Now that the spring season is officially here (can you believe it?!), let’s talk about something that tends to come up quite a bit yet you may have wondered if it’s just a saying or popular myth: spring fever.
I don’t know about you but when I heard it while growing up, it was always in the context of a relationship — you know, “Shellie, you’re just thinking about that boy because you’ve got ‘spring fever.'” However, because I enjoy knowing the origin story of hell, just about everything, I’ve discovered over time that not only is spring fever an actual phenomenon, although it can affect your romantic life (as well as your libido), it has the ability to impact you in a few other ways too.
So, before we look up and — boom — we’re just a few weeks away from summer (because that really is how this year is going, y’all), take a moment to learn more about spring fever and how you can actually make it work for you in ways that you may not have ever even considered before.
Spring Fever. What Is It All About?
GiphyA fun fact about me is I was born in Lincoln, Nebraska. If you add to that the fact that my mother is a New Yorker, perhaps that is why my favorite times of the year are fall and winter (check out “There Are Actually Scientific Reasons Why So Many Of Us Adore The Fall Season”) — including the fact that, yes, I like it cold and dark. Oh, I so enjoy cuddling up in cable-knit blankets in a room that is filled with candles. It is absolutely my thing.
In fact, I hate that I didn’t plan better this year, so that I could take a vacation to Colorado during this month since, reportedly, March is when a lot of the state tends to have the most snow. And if you add to that the fact that I am a bona fide ambivert — listen, if anyone is perfectly content with spending most of my time indoors (my house, specifically) with a cup of hot chocolate and a book or a good movie…she is I and I am her.
Still, that doesn’t mean that, over the past week or so, I haven’t felt the urge to get out more than I typically do. And from what I’ve read, that is probably due to, yep, spring fever — a time when many people feel more restless and/or like they have more energy than usual. And although it’s not technically a medical condition, many experts on the topic say that spring fever should be taken quite seriously.
The main reason is because when daylight savings time “springs forward,” it gives us extra daylight. When that happens, it actually has an impact on your circadian rhythm (the pattern that your body experiences every 24-hour cycle). There are actually pros and cons to this because while, on one hand, “losing an hour of sleep” can up your stress levels (including when it comes to your heart) which is a con, more sunlight also has a way of increasing your serotonin levels which is a pro. You see, serotonin is one of the “feel-good hormones” in your body that causes you to feel happier; it also makes you want to stay awake for longer periods of time.
Something else about spring fever that has some science to back it: You do tend to take a bigger interest in dating and sex (even though fall is reportedly the best time of year for copulation — check out “Did You Know Fall & Winter Are The Best Times To Have Sex?”). There is actually a pretty scientific basis for why this is the case (that you can read here). For now, I guess the best way to explain it would be that sunlight hits your optic nerve which influences the part of your brain known as your pineal gland. When that happens, less melatonin is produced and, since melatonin can actually lower your libido — there you have it: suppressed melatonin can increase your interest in flirting, dating, and intimacy, and being out in the sun more helps to make all of this happen.
Not to mention the fact that other reports have stated that spring is a time of the year when people tend to be more body image conscious too. Since layering season is gone and yet it’s not quite time to pull out a bathing suit (check out “These 12 Tips Will Make You Feel More Confident In Your Swimsuit”), springtime is a time of preparation. And since you’ve got all of that extra energy — and potential dating interest — spring fever can help to make you more focused on getting your body in the shape that you want it to be in over the course of the next few months.
A final thing about spring fever — it may cause your moods to be a bit…erratic. That makes sense when you really stop to think about it because spring weather tends to be the same way with all of its roller-coaster ride temperatures, “April showers” and whatnot. So, more than usual, you may feel like you want to hang out for hours with friends one day and then not even want to answer your phone another — which is pretty much a reminder that spring is a season when you should really listen to your mind, body, and spirit to see what it needs.
