As Told To is a recurring segment on xoNecole where real women are given a platform to tell their stories in first-person narrative as told to a writer.
This is Mieka Joi's story, as told to Charmin Michelle.
I have always loved fashion and how it makes us feel. I love the creativity and individuality that is encouraged. I love the places that it can take you. I love the happiness it brings...
Your outfit can literally elevate, and even transform, your mood and confidence. And what's even better, is we can achieve an amazing look on any budget.
Throughout my life, the experiences that I've had, the things that I've seen and learned, and the opportunities that I have come across, is what ultimately drove me to make the decision to dive head-first into a space that I oh so loved.
And from there, a dream was born...
The Birth Of A Designer
I've lived my life as the CEO and Head Unicorn of my fashion label, well before I even founded the company. It was always just in me.
I'm a Chicago girl—in every aspect—born and raised. I grew up with entrepreneurship at the forefront of my household, as both of my parents were business owners. Since birth, I saw my mother, a successful single black female entrepreneur, give everything she had to her business and family. So naturally, I didn't know any other way in terms of a profession. Witnessing her work ethic, instilled a different level of confidence in me when it came time for me to pursue my own passion and career.
My company is Rich Girl Candy. We're a mood-changing symbol, using neon and varying colorful elements to encourage happiness and light-feeling childlike bliss. We pride ourselves on being a feeling; a vibe. And we celebrate individuality and standing apart from the status quo.
When you see my brand, you see color, fun, flair, and fashion, something many shy away from.
Long before getting to the point of where we are today, I worked in the fashion and styling game, dating back to my sophomore year at Clark Atlanta.
My roommate and I were approached with an opportunity to intern for a top-tier district buyer for Rocawear. And for me, this was a dream come true.
Rocawear? As in Jay-Z's Rocawear?
Sis, I am on the way...
I mean, Jay has always been one of my favorite artists, and I adore the Rocawear brand, of course, even to this day. So, basically, there was never even a moment where I considered otherwise.
We each accepted and ran with being students of fashion. One of the dopest experiences ever. Being in that environment, and just being in the presence of so many people I could learn the inner workings from, was beyond priceless. I was able to first-hand observe the fashion industry from a different perspective, which of course, was intriguing.
From here, there were a few bumps and bruises, developed companies, and partnerships made. I even took on various clients for styling and consulting, and eventually, Rich Girl Candy was born. This was in 2013–I was 25 years old.
And since that internship, to now, you've seen my work on a few of our faves—Serena Williams being one (she looked so bomb that day)—in addition to many others.
The Beginning Of Forever
I'm often asked the origin of RGC, and for me, it's simple. Rich means "abundance". And in some capacity, we are all rich—whether rich in love, rich in friendship, rich in health, or even in wealth. Basically, I want all women to be fruitful. I actually originally planned for RGC to solely be a high-end resale shop for designer bags and shoes. The accessories would originally serve as a treat to women, similar to how candy is for kids. Thus, Rich Girl Candy.
Over time, we became an all-in fashion brand, complete with a girl's youth line, partnership collections with celebs, athletic wear, swimwear, and even grinders—color always being the focus. While evolving, I knew I wanted to target fly basketball and soccer moms—those moms who match sweats with a Chanel bag or mix their fave designer dress with sneakers instead of heels. I wanted our woman to be completely comfortable, but still turn heads, whether running errands or going to a concert.
Rich Girl Candy
Our first year, we honestly wasted way too much money, there was so much trial and error. My biggest disappointments and lessons lived in these moments, hell they survived there. I was forced to become well-versed in fashion basics—ones that people don't necessarily consider, such as understanding the necessity to plan 6-12 months ahead of time (because ladies, fair warning, no factory is ever on schedule). This changed my entire perspective on how I conduct business.
So, now, while most are mapping out their 2020 fiscal year, I'm thinking of 2022.
