As a part of our Friday Nights, Saturday Mornings feature, we're talking to some of our favorite boss ladies about their weekends, their way. How do they relax, recharge and refuel? As we all know, life shouldn't be all about work. It's what we do beyond business and career that help keep us motivated and able to dominate for the week ahead.
Say hello to event designer and lifestyle influencer Makini Regal Martin of Makini Regal Designs. Known for her luxurious decor and impeccable personal style, Makini opens us about why recharging is critical in her world, how she manages her many roles as a wife, mother, and businesswoman - and why therapy is a non-negotiable part of her self-care.
Courtesy of Makini Regal Martin
"I have to make sure that I have enough fuel to pour back into my business after attending to family needs is something I am continuously working on."
Makini’s biggest business challenge:
"Managing my roles and responsibilities are [some] of my biggest business challenges. As a new mom and semi-new wife, making sure that I carve out time for my family is a priority. Also, running the business I started prior to being married and being a mother is just as important to me. I have to make sure that I have enough fuel to pour back into my business after attending to family needs is something I am continuously working on."
How she spends her Friday nights:
"Friday nights has become a day I dedicate to myself. What gives me that recharge and what I need is to spend time with the people who know me best which are my girl friends. That's usually a night where we catch up, have dinner and have a glass of wine. Sometimes we incorporate some of our fitness and health activities - like going to a yoga or meditation class."
How she powers up on Saturday Mornings:
"Once my daughter is down, that's typically the time that I can spend checking emails, working on design plans and making sure that the administrative part of my business is addressed. I make sure that even despite some of my work responsibilities on Saturdays, I still do something that is enjoyable for me - whether it's watching a movie with my husband, journaling or meditating."
Courtesy of Makini Regal Martin
Her ideal girls' night:
"Since the new year has hit, I make sure that I'm keeping up with resolutions and doing the things that bring me joy and energy that I need to address other areas of my life. For us, that means a lot of health-related activities. We like yoga, meditation, or even spa days. We make sure to fit in a massage or facial. Even though it sounds superficial - when you feel and look good, you perform better. You're able to be more present in other areas of your life."
Makini’s favorite NYC restaurants:
"Sugarcane (Park Slope, Brooklyn), Champs (Williamsburg), Peaches (Bedstuy), Beso."
Why recharging on the weekend is necessary:
"It's given me a sense of purpose. It's forced me to make sure that I'm really listening to myself and my body. It's also forced me to check in with myself mentally and make sure that I'm in a sound place in order to be able to perform in my many roles and responsibilities.
"Attending to my needs has made me more productive in running my business. It's made me more present when I'm focusing on being a mom or being a wife. Without a doubt, those things go hand in hand. You have to prioritize your needs and self-care despite how busy your schedule is to make sure that you are addressing you."
Courtesy of Makini Regal Martin
"Attending to my needs has made me more productive in running my business. It's made me more present when I'm focusing on being a mom or being a wife."
On the power of therapy:
"Part of my personal self-care journey also includes therapy. Therapy is not as taboo as it used to be, especially in our community. It's still something that I think a lot of Black women should utilize. Prior to giving birth to my daughter, I made sure that I entered into motherhood with that extra support of a therapist that I see weekly. It gives me that safe space to process my thoughts. It gives me the support that I need when life is a bit difficult. I did a lot of research to find a practitioner that would work well for me. I have a Black woman therapist. I've had therapists before and most of them were men or White. For me to have another Black woman as a therapist has been a bonus."
To check out Makini's work and learn more about her life as a lifestyle influencer, designer, wife, and mother - visit her IG @makiniregal @makiniregaldesigns
Featured image courtesy of Makini Regal Martin
Originally published on July 5, 2019
Now masterdating? Even though it’s not even close to being a “real” word, it’s something that also brought a laugh outta me — although it was then followed by a genuine smile. The laugh because I almost immediately caught the play-on-words. The smile was due to the intention behind it all.
If you’re not familiar with what masterdating is and you’re curious about why you should even care, take a few moments to at least skim through what it’s about and why I think participating, as a single person, is a pretty cool (and effective) concept.
