Feelin' On These Pressure Points Will Give You The Best Sex Of Your Life
I feel pretty confident in saying that most of us are huge fans of foreplay. And since foreplay consists of actually touching your partner, doesn't it make sense that certain spots actually…hit the spot? On the surface, while you might think that I'm referring to erogenous zones, I'm actually talking about pressure points that will not only intensify your sexual experiences but can offer up all sorts of other health benefits too.
If you're ready to help your partner have even more enjoyable climaxes (as they hopefully do the same for you), here are seven places that, if you take 10-20 minutes to massage them, can result in a euphoric feeling that is truly like no other. (Just make sure to dim the lights and have a DIY massage oil on hand.)
7 Pressure Points for Better Sex
1. Head
You've probably heard that the greatest sex organ is your brain (I've certainly said it a few times on this platform). So, of course, it makes complete and total sense, why a head massage would be a great way to get your partner in the mood for sex.
On the health tip, it releases tension, eases headache and migraine discomfort and helps to relax the body (it also promotes hair growth and lowers your blood pressure). Sexually, a head massage can help to calm down an overactive mind as it also encourages blood to flow more freely throughout the body.
Head Massage Tip: Dab a mixture of sweet almond oil and lavender essential oil onto your fingertips (the lavender scent is calming and the almond oil will prevent any mild abrasions; lavender oil is pretty potent). With a medium amount of pressure, massage your partner's temples in small circular motions for five minutes, then move up to their scalp for an additional five. By the way, it's best if they are sitting in a comfy chair when you do this; it'll help to take some of the strain off of their back.
2. Ears
Ears are considered to be an erogenous zone. Plus, they contain somewhere around two hundred pressure points that are directly connected to various parts of the body. Both of these are valid reasons why ears made this list. The interesting thing about this part of the body is, when you massage the left earlobe, it stimulates the right brain and pineal gland and, when you massage the right one, it stimulates the left brain and pituitary gland. Consistent massaging of the ears helps to increase blood circulation and boost one's immunity. It also encourages the production of endorphins in order to relieve muscle-related pain and discomfort. As a bonus, you can boost your partner's libido if you rub on these pressure points a bit.
Ear Massage Tip: All of us have something that's known as the Bosch point; it's located on both ears. Basically, it's the thin part of our ear that, if we bent it towards our face, it would easily fold into our ear's canal. If you gently massage that area on both sides, and you add a little nibbling and/or dirty talk into the equation, I promise you that things will be on and poppin' within a couple of minutes.
3. Stomach
Did you know that a stomach/abdominal massage can improve digestion, relieve constipation, reduce bloating, strengthen and tone stomach muscles, release tension and aid in weight loss? Two other benefits are it can calm your senses and help your orgasms to last a little longer. The key is to be as gentle as possible, perhaps even giving a few kisses to the tummy region along the way.
Stomach Massage Tip: In order to get the best results, make sure to focus on the areas that are a couple of inches underneath your partner's belly button, and also the part that is right above their crotch. If you slightly apply pressure, it will get their blood to circulating and, it will definitely arouse their genitals in the process.
4. Back
Back massages do all sorts of great things. They help to release muscle tension from the spine. They increase blood circulation to your body's muscles and tissues. And sexually, they help to "trigger" the feel-good hormones that naturally run throughout your system as they increase body's mobility too. (Yes, back massages can actually make you more limber!)
Back Massage Tip: If you want to make this kind of massage extra soothing, warm up some massage oil. Then ask your partner to lay on their stomach on the bed. Place each hand, flat, on each side of your partner's spine and slowly move your hands upward until you reach their shoulders. Then use your thumbs to massage their shoulder blades in a circular motion. You should feel tension leave their body as you're actually doing it.
5. Butt
There are a lot of people who tell me that, as they get older, their lower back doesn't quite work the way that it used to (if you know what I mean). One thing that can help to get it back into action is to receive a glutes (butt) massage. It's a great way to regain some strength and agility while increasing blood circulation to your genital region and making your orgasms more intense as a direct result.
Butt Massage Tip: An easy way to relieve the stress, pain and pressure that may be lodged in your partner's glutes is to run a foam roller over them. You can typically get them at stores like Walmart or Target for under 20 bucks. Or, if you'd like to watch a video on how to give an effective butt massage, click here.
6. Calves
Have you ever gotten a charley horse during sex? I have and it sucks because it always seems to come right before, well, you know. Aside from making sure that you have enough liquids and potassium in your system, something else that you can do to decrease you and your partner's chance of having these super annoying muscle spasms is to give calf massages. They improve blood circulation, reduce any scar tissue that your calf muscles may have on them and, they help to decrease pain as well.
Calf Massage Tip: Warm up some coconut oil. Have your partner lay on the stomach on the bed. Use a medium amount of pressure in order to rub their legs from their thighs down to their ankles, using your knuckles to gently kneed any areas that might be extra tight. Do this for about six minutes per leg. It'll feel like heaven to them.
