How Deon Libra Co-Founder Devin McGhee Is Bringing 'Stress Care To Every Hood'
For decades, the beauty industry has maintained a culture that prioritizes correcting and concealing our outward blemishes while overlooking our inward needs. As brands sell products with the promise of flawless skin, Devin McGhee, co-founder of the adaptogenic brand, Deon Libra, suggests that the key to one’s wellness starts by getting to the root of their stress.
After losing her father to a stress-induced heart attack in 2018, McGhee began to have difficulties sleeping. “A lot of people were like, ‘just take Xanax,’ because there were days where I was up anywhere from 48 to 72 hours with no sleep. Meaning no nap, nothing,” she recalls. Armed with firsthand experience of the effects that long-term stress can have on the body through the loss of her father, she began researching natural stress solutions to cope with her grief.
“I didn't want that to be my fate,” says McGhee.
Through her research, McGhee found out about a profound natural remedy that gradually put her mind and body at ease. “Adaptogens are essentially a specific group of herbs and non-psychedelic mushrooms that help your body regulate your cortisol levels,” she explains.
“I came across a sleep study that studied Black people sleeping versus white people sleeping. They monitored their heart rate and blood pressure and what they realized was that when Black people are sleeping, they're not truly at rest because their blood pressure and heart rates do not drop to the normal level of a sleeping human,” she says. “When I realized that, everything in my world and what happened to my dad clicked.”
Deon Libra CEO/co-founder Devin McGhee
Courtesy of Devin McGhee
It wasn’t long before she began seeing changes in her mood and after just two weeks of taking adaptogens, McGhee was finally sleeping again.
“I looked at Brit, our co-founder, and I was like, this works. Why isn't anybody teaching Black people about this?” she says. “There were no brands marketing this to Black people and teaching Black people." She decided to create her own.
Deon Libra, named in tribute to McGhee’s father’s middle name and his astrological sign, is an adaptogenic brand fostering beauty and wellness from the inside out. In November, the brand launched its ingestible adaptogenic powder, Unbothered, along with Big Up, a luxe, adaptogenic full-body oil serum that aims to make Black folks feel and look good.
Deon Libra COO/co-founder Brit Kirkland
Courtesy of Devin McGhee
McGhee and her co-founder/fiancée, Brit Kirkland, aim to supply “stress care to every hood.” Through their bold, luxurious, and educational products, the duo strives to challenge the “white, skinny, and feminine” standard within the wellness industry that often treats Black folks as an afterthought.
“In the wellness industry, we've been excluding so many people by trying to make it this cookie-cutter thing,” she shares. “I think what keeps a lot of people away from wellness is that it's so intimidating, and nothing looks fun,” McGhee continues. “Wellness can be fun; not everything has to be a meditation or yoga pose.”
xoNecole: Being a new founder, are there any obstacles or challenges that you've encountered along the way? If so, what have you learned from them?
Devin McGhee: As a founder, it feels like every day is an obstacle. Outside looking in, it just seems like everybody wants to be ‘the perfect founder,’ and everybody wants to have their shit together. But I've learned that that's impossible. If you're a founder, most times, it's your first time doing this. At one point in your life, it was your first time taking a physical step and you had to learn how to walk. I look at my founderhood the same way: every day, I'm going to do something and learn something. If I've never done it before, and I don't understand it, that’s okay.
I think a lot of times, the lack of knowledge and the lack of access to certain knowledge on your founder's journey scares a lot of people. The difference for me, and my co-founder—who's also my fiancée—is that we never let not knowing scare us. Just because you don't know something about a certain area doesn't mean that you can't learn it. And that doesn't mean that you can't find somebody to help you learn it or help guide you through that process.
"Outside looking in, it just seems like everybody wants to be ‘the perfect founder,’ and everybody wants to have their shit together. But I've learned that that's impossible.”
xoN: The wellness industry is a traditionally white space that can often feel exclusionary to Black people. How do you hope to shift this with your brand?