@knotlukas Masturdate: a date w oneself
What’s Masterdating All About?
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Masterdating. Okay, so let the word marinate for just a moment. What does it sound like? Yeah…exactly. And since a huge part of masturbation centers around self-pleasure, it’s cool to explore how “self-dating” could produce similar (as far as pleasure is concerned in a broader sense) results. Because masterdating is all about spending quality time with yourself, pampering yourself, treating yourself— and yes, taking yourself out on dates.
Any of you who may think that masterdating is a consolation prize — and a pitiful one at that — for not being able to go out with another human being or get that dream $200 first date that social media was all in a tizzy about last year (bookmark that) — personally, I think that you’re the demographic who needs to try out masterdating first and the most. Why? Off top, I’ll share my three good reasons.
3 Reasons To Strongly Consider Masterdating
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1. It’s an intimate way to get to know yourself better. I’ve been working with couples for a pretty long time at this point and if there’s a pattern that I see arise, OFTEN, it’s that two people are oftentimes so busy trying to “find their person” that they didn’t even know who they were. As a direct result, they found themselves in a relationship with someone who only complemented the “kiddie pool version” of who they were.
That’s why it can be so beneficial to spend time getting to know yourself on the “deep end” of things: what makes you tick, what your passions are, what you want most out of life, what are your interests beyond obvious things — and masterdating can help you to discover all of this. Whether it’s traveling alone or taking out a weekend to drink some wine and journal, the more you get to know yourself, the clearer you’ll be about who complements you on a romantic and friendship level.
2. It will definitely help to boost your confidence levels. I guess since I’m an ambivert, I don’t really get why people freak out at the mere thought of going to a restaurant or movie alone. Personally, I think it requires a helluva lot more energy and gumption to wait around and plan stuff with other people (#Elmoshrug). However, whether you’re an introvert, extrovert, or ambivert, there’s no way around the fact that the more comfortable you get with doing things alone, the more your confidence levels will increase — no, soar — because of it.
One article that I read on the topic said that doing things alone can make you more creative, improve your mental health, and help you to be totally okay with being alone (so that you’re not “needy” for other people’s attention). A psychotherapist from a New York Times article on the benefits of spending time alone said, “Getting better at identifying moments when we need solitude to recharge and reflect can help us better handle negative emotions and experiences, like stress and burnout.” And when you’re able to stare negativity in its face without flinching, how could that not make you bolder, more self-secure, and hopeful about your life?
3. It will teach you to value your time more effectively. In every facet of your world, you’re gonna operate from a healthier place if you’re operating from a “full cup” rather than an empty one. When it comes to this topic, think about it — if you’re constantly waiting on someone to call you to go out or wishing for a dream date with some guy, all you’re doing is wasting precious time that you could be spending taking a cooking class or hell, hiring a chef to make you dinner at your own home.
Indeed, waiting has two sides to it: when it’s in the form of patience, it is indeed a virtue, yet when it’s wrapped up in the notion that you’re not really living life unless you have an audience…it is totally working against you. Choose wisely.
10 Solo Date Ideas To Help You To “Master” Masterdating
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So, what if you’re someone who has either never considered actually masterdating before or you don’t really know what to do beyond dinner and the movies? Here are a few ideas to consider:
1. Attend a workshop or masterclass that you’re interested in. If there’s something that you’ve always wanted to learn, sign up for a workshop or masterclass. The cool thing about this option is there are probably some in your city, as well as some that you can find online (like here) that are convenient and affordable.
2. Binge-read at a local coffee shop. Aside from their coziness and oftentimes inviting scents, I once read that a lot of us gravitate to coffee shops because we can be around people without having to actually socialize with them. So, if you want to “hang out” while still being able to enjoy a bit of solitude, take a book that you’ve been trying to finish to a local coffee shop, order your favorite latte, and sit in a big-ass comfy chair. Usually, you can sit there for hours, and the staff will be just fine with it (another bonus).
