In xoNecole's Finding Balance, we profile boss women making boss moves in the world and in their respective industries. We talk to them about their business, their life, and most of all, what they do to find balance in their busy lives.
I hate to break it to you, sis, but you've been living a lie.
All these years, you've been taught that big girls don't cry so you've done it in private. You learned that the key to success is to act out of logic, not emotion so you've suppressed them. But Novi Brown of Tyler Perry's Sistas wants you to know that pretending to be unbothered is not only sabotaging your mental health, but it's blocking your bag.
Until my impassioned conversation with the 33-year-old actress, I believed that I was the weak one in my family. As an empath with some serious boundary issues, I can admit that I have let my feelings control my life in the past; but according to Novi, that's not always such a bad thing. She shared, "Ignoring things is what we were taught to do as human beings. And it's the most toxic trait we have. We've learned hide, to not express, to not emote, when honestly, emotions are just giving you information on how to move next."
"Ignoring things is what we were taught to do as human beings. And it's the most toxic trait we have. We've learned hide, to not express, to not emote, when honestly, emotions are just giving you information on how to move next."
Novi, who interprets her emotions as messages from God, explained that this pattern of internalized self-sabotage is more than a fleeting feeling, issa generational curse that needs to be broken expeditiously. She continued, "It's such a complex conversation because we've been taught by the white oppressor, honey. We've been taught how to deal with our emotions by people who don't fuck with us. But us breaking these generational curses means we're moving on from surviving and now we're moving into thriving. So what does thriving really look like [for you]?"
When asked how she stays positive in moments of frustration, Novi simply explained that she doesn't. The actress expressed that as a creative professional who literally thrives on emotion, she holds nothing back when it comes to feeling her feelings. "Baby girl, if I wasn't upset, if I wasn't enraged, if I wasn't sad, then I wouldn't do what I'm doing. If I was not able to cry this morning, I wouldn't be able to go on Sistas and cry. I wouldn't be able to do that shit if I don't do it in my own life." She then asked, "Do you have everything you want? What's the return on investment for not expressing how you actually truly feel? Who are you helping by not being honest today?"
In our conversation, Novi and I talked more about emotional release, spiritual baths, and other self-care practices that keep her all the way in alignment and it wasn't long before our interview turned into a certified soul searching session.
Keep reading for more:
xoNecole: With the pandemic and global protests underway, how are you handling everything?
Novi Brown: I know a lot of people are feeling sad or whatever, but the black community should really feel fucking liberated. We don't have to hide anymore now. It's not cool to be racist. Now, you will not be rewarded for that. Don't you think God stopped everything just so we can get our shit together? Like, don't you? This is probably bigger than we could even imagine. And look at the conversations, Taylor, at 27, that you're having––that parents' parents' parents' parents died never having. I feel fucking free.
"I feel fucking free."
What is a typical day in your life? If no day is quite the same, give me a rundown of a typical work week and what that might consist of.
I love waking up early and then walking my dog, Castor Troy, who is my everything. The reason why I got a dog was obviously a spiritual reason but now that I've grown up and I've seen that what I need is to be outside every day. I need to touch the ground. I need the sun to touch my skin. Being outside and connecting with nature is really, really helpful for me, And then I spend a lot of my time researching and studying astrology. For me, astrology is God's first official language. It's the language of symbols and energy and it's super powerful.
And then for most of the day, I'm studying astrology, I am doing interviews, I am doing auditions. I'm also developing TV shows and then I'm going on with my life, just trying to teach people about self-confidence––specifically black women––encouraging and pouring back into the black female community. So that's how my day looks.
What is your nighttime routine?
I'm a cannabis lover, so that's part of my nighttime routine, as well as having conversations, and doing research. I'm a student of life, so I'm always reading some kind of book. Now that you got me thinking about it, I don't have a nighttime routine. I might need to get one, shit. I'm working myself.
"I need to touch the ground. I need the sun to touch my skin. Being outside and connecting with nature is really, really helpful for me, And then I spend a lot of my time researching and studying astrology. For me, astrology is God's first official language. It's the language of symbols and energy and it's super powerful."
When you have a busy week, what’s the most hectic part of it?
Organizing is really difficult. Like, I'm not writing down my schedule. A lot of people use their planner and all that other shit––I'm really bad at that. I just go day-to-day because I'm a Cancer rising. Some days are more hectic than others, some days aren't. This is essentially my first year in the business like hardcore and I'm trying to forgive myself and just allow myself to be who I am, which is just a person who just moves with vibes and things. I'm not a schedule-oriented person. And I feel like that's OK.
Do you practice any type of self-care? What does that look like for you?