7. Feet
Reflexology is pretty dope. The premise of it is that, by massaging the hands, ears and yes, feet, you can soothe your nervous system and even help to heal various parts of your body. Since there are approximately 7,000 nerve endings in our feet, you can probably see why it's such a good idea to give them a good rub every now and then. Feet massages can do everything from eliminating toxins in your body and boosting your brain power to reducing period pain and relieving headaches. And yes, it can also make your sexual experiences better. That's because reflexology has a way of releasing the stress hormones in your system that may be hindering your ability to get fully aroused.
Foot Massage Tip: Something that can easily put your partner in the mood is to apply a gentle amount of pressure underneath the balls of both of their feet. Do this by pushing in that area with your thumbs and holding for a count of 10. If you then follow that up by using your thumbs to "walk" from their heels to each of their toes, it will help to release anxiety and elevate their libido too. Now get to rubbing—and make sure that your partner returns the favor!
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Less & Less Of Us Have Close Friends These Days. Why Is That?
German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche once said, “It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” At close to two decades of working with married couples, I agree with this man 1000 percent. It’s actually the main motivation for why I once penned, “Are You Sure You're Actually FRIENDS With Your Spouse?” because, the reality is, if you’re not friends with the person who you vowed to share every aspect of your life with, for the rest of your life, it’s going to be very difficult (if not damn near impossible) to honor that level of commitment. Without question, I will now and forever die on the hill that if you like your partner, you can make it through the not-so-in-love-right-now moments. Vice versa? Eh…not so much.
A basis for why I feel this way? Another quote immediately comes to mind. Famed author Jane Austen once wrote: “There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature.” You know, back when I also wrote “10 Things You Should Absolutely Expect From Your Friendships” for the platform, I shared that some of the traits of a friend — a real friend — include loyalty, honesty and compassion. And if you can’t say that your spouse is this way (as they say the same thing about you), chile…what is y’all doin’ over there?
So, why am I talking about marriage when this article is supposed to be about friendship? It’s because, something that life has taught me, kinda sorta the hard way, is we should vet potential friends — especially close friends — almost like we would a spouse.
And if you keep reading, I think you’ll get why I framed the intro in the way that I did.
Why Friendships Are Still Hella Essential
GiphyOkay, so before I get into why it seems that people have fewer friends than they ever had before, let me just say that, even as an ambivert who enjoys my own company and has absolutely no problem with being alone a good amount of the time, every personality type needs friends. That’s not just my opinion;science makes it a fact. Not only do studies support thathealthy friendships help us to feel more satisfied with our lives, but they can also reduce our chances of experiencing depression, stress, and anxiety and they increase longevity overall.
This is why — without going too deep because it’s kind of another topic for another time — it’s important to not allow past hurts and disappointments from former friends (or folks you thought were your friends) to cause you to build up walls as you declare that you don’t need anyone. When you do that, all you’re really doing is working against your own health and well-being. The saying that “no man (or woman) is an island”? It is absolutely true.
That said, even if it’s just a couple of people, make sure that you’ve got individuals in your life who you can call a friend and, in turn, they can say the very same thing about you, okay?
Are All of Those People Your Actual Friends? Or Do You Just Happen to Know a Lot of Folks?
GiphyAight but what if you happen to be someone who swings on the other side of few? Meaning, if someone were to ask you how many friends you had, you’d quickly declare that you’ve got too many to count. Listen, not to patronize or anything yet, but whenever I hear folks (especially if they are over 35) say something along those lines, it takes me back to high school — a time when so many of us thought that so long as we knew a ton of folks and/or we were popular, clearly, we had many friends.
Wisdom and pure ole’ dealing with humans on a consistent basis will teach you that an article that I wrote a few years back for the platform has a title that is spot-on: “According To Experts, We Only Have A Few Friends — Here's Why.” According to it, the average American (based on a survey that was conducted) has somewhere around 16 friends. Oh, but wait. Last fall, I wrote another article for the platform entitled, “What's The 'Five Friendship Theory' All About?” According to it, if you’re someone who takes the word “friend” and the responsibility that comes along with it very seriously and quite literally, as an adult, you can probably only maintain about five close friendships.
Why? Well, that brings in another article that I once wrote: “Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient.'” Chile, I don’t know about y’all but my friends know that if I call you that, you can call me in the middle of the night, and you can have money towards your rent (I’m not your mama but we all have hard times sometimes) and I’m gonna have your back in a way where you’ll wonder where you stop and I start — and no, I don’t have a lot of bandwidth for a ton of those people.
Okay, but what if you’re someone who is like, “I know that I have more than 16 and definitely more than five friends, no question”? The next thing that I would encourage you to explore is a theory by Aristotle (check out “According To Aristotle, We Need ‘Utility’, ‘Pleasure’ & ‘Good’ Friends”). Without even realizing it, many of us have people who we use the word “friend” for when…it’s kind of like how social media apps say “friend”: we’re familiar with one another and enjoy some of the same things, we might even have some of the same goals; at the same time, though, we’re not “all-encompassing friends.” We just get along really well at work (utility friends) or like to go to brunch at the same spots sometimes (pleasure friends).
