

The Right Way To Handle Microaggressions In The Workplace
In the pilot episode of Insecure, Issa Dee's coworker at their company, We Got Y'all, hits her with one of the most random questions a person can even ask in the workplace:
"Issa, what's 'on fleek'?'"
I cackled the first time I saw this scene, mainly for the audacity, like is Issa the company's culture-whisperer or something? And in real life, you know we'd then side-eye the possible intent as in why, so y'all can use the term now?
It was a question that seemed so irrelevant and out-the-blue without any backstory that it momentarily took Issa aback. She actually had to contemplate what to say before she gave a response. Well, there's a term for what happened in that scene. What Issa experienced was a microaggression.
A few weeks ago, I signed up for The Prevailing Woman's Prevailing Through a Pandemic virtual series and one of the first sessions was on microaggressions. It was led by Ashley McGowan, a global tech and communications professional. McGowan describes microaggressions as subtle or insignificant comments and behaviors that aren't exactly offensive or straightforward but they make you feel some type of way and question the person's intent. They also come from individuals who don't look like us.
So, what other things can individuals who don't look like us do or say that can be classified as microaggressions?
Rebloggy
Let's say you rock a teeny-weeny 'fro and you get faux locs installed over the weekend. When you arrive at work on Monday, your co-workers approach you and ask the following questions:
How did you get that extra hair on your head?
How do you wash it?
How long are you going to keep it in there?
And then, they reach out to touch it while telling you how pretty it is.
Or, you walk past your colleague in the hallway and he greets you with 'sup, "Hey, girl!" or a fist bump.
Or, you walk into a conference room filled with typical C-suite (CEO, CFO) executives to deliver a presentation but they automatically assume you're the assistant who's there to take the minutes and help with the audiovisuals.
Or, you slay your presentation on your global call meeting and the ooooonly feedback your colleagues can offer afterwards is, "Wow, you were so articulate in delivering your strategy."
That last one actually happened to McGowan.
Author Austin Channing Brown could vouch for that type of behavior in the workplace. In her book, I'm Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness, Brown writes about her experience as a black woman working in a Christian-centered organization amongst a majority-white staff. Like Issa Dee's We Got Y'all, Brown's nonprofit serves the black and brown population yet the staff doesn't exactly reflect the same demographic. And the few black women, including Brown, who are in a position of authority aren't heard unless their ideas are cosigned by the majority staff.
While Brown conducts numerous trainings on race relations, her seminar attendees are uncomfortable with the fact that a black woman is the expert on the topic. They expect to hear from a "typical" Austin: a white male. In fact, on several occasions attendees have asked her, "Who's really in charge here? I want to speak with Austin." And when they learn that she's really the Austin, they launch into screaming and spitting tantrums because now they feel dumb and duped.
If hilarious and offended had a face, they would be it.
What was particularly interesting is when Brown outlined her day from 8:55am to 5pm. She experienced 14 instances of microaggressions with the first one starting before she even reached her cubicle to begin her day. What happened? She was stopped three times in the hallway and asked if she needed help finding the outreach center. It never dawned on anyone that she was actually an employee and not a client. And she's a director at that.
Both Brown and McGowan would agree that the whole thing is exhausting. In the pandemic panel, McGowan explained how we carry the burden of feeling responsible for our colleagues' feelings. We feel we must validate their thoughts before we can contradict them. And while they get to think about their daily to-do lists in the mornings before they leave home for work, we must worry about our hairstyles, our attire or any other aspects of our being that might draw inappropriate questions.
The more important question is what can we do about it? Microaggressions aren't something that's specifically addressed in our company handbooks and we can't report them to HR as blatant racism or harassment because technically they aren't. Besides, in Brown's case, she was told, "Perhaps you misunderstood," "I'm sure he didn't mean it like that" or that she's "too sensitive" and should be more careful about what she reports. Microaggressions are simply hard to prove.
Nevertheless McGowan suggests three tips to mitigate our frustrations when it comes to microaggressions in the workplace:
Maintain our composure.
We do want to respond to these actions and behaviors because allowing them to slide only invites more side comments, which ultimately affects our mental health and our productivity. But we don't want to pop off or step outside of character because we are at work and that can lead to a whole other set of workplace problems.
Be mentally aware of microaggressions.
We don't need to convince ourselves that maybe we're overreacting. We know when someone's words or actions don't sit right in our spirit. The key is to understand that this weird thing that occasionally happens at work has an actual name and that microaggressions are real.