DM: I always like to emphasize that the wellness industry is very white, feminine, and skinny. When we were doing all those polls and surveys while trying to initially build the brand, one thing that stood out to me was how whenever I mentioned something with wellness and color, it came down to very muted, light things. And so for me, I had to first define what wellness looked like to me. And for me, it was balance.
If practicing yoga once a week or meditating is your thing, that's a form of wellness and it looks different for everybody. I really wanted to create a brand that allowed our people to create space for themselves during the day.
"For me, I had to first define what wellness looked like to me. And for me, it was balance. If practicing yoga once a week or meditating is your thing, that's a form of wellness and it looks different for everybody. I really wanted to create a brand that allowed our people to create space for themselves during the day."
Deon Libra
Courtesy of Devin McGhee
xoN: As someone who has battled with stress and seen the impact that long-term stress can have on the body, how has your relationship with wellness evolved since first starting Deon Libra?
DM: I think I'm very much a ‘do as I say, not as I do’ type of person right now, and it's not 100% intentional, but I am a founder, and there are sacrifices you make. I tell people it's really important to get sleep and take your adaptogens daily, and I try my hardest to practice that. But we run a whole company with just two people and I'm very straightforward about that. Like on Instagram, if I'm having a bad day, I have no problem saying that this journey is really, really hard right now. I think we talk a lot about founders making entrepreneurship look really glamorous, online and it's not, this shit is ghetto. I tell anybody who wants to do this that it’s worth it, but it's very ghetto.
Although I know how to take care of myself, I don't do the best and that's because I'm trying to make sure other people do it. There's a line on the Kendrick Lamar song, "Mr. Morale" where he says, "I'm sacrificing myself to start the healing," and that’s literally my mantra. I'm not gonna let this company kill me, but somebody has to make the sacrifice for Black people to understand how detrimental stress is to our life and that it can kill you. It killed my daddy and he was 54.
I think there are a lot of things that are challenging as a founder, especially as a Black, female LGBT founder. There are a lot of things you have to take and tolerate, so I think the hardest part about my wellness for me is balancing what I'm going to tolerate, what I want to change for other founders and entrepreneurs, and what I can deal with.
"There are a lot of things that are challenging as a founder, especially as a Black, female LGBT founder. There are a lot of things you have to take and tolerate, so I think the hardest part about my wellness for me is balancing what I'm going to tolerate, what I want to change for other founders and entrepreneurs, and what I can deal with."
Deon Libra
Courtesy of Devin McGhee
xoN: Overall, how do you hope Black people will feel and take away from their experience with Deon Libra?
DM: I hope that our people know that they are worthy of anything and everything good, to them and for them. Down to our branding, Brit was like we really need a little monogram that looks like luxury; like the LV of Louis Vuitton, because as Black people, we deserve to have luxury.
Luxury doesn’t have to equate to a dollar sign. Luxury for me is things that make you feel good and that make you proud to be exactly who you are and where you are at any given point in your life. I just want Black people to know that they are worthy of feeling good. I think everything cool and everything innovative comes from Black culture, I will stand by that until I die.
For more of Devin and Deon Libra, follow her on Instagram @devinkielle and @deonlibra_.
Featured image courtesy of Devin McGhee
Aley Arion is a writer and digital storyteller from the South, currently living in sunny Los Angeles. Her site, yagirlaley.com, serves as a digital diary to document personal essays, cultural commentary, and her insights into the Black Millennial experience. Follow her at @yagirlaley on all platforms!
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Do You Want To Be A Wife? Or Do You Just Want To Have A Wedding?
Even though it’s my life, sometimes I look at it and totally trip out over certain things.
For instance, even though I am aware that both Hebrew and African cultures put a lot of stock in the name of a child (because they believe it speaks to their purpose; so do I) and I know that my name is pretty much Hebrew for divine covenant, it’s still wild that in a couple of years, I will have been working with married couples for a whopping two decades — and boy, is it an honor when they will say something like, “Shellie, we’ve seen [professionally] multiple people and no one has been nearly as effective as you have been.”