I think the biggest part of my self-care routine is my spiritual work. For me, that is a foundation and a pinnacle, it's something that I can literally build something on top of. However, I love me a massage, now. I love getting my nails done. And I love getting my hair braided. I love sitting in the chair and having my hair braider do my hair. Or even if I want to do my own hairstyles, I love standing in the mirror for seven hours watching documentaries and braiding my hair. I find something really soothing about it and I can turn the whole world off and just really focus on watching what I want to watch and, and doing my hair and beautifying myself.
"So self-care is really me taking care of my body more and making sure that my body feels as good as my mind because of those things don't feel good––both of them––I can't be at full capacity."
I also do spiritual baths. February 2019, I did a spiritual bath for ultimate love and money. I met my man in April and I got a job in July. OK, look, ancestors don't play. They want us to win. We're just not doing what we need to do. We're doing it the human way. We're not doing it the spirit way. And that's why we feel like it takes so long. But if we're spirited, I'm telling you, your life will change very fast.
How do you find balance with:
Love/Relationships?
I'm very lucky right now because my partner does the same thing that I do. We're in the same business and really understand each other. So I'll be gone for a few months, he'll be gone for a few months and that's our relationship and we respect each other. I really feel like the number one thing is respect in a relationship and understanding that person you're with has their own purpose that is contracted between them and God. It has nothing to do with you. So sometimes we have to get out of our own way when it comes to relationships. I'm just very, very, very, very, very blessed in my partnership to have somebody who's in my field who sees me as an individual who sees me as a person here to fulfill a purpose and he gets to enjoy my company. That's how he sees it.
"I really feel like the number one thing is respect in a relationship and understanding that person you're with has their own purpose that is contracted between them and God. It has nothing to do with you. So sometimes we have to get out of our own way when it comes to relationships. I'm just very, very, very, very, very blessed in my partnership to have somebody who's in my field who sees me as an individual who sees me as a person here to fulfill a purpose and he gets to enjoy my company. That's how he sees it."
Friends?
I'm very blessed in my friendships. I've come to realize now, after my full first year [in the industry], my friends haven't changed at all. It's really just about getting a tribe who understands you and who understands your purpose will understand how you move in life and your methods. They mean everything to me. I want to see them succeed, but they are also very well aware that, OK, she's in this position now she has to make moves so that she can succeed. And then by default, they will succeed.
Exercise?
Honestly, I'm just glad I'm vegan. That helps me a lot by default. I makes sure I eat salad every day. But exercise, I mean, you just gotta be in the mood, shit. You just gotta be in the mood to want to work on your body. And lately, I have not been in the mood. For the last two years, I have not been in the mood to consistently work out. However, because I have a dog, I'm out every single day for hours. And sometimes in my life, I'm a little thicker and I got a FUPA and it's all good. And sometimes in life, I'm a little slimmer. So it's all good, man. It's all good. I'm not trying to stress myself. But I do say you have to move your body every day.
Do you find yourself cooking or eating out more?
When I first became vegan, I was cooking all the time, but I worked in restaurants for so long. I'm a bougie restaurant chick. Like I love being in a good, cute spot with food being delivered. I feel like people should just get paychecks to eat. I love to cook as well, but it is a lot of work. And it's not a passion of mine. It's just something I'm good at. I guess maybe I feel like I'm giving out so much all the time that the restaurant experience, I just feel like I'm receiving. So that's why I really enjoy going out.
When do you feel the most beautiful?
I feel the most beautiful in the morning, right when I wake up because I'm new and fresh and I'm not painted. I'm not dated. And I feel like I'm mad cute in the morning. I feel like our skin looks really good. Like the skin is nice and the lips might be a little more juicy and puffed up. Your stomach is flatter cause you done digested stuff. So yeah, I love the mornings. All that other stuff is great, but that takes a lot of energy. I like who I am when I wake up.
"I feel the most beautiful in the morning, right when I wake up because I'm new and fresh and I'm not painted. I'm not dated... All that other stuff is great, but that takes a lot of energy. I like who I am when I wake up."
When you are going through a bout of uncertainty, or feeling stuck, how do you handle it?
I have to talk to my friends. I have to talk to somebody outside of my own mind so I could see things more clearly. I go through my emotions. I contact my friends. It's really important for me to get feedback from somebody else, to get another mind, because remember, again, that's God's child. And they might have a message for you that God is trying to tell you, but you're so busy trying not to tell anybody that you miss the message. I have people that I trust enough where I can tell them almost everything. And if I can't get anybody, because sometimes people are not available, I will go ahead and seek out a podcast. I will go ahead and seek out a YouTube video. I will seek out a story of an underdog just to remind you that people will sleep on you––that's just part of the game, but you have to be strong enough to talk yourself out of it like, 'OK girl, you ain't the only one.' This is part of the journey.
For more of Novi, follow her on Instagram @NoviBrown!
