I was 11 years old when I saw my mother nearly get killed by her partner. I remember him throwing her down a flight of stairs--there were about 27 of them. I also remember a police officer holding me while I was crying. I don't have a clue how the police found out about the incident, especially considering the fact that our neighbors would often close their doors and windows when me or my mom would get beaten by her partner. But what I remember vividly was my mother smoking a crack pipe after it happened. Instead of talking with me, sitting with me, holding me, or loving our pain away, she chose to deal with her own pain first, and self-medicate.
I watched my mother some crack for about 10 minutes straight from a hole in a door that led to her friend's bedroom. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do. I wasn't sure what she was supposed to do. But what I did know was what I saw in the expression on her face. She was finally free from the hurt of dealing with an abusive partner. Free from having to comfort a child who was experiencing the same hell. For once, it was all about her. The look on her face told me that she surrendered all of her worries to crack, and I was happy with that. I didn't want my mother to worry.
It wasn't until I became a mom that I realized that my mom was facing her emotions in a very unproductive manner, and that's putting it nicely. Covering her emotions with addictions did absolutely nothing for my mother but make her face them again when she could no longer run from them, and the chickens always come home to roost.
Looking back, I learned that one of the best things about being a young woman is learning early on how to deal with your emotions in a healthy manner.
Blue Girls Burn Fast
It takes absolutely no effort to become a runaway and hide from the people who may have hurt you.
Blue Girls Burn Fast
It takes zero effort to make people think your heart is dark, and your thoughts are deranged with your raccoon eyeliner.
Blue Girls Burn Fast
It takes even less effort to put your ear buds in to drown out the sounds of your pain screaming to be taken from outside of the box that you've put them in.
Blue Girls Burn Fast
But it takes courage to face what's hurting you. No one in the world wants to deal with pain. Not me, or my mom, or anyone reading this. But you'll never live your best life if you spend all of it running away from your pain, instead of learning from it.
I was reminded of this lesson while watching Amandla Stenberg's short film, Blue Girls Burn Fast, which debuted on Vimeo earlier this week. The actress said that she plans to submit the film along with her application to NYU's prestigious film school program. I was amazed that Amandla managed to write, direct, produce, shoot, and edit a film by herself on a subject that takes some people a lifetime to learn.
The 18-minute film follows a teenage girl named Andy, who struggles with being a foster child and a teen girl trying to find her place in the world. While watching the film, I felt excited for the main character, played by actress Leeza Lester, because she learned that not facing your pain is as hurtful as lugging it around with you. By the end of the film, she was almost a different person because she finally allowed herself to be happy.
Seeing Leeza's character finally smile reminded me of the day that I decided to use the abuse that my mother and I endured to become a better person.
Facing my emotions head on made me a better mother, wife, and friend, and it was one of the best decisions I've ever made.
Watch Amandla's 18-minute short film, Blue Girls Burn Fast below.
Featured image by Featureflash Photo Agency / Shutterstock.com
RELATED
Shaina, who has held roles at companies including ESPN and the NBA and has taught strategic sports marketing at esteemed institutions like Georgetown University, officially launched the network as a business in 2019. Since then, it’s hosted high-impact events like the Toast to Black Sports luncheon during Super Bowl weekend and built student chapters at both HBCUs and PWIs to pipeline underrepresented talent into the industry.
She shared with xoNecole more on the early days of launch, the turning point that made her realize she had a platform with real influence, and what keeps her going. With 17 years of experience across agencies, teams, and networks, Shaina is proof that grassroots efforts can turn into transformative change—especially when backed by passion, vision, and community.
xoNecole: How did the Minorities In Sports Business Network come to life?
Shaina Wiel: So, I just started the group chat and added a few of my friends who work in the industry as well. We were all kind of in New York at the same time working in the sports space… Very quickly over the next few years, the chat grew to over 800 individuals within the chat. Then, we had over 1000 individuals.
xoN: What was your ‘aha’ moment to expand?
SW: I noticed a bunch of employees from the Big Four leagues— NFL, NBA, NHL, MLB— within my group chat had all started posting roles. And when I asked, 'What is going on? Why are there so many posting jobs within the group chat?' I was told that HR had sent a note to their Black Employee Resource Group and had told them they had heard about this group chat.
That's when I realized, ‘Okay, this is more than, you know, my little friend group chat. Let's see if we can turn this into an actual business. And then in summer, 2019 I decided to do this full time.
Brittany Dacoff
xoN: What was the transition like growing the group chat into a full platform offering membership perks like access to job listings, networking opportunities and more?
SW: I was working at an agency, and the agency had lost their account. It was the account that I was working on. So they were like, you know, we can try to find another or we can separate. I decided to leave. And then, as we know, COVID happened, which actually was a blessing in disguise.
I was able to really focus on building the vision with this group chat and turning it into an actual company, seeing what works, seeing things from an events and a relationship standpoint, in terms of like, how we were interacting with different partners from different companies, and actually turning that into something substantial that could last.
xoN: Speaking of events, talk more about what inspired the Toast to Black Sports event you held earlier this year during the Super Bowl. Why is it important?
SW: This was the second year. There are so many dope people of color, specifically Black people, who work in this industry who are just doing the work behind the scenes. They’re not getting their flowers. I took it upon myself to say, I want to celebrate you. We’ve honored Kimberly Fields, Esq. of the NFL, Kevin Warren, CEO of the Chicago Bears, sports executive Jason Wright, sports and entertainment vet Carmen Green-Wilson, and NFL coach Jennifer King—all of whom have made major contributions to the industry.
xoN: What do you enjoy most about your role today?
SW: I think the work that I enjoy the most, honestly, is with our college students. We have 12 chapters across different colleges and universities. We help eliminate some of the barriers a lot of us had coming out of college. What I love seeing is that we have students who are now looking at roles they never even thought of.
xoN: What’s a bit of career advice for women breaking into the sports industry?
SW: I would say, build relationships. That’s really it: Build authentic relationships. Make sure it's a give and take and that you're supporting other people because once you're building those relationships, then it's a lot easier to either get into a space or to have those conversations when you want to do something.
And always be willing and ready to do the work.
Featured image by Hosea Johnson