#ShondaTaughtMe: What We Can Learn From the Highest Paid Showrunner In Hollywood
Shonda Rhimes has to be the only writer in the history of television that can make me laugh, ugly cry, angry, and excited in 60 minutes. The Shondaland trifecta has become highly acclaimed over the past decade, and as a result, she is now the highest-paid showrunner in Hollywood.
Throughout history, women who scream for what they deserve and demand their respect have been labeled as "bitchy" and hard to work with, but Shonda Rhimes came to Hollywood on a mission to change that. The talented screenwriter and mother-of-three recently accepted the Luminary award at Elle's 25th Women in Hollywood Awards and refused to be modest about her earnings any longer.
In her speech, she expressed the overwhelming pressure she feels as a woman to be humble at all times, but made it a point to express that there's a difference between humility and hiding. In her acceptance speech she told the audience:
"When I made a deal with Netflix, I let them report my salary wrong in the press and I did as few interviews as possible. Then I put my head down and worked. In other words, I hid. I'm getting this award for inspiring other women and how can I inspire anyone if I'm hiding?"
"So, let me take a deep breath. And on behalf of women everywhere in the name of not leaving my sister hanging, I will brag. I got to say this is harder than I thought. I am the highest-paid showrunner in television."
In other words, "I'm rich, b****." Shonda is a reminder to us all that with hard work and dedication, you can secure the bag and inspire some dope women along the way. Here are a few gems that #ShondaTaughtMe about building an empire during her acceptance speech:
Demand What You Deserve
As women, it's considered the ultimate insult to be labeled "demanding," but why? As women of color in the workplace especially, we are taught to be satisfied with what we are given. We comply with this notion out of fear of being mislabeled as the typical angry black woman, and eventually fall into the trap door of complacency.
In her speech, Shonda Rhimes reminded us that even though we live in a world where only men are allowed to "scream, cry, and demand," it doesn't mean that we should stop fighting.
"We are powerful women and when we say we have power, what we are really saying is that we deserve to have power. We deserve whatever good thing it is that we are getting. Demanding what you deserve can feel like a radical act."
But it's totally worth it, sis.
Own Your Bragging Rights
The ego is a tricky entity that we will probably never master. If you boast about your accomplishments, society says you must think you're all that. Let me tell you something though, girl. You are.
It's one thing to make moves in silence, but it's another to constantly dim your own light. In her speech, Shonda Rhimes said that she wants you to own your sh*t. She said:
"We just built our own mountains and then we realized all we simply had to do was equalize and include one another. I tell you this for two reasons. One, I'm awesome. And I work with a ton of other equally awesome women. And women do not brag enough. The other day I came to this conclusion that men brag and women hide."
Don't hide what the universe gave you, it might become a blessing to someone else.
Develop A Network Of Talented Women
Michelle Obama. Regina King. Kerry Washington. Channing Dugney. Issa Rae. Viola Davis. Aja Naomi King.
These are only a few of the Hollywood powerhouses that make up Shonda's squad. She is proof that to be truly successful, you have to surround yourself with a gang of boss women who have your back no matter what. Shonda taught us that the true key to success is having a gang of boss women to uplift.
"Be a person who pulls other women, new women, different women, into your circle. Widen your circle to hold more people. Lose your judgments of who someone is based on what you've heard or what you assume."
"Make some friends. Find some new sisters. Come together, work together, brag together, be powerful together and whenever we can we should be lifting one another up because lifting someone up is what lifts us."
Generate Multiple Streams Of Success
At one time, Shondaland was only Shondavillage, with one lonely but brilliant inhabitant: Grey's Anatomy. What we didn't know was that Shonda was in the kitchen whipping up Scandal and How To Get Away With Murder, which would subsequently snatch all of our wigs for nearly a decade.
My point is: Shonda's empire started with one idea. Later, that one idea manifested into multiple streams of income. She recently announced the release of eight new shows on Netflix and still has us tuning into ABC every Thursday night. Having one good idea might make you rich, but having multiple streams of income will make you Shonda money.