But make no mistake about it, I've had so many rewarding moments with my business. One of my favorites, last year—the first time we attended ComplexCon in Chicago. Such a monumental moment for my team and I. For one, it was ComplexCon, the mecca of the most influential minds in the country. And two, it took place in my hometown. Being in LA and traveling often, can all take its toll. So this, for me, was a full circle moment.
Entrepreneur Girl, In A Rich World
Listen, ladies, I tell my story solely to empower. That's all I really want. My entire brand is based on it. To empower is to truly want to see others win, while supporting that win in whatever capacity you can. It's being the example, or the leader, for all women to look up to and grow from. I may not agree with how someone runs their business, but we are all doing what works for us. Everyone has their own journey, and that's OK. And this goes for all women, of all shades, with all body types, and in all facets of work.
Empowerment isn't exclusive to a specific group of women who have passed a specific threshold. And it's certainly not for sale.
We are so much more powerful when we support each other in the lanes that we choose for ourselves, we deal with enough shit on our own.
And being in my world, I often see a faux notion of that support; a thin layer. This isn't enough for me. I believe in wholehearted loyalty and protection of our queens—and if you really wanna have that conversation, let me know. I'm always intrigued by the mere misconception.
So, my advice and affirmations as a business owner lie here:
- If entrepreneurship is a path you want to take, or a path you're currently on, stay your course. It's your course.
- There will be many people wanting you to pay them to build your brand. No one can build or sell your brand like you can. Get help where necessary, but when it comes to vision, save that money, sis.
- The best publicity is free. Quality product sells itself.
- You will want to give up. Don't. These times just confirm that you're on the right path. Nothing great comes without fear. Keep going, always.
- Find your passion. Don't take on a journey just because you see someone making money from it, that's not your passion. It's forced. Therefore, it's work.
When I'm overwhelmed I meditate. I pray, I read, I take time to reflect inward; mostly tapping into what lessons the universe is trying to teach me. I'll listen to a few of my go-to podcasts and I'm big on journaling, it helps to release buried feelings and emotions.
As for what's next for me, with the quarantine, only God knows. A lot of the events and festivals we had for summer have been postponed, so now we're in campaign mode, which represents our new reality. I am, however, focusing on engaging with our customers and audience, letting everyone know we are in this together, and in the meantime, building out the brand, making key connections, and promising a solid next move.
And I'm making a point to do all of the above, while continuing to support everyone around me. And you too.
To keep up with Mieka Joi, follow her on Instagram at @miekajoi_.
If you have a story you'd like to share, but aren't sure about how to put it into words, contact us at submissions@xonecole.com with the subject "As Told To" for your story to be featured.
Feature image courtesy of Shaun Michael.
Amber Riley has the type of laugh that sticks with you long after the raspy, rhythmic sounds have ceased. It punctuates her sentences sometimes, whether she’s giving a chuckle to denote the serious nature of something she just said or throwing her head back in rip-roarious laughter after a joke. She laughs as if she understands the fragility of each minute. She chooses laughter often with the understanding that future joy is not guaranteed.
Credit: Ally Green
The sound of her laughter is rivaled only by her singing voice, an emblem of the past and the future resilience of Black women stretched over a few octaves. On Fox’s Glee, her character Mercedes Jones was portrayed, perhaps unfairly, as the vocal duel to Rachel Berry (Lea Michele), offering rough, full-throated belts behind her co-star’s smooth, pristine vocals. Riley’s always been more than the singer who could deliver a finishing note, though.
Portraying Effie White, she displayed the dynamic emotions of a song such as “And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going” in Dreamgirls on London’s West End without buckling under the historic weight of her predecessors. With her instrument, John Mayer’s “Gravity” became a religious experience, a belted hymnal full of growls and churchy riffs. In her voice, Nicole Scherzinger once said she heard “the power of God.”
Credit: Ally Green
Riley’s voice has been a staple throughout pop culture for nearly 15 years now. Her tone has become so distinguishable that most viewers of Fox’s The Masked Singer recognized the multihyphenate even before it was revealed that she was Harp, the competition-winning, gold-masked figure with an actual harp strapped to her back.
