Need To Make A Big Decision Quickly? Do This.
Business mogul Simon Sinek once said, "There is no decision that we can make that doesn't come with some sort of balance or sacrifice." Keeping that in mind, are you ready to have your mind (at least slightly) blown?
Guess how many decisions you will make before turning it in tonight? You ain't even ready — 35,000! I know it sounds like I'm totally exaggerating (click here to see that I'm not), but when you really think about it, that kind of makes sense.
You had to decide to get out of bed, then decide which room you were going to go into first (usually it's the bathroom, right?). You had to decide what you were going to wear, eat for breakfast and route you were going to take to work. You then had to decide whether or not you were going to cuss out your annoying co-worker and also decide if you were going to procrastinate on that project your boss assigned you. The list goes on and on.
When you really think about how many things require that a decision be made, suddenly 35,000 seems a little on the small side.
Now here's some food for thought. How much weight do you put into the decisions that you make? Do you really believe what Actress Helen Mirren once said, "You write your life story by the choices you make"? Do you apply the wisdom of motivational speaker Mario Teguh when he warns, "Never make a decision when you are upset, sad, jealous or in love"? Is your decision-making motto something along the lines of "Openness, respect, integrity — these are principles that need to underpin pretty much every other decision that you make"? (Justin Trudeau, the current Prime Minister of Canada said that.)
One could say that their entire destiny hinges on the decisions that they make. Keeping that in mind, if you have a really big one coming up and time is not really on your side when it comes to making it, here are five tips to help you make one you can feel good (and sure) about.
Revisit Your Values.
We all have values. But if someone asked you to define what a value system is, what would you say? If it's always some sort of an abstract definition, here's a way to simplify it. Values are simply what you believe and how you choose to live your life based on those beliefs. Your values should be the foundation that determines what (and who) you prioritize in your life. It should also help you to figure out what you want your future to look like.
Say that you value your family. If you're offered a job that will give you more money but will also require you to work twice as much as you do now, if you make a decision based on your value system, you'll probably pass on that gig. What it would cost your family dynamic isn't worth the bump in pay.
So yes, when making a decision, the first thing to consider is what your values are and what choice will affirm vs. compromise them.
Figure Out What You Would Tell Someone Else.
Most of us are experts at giving others good advice. But somehow, when it comes to our own selves, we struggle. Why is that? Because when it comes to us, we're biased. We're also more emotional about our own issues than other people's stuff.
Don't believe me? Think about the last time you gave advice to a girlfriend about a man in her life who was puttin' it down and also not treating her right simultaneously. Now think about the last man who did you the same way. Did you take the advice that you gave ole' girl? If so, how long did it take you to actually follow through?
Some of the best insight is what we would offer the people we care about. When trying to make a decision, think about what you would tell a family member or friend if they were in that same situation. Then try and do what you just advised.
Think About Your Life a Year from Now.
GiphyIf you make a decision based on a temptation, one of the main problems with that is you're probably only focused on the now. Eat that extra slice of cake now. Have sex with that fine man now. Spend money you don't have to buy an outfit you don't really need now. But if all you do is focus on the here and now, you could look up in six months or a year later and realize that giving in to your temptations resulted in your life being a total mess.
A good decision-maker doesn't only care about how a choice affects the present. They do their best to consider how it will impact their future too.
Remember That Indecision IS Decision.
A Jewish philosopher by the name of Maimonides once said, "The risk of a wrong decision is preferable to the terror of indecision." I've wasted a lot of time not believing these pearls of wisdom, not so much when it comes to the choices I've made, but as it relates to allowing people in my life to be stagnant when it came to making decisions that directly affected me.
Nothing good comes from procrastinating. Nothing good comes from indecision either. All they do is encourage you to totally disrespect your time. And time? That's one thing you can never get back.
When you've got a decision to make…make it.
Jeff Jahn, the CEO of the software company DynamiX offers up some good food for thought about the patterns related to our decisions:
"Most of what we face each day is similar to other scenarios we have already experienced. By understanding this, it's possible to quickly map a range of previous experiences and their outcomes. Leverage those to arrive at the most viable decision for this case. Over time, as you continue making decisions, their speed and quality will improve."
I really like this because it's a reminder that we should only do what we've done before if that choice worked for our greater good in times past. Otherwise, we probably need to step out of the box a bit.