5 Ways to Handle Spring Fever (So That It Doesn’t Control You)
GiphyOkay, so now that you know that spring fever isn’t just a saying, that it actually has some solid truth to it, here are a few tips that can help to keep it from throwing you off course:
1. Be intentional about stabilizing your moods. It’s not good enough to know that certain things will impact your moods in a random way and then do nothing about it. And since spring fever may have you a bit all over the place, eat foods that will help to make you feel better (check out “In A Bad Mood? These Foods Will Lift Your Spirits!”), look into supplements that will boost your moods (like probiotics, magnesium, and vitamin D), and do some meditating outdoors. The combination of sunlight and deep breathing can do wonders.
2. Get on a sleep schedule. More sun really can throw your sleep patterns off, so you might want to consider putting your body on a sleep schedule. Y’all, I actually read that spring is the season when heart attacks and strokes increase, in part, due to sleep deprivation — so please don’t be out here thinking that just because you may not feel like sleeping that you don’t actually need to. YOU. DO. (Check out “12 Monthly Sleep Habits To Transform Your Rest In 2025”).
3. Exercise…even if it’s in baby steps. There are a billion reasons why we all need to exercise, no matter what time of year it is; however, if the body image thing is really on your mind, there are so many ways to get your body toned up. Jumping jacks, lunges, squats, mountain climbers, bicycle crunches — these are all things that you can do from the comfort and convenience of your house. And walking around your neighborhood either before work or after dinner (or both), especially now that it’s warmer — that is a cool way to get some cardio in. Anyway, Healthline has a helpful article on this topic. Check out “30 Moves to Make the Most of Your At-Home Workout” when you get a chance.
4. Date with a “sober” mind. A wise person once said, “Feelings don’t have intellect.” Yeah, don’t get me to preachin’ up in here (again) about just how much I hate the saying “Follow your heart” when the Good Book clearly says that the heart is deceitful (Jeremiah 17:9-10). For now, let’s just leave it at this: You get that science says that your urge to, umm, entertain more, may increase right now. Just make sure that you don’t just “go with the flow of your feelings”. Bring some common sense, street smarts, and even patience to the table. Springtime is just one season. Make choices that will make the rest of the year awesome as well.
5. Put all of that extra energy to wise use. You already read that feeling restless is pretty normal these days; that doesn’t mean that you’ve gotta do reckless things, though. The way that I see it, extra energy can help you to make some plans, reach a goal (whether it’s long-term or short-term), or try something new that you’ve always wanted to do. Bottom line: just because spring fever may have you feeling like you’re all over the place, that doesn’t mean that you can’t cultivate some real direction. Use this time to make you end this year in a way that makes you smile. All because you used spring fever…instead of allowing it to use you!
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Kayla Nicole says she wore a dress that was once worn by Braxton herself for the Halloween costume. “It’s not a secret Toni is more on the petite side. I’m obsessed with all 5’2” of her,” she tells xoNecole via email. “But I’m 5’10'' and not missing any meals, honey, so to my surprise, when I got the dress and it actually fit, I knew it was destiny.”
The episode was the perfect way for the multihyphenate to take control of her own narrative. By addressing the viral moment on her own platform, she was able to stir the conversation and keep the focus on her adoration for Braxton, an artist she says she grew up listening to and who still makes her most-played playlist every year. Elsewhere, she likely would’ve received questions about whether or not the costume was a subliminal aimed at her ex-boyfriend and his pop star fiancée. “I think that people will try to project their own narratives, right?” she said, hinting at this in the episode. “But, for me personally – I think it’s very important to say this in this moment – I’m not in the business of tearing other women down. I’m in the business of celebrating them.”
Kayla Nicole is among xoNecole’s It Girl 100 Class of 2025, powered by SheaMoisture, recognized in the Viral Voices category for her work in media and the trends she sets on our timelines, all while prioritizing her own mental and physical health. As she puts it: “Yes, I’m curating conversations on my podcast The Pre-Game, and cultivating community with my wellness brand Tribe Therepē.”
Despite being the frequent topic of conversation online, Kayla Nicole says she’s learning to take advantage of her growing social media platform without becoming consumed by it. “I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out,” she says.