Still, it wasn’t until recently that Riley began to feel like she’d found her voice. This sounds unbelievable. But she’s not referring to the one she uses on stage. She’s referencing the voice that speaks to who she is at her core. “Therapy kind of gave me the training to speak my mind,” the 37-year-old says. “It’s not something we’re taught, especially as Black women. I got so comfortable in [doing so], and I really want other people, especially Black women, to get more comfortable in that space.”
“Therapy kind of gave me the training to speak my mind. It’s not something we’re taught, especially as Black women."
If you ask Riley’s manager, Myisha Brooks, she’ll tell you the foundation of who the multihyphenate is hasn’t changed much since she was a kid growing up in Compton. “She is who she is from when I met her back when she was singing in the front of the church to back when she landed major roles in film and TV,” Brooks says. Time has allowed Riley to grow more comfortable, giving fans a more intimate glimpse into her life, including her mental health journey and the ins and outs of show business.
The actress/singer has been in therapy since 2019, although she suffered from depression and anxiety way before that. In a recent interview with Jason Lee, she recalls having suicidal ideation as a kid. By the time she started seeing a psychologist and taking antidepressants in her thirties, her body had become jittery, a physical reminder of the trauma stacked high inside her. “I was shaking in [my therapist’s] office,” she tells xoNecole. “My fight or flight was on such a high level. I was constantly in survival mode. My heart was beating fast all the time. All I did was sweat.”
There wasn’t just childhood trauma to account for. After auditioning for American Idol and being turned away by producers, Riley began working for Ikea and nearly missed her Glee audition because her car broke down on the highway while en route. Thankfully, Riley had been cast to play Mercedes Jones. American Idol had temporarily convinced her she wasn’t cut out for the entertainment industry, but this was validation that she was right where she belonged. Glee launched in 2009 with the promise of becoming Riley’s big break.
In some ways, it was. The show introduced Riley to millions of fans and catapulted her into major Hollywood circles. But in other ways, it became a reminder of the types of roles Black women, especially those who are plus-sized, are relegated to. Behind the scenes, Riley says she fought for her character "to have a voice" but eventually realized her efforts were useless. "It finally got to a point where I was like, this is not my moment. I'm not who they're choosing, and this is just going to have to be a job for me for now," she says. "And, that's okay because it pays my bills, I still get to be on television, I'm doing more than any other Black plus-sized women that I'm seeing right now on screen."
The actress can recognize now that she was navigating issues associated with trauma and low self-esteem at the time. She now knows that she's long had anxiety and depression and can recognize the ways in which she was triggered by how the cult-like following of the show conflicted with her individual, isolated experiences behind the scenes. But she was in her early '20s back then. She didn't yet have the language or the tools to process how she was feeling.
Riley says she eventually sought out medical intervention. "When you're in Hollywood, and you go to a doctor, they give you pills," she says, sharing a part of her story that she'd never revealed publicly before now. "[I was] on medication and developing a habit of medicating to numb, not understanding I was developing an addiction to something that's not fixing my problem. If anything, it's making it worse."
“[I was] on medication and developing a habit of medicating to numb, not understanding I was developing an addiction to something that’s not fixing my problem. If anything it’s making it worse.”
Credit: Ally Green
At one point, while in her dressing room on set, she rested her arm on a curling iron without realizing it. It wasn't until her makeup artist alerted her that she even realized her skin was burning. Once she noticed, she says she was "so zonked out on pills" that she barely reacted. Speaking today, she holds up her arm and motions towards a scar that remains from the incident. She sought help for her reliance on the pills, but it would still be years before she finally attended therapy.
This stress was only compounded by the trauma of growing up in poverty and the realities of being a "contract worker." "Imagine going from literally one week having to borrow a car to get to set to the next week being on a private jet to New York City," she says. After Glee ended, so did the rides on private planes. The fury of opportunities she expected to follow her appearance on the show failed to materialize. She wasn't even 30 yet, and she was already forced to consider if she'd hit her career peak.
