Every few months or so, I'll intentionally peruse through cyberspace to see what's up in the sex trends department. I must say that there has never been one time when at least three things haven't made me respond with either a "For real?" or a "Gee, what is that?" This particular time, what got me was the high praise that the 70 sex position has been getting, the brain orgasms that we can apparently have and oh, yeah, vegan condoms (vegan condoms?!).
Some of my friends are so used to me hitting them up with this kind of random information, that most of them no longer share my inquisitive excitement. Instead, they are usually like, "Really girl? Let me call you back." (Le sigh) So, I decided that this go around, I would share my findings with y'all.
After checking out the 10 current sex trends that piqued my particular interest, feel free to post comments on your thoughts (especially if you've tried any of them), along with some of the other trends that you've been diggin' lately. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who is intrigued by this kind of stuff. Prove me right so that I can tell my peeps that they are the exception, not the rule.
1. 70 Sex Position
Back when I was in high school, I was on what was known as the Acros team. Basically, it was a combination of cheerleading and gymnastics. I joined, hoping that it would help me overcome my fear of heights. It didn't. What it did do was make me mad limber. I thought about that when I turned and twisted my head to figure out if my 45-year-old self could get into the new sex position that half of America is apparently super hyped about right now.
In a nutshell, it's the 2.0 version of the 69 position. The twist to the 70 position is, rather than two people lying down, this time, they are vertical. The man starts out on his knees so that his partner can turn her back to him, kick her legs up and then put her legs over his shoulders. Then he slowly stands up and the woman puts her hands on the floor to help him to support her body weight (basically like she's facing him while doing a handstand).
OK, it seems like some real strong backs and maybe a wall for extra support needs to come into play here, but if you and yours want to be trendy tonight, you'll be doing what all of the limber kids are if you attempt the 70 sex position. Good luck.
2. Vegan Condoms
Although I'm personally not a vegan, I do have mad support for the folks who are. It is admirable how committed they are to the cause. If that's you, you can be vegan-vegan-for-real if you decide to ditch the condoms that you currently have and invest in some vegan condoms instead. If you never considered prophylactics to be a non-vegan ally, many of them aren't due to the casein (a protein that's made from dairy) that's in them. Aside from the fact that vegan condoms contain no animal products, another bonus is they aren't apart of the whole animal testing process.
If reading all of this has piqued your interest, some vegan fan favorites are Glyde's Organic-Flavored condoms , Sustain Natural's Ultra-Thin condoms and Trojan Supra BareSkin Non-Latex Polyurethane condoms . These are just a few that guarantee to be good to you and for the environment.
3. Shower Sex
Another sex trend that's getting lots of buzz are people who want to have sex in bodies of water. If by "body of water", they mean ocean, something that it and pools tend to carry is the kind of bacteria that can disrupt your pH balance and cause a vaginal infection (just something to think about). And, as far as jacuzzis go, it's only as safe as the person who cleaned it before you got into it.
That pretty much leaves us with shower sex. It's fun, it's safer and it's a multi-tasking kind of location because you can get clean, have sex and then get clean again—all in the same spot. Plus, the heat from the water will relax your muscles and joints so that you can be more "bendy", and the water makes the need for (extra) lubricant totally unnecessary. A win/win on every hand.
4. Nude Lingerie
Something else that has its own trends is lingerie. Right now, as far as patterns, florals are big. As far as material, lace stays classic. In the panty department, cheeky briefs are what you should look for. Bra-wise, soft cups are the way to go.
Also, something that I saw quite a bit of was nude lingerie. If you have no idea where to start looking for some, spring of last year, we actually did a feature on Nubian Skin; it carries are nice collection. Enjoy.
5. The Snail Sex Position
I'm not sure how new or inventive this is. I'm also not sure who came up with the name or why. But a sex position that men and women are saying is making them very happy right now is the snail position. It's when the woman gets on her back and pulls her knees back to her chest as her partner kneels down in front of her and penetrates. Then she puts her ankles on his shoulders and—voila! Instant G-spot attention.
For some reason, I feel like this position used to go by a different name (feel free to confirm that in the comment section). Either way, if you want to do what's popular, having snail sex will have in you in the "in" crowd.
Personally, I am a huge bed and breakfast fan. So much in fact, that I'll sometimes come out of nowhere and bless a married couple with a free night (or weekend, if I can find a good deal) at one. But for my friends who are a little on the "sexually loud" side, I'm learning that renting out an Airbnb is probably best. It's like having an entire house—that is not your own—to yourself so that you can scream, roll around and do whatever else without worrying that someone can hear you through the walls.
By the way, if you want to check out some of the country's best Airbnbs, click here . For some of the most unique, click here . Or, if you want to support a site that specifically caters to the African diaspora, click here .
7. Waterproof Vibrators
Something else that I found to be a huge trend are vibrators. But not just any ole' kind. I guess so that they can enjoy all of that shower sex that they're currently having (whether it's with someone or alone), customers want one that is waterproof. Some popular ones include the We-Vibe Tango Lipstick Rechargeable Bullet Vibrator , the VeDO Yumi Finger Vibe and the Womanizer Liberty Clitoral Stimulator .
Food for thought. I know these type of "accessories" will tempt you to run up your water bill, but just keep in mind that a lot of dermatologists say that washing up in lukewarm water for no more than five or 10 minutes is best. Hey, don't shoot the messenger. I'm just passing the info along.