Yep, me. Little ole’ never-been-married-before me. Yeah, y’all better quit letting people tell you what you’re called to do in this world. That is between you and the One who made you.
Okay, but let me stay on track. When it comes to the engaged couples specifically, who have crossed my path, something that I believe I’ve said to each and every one of them (especially the bride-to-be) is — “You better enjoy every single minute of your wedding day because you deserve a big ‘ole party for all of the work that you’re about to do.” And then I look at the woman as intensely as I can and say, “And you? Remember, you are a bride for a day. You are a wife for the rest of your life.”
Why do I emphasize that point so much? It’s because those two things are not one and the same. Hmph. Let me tell it, a huge reason why 70 percent of divorces are initiated by women, however, is because a lot of them think that it is. And so, in the effort to do my part to help make marriages last longer and cause the divorce rate to go down, I think it’s important for more women to ponder if they really want to be a wife — or if they just want to throw a big party (a wedding), go on a trip (a honeymoon) and not much more than that.
Buckle in. This one might be a bit of a ride (for some, at least).
It’s Time to Stop “Living for the Fairy Tale”
GiphyIf you’ve been reading my content for a while (and if so, thank you), it will not shock you in the least that I’ve spent many years studying the origins of things as they directly relate to marriage. I know that the engagement ring is not about love but about a jewelry company that was about to go bust. So, they came up with the slogan “A diamond is forever” and then made some serious bank from it (you can read about that here).
I know that white wedding dresses have nothing to do with purity and virtue; in fact, women in the Bible often wore lots of bright colors during their more-than-one-day wedding celebrations. Actually, white comes from Queen Victoria making it famous back in the 1840s. I also know that a lot of people were pretty obsessed with evil spirits back in the day because things like wearing a wedding veil and bridesmaids wearing the same dresses were all about hiding from said spirits. Another pretty popular wedding day tradition? Well, I’ll just let you read Insider’s “Here's the horrifying truth about why grooms carry brides across the threshold,” if you’re interested.
And as far as marriage goes, don’t even get me started on the whole “I’m living for the fairy tale” narrative that gets pushed incessantly. I’ve said in other articles before that "fairy tale" literally means “a story, usually for children, about elves, hobgoblins, dragons, fairies, or other magical creatures” and “an incredible or misleading statement, account, or belief.” Who wants to live for childish stories that are incredibly misleading? And the ones that have a character like Prince Charming in it? The Bible literally says that “charm is deceitful” (Proverbs 31:30).
Know what else the Bible says? It states that death and life are in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21). So, what’s up with all of this wedding/marriage rhetoric that’s so popular and also, so… “silly” is the first word that comes to mind, “unrealistic” is the second and “unnecessary” is the third?
Why are there so many expectations, especially when it comes to the wedding day, that push folks to the point where a whopping 49 percent of couples end up going into debt right after jumping the broom — all because they wanted to live for the fairy tale and throw a big party that they basically couldn’t afford? SMDH.
It really is wild, just how much human nature tends to do things without even really knowing WHY it does it — even when it comes to marriage. And so, if you are someone who desires this type of union, be honest with yourself: what is your “why”?
When it comes to becoming a wife someday, WHY do you want to do that?
A man needing to spend three times his salary on an engagement ring, WHY?
When it comes to having a big traditional wedding, WHY is it necessary?
Marriage is a goal for you (and don’t get me wrong, marriage is a beautiful thing) — WHY is that the case?
When it comes to being married, WHY do you think it will better serve you than your single state?
Motivational speaker Eric Thomas once said, “When you find your ‘why’, you will find a way to make it happen.” And when it comes to something as big (and supposed to be lifetime lasting) as marriage, perhaps a big part of the reason WHY so many of them do not go the distance is because there aren’t enough “why” questions, on the front end, that are asked (which is why you should partake in premarital counseling before your wedding day). Oh, but there should be.
