I was scrolling Twitter, of course, when I came across and replied to a tweet that said, "Why are you as a woman afraid of not finding someone? Whether you accept it or not, you are the object of millions’ desires." My gears immediately ground upon reading this tweet and I felt the need to respond because it’s an opinion that the author is positioning as an overly optimistic, accidentally condescending socialized factual retort.
I’ve said this time and time again, and I’ll say it again: I hate condescending comments directed toward young adults. In regards to the search for romance, love, or a significant other, I particularly hate comments like, “you’re not old” or “you have so much time.” The reality is, you don’t have all the time in the world and deep down we all know this because we know that we can’t predict when our time on this earth is coming to an end. If nothing else, the pandemic should have taught us how unpredictable life is.
The other statement as it pertains to this topic, that I find to be both misleading and equally condescending is, “You’ll find someone, don’t rush it – don’t settle.” The second truth that we need to acknowledge is that not everyone finds this type of love!
Of course, there are other types of love that they likely do get to experience but no, not everyone gets someone…romantically speaking.
No, I’m not saying we should settle but I’m not going to be so obtuse that I would dare to say I don’t understand. While it’s amazing that there are people in this world who maintain standards and boundaries while dating and looking for love, I think we have to have empathy for people who are still trying to figure this shit out. It’s not easy to find love in general and it’s definitely not easy when you’re working to unpack trauma while hearing the steady tick of a clock. Like it or not, we’re all subject to a biological clock but especially women, should you want children.
Sure, there have been so many advances in medicine amongst other options outside of conceiving the traditional route but each one of them is still classified as a privilege in that their cost makes it unattainable. Adoption, freezing eggs, IVF, and sperm donors are all very expensive, luxury procedures. Designer babies have designer costs, to say the least, and we won’t get into the insane trafficking ring that adoption has become. As feminist as I am, it requires a level of burying your head in your ass that I don’t have in me.
Biological clocks are sometimes used against us to sustain patriarchy, but it’s also not completely inaccurate. There is, in fact, a time clock for certain people and I think we need more empathy and less delusion for that reality so that people can make the best decisions for them with the information and resources at hand.
I say all of this to say, stop spreading a false sense of delusion to soothe people or yourself for that matter. I think sometimes people are fortunate enough to not know what it’s like to feel desperate and like your back is against a wall, and they want to understand so badly that they make up complete horse shit and spread that information (or misinformation) like wildfire.
We have to learn a different way to respond when we’re engaging in uncomfortable dialogue because the default can sometimes provide a false sense of hope or comes off as completely condescending, and out of touch with the bleak reality that lies in waiting for a patriarchal system to pull through as a woman in this world.
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The episode was the perfect way for the multihyphenate to take control of her own narrative. By addressing the viral moment on her own platform, she was able to stir the conversation and keep the focus on her adoration for Braxton, an artist she says she grew up listening to and who still makes her most-played playlist every year. Elsewhere, she likely would’ve received questions about whether or not the costume was a subliminal aimed at her ex-boyfriend and his pop star fiancée. “I think that people will try to project their own narratives, right?” she said, hinting at this in the episode. “But, for me personally – I think it’s very important to say this in this moment – I’m not in the business of tearing other women down. I’m in the business of celebrating them.”
Kayla Nicole is among xoNecole’s It Girl 100 Class of 2025, powered by SheaMoisture, recognized in the Viral Voices category for her work in media and the trends she sets on our timelines, all while prioritizing her own mental and physical health. As she puts it: “Yes, I’m curating conversations on my podcast The Pre-Game, and cultivating community with my wellness brand Tribe Therepē.”
Despite being the frequent topic of conversation online, Kayla Nicole says she’s learning to take advantage of her growing social media platform without becoming consumed by it. “I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out,” she says.
On The Pre-Game, which launched earlier this year, she has positioned herself as listeners “homegirl.” “There’s definitely a delicate dance between being genuine and oversharing, and I’ve had to learn that the hard way. Now I share from a place of reflection, not reaction,” she says. “If it can help someone feel seen or less alone, I’ll talk about it within reason. But I’ve certainly learned to protect parts of my life that I cherish most. I share what serves connection but doesn’t cost me peace.
"I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out."
Credit: Malcolm Roberson
Throughout each episode, she sips a cocktail and addresses trending topics (even when they involve herself). It’s a platform the Pepperdine University alumnus has been preparing to have since she graduated with a degree in broadcast journalism, with a concentration in political science.
“I just knew I was going to end up on a local news network at the head anchor table, breaking high speed chases, and tossing it to the weather girl,” she says. Instead, she ended up working as an assistant at TMZ before covering sports as a freelance reporter. (She’s said she didn’t work for ESPN, despite previous reports saying otherwise.) The Pre-Game combines her love for pop culture and sports in a way that once felt inaccessible to her in traditional media.
She’s not just a podcaster, though. When she’s not behind the mic, taking acting classes or making her New York Fashion Week debut, Kayla Nicole is also busy elevating her wellness brand Tribe Therepē, where she shares her workouts and the workout equipment that helps her look chic while staying fit. She says the brand will add apparel to its line up in early 2026.
“Tribe Therepē has evolved into exactly what I have always envisioned. A community of women who care about being fit not just for the aesthetic, but for their mental and emotional well-being too. It’s grounded. It’s feminine. It’s strong,” she says. “And honestly, it's a reflection of where I am in my life right now. I feel so damn good - mentally, emotionally, and physically. And I am grateful to be in a space where I can pour that love and light back into the community that continues to pour into me.”
Tap into the full It Girl 100 Class of 2025 and meet all the women changing game this year and beyond. See the full list here.
Featured image by Malcolm Roberson
