H.E.R. Talks Self-Care, Why She Hid Her Identity & Becoming The Next Lauryn Hill
In 2016, the artist formerly known as Gabi Wilson released her debut EP under the new alias, H.E.R., and had the world shook. The masked songstress won her way into our hearts nearly a decade ago as an 8-year-old when her rendition of Alicia Keys' "If I Ain't Got You" went viral, and now she's on a mission to reinvent R&B.
Vogue recently caught up with H.E.R. before her performance at Afropunk to talk about her identity, the impact she hopes to have on the music industry, and how she practices self-care. The 21-year-old entertainer is known for her laid back demeanor and IDGAF vibe, and can usually be caught on stage in a pair of baggy sweatpants and sunglasses.
"[My style] is straight-up comfortable."
As for her beauty routine, the singer stays true to her mission of starving the ego and feeding the soul and says that doing less is always more. She continued:
"Like, I wear sweats on stage. Sometimes, I could have no makeup on, and my hair could be a mess, but I feel beautiful."
And the saying is true, when you feel beautiful, you look beautiful. That beauty has transcended through her music and touched thousands of young women across the world. This was no small feat, and she achieved it by simply being herself. She told Vogue:
"People would tell me, 'Your music got me through so much, your music is like my life, your music is my diary. I guess I just help a lot of young women accept themselves and accept their mistakes and grow."
In August, the young artist told Rolling Out that despite popular belief, she was never "hiding her identity." Making the choice to put the focus on her music rather than her appearance was actually her way of offering fans true vulnerability. She said:
"If anything, the music is displaying exactly who I am. It's telling you everything. When I first [decided to] release the music, I didn't want my name attached to it, and I didn't want my face attached to it because that would get in the way of really understanding who I am. If anything, I wanted to show more of myself, more of what I go through and what I feel more so than what I look like, what I wear, or who I'm with. It's about focusing on the music."
Even to celebrities, the flashing lights can become too bright sometimes. Just ask Kanye. As for H.E.R., she chooses to opt out of celebrity glamour and focus on her passion. She explained that her minimalist lifestyle choice to become free from vanity was ultimately made out of necessity:
Johnny Nunez/WireImage
"Some people want the attention, some people want the spotlight, and that just wasn't it for me. I wanted it to be about the music, so maintaining that is kind of difficult. But it's something I found made the most sense because it's about the music at the end of the day. That's what I'm most passionate about. It's kind of scary telling a story and being totally honest and totally vulnerable."
H.E.R. has a unique ability to create a soundtrack for the soul that resonates with millennial women and evokes an emotional response across both genders and generations, much like the early work of one of her biggest inspirations: Lauryn Hill. She told Rolling Out:
"I want women to be able to look back and have this same feeling they had when they listened to 'The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill.' That still lives on and still gives a great message to women."
Although the divine connection that she has with her fans is a blessing, heavy is the head of she that wears the crown. Sometimes the pressure to be great can be overwhelming, and Gabi says that she handles that pressure with some self-care routines of her own.
"I just take five or 10 minutes out of my day in the morning when I wake up to focus on my day, focus on myself. It just keeps me sane."
Click here to read the full interview and watch H.E.R. get ready to perform her set on Afropunk.
Featured image by Johnny Nunez/WireImage
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images