Because saying “why” you want a huge wedding is nothing more than “because I want to” or “why” you chose the man that you did is simply “I love him” — I’ve been doing this couples work thing long enough to assure you that those answers simply aren’t good enough. You need to know what it means to be a wife and why a marriage and a wedding are not the same thing…not by the longest country mile that you can imagine.
What It Means to Be a Wife
GiphyIf you’ve been reading my content for a while now, you know that I’m good for throwing some Scripture in; it’s a part of my foundation and I make no apologies for it. And so, when it comes to what it means to be a wife, the first word that’s used to define it in the Bible is “helpmate” (Genesis 2:18). A helpmate is a companion, a helper and someone who assists another individual — in this case, a husband.
While we’re here, a helper is not helping unless the help is actually needed and it’s good. Lawd, I can’t tell you how many wife clients I’ve had who have totally missed that part. So, what does “good help” look like?
- A good helper ASKS the person they are assisting what they need.
- A good helper does not try to control another person or make them do what they want.
- A good helper gets that needs can shift based on what is transpiring at any given time.
- A good helper makes things easier and less stressful.
- A good helper learns how to master good listening, effective communication, and wise timing.
And yes, in many ways, this is what it means to be a good wife. So, if you are someone who desires marriage, when it comes to what is required to be not just a wife but a GOOD WIFE, how much have you factored helping your man into the dynamic?
Not mothering him. Not bossing him around. Not trying to manipulate him into being a version of a husband that you would prefer. No, how much thought have you put into “Am I equipped to help another person be their best self? Am I ready to be supportive, encouraging, and nurturing? Was it even modeled to me, while growing up, to know what a proper helpmate looks like? Have I realized how much sacrifice goes into that type of role? Am I even selfless enough to be a consistent helper?”
I know this is probably gonna ruffle some feathers yet, you know something that I’m not big on? Women saying that their man should give them the “princess treatment.” Every time I hear that, the first thought that comes to my mind is “Fathers make their daughters princesses while men make their wives a queen” — and little girls are treated differently than grown women. And to that, Proverbs 12:4(NKJV) says, “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones.”
My point? There is a MATURITY that is to come from going from princess to queen. A queen does have more privileges, yet, at the same time, she also has way more responsibility. It’s not about sitting around and being catered to all day long. Queens have work to do — and it’s not always comfortable or pretty. Same thing goes for being a wife.
Y’all, I could go on and on (and on and on and on) about what it means to be a wife in a marriage. For now, I’ll just end this part of the article with, “If you’re not ready to help, each and every day of your relationship, you’re not ready to be a wife.” Plain and simple.
Weddings Are Not Marriages (and Vice Versa)
GiphySo, why do so many people jump brooms (I’m writing this with Black folks in mind first; jumping brooms is for us only), only to turn around and get divorced a few years later? Oh, I could go on and on as well about how a lot of people don’t have much integrity when it comes to the promises that they make. Listen singles, when you’re dating someone, pay very close attention to whether the person you’re seeing keeps their word — and if you do the same.
It makes absolutely no sense to keep letting someone slide when it comes to reneging now, only to act shocked when they do the same thing after saying “I do.” And while we’re here, being a man or woman of your word is a character issue. Maybe folks are not strong in character when it comes to this.
Yet another reason why folks will get all dolled up, stand before God, family, and friends, look someone straight in the eye, and promise to never leave, only to do just that, is because many people honestly don’t see past their wedding (and maybe their newlywed years). That is why you will hear so many people describe their perfect wedding day, down to the last detail, and yet, if you ask what their five-year plan for their marriage is, they have absolutely not one clue.
I mean, I get it — to a certain extent. A wedding is a big party where you get to dress to the nines, have people come to celebrate you and you get to have everything go your way — down to the font on the programs and reception napkins. Oh, but what a “trick” that can be if you think that your marriage is going to move like that, all of the time, moving forward. I liken it to The Bachelor franchise. Who wouldn’t feel like they are falling for someone when they’re able to live in a mansion with no bills, have fantasy dates that cost thousands of dollars, and a big ole’ rock that a famed jeweler donates?
