For Women Who Feel Like They Have To Constantly Chase What's Next
A good thing happened. After three years of blogging on my own platform, I was asked to become a contributing writer for this platform. I couldn't believe that my 'side hustle' was finally manifesting itself into a paid gig. And the best part: I'd be impacting even more women than I was on my own side of the Internet. It was a dream come true.
I had a few glasses of wine and a steak dinner at one of my favorite restaurants, and the next night stepped out with my sorors, to celebrate. But shortly after, my excitement faded. Not because the opportunity wasn't amazing anymore, but because my mind started racing about what I could conquer next.
I had previously talked myself into believing that my credibility and worth as a writer was dictated by how many bylines I had. xoNecole was going to be the first, so I had to figure out what was next. If not, the next site I'd contribute to, then the next pitch I'd submit.
In doing so, however, I never gave myself the chance to enjoy this accomplishment. I was so concerned with rushing to my next goal, that I hadn't taken time to truly sit in the one I had just achieved. I was ready to hurry off to my next goal without having even put enough footing in this one.
That wasn't the first time this has happened to me. I've been known for allowing my excitement to push me right past the present and into the future. I do it with everything — jobs, relationships, my own self-discovery. I'd reach one milestone and immediately hurry off to the next. "I got a new job, now I must get a higher paying one." or "I'm in a relationship, now I must get engaged." And it went on.
I would get so consumed with crossing off items on my checklist, that I never fully embraced or enjoyed any current moment. Living like that put me in a perpetual state of doing. Not growing, not living – just doing.
What kind of life is it to constantly rush to the next that I can't enjoy the now?
I'm not the only person I know who operates (as change is a process) in this way; perhaps if I was, this piece wouldn't be necessary. So many of us commit ourselves to moving through our goals, that we rarely have time to celebrate the ones we've already achieved. We don't allow ourselves the time to bask in the greatness, or in the lessons, of our current place because we're in such a hurry to get to the next one.
Many of us rush – or worse, minimize – our accomplishments in pursuit of our next big moment. We get high off achieving things, despite never allowing ourselves a moment to enjoy those achievements. We do ourselves a true disservice by constantly chasing what's next.
What we have will never be good enough if we're constantly looking for what's better, what's new, or what's next.
If you never allow yourself time to settle in to what you have or what you've accomplished, you will never be satisfied. You will be so consumed by the constant pursuit, that you will miss everything that is already in front of you. You'll dismiss everything you've already accomplished and all the work you've already put in. This isn't to encourage you to stay stagnant or get comfortable, it is a suggestion to give yourself a moment to enjoy who you are, what you are, and where you are in every given moment.
Stillness is a necessary behavior for the pursuit, process, and preparation of all good things.
It's critical to stop running on the hamster wheel of "what's next" and to, instead, bury yourself in joy, gratitude, and thanksgiving for what's already been done. It's imperative that you take time to truly enjoy your 'right now' moments and honor yourself for them. Take time to learn the lessons they offer and the preparation they provide.
Good or bad, take time to find and celebrate pieces of yourself in the journey you're currently on (it's a marathon, not a sprint). And allow yourself time to relish in what is, before rushing off to what's next.
Featured image by Getty Images
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Zoe Hunter is the writer, speaker, and creator behind the women empowerment brand DEAR QUEENS. She uses vulnerability, storytelling, and spiritual development to empower women toward healthy decision-making. Stay connected to Zoe's work by visiting DEARQUEENS.com or following her on Twitter @zDEARQUEENS.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Rihanna Talks Shedding Expectations And Finding Balance As A Mother
Since becoming a mother in 2022, Rihanna has defined parenthood by her terms and hopes to pass that sense of autonomy on to her children.
For Vogue China’s April cover story, Rihanna shared her perspective on raising her two sons with A$AP Rocky, and how she hopes to preserve her children’s uniqueness, devoid of societal expectations.
"The most beautiful thing...is that [children] come into the world with their own individuality and sincerity, without any logic or conformity,” she told the publication. “Which usually makes you feel that you must fit into a certain group."
The “Work” artist, known for her trendsetting style and captivating persona, expressed her desire to support children in fully embracing their individuality and encouraging them to be whoever they want to be. "It's really beautiful to see and I want to continue to help them navigate that and make sure that they know they can be whoever they want to be,” she says.
She continues, “They should embrace it completely, because it's beautiful, and it's unique. I love them just that way."
From shattering music charts to shaking up the beauty industry, Rihanna has forged a path that has since created the “dream” life we see today. One that she says has made her parents proud of.
“I’m living my dream,” she continued. “My parents were very proud of that because they just wanted me to be happy and successful. So, I think the key thing is to find some kind of balance. Yes, balance is important. Do this and you get the best of both worlds. You can write your own life the way you want, and it will be beautiful. Sometimes, you just need to let go of everyone’s expectations and start living your own story.”
Rihanna, who shares sons, RZA, 23 months, and Riot, 8 months, with rapper A$AP Rocky, recently shared her vision for expanding her family in the future in Interview Magazine.
When stylist Mel Ottenberg asked about the number of additional children she hoped to have, Rihanna replied, "As many as God wants me to have.”
"I don't know what God wants, but I would go for more than two. I would try for my girl,” she adds. “But of course, if it's another boy, it's another boy."
Featured image by Neil MockfordWireImage