer to your prayers. They are off-the-charts when it comes to how much protein is in them (almost nine grams per serving), plus they contain a solid amount of copper, magnesium, manganese, phosphorus, zinc, and antioxidants. If you want to improve your bladder health, pumpkin seeds can help to make that happen. If you want a stronger heart, pumpkin seeds offer support in that department.
Something else to keep in mind is, that since pumpkin seeds have antimicrobial, anti-inflammatory, antioxidative, and anti-ulcerative properties in them, they can also help your body to heal from minor issues and wounds faster — which is always a good thing.
Sesame seeds. If you are looking to get more fiber and protein in, lower your cholesterol and blood pressure levels, keep your bones in good shape, uptick your vitamin B intake, and/or strengthen your immune system, these are the areas where sesame seeds can be of great assistance. Something else that’s cool about sesame seeds is they have a reputation for helping to keep your liver and kidneys in peak condition as well.
Sunflower seeds. As far as snacking goes, probably the most popular seeds (on this list, anyway) are sunflower seeds. If they are something that you enjoy indulging in, you can feel good about that since they contain properties that fight cancer, help to regulate your thyroid, assist with preventing muscle cramps, provide you an energy boost, reduce your blood sugar levels, and make your gut (where 80 percent of your immunity resides) healthier.
Hmph. Looks to me that if you take these seeds in, your health is only going to improve — if that includes when it comes to your hormones, then that is just a bonus.
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Now that you know more about seed cycling, of course, it is totally up to you if you want to give it a shot. Again, though — since all of these seeds are good for you, what do you have to lose in trying it?
I don’t see one damn thing, y’all. Not one.
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