You've probably heard someone say that the easiest way to heal from an addiction is to first acknowledge that you have one. That's so true. The problem is, when it comes to something like a "love addiction", it's usually really hard to get past it because it's so difficult to detect in the first place. How can you actually be addicted to love? Even if it's possible, how could that possibly be a bad thing?
Both of these are really good questions. What's important to keep in mind about love addiction is, the people who are caught up in one are usually more in love with the concept of love as it directly relates to whatever images of love and relationships that they've made up in their mind.
It's sort of like the kinds of people who are more obsessed with having a wedding than having a marriage — it's about the fantasies and feelings that come with being in a relationship more than doing the work that's required to sustain it. Like most addictions, no one really wants to face that they could actually be a love addict. BUT, if after reading this, you can relate to half or more of these points, it's time to face the truth that you very well might be one.
Accepting this fact is the first step towards no longer obsessing over fantasies so that you can experience the truth, the work, the self-awareness, and personal accountability that's required to make a real love relationship work — and last. Here are 6 subtle signs that you may just be a love addict:
6 Signs You're Addicted To Love
1.You "Fall in Love" VERY Quickly.
C'mon now. How is it that you just met someone two weeks ago and you're already in love? More than that, how is it that you've been able to do this four times in a row?
Albert Einstein said one of my favorite quotes on love — "Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love." It's a reminder that no matter what these wack reality television shows portray or how many celebrities rotate relationships on a weekly basis, love is more of a choice than it is a feeling. And to be able to make a wise choice, you need to take out the time to get to really know someone.
And no, you don't really and truly know someone in a month. You can be attracted but not truly in love. Is there anyone that thinks what I just said is ridiculous? Well, you're already showing signs of being a love addict.
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Featured image by Shutterstock
- 14 Signs of a Love Addict | Relationship Addicts | Love Addiction ... ›
- 5 Signs That You Are A 'Love Addict' | HuffPost Australia ›
- 40 Questions: Are You a Love Addict? ›
- Understanding Codependency: 11 Signs That You Are A Love Addict ›
- Love Addiction 101 | Symptoms of Love Addiction ›
- Might As Well Face It: Telltale Signs Of Love Addiction ›
- Love addiction signs | How to know if you're a love addict ›
- How To Break the Pattern of Love Addiction | Psychology Today ›
- Signs & Symptoms of Love Addiction ›
- What are the Most Common Indicators of Love Addiction? ›
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Exclusive: Melanie Fiona On Making High-Vibrational Music & Saying Yes To Partnership
Melanie Fiona is back! After taking a little more than a decade-long hiatus, she has officially made her return to music and blessed us with two singles, “Say Yes” and “I Choose You.” While both singles are very different from each other, they both reflect who she is today and the type of music she wants to make. In our conversation, the mom of two expressed what she learned during her time away.
“It's interesting, even when I said it is like coming back, I don't ever feel like I really left because I was always still performing. I've still been public. It's not like I went into being this recluse person or version of myself, but the thing that I really learned in this process is that I think things take time,” Melanie says in a xoNecole exclusive.
“I think often we're so caught up in it, being on the timing of demand or popularity, or, like, striking while the iron is hot and the thing that I've learned is that everything is on God's time. That's it. Every time I thought I would have been ready, or, like, things were taking too long, I had to reship some things, personally, professionally, in my life. I also gave myself permission to make a living, not just make a living, but make a life for myself.”
Making a life for herself included getting married to Grammy-nominated songwriter Jared Cotter, starting a family, and embracing new landscapes, such as podcasting as a co-host of The Mama’s Den podcast. She also began doing more spiritual work and self-care practices like meditation, sound healing, Reiki, acupuncture, and boundary setting, which allowed her to get in touch with her inner voice.
“I wasn't putting out music, and I wasn't experiencing a number one record, but I was being a number one mom,” she says.
“I was experiencing things that were allowing me to heal and get in touch with myself so that I could make new music from a space of joy and freedom, and excitement again because I definitely feel like I did lose some excitement because of just politics and industry and what it can do to your mental health and even your physical health. So giving myself the space to really just say, ‘Hey, it's okay. Everything's right on time.’”
