Grief is the space through which we process a multitude of emotions in the midst of loss. Many of us try to avoid it, but it is ultimately a necessary component of our healing.
Feelings can range from denial to depression; and while the only thing that makes grief easier to bear is having the ability to allow and accept, sometimes taking a moment to sit with our thoughts and feelings can be better than keeping busy in an effort to not face them.
I recently found myself dealing with my own personal feelings of grief after losing two people that I loved dearly in the course of a week. I wanted to push past the pain and get back to life as I knew it, but I knew that rushing the process would only make things worse. Since travel has always been a source of therapy for me, I decided to speak with a mental health professional about how a getaway or what some would call a "grief-cation" could help with my healing.
Dr. Shawnte Jenkins-Alexander is a counseling psychologist and says that people grieve for various reasons and in various ways, so understanding how a particular loss directly impacts you is key to knowing how you'll be able to cope. "For some people, traveling is like a spiritual experience. It puts people in a place of reflection and connecting with God, seeking answers from God and even being angry with God. Giving yourself permission to say what works for you may not work for someone else is important."
An example of that fact is Janice, a caregiver who's father passed away six years ago. For her, taking a "grief-cation" not only gave her peace and quiet, it allowed her to purge her feelings of pain without being interrupted. "I packed up my car and drove to Michigan. I bought wine, food and put my phone on 'do not disturb'. For years, I had been in the caregiver role and taking time away after my dad's passing helped me to release that role, journal my thoughts and be in a space where I could cry alone."
"It allowed me unfamiliar territory to talk to God about everything and express gratitude for the opportunity to care for my father the way I had cared for countless others."
Dr. Jenkins-Alexander believes that mindfulness and journaling while vacationing after a loss can give us new insights into ourselves and the world around us. "Sometimes going through a grief that seems so unbearable allows you to do things you never thought you'd do because you're almost moving through a space of being fearless now. Or visiting an undeveloped country can help you to reprioritize, see the world through a different set of eyes and show you that you still have a lot to be thankful for."
Moving through the grief process can oftentimes be a grueling experience. The only way to heal is to sit in the pain, having faith that eventually it will become more manageable.
They say that travel is the best way to be lost and found at the same time. For some, a vacation focused on navigating through a personal loss could be a cathartic option.
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xoNecole sat down with Luke James to talk about his latest series and all the complexity surrounding it—from the challenges taking on this out-of-the-box role to the show's depiction of the perplexing history of the relationship between Black Americans and police. When describing the opportunity to bring Edmund's character to life, Luke was overjoyed to show the audience yet another level of his masterful acting talents.
"It was like bathing in the sun," he said. "I was like, thank you! Another opportunity for me to be great—for me to expand my territory. I'm just elated to be a part of it and to see myself in a different light, something I didn't think I could do." He continued, "There are parts of you that says, 'Go for it because this is what you do.' But then also that's why it's a challenge because you're like, 'um, I don't know if I'm as free as I need to be to be able to do this.' Little Marvin just created such a safe space for me to be able to do this, and I'm grateful for everything I've been able to do to lead to this."
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Them: The Scare, like the first season, shines a light on the plight of Black Americans in the United States. This time, the story is taking place in the 1990s, at the height of the Rodney King riots in Los Angeles. While the series presents many underlying themes, one that stands out is Black people and the complicated relationship with the police. "For the audience, I think it sets the tone for the era that we're in and the amount of chaos that's in the air in Los Angeles and around the country from this heinous incident. And I say it just sets the tone of the anxiety and anxiousness that everybody is feeling in their own households."
James has been a longtime advocate against police brutality himself. He has even featured Elijah McClain, the 23-year-old Colorado man who died after being forcibly detained by officers, as his Instagram avatar for the past five years. So, as you can imagine, this script was close to his heart. "Elijah was a soft-loving oddball. Different than anyone but loving and a musical genius. He was just open and wanted to be loved and seen."
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Luke continued, "His life was taken from him. I resonate with his spirit and his words...through all the struggle and the pain he still found it in him to say, 'I love you and I forgive you.' And that's who we are as people—to our own detriment sometimes. He's someone I don't want people to forget. I have yet to remove his face from my world because I have yet to let go of his voice, let go of that being [because] there's so many people we have lost in our history that so often get forgotten."
He concluded, "I think that's the importance of such artwork that moves us to think and talk about it. Yes, it's entertaining. We get to come together and be spooked together. But then we come together and we think, 'Damn, Edmund needed someone to talk to. Edmund needed help... a lot [of] things could have been different. Edmund could have been saved.'
Check out the full interview below.
Luke James Talks Ditching Sex Symbol Status For "Them: The Scare", Elijah McClain, & More www.youtube.com
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