Kelly Rowland Gives Advice On Being A Mother And A Wife: 'Don't Forget Your Husband'
Kelly Rowland knows a thing or two about "Rowland" with the punches.
Wife and mom of one precious and handsome baby boy, Titan Witherspoon, Kelly found newfound love and purpose in being a mom. In fact, her upcoming book "Whoa Baby" is all about the journey of motherhood.
Kelly's journey through motherhood had a rocky start. In November 2014, the singer gave birth to her son Titan, but just three weeks later, her world came crashing down when she suffered the lost of her mother.
"When Titan was born, there was so much love in the room. I was speechless. He
took my breath away. [But] It was a tough, emotional point for me. I remember not wanting to be sad for Titan. I wanted to keep myself together because I believe that all that stress and grief can be passed on to your baby. Knowing Titan needed me, and having that to focus on, helped me through."
Three years later, Kelly is not only strong enough for her and her little family, but also for other mothers across the world.
These are the lessons Ms. Witherspoon taught us about mommy-hood:
1. Patience Acquired from Parenting Can Work Wonders on your Perspective on Life
Every child brings joy, but parenting... now that can sometimes be a pain. However, as Kelly Rowland explains, there is a blessing in the burden of parenthood and it's disguised as "patience."
"Having Titan has taught me patience. I didn't know I was as patient as I am with him. I was nervous that I didn't have the patience to be a good mom, because before Titan I had zero. But now I am very patient. The Bible verse 'love is patient' is real! I don't make the little things into big issues like I once did. My OCD had to go out the window. My living room looks like a freaking daycare!"
[Tweet "Being a mom just makes me feel whole."]
2. Making Plans is as Sure of a Thing as Breaking Plans
No surprise is too BIG when you're dealing with your "mini me." Meaning, as much effort as you may have placed into making plans, you have to always brace yourself for the possibility of breaking them too. Fact of the matter is, babies are life's littlest magicians- and they are full of tricks.
"The thing that surprised me most about being a mom is how much of a mess they (kids) can make. My whole attempt at going out was cancelled because of a really bad diaper (laughs). I just remember [poop] shooting across the room and onto my shoe. Yeah, they can do magic tricks like that."
3. A Mommy Support System is Always Clutch
Someone please call 9-1-1.. or not. Sometimes the best advice regarding your tike is from one-mother-to-another. So you may want to reconfigure your speed dial!
"I feel like it can be really overwhelming, so surround yourself with really good people. All of my mom friends have stepped in with wonderful advice. I'm closer [now] with all of my girlfriends who are mothers and I call them all for advice."
4. It's Ok to Get Caught Up with the Baby, but Be sure to Play "Catch up" With Your Boo Too
Aka, don't forget the other half of your heart- your hubby! If you're fortunate to have an awesome partner in this parenting process who does his part, show him some love for both of your sakes. Ask Kelly, her best advice on parenting was to make time for the parents too! Per the advice of good pal Kim Kardashian:
"One great advice I got, and I'm so glad she told me this, is 'Don't forget about your husband.' Because you are just so into that baby, when they come home, if they are eating, what time they are eating, if they are happy and if their diaper is changed. But how did the kid get here? So that was really important for me to focus on. Thank you Kim!"
5. Breastfeeding isn't Everybody's Cup of Milk (Don't Beat Yourself Up Over It)
Although the 34-year-old mother of one was looking forward to bonding with her baby on all levels, she didn't have the "breast" of luck when it came to feeding. But rather than beat herself up over it, Kelly gave in to other alternatives. After all, baby's gotta eat!
"I had my heart set on breastfeeding, but I wasn't producing enough milk. I got down on myself, which I think was mentally limiting my supply," says Rowland. She eventually supplemented with formula.
6. A Napping Baby is a Happy Baby
A sleep schedule for your baby is key to catching Zzz's-- and that goes for both you and your husband. So be sure to figure out what works best when putting your baby to bed.
"Even when the baby was sleeping, Tim and I weren't! That first week, Tim would poke at Titan to make sure he was breathing. Also, I was lax with a sleep schedule in the beginning. But once I read about how babies thrive on a schedule, we implemented one and he woke up rested and happy."
7. It Takes a While to Get Your "Rhythm" Down Pact -- Don't Trip!
Remain humble between your stumbles and trust the process when it comes to this parenting thing. It can be stressful for first time parents that their baby can't communicate their feelings or needs, but it's all in the signs! It took Kelly until the four to five month mark to get her "rhythm":
"That's when I started seeing Titan smile, and so I thought, 'We must be doing something right if he's happy!' He was on the changing table [when he first grinned] and I was singing a silly song to him: 'Titan's so fly! Titan's so fly!' He just looked up at me and smiled and my heart melted.I have always had maternal instincts, but as a mom you figure things out. Now I trust myself and feel stronger, like I can do anything."
[Tweet "As a mom I feel stronger, like I can do anything. - @KellyRowland"]
8. Don't Stress the Shed- You're No Less Perfect for Gaining More Pounds
Need we say more? You created, carried and delivered new life into this world. That's hard, so be easy on yourself. According to Kelly, she advises new moms to celebrate their bodies, even during the "weight"-ing process.
"It takes about a year to get the weight off. Don't beat yourself up if it takes even longer. Write on your mirror in lipstick: 'I had a baby. I'm a superhero."
via Parents Magazine
A modest goddess who keeps it humble between mumbles. I'm a journalism graduate with a HERstory in digital media, print and radio. Roll the credits: Power 96, VH1, xoNecole, EBONY, SOHH. Deemed "Top 20 Women in Media" by Power 105. Bronx made me, Broward raised me.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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How To Tell If You're Disciplining Your Child Or Seeking Revenge
When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images