How To Have A Baecation With Kids In Tow
When you're closing in on the big 3-0, you naturally want to celebrate in a grand way. For my husband's birthday, choosing the destination was easy. Deciding if we would bring our toddler with us was another story.
I have no problem admitting that I am an overprotective mama bear. My daughter is damn near two years old, and she has only been babysat by three family members for no more than a few hours at a time. Daycare you ask? Nope, shorty is with mommy 24/7. So, when hubby started throwing around the idea of a baby-free vacation, I wanted to be cool and give this hard-working man everything he wanted for his birthday, but internally I was in a panic.
Ultimately, he wasn't comfortable with spending so much time away from his little girl either. After all, we vowed to be that black couple that traveled the world with our kids in tow. So, off we went on our first family trip to Cuba. And you know what? We discovered that Baecation-ing with a tot is totally doable. If you're down to make a few adjustments, you can definitely sneak in sexy time with bae while traveling with small children. Here's how:
Writer Alisa in Cuba with her little one in tow
Stick to a Schedule
If your child is anything like mine, she functions better on a schedule. A missed nap or snack will transform your little angel into the Tasmanian devil and ruin everybody's good time. Stick to your usual nap routine. It's been proven that children who nap during the day sleep better at night. Don't fret about losing precious daylight. This presents the perfect opportunity for you two to squeeze in some alone time. If you've planned a full day excursion and cannot get your kid back to a room for a nap, a baby carrier will be your best friend. The Ergobaby is our favorite, but there are plenty of other that also hold up to 44 pounds.
Ditch the Hotel and Opt for an Airbnb
It's hard to pretend that you're on a romantic getaway for two when there's a toddler snoring a few feet away from you. Try to rent a two-bedroom apartment instead of a hotel. When the baby is down for the night, you get what you really flew thousands of miles for, vacation sex.
Alisa's husband and daughter wandering the streets of Cuba
Take the Party Outside
After a long day, your baby may be ready for bed, but that doesn't mean you have to call it a night. In the famous words of Lil Jon, "Turn Down for What?" Give your munchkin a goodnight smooch and move your party outdoors. A rental with a private rooftop or a large balcony with a sea view, will make you feel like you never left the beach.
Traveling with your kid will look and feel differently than it used to. Sure, you lose out on the romantic hotel stays where you two have the option of turning a king size bed into a private island. But exposing your little one to the great big world will give you other types of feels. A sleeping child will allow for plenty of alone time. After all, nothing helps a child sleep better than a day full of exciting new adventures.
When the coast is clear, get creative and make it work, even if that means getting it poppin' on a nearby bathroom floor. Just remember not to wake the baby. ;)
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images