Normani Talks Letting Go Of The Need To Be Perfect & The Heartbreak Behind "Fair"
Normani has been in the music industry since she was a teenager as a part of the girl group Fifth Harmony. But since their split, the 25-year-old singer has been working hard to prove that she can make it as a solo act.
She released “Motivation” in 2019 with a memorable video that paid tribute to her favorite artists growing up and in that same year she teamed up with Sam Smith for “Dancing with a Stranger.” In 2021, she released the head-bobbing slow jam “Wild Side” featuring Cardi B and shut down the 2021 VMA’s with an incredible performance.
Normani has received a lot of support from people who want to see her win but she is also faced with doubters who question her authenticity as she seems to be projecting an image and not her real self. However, that narrative is changing thanks to her new song “Fair.” Since its debut, “Fair” has earned a lot of praise from fans and artists alike such as her former collaborator Cardi B.
BEAUTIFUL …@Normani you look gorgeous and the song is soo good.Keep going ,keep working. https://t.co/srGojYiBVC
— Cardi B (@iamcardib) March 18, 2022
The song shows Normani’s vulnerable side and it gives fans a peek into the real person behind the artist. The multi-hyphenate sat down with Zane Lowe for Apple Music Radio and they discussed a variety of things such as the story behind “Fair,” letting go of perfection, and her new album being “the best music I’ve made thus far.”
On Being Vulnerable with “Fair”
“This record is another layer of who I am and my experiences and I feel like, I grew up in the public eye so you know it’s been very, very scary and very complicated. A sense of forcing myself into this idea of perfection to protect myself but this is the first time that I’m just free-falling in a sense and it’s scary. This is me being vulnerable and really captures a true and raw point in my experience that I wanted to share.”
On Making “Fair” While She was Experiencing Heartache
“What makes it so special, like I was saying, it captured me in the moment as I was experiencing in real-time. Like I was going through it emotionally. That day I wasn't sure if I could even really pick myself up to go to the studio. But ended up, and this was the result.”
She added, “And it’s therapy for me as much as it is for everyone else it’s for me. Putting this record out I didn’t know it was gonna be for me too.”
On Learning How to Let Go and be Herself
“Being 15 years old and not being able to be a traditional 15-year-old, teenagers make mistakes without getting reprimanded. I really think it took a toll on me in a large way. I guess having that experience so early and I think that I look up and I’m like, ‘damn you’re not even freeing yourself to just be.’ You have such a tight grip and not because I want to, but because I’ve always had to, which is a disservice to me and [my fans.]”
On the Need to Feel Validated
“I had to check myself. I think it was me and James Blake, we were having a conversation. We were just talking about just validation. I’ve never been one to need [applause] but you get used to it and when you don’t it’s like okay, maybe this isn’t—it doesn't feel as important.”
On Wanting to Be More Present
“I’m practicing gratitude too. Because it’s so easy to say and look at what everybody else is doing and what you’re not and then you’re constantly chasing after the next thing and the next thing and the next thing. With 'Motivation' I totally missed it. With 'Wild Side' I promised myself that I wouldn’t and I promised to be so, so present.”
On No Longer Being Hard on Herself
“I’m giving myself grace and I’m allowing myself to go through the process but also have room to grow. I’m sometimes like I wanna do everything, everything has to be—all the time, now, but I’ve never experienced what it was like to be a new artist for me.”
Normani: “Fair,” Moving On After Heartbreak, and Ghosting Zane’s Text | Apple Music
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Another season of Love Is Blind has come to a close, and almost two months later we’re still unpacking the drama that is Clay and AD. The finale, reunion, and post-interviews with Clay and AD after season six of Love Is Blind left millions of people wondering - why couldn’t AD see the signs? Clay told her he had a fear of marriage, his parents experienced infidelity, and he seemed to have many doubts about saying, "I do."
After changing his mind at the altar and hearing AD question why she feels like she’s never enough, I was finished watching. I didn’t need to hear anything else because, at that moment, I realized this wasn’t about Clay; this was about AD feeling inadequate before she ever met Clay.
If I’m honest, I don’t watch much dating television. TikTok keeps me updated with the clips that I need to see in order to be kept in the loop, but it’s difficult for me to watch an entire season of dating TV because seeing Black women settle for less and questioning their beauty is a trigger for me. In many ways, there were points in my life where I was AD, settling and ignoring red flags because I wanted to be loved.
Now, on the other side, it doesn’t feel good to see Black women lower their standards on national television. There have been many hot takes on this couple and who was in the wrong. Did Clay play in AD’s face or did she not listen to the truth of what he told her from day one? Was his reason for joining the show to promote his business and not to find the one?
We’ll never know the truth, but what we can do is learn tactics to better our self-worth. Founder and CEO of The Self Love Organization Denise Francis shared her expertise with xoNecole on what tangible steps to take to improve feelings of worthiness. “Self-love blooms in a garden where self-worth is planted, nourished, and whole. However, when your self-worth is challenged, displaced, or broken, it could be difficult to rebuild," Denise explains.
How To Rebuild Self-Worth
During her self-love coaching sessions, Denise likes to walk her clients through the cornerstones of rebuilding self-worth: grace and self-compassion. To her, self-worth is never lost, it's only displaced, so practicing self-compassion and giving yourself grace is a must. "We tend to place our self-worth in entities and people of ourselves such as relationship status, physical appearance, material possessions, social media followings, what others think of us, and more. Self-worth is not something to be measured by anyone or anything outside of ourselves because we all innately hold value and worth.
"Self-worth is not something to be measured by anyone or anything outside of ourselves because we all innately hold value and worth."
"When we place our value into people or things, we tend to feel that we are not enough, worth it, special, or important when relationship status, job titles, friendships, and physical appearances are lost or changed. We then tend to feel lost within ourselves because we’ve placed our value outside of ourselves. Using grace and compassion, you can rebuild your self-worth by returning home to who you are at your core," she concludes.
How To Return Home To Yourself
Denise advises taking a step back and using self-reflection through journaling by answering the following journaling prompts:
First, ask yourself, "What do you tend to attach your self-worth to and why?"
Is it your relationships, your job title, your finances, your appearance, etc.? Why do you think you place so much emphasis on external status? How does it make you feel when you are defining yourself through these entities and/or people outside of yourself?
Then, ask yourself, "Without these things, who am I?"
Once you have your answers, show yourself kindness, remove the shame, and, as Denise says, "Redefine yourself by detaching your value from the things and people you have no control over and no longer serve you. Challenge yourself to define yourself outside of titles and societal values."
"By returning home to your core, you find value in who you are as a person. You begin to find value in the way you love instead of your relationship status, your compassion instead of your popularity, your drive instead of your income/job title, and your heart instead of your physical appearance," she adds.
"By returning home to your core, you find value in who you are as a person."
"Be intentional with healing your self-worth by leaning into the people and things that nourish your core values. Surround yourself with the people who love and cherish you, they will always remind you just how valuable you truly are."
It all goes back to self-compassion and grace. As Denise explains, leading with those two things as you heal and rebuild your self-worth allows you to reduce negative self-talk that might come up for you. "This weakens thoughts like, 'I am not enough... why am I never enough?'" she shares, "And 'I don't deserve this while strengthening thoughts like 'I deserve better,' 'I am enough,' and 'I am worth it.'"
Denise continues, "Once you return home and remember the irreplaceable person you are, you can rebuild your self-worth by placing it back where it belongs. It belongs to you."
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