Hearts Are Breaking For Tamar Braxton After Her Mom Details Violence And Abuse In Her Marriage
Love should never be all there is in a relationship and deciding when enough is enough should always be an option.
Last month, Tamar Braxton drew a line in the sand when she filed for divorce from her husband Vince Herbert after nearly nine years of marriage. If you keep up with the singer/actress and Dancing WithThe Stars alum, you know that her life has been on public display for many years. From filming reality shows like Braxton Family Values and Tamar and Vince to her very dramatic exit from the daytime talk show The Real, Tamar is no stranger to the camera or the critics.
During the lead up to the newest season of Tamar and Vince, reports of her impeding divorce almost seemed like a publicity stunt. But soon afterwards, Tamar's mom Evelyn Braxton began talking to anyone who would listen about her true concerns about the demise of the marriage: alleged domestic violence.
What would you do if your daughter was trapped in an abusive relationship? Well, Evelyn is basically on a press tour of her own speaking out against Vince, saying that “battered women are in denial." Abuse is no laughing matter, and it is definitely isn't something to take lightly or to use to drum up ratings. We hope that this is not the case.
Recently, Evelyn sat down with the Rickey Smiley Morning Show, and her revelations are not only sad, but perhaps triggering for some folks. In the interview, Evelyn describes Vince as a “bully," “violent," and asserts that she is afraid not only for the fate of her 4-year-old grandson Logan, but that she is also afraid for her daughter's fate as well. She doesn't want Tamar to become a “statistic."
Evelyn fears for her daughter's life.
When you're violent like that, you don't think about 'Oh I better not do this because my child may see this,' you're just angry. And so you're acting out a behavior, and badly enough, the behavior he is acting out on is on Tamar. And I'm just afraid that he may hit her the wrong way, push her, and kill her, let's keep it real. Over 12,000 women are abused and killed every year. I do not want Tamar to be a part of that statistic, I just don't.
While her statistics may be off, there is still a huge cause for concern. If her allegations are true, Tamar is already a statistic. 1 in 4 women will become victims of severe violence by an intimate partner in their lifetimes, so the idea that this can happen even in Hollywood should not be a shock. These terrifying allegations highlight a disturbing reality for millions of Americans. According to the CDC, nearly 5 million women in the U.S. will experience physical violence by an intimate partner every year.
Evelyn also goes on to describe her daughter's own mental state.
Tamar's in denial. Because I think women that are abused are always in denial. They always think, 'oh he's not bad, it's okay, he's going to change, he didn't hurt me,' because they are hiding it from the public.
The cycle of violence not only leaves women in denial, but also in a state of isolation. They feel so alone with the thought that no one will understand why they would want to stay in this type of relationship. In a lot of cases, the abuser is charismatic, friendly, and seemingly a kind person to outsiders. However, their demeanor often changes behind closed doors. Because of this, some women are afraid to even tell their stories because they feel they may not be believed. As time goes on, victims start to feel as if it is their own fault, often justifying the abuser's behavior. In combination with low self-esteem, the cycle continues.
Evelyn also recalled a time that she was visiting Tamar and heard a loud sound. When she went to investigate, she saw Vince abusing Tamar, and when she tried to defend her daughter, Vince turned on her.
I ran back to the room because the baby was in the bed with me. I was very much afraid for the baby. I put a chair behind the door. I barricaded myself in the room, and held that baby all night long.That's no way for anyone to live, for God's sake. I was very concerned about my daughter, however, if I had I called the police, she would have denied it. Listen, battered women are in denial. They are hoping that things will change, and things will get better. No, no, no! It will not get better. And sometimes we think, 'if I had not said this, he wouldn't have done that. It's my fault' It's always your fault in your mind, body and spirit."
In some cases, victims of abuse may take on a persona to mask the reality of their situation. They make others believe that everything is alright, when this is far from the truth. Back in 2013, in a very emotional girl chat interview with Necole Kane of xoNecole, Tamar talked about a past abusive relationship and how it played into her self-esteem issues. Her words then were so important, but I wonder how much of what she said is still true to this day.
The reason why you see a lot of confidence is because I didn't have it. I used to allow people to take that away from me. The only thing that worked for me was to act as if I thought I was fabulous, but I didn't think I was fabulous. One day, I refused to let that person have that over me. That lie became my truth. I've always had a big personality it's bigger to you all now because I kind of had to play it up because that side still lives there. But I refuse to let that show because that would mean that he had won. I won because I'm still here!
As women, we are often reaffirmed in our identity to endure. Endurance can be beautiful, but that strength and resolve can be violated when we put our hearts in the wrong hands. The same hands that vow to protect us can belong to a man that doesn't hesitate to raise it when he feels compelled to. And sometimes our perception of love becomes distorted. We get fooled by words that's actions don't sync up, but when we're strong enough to remember who tf we are, we get a piece of that woman back that we were before we lost her.
If the allegations about Vince are true, we can only hope that Tamar has the strength to deal with her divorce and the healing process that will be necessary for not only her own mental health, but for the sake of her son.
Divorce is an extremely difficult process in and of itself, but the freedom you receive from your abuser is no doubt priceless.
Michelle Schmitz is a writer and editor based in Washington, DC originally from Ft Lauderdale, FL. A self-described ambivert, you can find her figuring out ways to read more than her monthly limit of The New York Times, attending concerts, and being a badass, multi-tasking supermom. She also runs her own blog MichelleSasha.com. Keep up with her latest moves on IG: @michellesashawrites and Twitter: @michellesashas
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Exclusive: Koryn Hawthorne On Her Miraculous Love Story: ‘I Was Never A Girlfriend’
Gospel singer Koryn Hawthorne has used her voice to let the world know about what God can do, and now the Season 8 finalist of NBC’s The Voice is sharing a miraculous act that led to her engagement.
The Praise This actress shared in an interview with xoNecole that prior to becoming engaged to her partner, Hunter Register, she passed over one particular title on her way to becoming a fiancée.
“I was never a girlfriend,” Hawthorn, 26, tells xoNecole.
“We've known each other since we were kids, so we just kind of always had this distant friendship. We would hit each other up on social media, and [I] slide up under things that he was posting,” she says. “We ended up hanging out together, and when we hung out, it was an instant immediate connection from all fronts. I think we just knew from the first day that I don't want to spend a day apart from you.”
Koryn Hawthorne On Her Miraculous Love Story, New Album, & More
She continued, "And yeah, we probably were boyfriend or girlfriend after — am I delusional? Then we were engaged a few months later.”
The Grammy-nominated singer, who became engaged in November of 2023, went on to share what her experience has been preparing to become a wife, exploring the personal growth, challenges, and emotions experienced throughout the process.
“It's a journey, I'm not gonna lie,” she says. “Relationships, in general, are hard, and whenever you think about marriage, is just different from being boyfriend and girlfriend because if you piss me off, I could just go,” she shared. “But marriage is an actual commitment. It's a partnership. It's a ministry.”
Hawthorne, 26, and Register, 27, were childhood friends growing up in Louisiana and sealed their love during a weekend getaway in New Orleans last fall.
For the gospel star, marriage involves more than lovely-dovey aspects, emphasizing how her relationship has allowed her to grow, mature, and learn valuable lessons through love.
“We were supposed to get married in May, but like for us to be mature enough to be like, ‘You know what? No, let's take the necessary time to make sure that we're fully prepared for this commitment such a beautiful thing,” Hawthorne reflected.
“It's a learning curve for sure, but our preparation for marriage would have been the only thing that brought this out of me. It's hard and it's scary at times, but it's God's purpose and His plan for our lives.”
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Dia DipasupilGetty Images