Identify safe spaces and resources.
Since we can't always go to HR, we'll need an outlet to vent our frustrations. Connect with a mentor or peer within the industry who can relate to what you're going through. That person could be someone you know or someone you've "met" through social media networks. There are groups on this very topic. Talk to someone after the first or second offense and also be sure to document the offenses just in case they escalate. Then we'll already have solid proof to report to HR.
As much as Issa Dee stays in her head with a clapback, she delivered a simple and self-composed response to the "on fleek" question.
"I don't know what that means," Issa Dee said.
I had to applaud that one. It was subtle enough to avoid a trip to her manager's office for being unapproachable and angry (Brown got those all the time!) yet strong enough to say don't ask me no ish like that again.
But who are we kidding? Of course we're bound to get similar questions, slick comments and stereotypical approaches from our next colleague. And without any of it being an infraction covered in our employee handbooks, we're forced to tap into our own black girl power for protection.
Our only "safe" recourse may be to recognize it, process it and talk about it with our trusted peers. But we should always address it, too. Shut that ish down, sis, but diplomatically so we can keep stacking these coins and building our resumes. While the solution may not seem game-changing, it's a strategic play. So for the sake of both our sanity and jobs, the best way to handle a microaggression is with a bit of passive aggression. At least, for now.
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I write about lifestyle and women's health and wellness. When I'm not in front of a computer screen crafting stories, I'm in a kitchen crafting cocktails. Follow me on the 'gram @teronda.
Smile, Sis! These Five Improvements Can Upgrade Your Oral Hygiene Instantly
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
Tiffany Evans Spent Years Working As A Child Star & Says She Has "Nothing To Show For It"
If the recurring strikes and scandals didn't give you an inkling of how seedy the entertainment industry can be, surely you can look to stories of former child stars whose fame of yesteryears can, at times, be a source of the conflict and inner turmoil they encounter today. While some child stars were able to keep riding the Hollywood wave to new levels and heights in a decades-spanning career, some found success occupying other lanes like retail, and some still look to the past as if it were yesterday with heavy regret due to the career that could have, or even should have, been.
Tiffany Evans' claim to fame happened early on in her childhood as her powerhouse vocals caught the attention of many during her time as a contestant on Star Search in 2003. At the time, she wasn't even 12, but she was racking up perfect scores with every performance, a competition first. Unsurprisingly, she scored a record deal shortly thereafter. Tiffany would go on to release her self-titled debut album in 2008 with singles like "I'm Grown" and perhaps her biggest hit, "Promise Ring," which featured Ciara. In 2005, she also had a minor role in the Tyler Perry film Diary of a Mad Black Woman.
Two decades later, Tiffany is now reminiscing on being able to spend her childhood years doing something she loved but regrettably having "nothing to show for it" as an adult, all due to greed and because the industry will either lift you up or spit you out.
Recently, an Instagram post published by The Neighborhood Talk shared a comment Tiffany left on the Instagram account @flyandfamousblackgirls regarding her experience with childhood fame. The post she commented on was a picture of herself from February 2003, when she appeared as a guest on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. The comment she left felt like an open letter to her inner child. In it, she recounted manipulation, missed opportunities, and abuse she encountered during that time.
"If I knew then what I know now I would have done things differently. I wish I could've changed so much that was going around this little girl. Everybody took from me. All of the hard earned money I made. The work I put in. They took from me, ruined some relationships in this business for me, squandered some opportunities that if you guys knew about it, you would've wanted to get it back in blood for me.
"I spent years doing something that I love, to become an adult and have nothing to show for it. It bothers my mental a lot some time. The ones who know the truth, really know... from a teenager to my adult years I went out looking for love in wrong places, was manipulated, and terribly abused."
Tiffany then expressed that her journey to where she's grown to since her time in the limelight brought her beauty that she has so much gratitude for. Since music will always be a priority for her, what she has been through doesn't stop her from wanting to see her career go further than it was allowed to go in the past.
Her comment continued, "Out of that kind of life I gained beautiful children, I met my soulmate but I really want to see what I worked so hard for all my childhood finally come to life! And I love music so I'm really working at it still y'all. I trust the Lord. Thank you for always rooting for me love y'all!"
"Please keep rooting for me." Tiffany ended her comment, prompting people to follow her music page. "we're dropping music together and some solo stuff soon too."
We're always rooting for you, Tiffany!
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