Willow Smith On Society Feeding Women Unrealistic Ideas About Relationships
Willow Smith is 17.
Let that sink in.
Emerging from the shadows of her power couple parents, Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith, the free-spirited teen has certainly blossomed past the days of “whipping her hair back and forth." She's an actress, a self-taught music producer, a singer, and a “bourgeoning woman." She's also incredibly self-aware.
Recently she sat down with Refinery29 to discuss the release of her latest album, The 1st. In the interview, she candidly peels back her layers, revealing a Willow who is deeply curious about the world around her all while weaving a reality that is purely her own.
When asked about the inspiration behind her recently debuted single, "Romance," she dropped some very mature bars:
"The single really came about by me just thinking about the unrealistic ideals that women have about relationships, which are fed to us through the media, our parents, and our peers. As I am starting to grow up and experience more, I'm starting to realize how deep this illusion goes — and how strategic it has been catered to women, specifically."
The evolution of her sound, through the process of maturity and personal reflection is evident in her voice. In "Romance," a hauntingly brazen Willow bellows life into the thoughts of a teenage mind. The opening lyrics get straight to the point:
Romance doesn't exist
It's a hoax to trick your mind into thinking perfection exists
Or absence of suffering
Stop leading girls to the clouds above
It's so distracting
We can focus on self-love
When you're young, that first flutter of love can feel like a shot in the arm. Shocking, unstoppable, and sometimes - blinding. The focus on self, and the process of emotional work might be the only thing that keeps this generation of women grounded - especially in a society too tightly wrapped around material things and physical perfection. Can love survive in a world that's bombarded with bad vibes? Willow certainly thinks so.
The theme of self-love seems to be the focus of Willow's entire album. Lately, the sentiment of projecting love into oneself has been an ongoing theme in recent music from emerging artists. Willow explained to Refinery29 why self-love is such a vital part of her process:
“What I'm striving toward every day in my life is getting to an area of self-love so I can reflect that onto everyone that I come in contact with. I want to be a moving wand of healing where whoever I touch, whoever I see, whoever I meet, I heal."
For Willow, self-love trickles into every element of her life - including the shady parts. Even as an accomplished musician and heir to a Hollywood dynasty, she admits that she has humbling moments where she has to put her insecurities in check:
“[...]whenever I'm feeling my insecurity trying to latch onto someone else in an effort to try to make them feel insecure, I take a step back and think about how I really feel about that person. And every single time, the answer is that they inspire me, and they're amazing. When you take that time to analyze yourself and why you behave the way you do, you can start to understand other people better."
Willow is just like every other young woman journeying towards self-discovery and is certainly headed in the right direction if her latest project is any indicator.
With the change in weather willing us all to cuddle up and contemplate life's big questions, The 1st is the perfect slow ride into Winter. Listen now:
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Another season of Love Is Blind has come to a close, and almost two months later we’re still unpacking the drama that is Clay and AD. The finale, reunion, and post-interviews with Clay and AD after season six of Love Is Blind left millions of people wondering - why couldn’t AD see the signs? Clay told her he had a fear of marriage, his parents experienced infidelity, and he seemed to have many doubts about saying, "I do."
After changing his mind at the altar and hearing AD question why she feels like she’s never enough, I was finished watching. I didn’t need to hear anything else because, at that moment, I realized this wasn’t about Clay; this was about AD feeling inadequate before she ever met Clay.
If I’m honest, I don’t watch much dating television. TikTok keeps me updated with the clips that I need to see in order to be kept in the loop, but it’s difficult for me to watch an entire season of dating TV because seeing Black women settle for less and questioning their beauty is a trigger for me. In many ways, there were points in my life where I was AD, settling and ignoring red flags because I wanted to be loved.
Now, on the other side, it doesn’t feel good to see Black women lower their standards on national television. There have been many hot takes on this couple and who was in the wrong. Did Clay play in AD’s face or did she not listen to the truth of what he told her from day one? Was his reason for joining the show to promote his business and not to find the one?
We’ll never know the truth, but what we can do is learn tactics to better our self-worth. Founder and CEO of The Self Love Organization Denise Francis shared her expertise with xoNecole on what tangible steps to take to improve feelings of worthiness. “Self-love blooms in a garden where self-worth is planted, nourished, and whole. However, when your self-worth is challenged, displaced, or broken, it could be difficult to rebuild," Denise explains.
How To Rebuild Self-Worth
During her self-love coaching sessions, Denise likes to walk her clients through the cornerstones of rebuilding self-worth: grace and self-compassion. To her, self-worth is never lost, it's only displaced, so practicing self-compassion and giving yourself grace is a must. "We tend to place our self-worth in entities and people of ourselves such as relationship status, physical appearance, material possessions, social media followings, what others think of us, and more. Self-worth is not something to be measured by anyone or anything outside of ourselves because we all innately hold value and worth.
"Self-worth is not something to be measured by anyone or anything outside of ourselves because we all innately hold value and worth."
"When we place our value into people or things, we tend to feel that we are not enough, worth it, special, or important when relationship status, job titles, friendships, and physical appearances are lost or changed. We then tend to feel lost within ourselves because we’ve placed our value outside of ourselves. Using grace and compassion, you can rebuild your self-worth by returning home to who you are at your core," she concludes.
How To Return Home To Yourself
Denise advises taking a step back and using self-reflection through journaling by answering the following journaling prompts:
First, ask yourself, "What do you tend to attach your self-worth to and why?"
Is it your relationships, your job title, your finances, your appearance, etc.? Why do you think you place so much emphasis on external status? How does it make you feel when you are defining yourself through these entities and/or people outside of yourself?
Then, ask yourself, "Without these things, who am I?"
Once you have your answers, show yourself kindness, remove the shame, and, as Denise says, "Redefine yourself by detaching your value from the things and people you have no control over and no longer serve you. Challenge yourself to define yourself outside of titles and societal values."
"By returning home to your core, you find value in who you are as a person. You begin to find value in the way you love instead of your relationship status, your compassion instead of your popularity, your drive instead of your income/job title, and your heart instead of your physical appearance," she adds.
"By returning home to your core, you find value in who you are as a person."
"Be intentional with healing your self-worth by leaning into the people and things that nourish your core values. Surround yourself with the people who love and cherish you, they will always remind you just how valuable you truly are."
It all goes back to self-compassion and grace. As Denise explains, leading with those two things as you heal and rebuild your self-worth allows you to reduce negative self-talk that might come up for you. "This weakens thoughts like, 'I am not enough... why am I never enough?'" she shares, "And 'I don't deserve this while strengthening thoughts like 'I deserve better,' 'I am enough,' and 'I am worth it.'"
Denise continues, "Once you return home and remember the irreplaceable person you are, you can rebuild your self-worth by placing it back where it belongs. It belongs to you."
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