On The Pre-Game, which launched earlier this year, she has positioned herself as listeners “homegirl.” “There’s definitely a delicate dance between being genuine and oversharing, and I’ve had to learn that the hard way. Now I share from a place of reflection, not reaction,” she says. “If it can help someone feel seen or less alone, I’ll talk about it within reason. But I’ve certainly learned to protect parts of my life that I cherish most. I share what serves connection but doesn’t cost me peace.
"I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out."
Credit: Malcolm Roberson
Throughout each episode, she sips a cocktail and addresses trending topics (even when they involve herself). It’s a platform the Pepperdine University alumnus has been preparing to have since she graduated with a degree in broadcast journalism, with a concentration in political science.
“I just knew I was going to end up on a local news network at the head anchor table, breaking high speed chases, and tossing it to the weather girl,” she says. Instead, she ended up working as an assistant at TMZ before covering sports as a freelance reporter. (She’s said she didn’t work for ESPN, despite previous reports saying otherwise.) The Pre-Game combines her love for pop culture and sports in a way that once felt inaccessible to her in traditional media.
She’s not just a podcaster, though. When she’s not behind the mic, taking acting classes or making her New York Fashion Week debut, Kayla Nicole is also busy elevating her wellness brand Tribe Therepē, where she shares her workouts and the workout equipment that helps her look chic while staying fit. She says the brand will add apparel to its line up in early 2026.
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Tap into the full It Girl 100 Class of 2025 and meet all the women changing game this year and beyond. See the full list here.
Featured image by Malcolm Roberson
I was inspired to write this because, recently, while reading about eight types of narcissists and what their traits consist of, I revisited what a vulnerable narcissist is all about. Then, as I connected some dots via another piece that I read about how it shows up in female friendships — well, because this is a platform for Black women, I definitely wanted to put y’all on notice. Because when it comes to toxic friendships (which really is a bit of an oxymoron, isn’t it?), there is probably nothing worse than having a narcissist friend — someone who displays traits like being highly self-centered, pretty apathetic, and constantly gaslighting those around them.
Okay, so what’s the difference between a “regular” narcissist and a vulnerable one? Yeah, let’s get into that now because I’ve got a feeling that some light bulbs are going to go on for a few of you…as it relates to at least one of your current…“friendships.”
So Basically, a Vulnerable Narcissist Is the Same Thing As a Covert One
GiphyIf you check out the article, “Science Says That Happy Couples Do The Following 7 Things” on this platform, one thing that you will notice that I said is, since I’ve been a marriage life coach, I’ve not really been big on using the word “vulnerable” when it comes to serious relationships. Charge it to being a writer who takes words pretty literally (dictionary-defined ones, not what social media makes up from year to year) yet I’ve never understood why we should encourage people to be vulnerable with someone who they deeply trust.
I say that because I know that vulnerable means things like “capable of or susceptible to being attacked, damaged, or hurt” and “open to moral attack, criticism, temptation, etc.” And although I get that no one is perfect, if you feel like dealing with those closest to you requires taking this level of an emotional risk, on a fairly consistent basis? In my opinion, that is a dark orange flag, if not a flat-out red one.
I’ve said before that my preferred word is “dependent” because it means “relying on someone or something else for aid, support, etc.” — and healthy relationships? They absolutely should be INTERDEPENDENT. Yeah, whether it’s romantic, familial or a friendship — why are you out here feeling like sharing yourself makes you open to attack and harm when you should be involved with individuals who can be relied on for support? See the difference? And that is why a vulnerable narcissist makes sense to me — since a narcissist is unsafe, by the very definitions of vulnerable, a vulnerable one would be too. Even more so, in fact.
Here's the clincher, though. Even if you’ve never heard of a vulnerable narcissist before, I’m willing to bet that some of you have heard of a covert narcissist, which is basically the same thing. The fascinating thing about a covert narcissist is they are more subtle than some of the other types — which is exactly how they are able to trip folks up. Because although they need lots of attention and they tend to act really self-important (like all narcissists do), a covert narcissist moves in some pretty sneaky ways.
