How An Eat, Pray, Love Journey Led Me To Find Mr. Right At Home
I mean true dates from hell. From the brotha taking me to a funeral to the IHOP disaster that led to dude walking out on the check, I have been through it. So after the 50th disappointment I made a half-hearted proclamation,
“I don’t want a man anymore. I resolve just to be a free spirit and travel the earth.”
That’s what I told myself days before my 31st Birthday. The truth was I was beyond frustrated with the dating scene, so I planned my first solo trip, my first plane ride, and my first time out of the country all in one. I was going to Jamaica. Stella was going to find her groove. The trip was partially crafted in defiance of the “settle down and be still until he finds you” discussions I’d recently had with family and friends. The “if you do everything now what will you have to experience with husband?” argument annoyed me. It fueled my resolve. Every Instagram post was earmarked #travelismyboyfriend.
However, I secretly had a newly revised January 2015 husband character list that was extensive and specific. I suppose deep down I was always a hopeless romantic, though my “emancipated from patriarchy” banner waved high and free (and still does for that matter). It started when I was a little girl. I obsessed over a scene in the action movie Face/Off where John Travolta runs his hand over his wife and son's faces as a way of saying, “I love you.” I was 12 when I first saw the movie but I asked God, “Let me know when I meet my husband, because he will know what it means when I run my hand over his face like in ‘Face/Off’.” I would test this theory with every man I dated from that time forward, but I never found one who knew what it meant. I thought God thought my request was silly. However, with my new found preoccupation with greeting blue water and white sands for the first time I put dating and marriage thoughts on the back burner.
Two days before I left for Jamaica I was hitting the delete button on all of my online dating profiles. Just a few months before I’d cast a wide dating net. My failures in the dating scene definitely wasn’t for lack of trying! I had SEV-ER-AL dating sites poppin’. I went to after work mixers, joined new social circles, and paid for a local gym subscription. Everything I read on lifestyle blogs and Demetria Lucas (of Belle In Brooklyn) told me to do to put myself in the optimal atmosphere of being ‘chosen’ chile’, I was doing it!
But the fish that bit weren’t it. So, two days before my departure I gave up trying force a meeting with Mr. Right. I was about to click the delete button on my last dating profile when a brother with a great lonely dimple and a teddy bear face popped up on my screen. After much internal debate, I dismissively sent him one line, “I like your face.” 11 hours of conversation later, we’d agreed to meet for a first date. He was amazing, but there was no time for boo loving! I was leaving for Jamaica the next morning.
While in Jamaica, I met God at sunrise on the beach with prayer. I ate my way into a frenzy. I climbed waterfalls, rode camels, trod through the sea horseback. I also talked to – we will call him Teddy - every day I was there. When I returned home, he was waiting for me. I’d find out that we went to the same college the same year. We had a mutual friend who never introduced us. We danced around each other for years! But I still needed a direct sign. One night after a really deep conversation about God and family on a jungle gym in the park, I decided to try the spirit. I ran my hand over his face as I’d seen in the movie Face/Off.
I swear I saw a shocked look on his face and my heart starting beating fast at the prospect of him actually knowing what I just did. So, I swallowed my nerves and asked, “You don’t know where that is from, do you?” He answered me, “Yes, Face/Off.” I held my breath. Then he said the sweetest words I ever heard, “And Danielle, I love you, too.”
Well baaaaabbby, six months later and not a single day apart I didn’t hesitate to say, “GRACIOUS GOD YES!” As the girl who thought she would never get married marches her way to the altar, there are three important things I learned on my journey.
1. Approach Dating Like a Traveler
I stopped caring. I’m not saying go out without brushing your teeth, but I was carefree on my first date with Teddy. I didn’t have an expectations because I was too high on the fact that I was leaving the country the next day. He said from the time he turned on the car radio and I started dancing, I eased his nerves and he was hooked. Being your authentic self will draw your match to love the whole you.
[Tweet "Being your authentic self will draw your match to love the whole you."]
Still, I approached dating as if I was just passing through, which translated as mysteriously confident and not overbearing desperation. I didn’t translate our first date into “is this my husband?” as I had countless times before. I remember laughing until I snorted, which would have been my kiss of death on any other date. But with Teddy, I was no longer worried about impression. I was free. Being you is your greatest asset. You want him to be attracted to the authentic you because otherwise he’d commit to a fraud.
2. Your List May Be Flawed
I have written about how I wanted what my girls and I called a “suit”. Translation: a corporate brotha who is the smooth, briefcase toting type. It definitely wasn’t my wonderful ex jock who has opened my car door every day since I met him. I almost missed out. Your list is FLAWED and if you only accept what’s on your list, you will get EXACTLY what you ask for, but it may not be what you need.
[Tweet "If you only accept what’s on your list you'll get what you ask for, but it may not be what you need."]