. . .
We’re only four minutes into our Zoom call before Riley delivers her new adage to me. “My new mantra is ‘humility does not serve me.’ Humility does not serve Black women. The world works so hard to humble us anyway,” she says.
On this Thursday afternoon in April, the LA-based entertainer is seated inside her closet/dressing room wearing a cerulean blue tank top with matching shorts and eating hot wings. This current phase of healing hinges on balance. It’s about having discipline and consistency, but not at the risk of inflexibility. She was planning to head to the gym, for instance, but she’s still tired from the “exhausting” day before. Instead, she’s spent her day receiving a massage, eating some chicken wings, and planning to spend quality time with friends. “I’m not going to beat myself up for it. I’m not going to talk down to myself. I’m going to eat my chicken wings, and then tomorrow I’m [back] in the gym,” she says.
“My new mantra is ‘humility does not serve me.’ Humility does not serve Black women. The world works so hard to humble us anyway."
This is the balance with which she's been approaching much of her life these days. It's why she's worried less about whether or not people see her as someone who is humble. She'd rather be respected. "I think you should be a person that's easy to work with, but in the moments where I have to ruffle feathers and make waves, I'm not shying away from that anymore. You can do it in love, you don't have to be nasty about it, but I had to finally be comfortable with the fact that setting boundaries around my life – in whatever aspect, whether that's personal or business – people are not going to like it. Some people are not going to have nice things to say about you, and you gotta be okay with it," she says.
When Amber talks about the constant humbling of Black women in Hollywood, I think of the entertainers before her who have suffered from this. The brilliant, consistent, overqualified Black women who have spoken of having to fight for opportunities and fair pay. Aretha Franklin. Viola Davis. Tracee Ellis Ross. There's a long list of stars whose success hasn't mirrored their experiences behind the scenes.
Credit: Ally Green
If Black women outside of Hollywood are struggling to decrease the pay gap, so, too, are their wealthier, more famous peers.
Riley says there’s been progress in recent years, but only in small ways and for a limited group of people. “This business is exhausting. The goalpost is constantly moving, and sometimes it’s unfair,” she says. But, I have to say it’s the love that keeps you going.”
“There’s no way you can continue to be in this business and not love it, especially being a plus-sized Black woman,” she continues. “We’re still niche. We’re still not main characters.”
"There’s no way you can continue to be in this business and not love it, especially being a plus-sized Black woman. We’re still niche. We’re still not main characters.”
Last year, Riley starred alongside Raven Goodwin in the Lifetime thriller Single Black Female (a modern, diversified take on 1992’s Single White Female). It was more than a leading role for the actress, it also served as proof that someone who looks like her can front a successful project without it hinging on her identity. It showcased that the characters she portrays don’t “have to be about being a big girl. It can just be a regular story.”
Riley sees her work in music as an extension of her efforts to push past the rigid stereotypes in entertainment. Take her appearance on The Masked Singer, for instance. Riley said she decided to perform Mayer’s “Gravity” after being told she couldn’t sing it years earlier. “I wanted to do ‘Gravity’ on Glee. [I] was told no, because that’s not a song that Mercedes would do,” she says. “That was a full circle moment for me, doing that on that show and to hear what it is they had to say.”
As Scherzinger praised the “anointed” performance, a masked Riley began to cry, her chest heaving as she stood on stage, her eyes shielded from view. “You have to understand, I have really big names – casting directors, producers, show creators – that constantly tell me ‘I’m such a big fan. Your talent is unmatched.’ Hire me, then,” she says, reflecting on the moment.