For instance, they might go really heavy on what seems like compliments (more on that in a sec) in order to make you think that they admire you when, really, they just want to get your guard down in order to get whatever they want out of you. Another example of a covert narcissist is they might act like they are proud of something you accomplished; however, they are actually sticking close by to get some of your contacts or to work themselves into the successful world that you created, so that they can actually compete with you. One more example of a covert narcissist is if they don’t get their way, they may ghost you for days, weeks or months at a time and then be all passive aggressive about it whenever they resurface.
And why are they like this? Because vulnerable/covert narcissists get off on gaslighting — they want you to feel like you are crazy for thinking what is, 8.5/10, spot-on about them. That way, you can be the villain and they can play the victim — even though it’s probably the exact opposite that is actually going on. They do this because, ultimately, to boost their ego. For a narcissist, pretty much of any kind, game-playing is what fuels them and makes them bigger in their minds than they actually are (or even deserve to be).
10 Dead-Ringer Signs of a Vulnerable Narcissist
GiphyOkay, so even with all of what I just said, what if you’re like, “Shellie, I think I get it, but I need a few more examples of what you’re saying”? I hear you and I’ve got you. Some other ways that vulnerable narcissists like to show up and out?
- They are hypercritical and condescending
- They act like they are allergic to accountability
- Their expectations are unreasonable (and hypocritical)
- They are walking contradictions
- They want to be the center of attention (and while monopolize things
- They are masters at giving others the silent treatment
- Their expectations are unrealistic and their demands are ridiculous
- They deflect instead of apologize
- They flatter (use fluffy and insincere words) yet don’t affirm or compliment (yes, there is a difference)
- They lack empathy or humility
And why — or even how — would you be a friend with someone like this? Well, the other thing that you have to keep in mind about narcissism is they are excellent at using charm to their advantage. Charming people tend to come off as being charismatic and witty. Charming people seem to be really interested in you (at least initially). Charming people have a way of making you feel very comfortable around them. At first, charming people seem genuine, attentive and respectful. And they definitely make a good impression — sometimes one that is so solid that you keep going back to that memory during the “bad times” with them.
Hmph. The thing that you have to always keep in mind when it comes to charm, though, is what Scripture says about it: “Charm is deceitful…” (Pr. 31:30) — and that is just what a narcissist is: deceptive.
And when it comes to a vulnerable narcissist and her friendships with other women? The deceptive runs deep.
How a Vulnerable Narcissist Shows Up Especially in Female Friendships
GiphyAlways remember that a vulnerable narcissist moves in subtle and sneaky ways. Hmph, that alone should make you want to ponder if you have some female friends who would fit the bill of being a vulnerable narcissist because we do have a way of being clever and ingenious…which are two of the things that come with being a subtle type of individual. And the way that subtle narcissists use their clever and ingenious ways to their advantage? I’ll give you an example.
A former friend of mine who was — and from what I hear, still is — an absolute vulnerable narcissist really wanted me to be her fan rather than her friend. One time, she even invited me to a bachelorette party and said, “You’re the only one here who isn’t a bridesmaid. You should feel honored.” Nah, what you really said is that you don’t truly value what I bring into your life enough to be a bridesmaid but you know I am good for bringing one hell of a gift and cheering you on regardless.
And that’s how a lot of our friendship was — doing way more giving than I was receiving, doing way more listening than leaning and when I would call her out on some of these things, she would either freeze me out or play the victim and act like somehow it was my fault that she wasn’t being a better friend.
Yeah, that’s what you’ve gotta watch about vulnerable narcissists — it is going to be oh so very rare that they will take full accountability for where they have dropped the ball. To them, somehow, it — whatever “it” is — is either going to be your fault or someone else’s. And that’s why, in their eyes, if you were a “real friend” to them, you would coddle them through not meeting your needs instead of expecting them to actually change their ways so that you both could benefit from the relationship.
And why don’t your needs matter? Because, to a vulnerable narcissist, they believe that they are worthy of extra special treatment at all times — think of them like being a bridezilla 24 hours a day. LOL.
