5 Date Night Ideas That Are Better Than Your Average Dinner
Confession time: I haven't been on a first date in a minute, but boy do I reminisce on those days. Admittedly, with my past dating experiences I've always tried to venture out of the default dinner date night bubble and what's considered to be the first date norm. Despite the fact that I am a bit of a film buff, I absolutely hated the idea of a first date being at the movies.
1) You spend two or more hours sitting in the dark trying to pretend you don't talk to the screen during movies like the actors can hear you.
2) It's a very intimate setting done in a way that's impersonal – because essentially you don't know the person you're there with. Granted, it lays the groundwork for beautiful conversation after, but still.
I wrote guys off sometimes if they questioned why I wasn't up for a movie during the first date.
Dinner was another thing. It's the end all be all and the often used option when planning to go out on a date night. And, it's glamorous.
For that very reason, I abstained from dinner dates whenever possible, seeking to do something active, something that would tell me more about the person I was going on a date with versus a dinner date where impressing me would be the main objective because my panties were something he wanted at the end of the night. I've always had the most fun on active dates that took me out of my comfort zone and that were not dinner.
And as I settle into the, at times, monotonous mundane routines of being in a comfortable, functioning long term relationship, I've noticed how much I readily revert to ways I didn't care for while I was single. Food is lovely, but it's just dinner at the end of the day, you know? Yes, being comfortable has gotten us into a date night rut ladies! So I started to remember that getting out of that comfort zone shouldn't just be reduced to our bedroom adventures or first dates, and that our 35th date could have just as much personality, if not more. So here's a list of date night ideas that aren't dinner in case it's your first date, your 7th, or your 35th – something to challenge your comfort levels. Check them out below!
Open Mic Night
I'm all about poetry, whether it be in the form of an artist who spits rhymes, an artist who sings her truth, or one who indulges in spoken word. Open mic nights are a more intimate and less elaborate alternative to full-on concerts. It's a great way to engage in the sounds of local artists while being inspiring and renewing. Talk that talk honey, walk that walk money. Y'all know that Love Jones.
Indoor Wall Climbing
climbing GIFGiphy
For the physically active, indoor wall climbing for me is kind of up there with indoor trampolines. So do one or both. I think if you're really into using your body, you will absolutely LOVE incorporating fitness during a date night sans the gym. It can be really tough, but it's also a nice segue into some friendly competition. Indoor trampoline places like Skyzone are fun--you literally feel like you're flying. I promise the laughter between you will not stop.
Scavenger Hunt
The term “scavenger hunt" isn't something we readily apply to life as adults, and definitely not through a romantic lens, but I had an amazing scavenger hunt once. There are a lot of murals in my city (through art initiatives like The Living Walls and WeLoveATL) and I decided to make a game of it by hunting down each one and documenting them. The whole day was filled with tracking these art pieces: paintings, murals, sculptures, interactive art. We took photos with them and of them and it was really fun, learned a lot about one another along the way. So choose something obscure and make a game of it.
Art Walks
Issa Rae Lawrence GIF by Insecure on HBOGiphy
I am such a fan of art, so here is another entry in favor of the art world on this list. A lot of cities offer Downtown Art Walks at the beginning of every month, especially during the warmer seasons. These art walks consists of gallery hopping and pop up eateries with food specials and great glasses of wine. It's typically free aside from food and drinks and a great way to expose yourself to flavor and culture of your city with your date.
A Roadmap Dinner Date
In case you can't shake the old faithful dinner routine, exchange it for a remixed version of it. Again, I am a big proponent of active dates, so this fulfills two of my biggest loves: food and my need to be active during dates. Pick a restaurant to grab an appetizer from and only an appetizer. Next, head to another spot to eat your entree. Then, hit up the last place for dessert. And if you're up for a nightcap with drinks, by all means, start the turn up. It's a great way to add some additional adventure to dinner and is one of my favorite ways to do date night.
These date night options are slowly but surely helping me come up with new answers to bae's “What do you want to do tonight?" question and it's helping us out of our date night rut. Dinner is cool and all, but change can be good.
What are some things you do to shake up the default date night ideas? Share below and give your girl some more ideas! Thank ya!
Featured image by Shutterstock
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images