Recently, she’s been in the studio working on original music, the follow-up to her independently-released debut EP, 2020’s Riley. The sequel to songs such as the anthemic “Big Girl Energy” and the reflective ballad “A Moment” on Riley, this new project hones in on the singer’s R&B roots with sensual grooves such as the tentatively titled “All Night.” “You said I wasn’t shit, turns out that I’m the shit. Then you called me a bitch, turns out that I’m that bitch. You said no one would want me, well you should call your homies,” she sings on the tentatively titled “Lately,” a cut about reflecting on a past relationship. From the forthcoming project, xoNecole received five potential tracks. Fans likely already know the strengths and contours of Riley’s vocals, but these new songs are her strongest, most confident offerings as an artist.
“I am so much more comfortable as a writer, and I know who I am as an artist now. I’m evolving as a human being, in general, so I’m way more vulnerable in my music. I’m way more willing to talk about whatever is on my mind. I don’t stop myself from saying what it is I want to say,” she says.
Credit: Ally Green
“Every era and alliteration of Amber, the baseline is ‘Big Girl Energy.’ That’s the name of her company,” her manager Brooks says, referencing the imprint through which Riley releases her music after getting out of a label deal several years ago. “It’s just what she stands for. She’s not just talking about size, it’s in all things. Whether it’s putting your big girl pants on and having to face a boardroom full of executives or sell yourself in front of a casting agent. It’s her trying to achieve the things she wants to do in life.”
Riley says she has big dreams beyond releasing this new music, too. She’d love to star in a rom-com with Winston Duke. She hasn't starred in a biopic yet, but she’d revel in the opportunity to portray Rosetta Tharpe on screen. She’s determined that her previous setbacks won’t stop her from dreaming big.
“I think one of my superpowers is resilience because, at the end of the day, I’m going to kick, scream, cry, cuss, be mad and disappointed, but I’m going to get up and risk having to deal with it all again. It’s worth it for the happy moments,” she says.
If Riley seems more comfortable and confident professionally, it’s because of the work she’s been doing in her personal life.
She’d previously spoken to xoNecole about becoming engaged to a man she discovered in a post on the site, but she called things off last year. For Valentine’s Day, she revealed her new boyfriend publicly. “I decided to post him on Valentine’s Day, partially because I was in the dog house. I got in trouble with him,” she says, half-joking before turning serious. “The breakup was never going to stop me from finding love. Or at least trying. I don’t owe anybody a happily ever after. People break up. It happens. When it was good, it was good. When it was bad, it was terrible, hunny. I had to get the fuck up out of there. You find happiness, and you enjoy it and work through it.”
Credit: Ally Green
"I don’t owe anybody a happily ever after. People break up. It happens. When it was good, it was good. When it was bad, it was terrible, hunny. I had to get the fuck up out of there. You find happiness and you enjoy it and work through it.”
With her ex, Riley was pretty outspoken about her relationship, even appearing in content for Netflix with him. This time around is different. She’s not hiding her boyfriend of eight months, but she’s more protective of him, especially because he’s a father and isn’t interested in becoming a public figure.
She’s traveling more, too. It’s a deliberate effort on her part to enjoy her money and reject the trauma she’s developed after experiencing poverty in her childhood. “I live in constant fear of being broke. I don’t think you ever don’t remember that trauma or move past that. Now I travel and I’m like, listen, if it goes, it goes. I’m not saying [to] be reckless, but I deserve to enjoy my hard work.”
After everything she’s been through, she certainly deserves to finally let loose a bit. “I have to have a life to live,” she says. “I’ve got to have a life worth fighting for.”
Credits
Director of Content: Jasmine Grant
Campaign Manager: Chantal Gainous
Managing Editor: Sheriden Garrett
Creative Director/Executive Producer: Tracey Woods
Cover Designer: Tierra Taylor
Photographer: Ally Green
Photo Assistant: Avery Mulally
Digital Tech: Kim Tran
Video by Third and Sunset
DP & Editor: Sam Akinyele
2nd Camera: Skylar Smith
Camera Assistant: Charles Belcher
Stylist: Casey Billingsley
Hairstylist: DaVonte Blanton
Makeup Artist: Drini Marie
Production Assistants: Gade De Santana, Apu Gomes
Powered by: European Wax Center