And although some of what I said can be nuanced, for the most part, that really is how a vulnerable narcissist tends to make themselves seen and heard in female friendships: treat them like queens and expect to be mere subjects in their court or…why are you around at all, chile?
5 Hacks for Handling a Vulnerable Narcissist
GiphyFeeling triggered? Or better yet, are you feeling like you finally can “scratch the itch” of what you’ve been looking for to describe a certain person (or certain people) in your life goes? If that is the case and although you see some flags, there tends to be at least a little bit of good enough in your dynamic with “your” vulnerable narcissist to not totally break things off (yet), how do you keep a vulnerable narcissist from causing (anymore) harm?
1. Set firm boundaries. The former friend who I just spoke of? It took years to fully and finally unravel out of all of that (pretty much because she took her elitism to “no turning back” levels a few years ago). A part of the reason why is because she’s not the devil; she really isn’t — she’s just a narcissist. So, what I did to make things more bearable for myself for a while was set some emotional boundaries.
Sometimes I had to tell her “no” and provide no explanation behind it (narcissists think that they are owed every damn thing, chile). I refused to be at her beck and call all of the time. When I felt like she was stressing me out, I would take a bit of time off from phone calls or hanging out. Listen, you will never survive a narcissist, of any kind, unless you have some firm and consistent ARTICULATED boundaries set. If you don’t heed any other point, please heed this one.
2. Have consequences in place for when they are broken. There is no point in setting a boundary if there aren’t going to be consequences for when they are broken. So, for instance, if you tell a vulnerable narcissist that you don’t appreciate them not taking accountability for telling your business to a mutual friend (because they are also extremely entitled individuals), you should probably keep your mouth shut around them for a while. Narcissists care more about their present interests than your holistic comfort which is why they tend to do stuff like that (sometimes).
3. Look at patterns over promises. Narcissists are a lot like energy vampires — and something that both of those need is a source of supply to leech off of whether it’s attention, emotional investing, resources…whatever will benefit them and what they are wanting at the time. And that is why they have no problem telling you that they will do something for you…even if they don’t end up following through. They do this because they want you to put enough confidence in them to be willing to go out of your way on their behalf — at least until they get what they need in the moment. Be careful of that. In genuine friendships, you should be able to rely on others just as much as they should be able to rely on you.
4. Choose to not see them as your “safe place.” Remember, narcissists are charming. They can also be witty, fun and totally entertaining to be around. A word that I wouldn’t use for them, though, is “safe.” The former friend who I mentioned? Although she was good at keeping information confidential (which is a safe trait), she couldn’t be relied on when I was hurting because, somehow, she was going to find a way to turn the focus on her (that is unsafe). I mean, rarely could I tell her something and she wasn’t going to turn it into a story about herself. Yeah, narcissists are always on some sort of makeshift stage, chile. And that can be exhausting.
5. Make sure you know what your “breaking point” is. I tell clients often: Be okay with being someone’s consequence sometimes because there may be a chance that they won’t learn any other way. Do I miss that former friend of mine? Eh, by the time that I was done, I was DONE done. However, we had a lot of years between us and so there are memories that get to me on random occasions. And although I don’t hate her and can see her and genuinely care about how she’s doing, we have nowhere to go in the future. She’s always going to want me to do most of the work — and I am no longer interested in doing so. Breaking points are good. They let us know when a chapter in a relationship has…completed itself.
____
An author by the name of Nassim Nicholas Taleb once said, “Love without sacrifice is theft” (that kind of makes me think of the late author Eric Jerome Dickey’s quote, “Sex without love is violence”). At the end of the day, that saying is a good way to “gut check” your relationship with a vulnerable narcissist. Ask yourself if you are basically the only one doing any sacrificing. And if that is indeed the case, is it worth it?
Remember, a vulnerable narcissist thinks that they deserve to be treated better than everyone else — including you. If you want to keep that type of person as a friend, just know what you are getting yourself into. Because since they are probably never going to change, you will be the one who has to.
One way or another, sis. One way or a freakin’ other.
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