6 Things You Should Be Doing To Prepare For A Bomb New Year
With the new year right around the corner, many of us are figuring out how to end it with a bang.
We're planning holiday parties, checking our fourth quarter numbers, and looking back on the year that was. For some of us, this has been a year of trials and tests. For others, it's been a year of challenges and changes. But despite all of that, you can make the decision now to make sure what's coming is greater than what's passed. You can decide now to make your next year be the year of freedom and fruition. You can decide right now that things will be different, but it's up to you to take the necessary steps.
Issa New Year coming soon sis, and I don't know about you, but I don't want to be caught slipping when it comes. Here are a few things you can do to get yourself primed and ready.
Set Your Intention For The Year
With every year that comes, find one word or phrase that will serve as the tone for how you move. What this does is make you more conscious about the actions you take or don't take as the months go by. This word or mantra will serve as a rubric and an accountability meter to determine whether or not you're actively living out what you said you wanted for that year.
Write it down every day, make it the lock screen on your phone, add it to your affirmations in the morning. Proclaim that over yourself and be willing to put the work in behind it, I promise when the year is up, you'll be amazed at what you've accomplished.
Map Out Quarterly/Weekly Goals
If you haven't learned that chopping your goals down in smaller bite-sized pieces is the best way to get them done by now, then I don't know what to tell you, sis. While quarterly goals might give you a sense of leeway, weekly goals will help to keep you on track and keep you focused on the task at hand.
Determine the overall task you want to see done each quarter, and then map out all the things that it takes to see it done on a weekly basis. By doing this, not only will you set yourself up for success but you'll be able to look back and see tangible results at the year's end.
Assess Your Relationships
Listen, now is not the time, nor has it ever been the time, to be surrounded by those who no longer serve you. What previous years should have taught you more than anything is the value of good relationships and having the right people in your circle. You are the sum total of the five people you hang around most and, if that doesn't make you pull back and look at your environment, then I don't know what will, beloved.
Make it a point to look at the benefits and risks of each person you call “friend" before this year is up. If one outweighs the other, then you and I both know what you need to do.
Establish Boundaries
One of the best pieces of advice I've ever heard is that you teach people how to treat you. Essentially, it's up to you to show people what you will and will not tolerate. With that said, before you become a witness to 2018, get clear on your limits. Figure out what works for you and what doesn't when it comes to your relationships, your mental space, and your environment and put certain boundaries in place to keep all that's good coming and all that's not out of your life.
If that means getting off social media an hour before you go to bed, or not getting on it until an hour after you've woken up, put it in place. If that means only having contact with that certain friend or family member that absolutely drains you every time they come around once every blue moon, then do that. (CUT THAT RELATIONSHIP OFF SIS, but you know baby steps.)
Declutter Your Environment
How can you make room for the blessings of the new year when you're still holding on to the baggage of the past year? In the words of Badu, "You gon' hurt yo back draggin' all them bags like that." While it may have been a catchy song to sing, the sentiments ring true to this day.
Rid yourself of anything and anyone that's potentially holding you back. That teddy bear you got from your ex that you loved dearly but was hella toxic. Throw it away. Those old baggy clothes that remind you of the weight you used to have when you we're going through a rough patch? Trash it. Those mental strongholds that are keeping you from forming real long-lasting relationships? Get rid of it sis; out with the old.
Create A Reading List
Pick out 12 books you've been wanting to read and assign one to each month for 2018. It may seem like a lofty feat, but in all honesty, it isn't. We all make time for what we really want to do, so choose to do this instead. Reading has more benefits than we realize and it's important now more than ever to expose ourselves to works that will help us grow for the better. Expand your vocabulary, entertain new thoughts and paradigms, explore a whole new world outside the one you currently live in.
Make this upcoming year your year of yes, and choose to soar to new heights.
What are some ways that you're preparing for the new year?
Featured image by Getty Images
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Writer. Empath. Escapist. Young, gifted, and Black. Shanelle Genai is a proud Southern girl in a serious relationship with celebrity interviews, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, and long walks down Sephora aisles. Keep up with her on IG @shanellegenai.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:Â Â
​Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
​Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
​Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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