Taking all of this into account, are you sure that you have a ton of actual friends? Or do you just happen to know a lot of people and you use that word for the lack of having another?
And that brings me to my next point.
There’s A LOT of Space Between “Friend” and “Enemy”
GiphyIf you read a lot of my friendship content, something that you will notice me saying quite a bit is that there is quite a bit of space between friend and enemy. It needs to be mentioned, as often as possible, because there are some people who get offended if you don’t consider them to be a friend — and that is unfortunate. I say that because the conclusion shouldn’t automatically be that they are your enemy just because “friend” isn’t what immediately comes to your mind.
They can be an acquaintance. They can be “cool people.” There is someone in my life who, while we’re not friends in the traditional sense, we are each other’s confidant; years ago, we agreed that we would be the place to tell each other whatever and it would stay between us — that is the main purpose that we serve in each other’s lives. Some people, you may consider to be spiritual family in the sense that you care for them and have some deeply profound things in common and still, they are not exactly a friend (I mean, a lot of blood relatives aren’t “friends” with each other).
All I’m trying to say here is we’re all too old now to only put folks in two boxes when it comes to this particular relational dynamic: friend or enemy. So, take some time out to seriously reflect on what you consider the various people in your life to be. I can promise you from personal experience that the sooner you know and the clearer you are, the easier it will be on everybody — because needs and expectations will be clear to you (and them once you articulate them) too.
What Got Folks to Having Less Friends? The Pandemic Plays a Significant Part.
GiphySo finally on to what inspired this piece to begin with. A part of it was an article that was published last year by Big Think entitled, “Americans more than ever have no friends. Here are 5 steps to make more friends.” Another was something that The New Yorker published back in 2021; it’s entitled “What COVID did to friendship.” Y’all don’t have enough time and I don’t have enough space to get into the fact that, just because the media may be talking about it less, that doesn’t mean that we’re not still in a pandemic.
In fact,one article stated my thoughts on it quite well when it said, “The real question, then, is not whether COVID is still a pandemic, but how much COVID illness and death are we willing to accept?” SMDH. And one of the things that has come with experiencing COVID is an interesting type of PTSD: detachment. There are plenty of articles out here to support the fact that my saying that is not merely my opinion.
Even according to the American Psychological Association, loneliness damn near skyrocketed, especially during lockdown and, unfortunately, a lot of people have not recovered from it. That’s why it did not surprise me at all when I read that more than ever, many people do not consider anyone to be a best friend; fewer people are relying on friends for any type of real support, and there is a semi-steady decline in people having friends, especially quality friendships, overall.
In fact, as far as close friends go, currently, close to 50 percent of Americans say that they only have three or fewer, and a relevant contributor to that was what the pandemic revealed as far as people’s proactive participation in other individuals’ lives (I actually read that young women were the ones who lost touch with friends during the peak of the pandemic the most). I also thought it was interesting that some studies cite that 12 percent of Americans say that they don’t have any friends at all.
Is the pandemic the only cause? No. So are things like people working more hours and spending more time online than they probably should (which also increased due to the pandemic, though). To that, Teen Vogue once published, “Social Media Is Impacting IRL Friendships” and Healthline once published, “Social Media Is Killing Your Friendships.” Then we also have to factor in having families of our own which can also take up a lot of time, and that sometimes can cause us to forget to nurture our friendships; so, before you know it, they fade to black. Not due to a fallout or anything, just…life.
And all of this? Some people are saying that it has led to what is known as a “friendship recession.” A huge flag about that is there are reports that a drop in close friends can cultivate a type of loneliness that is just as health hazardous as smoking a whopping 15 cigarettes a day. Not good, y’all. Not. Good.
Quality over Quantity Is Key. Just Make Sure That You Have a Friend or Two.
GiphyOkay, so what is my overall point? That’s a fair question. Just like sometimes “life life-ing” can make us forget to tend to our friendships, if you don’t stumble across content like this, you might not even realize that you’re feeling mentally stressed, emotionally strained, or super isolated and it’s all because you need to prioritize your friendships — because your mind, body, and spirit need them. Again, science has proved it.
At the same time, if, like a client of mine, you find yourself getting a little bit paranoid because you have noticed that over the past several years, your close friend count has been far less than what it used to be, this article proves that you are absolutely not (pardon the pun) alone. Honestly, there’s nothing wrong with having a very small circle of friends because quality is gonna beat out quantity every time; you just need to assess when it happened and why so that you can be sure that you are choosing it to play out that way and it’s not due to some underlying cause that you hadn’t taken into consideration — until now.
An Italian priest by the name of Thomas Aquinas once said, “The happy man in this life needs friends.” Even if it’s just one or two people, please make sure that you have folks who aren’t just your friend but your very close friend. You need them. They need you.
Everyone else, figure out where they fall and nurture accordingly. Life is a lot. We all get by with the help of our friends. Real talk, y’all. Thank goodness for them.
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