Gabrielle Union On Infertility Diagnosis: "My Body Has Been A Prisoner Of Trying To Get Pregnant"
Gabrielle Union has been a champion for women who have struggled with infertility. The 45-year-old actress has gone into detail about her struggles with getting pregnant, her ineffective cycles of IVF, and has even revealed that she has suffered "8 or 9 miscarriages." And while the We Need More Wine author has been candid about her ordeal, there is no doubt everything she has gone through has taken its toll.
Speaking at the BlogHer conference in NYC, Union recently discussed her struggles but also revealed that she finally has more clarity as to what is actually happening with her body. After a slew of misdiagnoses, the doctors were finally able to pinpoint the exact cause of her infertility: Adenomyosis.
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Adenomyosis is a gynecologic medical condition defined as the abnormal presence of endometrial tissue, the inner lining of the uterus, growing within the myometrium, or the thick, muscular layer of the uterus. While it is similar to endometriosis and can occur at the same time, they are two distinct conditions. Like endometriosis, adenomyosis presents with symptoms that include heavy menstrual bleeding, chronic pelvic pain, prolonged and painful periods, pain during intercourse, among other symptoms. 11-12% of women suffering from adenomyosis also experience fertilityissues.
Many of the symptoms she was experiencing were treatable with the use of birth control. Doctors wanted to help her control many of the symptoms, but the end goal of getting pregnant didn't seem to be one of them. The pill became a "mask" for the real underlying issue she was having. For anyone trying to get pregnant, the use of birth control is clearly not the answer, and we're left wondering if this approach did more harm than good. She says:
"Every doctor I saw was like let me put you on birth control. Right? The catch all. Note: if you are on birth control for anything other than birth control, to address or treat any sort of period issue, you are not actually treating or addressing a period or reproductive issue. You are masking it. The pill can mask all kinds of things. It is amazing at preventing pregnancy; not so great with addressing anonymous."
Union always felt that she had been misdiagnosed. The Being Mary Jane star says that she spent a lot of time trying to get pregnant with the help of IVF to no avail. She says she felt like "a prisoner" to her efforts. She said:
"For three years, my body has been a prisoner of trying to get pregnant. I've either been about to go into an IVF cycle, in the middle of an IVF cycle or coming out of an IVF cycle."
Many couples will spare no means in the quest to get pregnant. However, not only is IVF expensive, ranging from $12,000 to $17,000 for one round of which many insurance companies will not cover, it's exhausting. Couple that with being misdiagnosed to begin with, Union certainly has dealt with a lot more than anyone should have to. As someone in the public eye, there are so many people with their opinions and mischaracterizations, and for Union, people were especially insensitive in suggesting that she prioritized her career over starting a family. She told the crowd at the BlogHer conference:
"Towards the end of my fertility journey I finally got some answers, because everyone said 'You're a career woman, you've prioritized your career, you waited too long and now you're just too old to have a kid — and that's on you for wanting a career.' The reality is I actually have adenomyosis...The gag is I had it in my early 20s, and instead of someone diagnosing me, they were like, 'Oh you have periods that last 9 or 10 days and you're bleeding through overnight pads? Not a mere inconvenience perhaps there's something more there.'"
While it is beyond unfortunate that it took this long for her to receive a diagnosis, if she chooses, she still has options. There is a procedure that can greatly improve the symptoms of the condition, which, in turn, can increase fertility rates up to 78% (Myometrium or adenomyoma resection). However, the only real "cure" for this medical condition requires complete removal of the uterus, i.e. a hysterectomy.
Her testimony is shining a light on the complexities of fertility issues and giving other women the chance to see that they are not alone. Union's bravery in sharing her story is remarkable, and there is no doubt that she is giving hope to other women with similar issues. The one thing she would tell other women facing similar issues is:
"Just know if you are out there having fertility issues, you are not alone."
Thank you, Gabrielle, for sharing you story. The strength you have shown us on your journey of infertility and misdiagnoses leaves us inspired and hopeful for a positive outcome in your future.
Gabrielle Union at #BlogHer18 with Samantha Skey on Fertility Challenges & Finding Your Confidencewww.youtube.com
Featured image by Getty Images
Michelle Schmitz is a writer and editor based in Washington, DC originally from Ft Lauderdale, FL. A self-described ambivert, you can find her figuring out ways to read more than her monthly limit of The New York Times, attending concerts, and being a badass, multi-tasking supermom. She also runs her own blog MichelleSasha.com. Keep up with her latest moves on IG: @michellesashawrites and Twitter: @michellesashas
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images