Meanwhile, folks should watchUnREAL (the television series from several years back where some former producers of the franchise talk about what really happens behind the scenes) to get a reality check. To a certain extent, the same thing goes for marriage: while weddings produce this belief that marriage will be one big party where everyone focuses on you and everything goes your way, that isn’t even close to being the reality of being married.
Honestly, the real deal is 1) if you don’t want to learn how to love on a supernatural level; 2) if you don’t want your strengths to be refined and your weaknesses to be challenged; 3) if you don’t want to be held accountable in ways that you would never be if you remained single; 4) if you don’t want to compromise on a daily basis and, 5) if you don’t want to be challenged to become a truly selfless individual — marriage isn’t for you.
You’d be far better off just throwing a big ass party for yourself, just because (and no, I don’t mean marry yourself; you are already “one” with you; no need for that), and call it a day. Spare yourself and another person the heartache of divorce because…divorce is A LOT to go through.
Lawd, I can only imagine how much drama could be spared if folks simply took into their spirit that weddings ARE NOT marriages and marriages ARE NOT weddings. Weddings are a party to celebrate your union — yet your union? That requires daily energy, effort, and time. It’s not a party. It’s a relationship. BIG DIFFERENCE.
Please Don’t Get Married Until You’re Sure That You Want…BOTH
GiphyAnd this is why, whenever someone tells me that they are going to get married, I don’t immediately respond with, “Congrats! That’s awesome.” NOPE. The very first thing that comes out of my mouth is something along the lines of, “For real. Why?” WHY? Because, it never fails that, about 7.5 times outta 10, folks will be caught off guard and say, “What do you mean ‘why’?” and then follow that up with, “Because I’m in love” or…they don’t really know what to say at all.
Is being in love a good answer? I mean, it explains why you picked the person that you did; it doesn’t really explain why you are choosing to commit to them for the rest of your life, on a marital level, though. Are you getting married because you know that the two of you will make each other better people? Are you getting married because you want to raise your children in a two-parent dynamic? Are you getting married for biblical reasons like wanting to love like Christ loves his bride (the Church and the Church sent him through A LOT — Ephesians 5)?
Are you getting married because you think you’ve gone as far as you can in your evolution as an individual without the assistance of another? Are you getting married because you want to serve another person as they do the same for you (perhaps not in the same ways because you’re both different people)?
Is that asking the most? Chile, that’s not asking enough. I don’t care how much people mock marriage in the media by changing partners like they change cars or homes. I don’t care how much divorce has been normalized. I don’t care how much folks like to act like a husband is a 2.0 boyfriend (it’s not) and having a wife is a 2.0 girlfriend (it’s not) — marriage is special, sacred, and needs to be honored as such. A wedding should be seen as a happy occasion where two people publicly acknowledge what I just said…not simply a time to get a lot of attention and presents only to come home and go from heaven to hell in six months.
And honestly, that’s a bit part of the reason why I do what I do: it’s because I actually think the covenant of marriage is SO MAGNIFICENT that I want to make sure that people know, as much as possible, what they are signing up for — not an endless wedding; a very real relationship that will challenge them and mature them like nothing else ever will in this lifetime.
____
This was a lot. I already know. Still, it beats spending thousands of dollars on a wedding to stand before a chaplain only to spend thousands of more dollars several years later on a divorce lawyer and therapy while standing before a judge.
Weddings are awesome; you’ll get no argument from me there. Still, I think if I was to narrow all of this down into one statement, it would simply be this: “When it comes to marriage, if the thought of being a wife doesn’t excite you more than being a bride — wait. You’re not ready yet.”
Thank me later, sis. YOU WILL.
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Featured image by CoffeeAndMilk/Getty Images