How far out? That depends. What does your gut instinct tell you?
How much can you trust it? Quite a bit. Not only is your gut shaped by your past choices but also the wisdom you've gained from that. If you add to that the fact that your intuition is literally connected to the nerves in your body, well—it's a confirmation of what I often tell people.
We are comprised of our mind, body, and spirit. All three are designed to live in harmony. When one of them is not in sync with the others, it's a flag that something is "off".
That's why, when you need to make a big decision, your gut should also come into play. If you listen to and honor it, you won't have to waste time (and go crazy) asking a billion other people. So long as your mind, body, and spirit are at peace, you can be too.
You'll be able to co-sign with Caroline Kennedy when she said, "When you make the right decision, it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks."
The decision will be made. You can be proud. And both your present and future will thrive because of it.
Related Articles:
If You Want To Get To The Root Of Things, Try My One-Word Test – Read More
Does Your Life Need Personal Boundaries? Take This Quiz To Find Out – Read More
How The Rise Of Perfectionism Is Stunting Your Growth – Read More
Featured image by Shutterstock
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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How A Stay At Switzerland's Luxurious 7132 Hotel Reminded Me To Live The Life I Deserve
Sometimes, as women—especially as single Black women—we simply need to be reminded that we are deserving of living a life we dream of. Even if that means creating it for ourselves. I recently set out on a weeklong trip to Switzerland, a trip I’ve been wanting to take for years, and near the end of my visit, I had an epiphany.
“DeAnna, this is the life you deserve,” I thought to myself as I took in the gorgeous bathroom in my suite at the famous 7132 Hotel and Thermal Spa. It was one of the most luxurious hotels (and bathrooms) I had ever stayed in—and that’s saying a lot for someone who often travels for work.
To help you better understand why this was such a mental awakening for me, I first need to give a bit of my backstory. I’m in my late thirties. I’m an attorneyand a journalist. I own a home and have traveled the world extensively. Essentially, I’ve done everything in life I set out to do. However, when it comes to dating, I struggle. Not because there is anything wrong with me per se, but because my career and “lifestyle” often create problems in my romantic relationships.
View from my hotel room
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I’ve been told everything from, ‘I can’t continue to date you because you seem to choose your career over wanting to settle down and have kids’ by a man after only the second date to ‘Maybe if you just sat down somewhere for a while, I’d actually wife you’ by someone who has honestly never proven themselves to be the settle down type. And these are only a handful of the things I’ve been told over the years.
It’s been frustrating, to say the least, and there have even been seasons where I purposely dimmed my light in hopes that my career wouldn’t push away potential suitors. I know what you’re thinking, “Girl, why would you even consider that? If they’re for you, it won’t matter what you do.” Hey, don’t judge me, but also, I one hundred percent agree.
My hotel bathroom
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That’s why this recent moment in Switzerland was right on time. When I first walked into the hotel to check in, I was blown away by the surrounding beauty. It was a five-star property with one of the world’s most famous thermal bathhouses. Yet, it was something about seeing that 90% of the hotel’s guests were couples, that forced me to sit back for a bit of introspection—while soaking in the thermal spa, of course.
As I went through the mental conversation, there was a battle of sorts. On one hand, I knew that being able to partake in experiences like the one I was having at that moment was important to me. I knew that, at times I actually love being able to dabble in the finer things—after all, I’ve worked hard to be able to afford them. On the other hand, and sadly, I knew that sometimes being a single Black woman that publicly showcases her “luxurious” habits can intimidate men and even scare them off from pursuing you under the guise of them feeling like they “can’t do anything for you, because you have everything.”
My hotel room
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So, what is a girl to do?
Do I minimize/hide the life and experiences that I have? Do I play down the hard work I’ve put in to get where I am professionally? Or, do I risk being single in exchange for being able to have said life, without backlash?
Luckily, the joy that I felt while being at this property won. There was something about taking a full day to simply pamper myself at the bathhouse and in my in-room steam shower and soaker tub, indulging in cuisine from a 2-star Michelin restaurant and doing all of this while surrounded by an amazing group of Black women that reminded me—this is certainly the life I was meant to live and that I deserve. Even if it means that right now, I’ll just have to provide it for myself until the right partner comes along. And honestly, I’m okay with that.
Restaurant at 7132 hotel
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