The joy and excitement are felt in one of two new singles, “I Choose You,” which is more of a lovers rock vibe, a tribute to Melanie’s Caribbean roots. While the Grammy award-winner is known for ballads like “It Kills Me” and “Fool For You,” she is becoming more intentional about the music she makes, calling it high-vibrational music. She says her music is a “reflection of my life,” as it captures every facet, from hanging out with friends to riding around in her car.
“Say Yes” has the classic R&B vibe Melanie is known for. However, both songs are inspired by her relationship. Melanie and Jared got married in December 2020, and the Toronto-bred artist dished on their relationship. Fun fact: he is featured in the “Say Yes” music video.
“When we first started dating, I had come into that relationship post a lot of self-work. I had gotten out of a long-term relationship, I had a year and a half to date and be by myself and do a lot of work on myself alone. And when we met, I remember feeling like this has to be my person because I feel it,” she says.
“And so when we went into that relationship, and we started dating, I was very clear. I was like, I know what I want. I'm very clear on what I need, and I'm not going to withhold my truth about myself in this process because of pride or fear of rejection. I know you love me, but I'm coming with my heart in my hand to let you know that if we're gonna get there, we have to put fear aside and say yes. So that was kind of like my open letter to him, which is why the video is us having a conversation.”
Melanie also shares that saying yes to her partner has empowered her in many ways, including motherhood and showing up for herself. Her new EP, also titled Say Yes, will be available at the top of 2025.
Check out the full interview below.
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Tasha Smith On Why Your Self-Worth Is Your Greatest Asset In Relationships
If the definition of BOOM needed a photo next to it, it better be Tasha Smith’s face.
Tasha Smith, 53, the actress known for her captivating performances and outspoken personality, has become a beloved figure in the entertainment industry. Her portrayal of the fierce and fabulous Angela in the hit movie Why Did I Get Married? is nothing short of iconic.
Beyond her role in the Tyler Perry film, Smith has established herself as a versatile actress with a range of impressive credits to her name. She has consistently delivered powerful performances in both film and television, showcasing her ability to embody complex characters and bring their stories to life.
Off-screen, Smith is equally captivating. She is known for her candid and outspoken nature, never shying away from speaking her truth. Her authenticity and willingness to address important issues have made her a role model for many.
Lucky for us, she brings that authentic energy no matter the occasion. Tasha had us saying “Amen” and “Amen again” while listening to a resurfaced interview with Donni Wiggins on theFully Transparent podcast. There, she talked about starring in Bad Boys: Ride or Die, working with Will Smith and Martin Lawrence, and being a powerhouse.
One commenter shared, “Tasha Smith needs to have her own talk show and or motivational conferences!” and we couldn’t agree more. Keep reading for some gems that stuck with us!
Tasha Smith On Self-Worth and Resilience:
“Don’t let any man burn you out or make you feel bad about yourself. Don’t take 'no' from anybody. Period. I mean it, honey. When things go wrong, don’t stay down for too long. Let the comeback be quick and big, honey. Big. We’re resilient. We are.”
On Understanding Your Value:
“You have to understand your value. Sometimes, when things don’t go right in relationships, we, as women, tend to blame ourselves. But why does that have to be the case? I remember talking to a woman who said her guy cheated on her. I told her, ‘He didn’t think he was good enough for you.’ She looked at me confused, and I said it again, ‘He cheated because he didn’t think he was good enough for you.’ That behavior has nothing to do with you—it’s about him trying to feel better about himself.”
On The Power of Boundaries:
“If we understood our value, we’d have more boundaries, and we wouldn’t accept so much. You know what I mean? Because, honestly, we create bad behavior by what we allow. Women ask, ‘Why does he keep doing that?’ Well, because you keep letting him. The apologies are working, and those apologies come with more demonic ones.”
On Breaking the Cycle of “Sorry”:
“Once you get delivered from one 'sorry,' if you keep the door open, more will come in—stronger and harder to overcome. Before you know it, you’re stuck in that 'sorry' space. If you truly understood your value, you’d be quicker to walk away.”
On Moving Forward with Self-Respect:
“For me, at this point in my life, I’m not spinning the block anymore. You can’t just keep spinning the block. You have to have self-respect, boundaries, and a sense of your own worth. If you don’t value yourself, trust and believe a man won’t value you either.”
Watch the podcast interview in full below:
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Featured image by Paras Griffin/Getty Images