What True Self-Care Is & What It Isn't
Self-care has become a trend.
Frilly fabrics, pedicures, facials, glittery positive affirmations, candles and flowers floating in a warm bubble bath, glamorous vacations, retail therapy, and the works without THEE work.
The painful work.
The difficult work.
The unpretty work.
Yes, I am coming into your home and walking out with all of your stuff with this one.
Because a fresh hair-cut or beat face does not make your soul vibration any higher when you're leaning against the wall in the club bathroom, music blasting, post-obligatory-mirror-selfie, and still fighting emptiness. Or when you're sulking in anger about how you just knew your most recent heavily contemplated and the timed post was about to do NUMBERS on The Gram (or The Book), and it failed to meet your arbitrary "like" expectation, triggering feelings of unfulfilled validation stemming from adolescence defined by beliefs of inadequacy.
Somewhere along the way, self-care has been packaged quite efficiently as "escape" and "sublimation." Fleeting distractions. Applause. Surface-level smiles. Shrouded, cloaked inside the cheerful clatter of brunch mimosa glass toasts, is a significant silence. The quieting of neglected tear ducts that have been praying for the last 3 weeks or 3 years that you will genuinely ask yourself, "Where am I hurting…and why?"
Actually, caring for ourselves mentally, emotionally, and spiritually has been successfully reframed as avoidance activities.
Anything to dodge probing of the painful variety.
We have been trying to sell the world and ourselves artificial imagery of relaxation. Farce mastery and control. Physical polishing in place of emotional liberation. Inside, our souls are as tense as ever, panting under the pressure of upholding appearances whilst getting away with not healing. All you've been doing is carrying on. Performing.
You have to dig deeper, my love.
This is not to undermine the value of rewarding yourself, celebrating life, and treating your body as the temple it is. You deserve to unwind and rest. You deserve ALL of the good feels and a break from life's commotion. However, these things cannot be done in the place of authentic vulnerability with yourself and deemed "self-care." The soul work needs your attention, too. Set the ambiance and then please dive inside.
In a time where we will take our clothes off for social media more easily than we will take our facades off alone, it is imperative to address and undress the root of our issues. No longer can we go on calling ourselves Butterflies without earning the metamorphosis.
A caterpillar undergoes a series of sheddings, breaks out of its skin, and essentially digests itself inside-out to emerge as a new beautiful creature. This remarkable transformation requires an all-consuming unraveling of everything the caterpillar has ever been, done, and known. The chrysalis is necessary. This isolated and intentional imploding and molding.
Becoming inside itself.
Creating, shuffling, and shifting solely with the contents life gifted it. Separation from the noise and elements other than its own DNA. Suitably, you become a Self-Care Butterfly by going inside yourself. Despite how daunting this task seems. Because you are a capable, courageous caterpillar who does capable courageous caterpillar tings and you already KNOW what's on the other side of that chrysalis, fam! Flourish!
Self-care is necessary breaking.
Self-care is necessary stinging.
Self-care is necessary discomfort.
Self-care is necessary.
Self-care is rebuilding.
Nourishing your biopsychosocial well-being and health is intense introspection, confession, detection, and reflection. It's identification-led transformation. It's levitation. It's elevation.
It's therapy. It's journaling. It's church. It's a process involving peeling, pain, and grief.
Plunging and purging. Crying. Admission of shame and guilt.
An unleashing of suffering to reach the sunlight beyond the cloud.
It is a holistic release.
It is Healing.
You must participate in the process to obtain self-acceptance and continue growing.
Do not be afraid, young caterpillar.
You are a masterpiece learning to master peace.
Your marvelous wings are waiting for you.
*Orginally published on Black Girl In Om
Lacrisha is a thugged out therapist and writer who likes to spend her spare time participating in sophisticated ratchet hippie thug scholar things like lamenting adulting and reading books. She is a proud alumna of both the illustrious Howard University and North Carolina Central University.
Featured image by Shutterstock
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Black Girl In Om promotes holistic wellness and inner beauty for women of color. We encourage self-care, self-love, and self-empowerment for communities of color. Read more of our stories at blackgirlinom.com.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Vivica A. Fox Gets Candid About Her Dating Life As Her 60th Birthday Approaches: ‘I’m Taking Applications’
Vivica A. Fox says she’s on the market!
During a recent appearance on Today with Hoda & Jenna, the Set It Off actress spoke candidly about her dating preferences amidst modern dating culture.
"I’m wanting to date, it’s just limited resources out there, right? Because I’m not getting on an app. I’m old-fashioned," Fox said. "I need to meet you and sparks happen because I just believe people make up stories, saying who and what they are."
The actress, 59, expressed her desire for a partner and isn’t shy about the traits she hopes her future soulmate will embody.
"When I say a partner, I want someone who’s going to be fun, who’s not intimidated by who and what I am, that likes to travel, and is gonna let me go shopping," she illustrates.
Fox continued, "I’m taking applications, so if you got a friend, I’m good. And I don’t discriminate. I’m not against different nationalities, so you can know that too. You gotta leave your options open."
With the Not Another Church Movie star’s 60-year-old birthday approaching this summer, Fox humorously reflects on how it feels to reach this milestone age. "Well, I'm not going to lie, my knees someday are like, ‘Let’s go get a little help there.’ Some shorts, or something. But I’m so comfortable in the skin I’m in."
Vivica A. Fox has had a notable dating history with high-profile relationships with rapper 50 Cent in the early 2000s and has been romantically linked to Dennis Rodman and was previously engaged to Omar "Slim" White.
Fox adds that she’s living her best “booked, busy, and blessed” life and is grateful for the fulfilling opportunities that have come to her in this chapter of her life.
"I never expected this chapter of my life to be so booked, busy, and blessed — literally in that order. I’m finally getting quality, I’m getting projects that I love doing," she says.
"I’m all about girl power and lately women have been giving me the most wonderful opportunities. ... The blessings have just kept growing, and finally, everyone’s giving me my flowers. It’s about time, and I’m taking them."
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Featured image by Carol Lee Rose/Getty Images