3. Have a spa day in the next town. You can never go wrong with a spa day. And while going with a friend can be fun, sometimes there’s too much talking transpiring to be able to fully chill out and relax. So, go off of the grid, get a change of scenery, and hit up a spa in the next city (or town). There are lots of studies out here supporting that day trips or “daycations” can actually be really good for your long-term health and well-being.
4. See a community play. Some of the best solo dates that I’ve ever been on consisted of taking in some of the local arts in my city. What’s really cool about this particular option is, oftentimes, they are extremely inexpensive, if not totally free of charge (in exchange for making a donation or putting money into a tip jar).
5. Plan a trip. Whenever people say something along the lines of, “If you don’t expect anything, you won’t be disappointed,” I know that they low-key have some (additional) healing to do from past disappointments. There’s simply too much intel out here to support that anticipation (of good stuff) makes us more motivated and optimistic, keeps our dopamine levels up, and makes life more exciting overall.
Since traveling alone is more cost-effective, gives you the freedom to do whatever you want (when you want), and increases the possibility of meeting new people and having new experiences on your journey — why not devote a day this weekend to planning a solo trip? All the way around, it’s good for you.
6. Try your hand at your own “$200 date.” Uh-huh. Roll your eyes if you want to, but it’s real easy to talk left about how a man should be able to just drop $200 like it’s nothing…until you actually try to do it. So yes, while taking yourself out on this type of date could serve as a bit of a reality check, it can also “scratch the itch” of waiting on some dude to do it for you. It’s also way less emotionally draining because, at least when you’re taking your own self out, it’s guaranteed that you’ll enjoy the company…right?
7. DIY some pampering. When you get a chance, check out “5 Reasons You Should Unapologetically Pamper Yourself,” “Want To Love On Yourself? Try These 10 Things At Home.,” “I’ve Got Some Ways For You To Start Pampering Your Soul,” and “When's The Last Time You Actually Pampered Your Vagina?” The bottom line here is pampering is all about, not mere self-maintenance; it’s all about treating yourself to levels of EXTREME SELF-INDULGENCE. So, if nothing else tickles your fancy on this list, at least consider doing that, chile.
8. Feed your creativity. Something that I used to be really good at is art. That said, one of my goddaughters is insanely talented, so she has reminded me to tap back into it. Also, a big part of what got me into the writing world is poetry; I actually used to be a house poet at a local spot. Sometimes, my best quality time moments with myself have been revisiting these creative sides of me — and this is definitely easier to do (and enjoy) alone.
9. Try some stargazing. When’s the last time you took a blanket into your backyard, laid down on it, and just stared at the stars for hours on end? While some say that stargazing can teach you to be mindful, others say that being in that form of nature reduces stress, while others believe that looking up at the universe at night can increase your attention span. All solid reasons to give it a shot, if you ask me.
10. DO. ABSOLUTELY. NOTHING. Let me tell you something that nobody will ever be able to make me feel bad about: doing absolutely nothing. I’ve got data to back me up. Good Housekeeping shares that doing nothing can help you decide how you want to respond or react to certain things. I like howThe Guardian says that taking this approach helps you to regain control of what you give your attention to.
TIME magazine says that it can ultimately make you more productive.BBC offers up that it can help you tap into your ingenuity.Henry Ford Health says that it can make you kinder and a better problem-solver. So, if you want to invest in yourself, do nothing sometimes.
Closing Thoughts from the Lovely Javicia Leslie
While some of y'all may know Javicia Leslie from being the former Batwoman, I discovered her back in the day from the indie series Chef Julian (and yes, "Julian" was right to say that "Mo" looks like Tatyana Ali...the real ones know). Sometimes I'll hop on her IG to see what she's got going on and this story popped up within a few hours of me penning this...so, I took it as hella confirmation.
TREAT YO SELF. WAIT FOR NO ONE.
WAIT FOR NO ONE. TREAT YO SELF.
RINSE AND REPEAT.
_____
Sooo…what kind of masterdating plans do you have for this coming weekend? While going out with others has its perks, hanging out with yourself has a ton of ‘em too. Enjoy!
No…for real. ENJOY!
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