Gratitude can be defined as the quality of being thankful. It's most commonly emphasized during the month of November in the midst of the arrival of Thanksgiving, but it should be embraced year-round. Negative emotions like worry, doubt, complaining, etc can take front and center in the day to day of most people's lives. Practicing gratitude takes the backseat. When you really think about it, how often do we dedicate time to reflect and appreciate the blessings in our lives? All of the good things, even the little things?
If you're looking for a shift in your attitude, happiness, and attraction of positivity in your life - practicing the power of gratitude may be the ideal start.
The Science Of Gratitude
Gratitude is arguably, the “ultimate positive emotion". Gratitude is strongly associated with different aspects of psychological and physical well-being. According to research, grateful people have more positive emotion, life satisfaction, vitality, optimism, pleasant feelings, empathy, generosity, and less depression and stress.
In her book, The How of Happiness: A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want, Sonja Lyubomirsky discusses eight ways gratitude boosts happiness:
- Gratitude promotes savoring positive life experiences.
- Gratitude may increase a sense of confidence and self-worth, by encouraging you to consider what you value about your current life.
- Gratitude helps you cope with difficulties.
- Gratitude encourages kindness and other moral behavior.
- Gratitude helps strengthen relationships.
- Gratitude inhibits envy.
- Gratitude helps undermine negative emotions.
- Gratitude keeps us from taking the good things for granted.
The Power Of Shifting Your Thoughts
How often do you inadvertently create negative situations in your mind and thought patterns, without ever considering the positive outlook? For example, as women age, we have been conditioned to feel negative about “getting older" or saying goodbye to our “glory days". I began to adopt this habit during my mid-twenties when I honestly felt I had no other life-changing milestones to look forward to. I remember incessantly complaining about reaching my mid-twenties a few years ago, but what changed my thought pattern around this negative emotion was my mother.
At almost 60 years old, she has always proudly professed her age and celebrates aging each year with gratitude. It reveals how she feels about herself, healthy, vibrant, and beautiful. She conditioned her mind to correlate birthdays with gratitude because of a very important notion my grandmother taught her when she was a young adult.“Birthdays are a blessing. God granted you another year to live in your fullness. Every day and every year you grow older is a gift from God that is unfortunately not granted to everyone."
Can you see how this very small shift in the context of your thoughts and expression can inspire you to view the positivity in a certain circumstance?
The 21-Day Gratitude Challenge
Practicing daily gratitude is a positive psychological intervention you can work towards incorporating in your daily lifestyle. It requires very little commitment, just simply a shift in your attitude and deliberate mindfulness. It begins with looking at all situations whether good or bad from a positive perspective. Will you begin to look at the glass as half full or half empty? Looking at the glass as half-full will allow you to discover unforeseen opportunities, benefits, and positive outlooks for any situation.
Your inspiration to practice gratitude can be derived from a religious or spiritual context. One persistent theme within the power of gratitude is “appreciating what you have in order to attract more". Your positive energy will shift, therefore your positive energy and outcomes will shift too.
If you're ready to shift your mindset, you can check out a few gratitude challenges here, here, and here.
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RELATED
While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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What Is a Praise Kink?
The concept of praise kinks isn't new, but thanks to TikTok, a lot of people are now realizing they might identify as praise kinksters. Currently, the hashtag #praisek1nk is trending with 568.9 million views, with tons of creators posting about their love for compliments and words of affirmation during sex. I, too, love a good compliment during sex. I once had a lover sing my praises about how good I was at a certain bedroom activity. His affirmations gave me WAP, but does that categorize me as having a praise kink?
How To Know if You Have a Praise Kink
Just because you love receiving praise doesn’t mean you have a praise kink. Someone with a praise kink experiences an intense level of sexual excitement from being praised or verbally affirmed by their partner during sex. You might have a praise kink if hearing your partner tell you how pretty you are makes you cum or if the thing that makes sex go from good to great is hearing your partner's thoughts about how good you are at giving head. And if, during solo play, the thing that gets you all hot and bothered is recalling the times your partner called you a good girl, it’s probably a praise kink.
Generally, a kink is a sexual activity that is needed for someone to enjoy sex. When it comes specifically to praise kinks, if you need reassurance from your partner that you're sexy, or good in bed in order to orgasm, you have a praise kink.
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Examples of Praise Kink Phrases To Try With Your Partner
If you’re new to the term and looking to explore, you probably have questions about what phrases to use. It may take a lot of communication and some trial and error to figure out what phrases work best for you and your partner. Ultimately, the best phrases to use vary from person to person and are based on what sex acts you and your partner enjoy, or what parts of their body they like complimented.
To get you started, here are some generic praise kink examples to try out with your partner:
Praise Kink Examples:
- You're such a good girl/boy.
- You're so good at [insert skill].
- You look so hot when you [insert activity].
- Your [insert body part] is irresistible.
- You taste so good. I can't get enough of you.
- You just have the perfect [body part].
- Just like that… you’re doing so good.
- Who taught you how to be so good at [something?]
While many examples of praise kink involve specific verbal affirmations, praise can also come in the form of brief words or phrases like “yes,” “keep going,” or simply a moan. No matter what type you prefer, praise kink is all about finding what feels good and exciting, and turns you and your partner on the most.
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Originally published on November 4, 2022