

In 2010, I first felt His presence. It was a few months after my first real heartbreak, and right after my college best friend (and roommate) packed up her things and dropped out. I was alone. Sad. Hopeless. Everything I had known, left. And there He was, simply there to comfort me. I had no idea what the feeling was at the time, but it was irrefutable – He was among me.
In 2012, I finally decided to pursue Him.
I just completed my first semester of graduate school and was settled back into my hometown. Having been isolated during all of undergrad and battling depression, I figured now was the perfect time to find a church home and consequently, God. So, I did. I sought Him diligently. I joined women's groups and went to church every week – sometimes twice a week. I started learning praise and worship songs and began strengthening my prayer life. I did all I could to get an ounce of the goodness I heard God was handing out. I needed some changes in my life, and I was determined to get them.
The first lesson I learned was about purpose. It came via The Purpose Driven Life, a 40-day devotional style reading written by Rick Warren. The book dissected divine purpose and what it means for our creation here on Earth. I hadn't ever considered what my existence meant, but this book forced me to think critically about it. It helped me identify how my passions and my work can collide to improve the kingdom of God and manifest a life of wholeness and it empowered me to identify the ways in which my journey can be of service to others. It encouraged me to find the silver lining in all that I've gone – and will go – through.
It was the first time I ever realized that God had a use for me.
Prior to this revelation, I questioned my value. I was single, alone, sometimes depressed, and had no idea how or what I would do to leave a legacy. With everyone around me prospering in their relationships, at work, or in their everyday lives, I felt like nothing. Yet, despite being a hot wretched mess, God still had plans for me. Despite being at my lowest of lows, God still loved me unconditionally. And if He could do that, I questioned why I couldn't do it myself.
It was then that I began a different journey. One that wasn't just about experiencing and loving God, but about learning to love myself.
In doing so, there were a few things I considered:
- God doesn't ask me to be anyone else, He simply asks me to be me.
- God will use all my mistakes to my benefit/for good.
- Nothing I do can pull me away from God's love.
These were fundamental truths that I wanted to exercise in my own life, from my own self. So, I did. I began operating in a way that manifested these truths. If God doesn't ask me to be anyone else, why should I try to be anyone else? If my mistakes can be used for good, why must I beat myself up about them? If God is willing to love me through all my mess, why shouldn't I love myself through it?
I set out on a journey to live in a way that aligned with God's love for me.
I turned away from seeking validation from others, and stopped relying on others to determine or defend my worth. Instead, I relied on my Source. The transformation was incredible.
I began reciting God's word of fearlessness and abundance and purpose and majesty and greatness over my life because He believed it for me, so I felt compelled to believe it for myself. The more I learned about God, the more I wanted to love myself the way He loves me. This meant extending more grace and kindness to myself during my most difficult moments, learning to forgive myself for my mistakes, and being more patient with my journey toward self-discovery and growth. It meant being more compassionate and loving and nurturing with myself. Learning how to be intentional about the care I give myself, the decisions I make for myself, and the boundaries (and expectations) I set for myself.
This turned into a consistent act of self-care. Treating myself like God treats me time and time again – with love, adoration, and grace. It certainly wasn't easy at first; I spent many nights wondering if I deserved the love I was attempting to give myself. Wondering if I was crazy for even trying to love myself this hard and unceasingly. But then I thought about God's faithfulness and knew that if He thought I was worthy of His love, then I know I was worthy of self-love.
In 2018, I fell fully in love with me.
It took a lot of shedding layers. A lot of self-discovery. But also, a lot of God.
By learning about God's character, I've been able to exude that character to myself. God has plans for me and loves me unconditionally – and if He could do that, I could too. I learned to love me (and see me) as He does — valuable, lovable, and purposeful – and extend the same grace, compassion, forgiveness, and love He offers me every day.
Featured image by Getty Images
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Zoe Hunter is the writer, speaker, and creator behind the women empowerment brand DEAR QUEENS. She uses vulnerability, storytelling, and spiritual development to empower women toward healthy decision-making. Stay connected to Zoe's work by visiting DEARQUEENS.com or following her on Twitter @zDEARQUEENS.
Eva Marcille On Starring In 'Jason’s Lyric Live' & Being An Audacious Black Woman
Eva Marcille has taken her talents to the stage. The model-turned-actress is starring in her first play, Jason’s Lyric Live alongside Allen Payne, K. Michelle, Treach, and others.
The play, produced by Je’Caryous Johnson, is an adaptation of the film, which starred Allen Payne as Jason and Jada Pinkett Smith as Lyric. Allen reprised his role as Jason for the play and Eva plays Lyric.
While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Tracee Ellis Ross Is Still Living A 'Robust' Life Despite Sometimes Grieving Not Being Partnered
Tracee Ellis Ross sat down with former first lady Michelle Obama and her brother Craig Robinson for their IMO podcast to have a candid discussion about dating, marriage, and family. At 52, the beloved actress is single, but is still open to finding her person. However, she realizes that she has to navigate dating differently, describing herself as a "unicorn."
“I’m a very unique sort of unicorn of a woman, so it's gonna take a unique person,” she explained. "And in the meantime, I've really learned how to live my life and enjoy it and not sit around waiting."
Calling herself a "choiceful woman," she has had to push against culture norms and found that many of her experiences with men around her age were challenging due to the toxic masculinity they had been raised in. Many of their views about relationships conflicts with how she lives her life, so she tends to date younger.
“It's not just that I'm older. I’m also very embodied. I am a full, very whole person who knows myself, who is in charge of my life and who lives a very full, just robust life," she said.
Regardless if they're younger or older, Tracee has made it clear that she isn't settling and won't be in a relationship for the sake of having a partner. Even when loneliness creeps.
“As much as grief does surface for me around not having children and not having a partner, I still wouldn’t want the wrong partner. At all, I’m not interested in that. You have to make my life better, it can’t just be ‘I’m in a relationship just to be in a relationship,” she said.
Fans have watched pieces of Tracee's life played out on social media and TV. Just one look at her Instagram, you see that the black-ish star lives her life to fullest and it's filled with fashion, family, and all-round fabulousness.
"Even though the grief does emerge, and that comes, and I hold that, I think of what I’ve done. I think I woke up every morning trying to do my best. I didn’t wake up one morning and be like I’m gonna mess this day up. So I must be where I’m supposed to be.”
She added, “And sometimes I think of all of the things I’ve done—the courage that I’ve had to have, what I had to learn to how to navigate as a single person with no one to hide behind. It's built a really beautiful experience around me and I have incredible friends."
The Black Mirror actress has spoken about dating before and has always stated that she doesn't allow singleness stop her from living her best life.
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