8. Brain Orgasms
Is it just me or does it seem like every time we turn around, there is a new kind of orgasm? Just a couple of months ago, our managing editor shouted out 12 . However, one that wasn't on the list, that is starting to gain more momentum, is what is known as the brain orgasm.
Technically, it's tied into the ASMR (Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response) relaxation phenomenon. If you're not familiar with what that is, an example that comes to mind is the fact that YouTube has an entire demographic of viewers who find people scratching up their dandruff to be calming. No joke! There's a sistah who has a channel that's called Scratching My Scalp Off that consists of 35,000 subscribers; some of her videos have gotten a couple of million views.
Anyway , whether it's listening to someone whisper, tap their nails or turn pages of a book (or scratching dead skin and fungus), it is becoming more and more common for individuals to admit that sound arouses them; sometimes to the point of climaxing. Oh, and before you shrug all of this off as some crazy wypipo stuff, check out " How ASMR Became a Full-On Rap Sensation " and " 8 of the Best ASMR Moments in Hip-Hop ". "Wait (The Whisper Song)", anyone?
9. Sliquid Silk Hybrid Lube for Women. Slippery Stuff Lubricant for Men.
It doesn't matter what publication or website that I checked out, when it comes to all things sex, "the more lube, the better" is mentioned somewhere in the copy. Honestly, you can pull out some Aloe Vera gel, Vitamin E or coconut oil (although you should avoid oil if you're using a condom; it can break down its effectiveness) and call it a day. But if you'd prefer to purchase some, I did some digging and found two faves—one for women and one for men.
As far as our needs go, a lot of ladies rave about Sliquid Silk Hybrid Lube . It's a purified water and silicone blend, vegan-friendly, works with all condoms, complements your natural lubricant and sits at a pH balance of somewhere between 4.0-4.4 (that's a good thing). Meanwhile, a lot of fellas are feelin' Slippery Stuff Lubricant . For starters, it was developed by the medical community so that men could get, umm, tested easier. It's water-based, non-staining and long-lasting. It's also the type of lube that professes to increase sensations whenever you use it. So yeah, if you've been in the market for lubricant, these two will hold you down pretty well.
10. Bondage for Women. Sex Tapes for Men.
Just one more trend and then I'll let you go so that you can test some of these out. Something else that I read is when it comes to sex bucket lists that both men and women have, what a lot of ladies want to check off of theirs is bondage scenarios (nothing too over the top; just stuff like restraints, blindfolds or handcuffs) and—surprise, surprise—men want to record their romps. If you do decide to oblige your partner and you two decide to record your naughtiness with your phone, make sure that you download an app to hide the evidence. After all, it's one thing to follow a sex trend. It's another thing to have your sex end up trending . Be safe. Have fun. Yes, in that order—y'all.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at firstname.lastname@example.org. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
Exclusive: Gabrielle Union On Radical Transparency, Being Diagnosed With Perimenopause And Embracing What’s Next
Whenever Gabrielle Union graces the movie screen, she immediately commands attention. From her unforgettable scenes in films like Bring It On and Two Can Play That Game to her most recent film, in which she stars and produces Netflix’s The Perfect Find , there’s no denying that she is that girl.
Off-screen, she uses that power for good by sharing her trials and tribulations with other women in hopes of helping those who may be going through the same things or preventing them from experiencing them altogether. Recently, the Flawless by Gabrielle Union founder partnered with Clearblue to speak at the launch of their Menopause Stage Indicator, where she also shared her experience with being perimenopausal.
In a xoNecole exclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause , marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression , anxiety , like all of it, mental health challenges , all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry ’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy . If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures , and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood , her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff , which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You , which stars Anne Hathaway.
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Victoria Monét has had an incredible year. Thanks to the success of the widely popular “ On My Mama ” that went viral, the singer/ songwriter’s Jaguar II album debuted in the top 10 of Billboard’s Top R&B Albums chart. She also went on to headline her own sold-out tour . So, when the MTV VMAs happened in September, everyone was surprised to learn that Victoria’s team was told that it was “too early” for the “Smoke” artist to perform at the award show. However, a couple of months later, the mom of one received seven Grammy nominations, including “Best R&B Album” and “Record Of The Year.”
Victoria is currently in London and stopped by The Dotty Show on Apple Music and shared how she feels “validated” after being dismissed by the VMAs.
“It really does feel nice and validating because, in my head, the reason why I wanted to be a performer at the VMAs or award ceremonies like that is because I felt like I am at the place where I should. I would work really hard to put on the best show that I could, and I was excited to do so,” she said.
“And I guess the best way to describe it for me is like when you're like on a sports team, and the coach is like, ‘No, you gotta sit this one out.’ When they finally put you in, and then you score all these points, and it feels like that feeling. You're like, yes, I knew it wasn't tripping, but I knew I worked hard for this, and so it's been super validating to just have these accolades come after a moment like that, and I know the fans feel vindicated for me.
While her fans called the VMAs out on their decision, the “Moment” singer kept it cute and is still open to performing at the iconic award show. “I feel no ill towards them because it's just maybe that's just truly how they felt at the time, but I hope their mind has changed,” she admitted.
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Feature image by Amy Sussman/WireImage for Parkwood