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Another season of Love Is Blind has come to a close, and almost two months later we’re still unpacking the drama that is Clay and AD. The finale, reunion, and post-interviews with Clay and AD after season six of Love Is Blind left millions of people wondering - why couldn’t AD see the signs? Clay told her he had a fear of marriage, his parents experienced infidelity, and he seemed to have many doubts about saying, "I do."
After changing his mind at the altar and hearing AD question why she feels like she’s never enough, I was finished watching. I didn’t need to hear anything else because, at that moment, I realized this wasn’t about Clay; this was about AD feeling inadequate before she ever met Clay.
If I’m honest, I don’t watch much dating television. TikTok keeps me updated with the clips that I need to see in order to be kept in the loop, but it’s difficult for me to watch an entire season of dating TV because seeing Black women settle for less and questioning their beauty is a trigger for me. In many ways, there were points in my life where I was AD, settling and ignoring red flags because I wanted to be loved.
Now, on the other side, it doesn’t feel good to see Black women lower their standards on national television. There have been many hot takes on this couple and who was in the wrong. Did Clay play in AD’s face or did she not listen to the truth of what he told her from day one? Was his reason for joining the show to promote his business and not to find the one?
We’ll never know the truth, but what we can do is learn tactics to better our self-worth. Founder and CEO of The Self Love Organization Denise Francis shared her expertise with xoNecole on what tangible steps to take to improve feelings of worthiness. “Self-love blooms in a garden where self-worth is planted, nourished, and whole. However, when your self-worth is challenged, displaced, or broken, it could be difficult to rebuild," Denise explains.
How To Rebuild Self-Worth
During her self-love coaching sessions, Denise likes to walk her clients through the cornerstones of rebuilding self-worth: grace and self-compassion. To her, self-worth is never lost, it's only displaced, so practicing self-compassion and giving yourself grace is a must. "We tend to place our self-worth in entities and people of ourselves such as relationship status, physical appearance, material possessions, social media followings, what others think of us, and more. Self-worth is not something to be measured by anyone or anything outside of ourselves because we all innately hold value and worth.
"Self-worth is not something to be measured by anyone or anything outside of ourselves because we all innately hold value and worth."
"When we place our value into people or things, we tend to feel that we are not enough, worth it, special, or important when relationship status, job titles, friendships, and physical appearances are lost or changed. We then tend to feel lost within ourselves because we’ve placed our value outside of ourselves. Using grace and compassion, you can rebuild your self-worth by returning home to who you are at your core," she concludes.
How To Return Home To Yourself
Denise advises taking a step back and using self-reflection through journaling by answering the following journaling prompts:
First, ask yourself, "What do you tend to attach your self-worth to and why?"
Is it your relationships, your job title, your finances, your appearance, etc.? Why do you think you place so much emphasis on external status? How does it make you feel when you are defining yourself through these entities and/or people outside of yourself?
Then, ask yourself, "Without these things, who am I?"
Once you have your answers, show yourself kindness, remove the shame, and, as Denise says, "Redefine yourself by detaching your value from the things and people you have no control over and no longer serve you. Challenge yourself to define yourself outside of titles and societal values."
"By returning home to your core, you find value in who you are as a person. You begin to find value in the way you love instead of your relationship status, your compassion instead of your popularity, your drive instead of your income/job title, and your heart instead of your physical appearance," she adds.
"By returning home to your core, you find value in who you are as a person."
"Be intentional with healing your self-worth by leaning into the people and things that nourish your core values. Surround yourself with the people who love and cherish you, they will always remind you just how valuable you truly are."
It all goes back to self-compassion and grace. As Denise explains, leading with those two things as you heal and rebuild your self-worth allows you to reduce negative self-talk that might come up for you. "This weakens thoughts like, 'I am not enough... why am I never enough?'" she shares, "And 'I don't deserve this while strengthening thoughts like 'I deserve better,' 'I am enough,' and 'I am worth it.'"
Denise continues, "Once you return home and remember the irreplaceable person you are, you can rebuild your self-worth by placing it back where it belongs. It belongs to you."
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