Chance The Rapper's Engagement Proves That Your Wife Can Change Your Life
The first time I heard Chance the Rapper was in the dorm room of a former classmate. My friend and fellow hip-hop head raved on and on about how Chance created the project that we were listening to while he was on a 10-day suspension in high school. I was extremely intrigued and continued to follow his work. When he released AcidRap in 2013, I realized that the young artist had reached a point of darkness in his life.
He talked about depression, substance abuse, and his continuous effort to make his family happy, all topics with which 20-something-year-old black girls are very familiar. It was then that I realized that he was destined to become one of the dopest entertainment professionals of our time, but it wasn't until he released Coloring Book that the world truly saw his full potential.
He was eloquently able to tell a story of addiction, love, and fatherhood on a hip-hop project with Gospel influences, which was something that no artist has effectively done before. My mind was blown by the fact that he had gotten T-Pain and Kirk Franklin on one song dedicated to giving God the glory for allowing him to overcome life's burdens and reach his ultimate pinnacle of success. I realized that something about Chano had changed, and now, we know that the change we saw came from his one-day fiance, Kirsten Corley.
Storytime. A thread on how I met my wife. pic.twitter.com/Qi0DWRZF0r
— Chance The Rapper (@chancetherapper) March 6, 2019
Yesterday, news broke that Chance the Rapper proposed to his longtime partner and mother of his 2-year-old daughter at a family cookout and the footage will give you all of the feels. While their baby daughter pranced around the yard living her best life in the cutest little swimsuit, Chance got down on one knee and said this:
"Make me a man and be my wife."
He later confirmed on Twitter that she said "yes," and now we're just waiting on a date and an invitation to the reception, sis. Chance and Kirsten are proof that your wife can determine the trajectory of your life, and Chance made sure to choose wisely and put a ring on it. He even dropped some hints before he popped the big question including this cryptic caption that he wrote in an Instagram post birthday post for Kirsten's birthday in May:
"From the beginning beginning to the end end. You are my oldest and best friend. You are responsible for everyone of the most wonderful things in my life. I'm forever grateful that God made me find you, and even more grateful that you made me find God. Forever and ever babe."
After reading that, it clicked for me. Coloring Book was released in 2016, nearly three years after meeting Kirsten and only months after the birth of his daughter. The dark, solemn place that Chance was in when he recorded Acid Rap was replaced by the faith and triumph that he felt when he found Kirsten and she encouraged him to find God.
By no means am I suggesting that any relationship is perfect, but if it doesn't help you grow, what's the point? Someone told me once that if you don't feel closer to God after being loved, they probably weren't doing it right.
With the help of his future wife, Chance manifested every one of his dreams.
Although I definitely wish I was the one walking down the aisle with the 25-year-old hip-hop star, I'm super happy that Kirsten and Chance found one another. It's not everyday you find a love that is productive and grows your spirit, but when you do, the harvest will be more than you can imagine.
Featured image by Rob Kim/Getty Images
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images