Featured image via Tyler Perry Studios/BET
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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And so, since this is the time of year when catching a cold (and/or the flu) is common, let’s talk about the impact that sleep (and again, a lack thereof) has on your immune system. That way, you can remain as healthy as possible during the fall and winter seasons.
1. Less Sleep Means More Colds
GiphyLike I stated in the intro, I’m pretty sure you’ve heard somewhere that the fall and winter are the seasons when people are most susceptible to catching a cold or coming down with the flu. And that’s exactly why I thought I would start this all off by sharing the fact that some studies reveal that if you get less than six hours of sleep, on a consistent basis, you end up making yourself more vulnerable to coming down with both. In fact, some research says that only 18 percent of people who get six-plus hours of rest caught a cold while almost 40 percent who got less than that did.
The logic behind it all is sleep gives your body time to build up the proteins and cells (like cytokines and T-cells) that you need to fight off certain viruses. So, if nothing bothers you more than having a stuffy nose or stubborn cough when it’s cold outside, getting more sleep is one way to prevent that from happening to you.
2. Less Sleep Means More Allergy Symptoms
GiphyAt the end of the day, an allergy is basically what transpires whenever your immune system “overreacts” to something that other people’s systems do not. And since sleep is what helps to keep your immune system nice and strong — well, I’m sure you get how less allergy-related symptoms and more sleep go hand in hand. Also, since sleep helps to decrease bodily inflammation (more on that in a bit) and inflammation can also intensify allergy symptoms, that’s just one more reason to get as much shut-eye as possible.
3. Less Sleep Means Potential Diabetes and Heart Disease
GiphyDid you know that in 2024, Black women were diagnosed with diabetes 24 percent more than any other adult demographic. Also, it continues to be a reality that heart disease is the leading cause of death for Black women. These two sobering statistics alone should be enough of an incentive to do whatever you can to keep the risk of diabetes and heart disease way down.
One way to do that is by getting more sleep. Aside from the fact that sleep strengthens your immune system to where it is easier for you to fight off illness and diseases, sleep can keep your blood sugar levels in a healthy space; plus, when it comes to your heart, it gives it, along with your arteries and blood vessels a break.
4. Less Sleep Means Less Time for Your Body to Push “Reset”
GiphyIf you really stopped to consider all that your body goes through during the day (you can read some about that here), you definitely would respect it enough to do your best to thank it by giving it no less than six hours of sleep, each and every night. Sleep is what helps to slow your brain and body down so they are able to “refuel” for the next day. After all, how can your body prevent you from getting sick if your immune system is too worn out to fight ailments off? Exactly.
5. More Sleep Helps You to Fight Off Infections
GiphySpeaking of, in order for your body to fight off infections, there are certain cells and antibodies within you that need to be healthy and strong — one way that they get and stay that way is by you getting a good amount of sleep. For instance, remember when I touched on cytokines earlier? Well, the same way that they help to prevent colds, they also help to prevent infections too. And since sleep lowers your cortisol (stress) levels, rest gives your body the time and space to build up an army that can fight off free radicals and other health-related challenges while you are awake.
6. More Sleep Lowers Bodily Inflammation
GiphyWhenever a health-related issue is mentioned on this platform, inflammation is something that is mentioned quite a bit. Probably the easiest way to explain inflammation is it’s how your body responds/reacts whenever something is happening to your body that shouldn’t be, whether it’s an illness, an injury, a germ or something that you may be allergic to.
If you happen to have chronic inflammation, some symptoms that are associated with that include fatigue, stiff joints, skin rashes, weight gain and moodiness.
The interesting thing about all of this is if you aren’t getting enough rest, you could be triggering inflammation in your body. That’s because studies reveal that a lack of sleep can elevate molecules that are associated with inflammation. So, if you don’t want inflammation to increase within your system, you should definitely catch more zzz’s.
7. More Sleep Regulates Hormones
GiphyWhen it comes to hormones like serotonin, estrogen and cortisol, believe it or not, they play a role in how your immune system acts and overreacts. That’s because, if your hormones are out of balance, that can cause your immune system to work harder than it actually should and that can make you more vulnerable to sickness. One way to keep your hormones leveled out? SLEEP.
That’s because sleep gives your body the opportunity to rest, repair and restore your hormone levels. On the other hand, when you are sleep deprived, that can put/keep your hormones on the ultimate roller coaster ride. #notgood
8. More Sleep Strengthens Vaccines
flu shot GIF - Find & Share on GIPHYGiphyIf you’re someone who is good for getting some sort of vaccine around this time of the year, make sure that you rest up before and after getting your shots. Not only does adequate rest before a vaccination help your immune system to be better receptive to your shots but sleep also helps your body to build up enough antibodies to make your vaccinations effective after getting them. Because if you’re gonna get pricked, shouldn’t it be worth it? My thoughts exactly.
Get some freakin’ sleep! Your immune system depends on it.
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