I watched an episode of Black Love on FYI, where Monet Bell (a former wife on Married at First Sight) said she wanted an “old fashioned” man. She got what she asked for. She married a man who wanted her to cook, clean and raise the kids. It wasn’t what she was looking for and it wasn’t until a therapist corrected her word choice that she realized her mistake. “You want a gentleman, not a man with old fashioned values.” Sometimes when we write or verbalize what we are looking for, we are asking for the wrong thing. Be open and flexible to the fact that your list may have flaws and allow him the space to evolve just like you are.
3. You Will Know
People will say a host of things. “You need to date for two years to be sure. You don’t really know someone until you live with them. You have to wait for the honeymoon period to wear off. How will you know if its infatuation or love?” Joining your life to someone else is a commitment. I’ve met people who’ve had arranged marriages and have lasted for 50 years. In a world that puts more value on chemistry than commitment, it’s easy to get caught up in the Whitney, “How Will I Know?” track and never be convinced or satisfied. The truth is there is nothing that can change the mind of a man or woman who is committed to commitment. Commitment yields consistency and consistency builds trust. There is also a gut feeling. The same gut feeling that makes you hold back from completely trusting, Mr. Wrong is the same gut feeling that catapults you forward in knowing Mr. Right.
When I gave up searching for him and traveled to learn more about myself, I met my him by accident. When you embrace the unique and divinely made person that is YOU, it attracts all the things that are dancing around your door. LIVE intentionally and love incidentally.
Danielle Kimberly is a Jersey girl and a health & wholeness educator. Read her humorous & habit forming stories for women of faith on www.luxevoyage.org. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter @dannikimberly.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
I Tried Beyoncé's Haircare Line CÉCRED & Here's My Honest Review
Beyoncé is snatching our wallets yet again with her latest business venture CÉCRED. In 2023, the Texas native hinted at a potential haircare line when she posted this photo causing fans to speculate that her next project would be focused on her famous tresses - they were right. Her haircare line Cécred launched on February 20 with her first drop called The Foundation Collection which focuses on haircare first, and I can only assume that a style product line for colored-treated hair will likely follow since Beyoncé is known for slaying various shades of blonde.
As a super fan since the early 2000s, it was only right that I give an honest review of the full line and purchase the Super Fan Bundle (retailed at $265) which includes the full product line of the 8 products, as well as a branded cosmetic bag. If you’re thinking, “Girl that bundle is too pricey for me,” I can assure you that for the value you're getting, the price is quite reasonable. This bundle was an intentional and marketable way to allow consumers to experience every Cécred product.
The brand messaging surrounding Cécred has been salon-inspired, and rightfully so as an ode to Beyoncé’s upbringing growing up in her mother’s hair salon in Houston. This line is backed by science and licensed cosmetologists showing that she’s done her research and appointed the experts. Cécred's IG feed has been filled with images and videos inside of hair salons including some videos of Ms. Tina herself assisting in the styling of beauty experts who visited Cécred's private salon to have the VIP treatment!
Now, have I seen influencers, consumers, and beauty stylists using the Foundation Collection at home? Yes, but I thought it was best to experience Cécred with my go-to cosmetologist who also happens to be my Auntie Tawana. She has been my educator and go-to for hair knowledge since I was a child and has had a hand in my mom's hair health which has always been goals for me. As a little girl, my Saturdays were spent sitting in her hair salon while my mama got her hair done as I patiently waited reading Jet and ESSENCE, ever so carefully eavesdropping on the conversations of the ladies who were coming for much more than just a beauty routine, but an experience.
I’d fall asleep on the plush couch in the waiting area flipping through magazines while listening to the sultry sounds of Maxwell. And I had my first lesson in breakup empowerment when I heard Sunshine Anderson’s “Heard It All Before.” So there was no other place for me to go than to see her, and because I’m her niece, I was able to visit her private salon in her home that she calls The After Hours where upon arrival I was greeted with my favorite Black-owned sparkling Rosé, candles lit, and my aunt’s breakdown of Cécred.
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
But let me refocus and share my salon experience as I tried Cécred for the first time.
If You’re Wondering…Who is Cécred For?
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
When news of Beyoncé potentially launching a beauty brand hit the internet, there were a bunch of predictions of what and who the line would be marketed towards and if she’d have any wig care products as she’s known for slaying her units! But she went in a totally different direction which I love, and I’m going to tell you why. Critics have questioned if Beyoncé should be venturing into the haircare industry because she is often seen in weaves and wigs, but true Beyoncé fans know that she has healthy hair and that, like many Black women, experiments with various styles.
Cécred was created for all hair types and textures, including straight to coily, virgin, color-treated, chemically processed, and heat-styled. As a Black woman who has worn wigs, had chemically processed hair, heat-styled, natural, and color-treated hair, let me tell you, this was no easy feat! The amount of money I’ve spent on my hair through its various changes just on product alone, forget styling has been astronomical.
Cécred is serving the needs of various hair types in textures and I truly believe that this is going to make Beyoncé a true competitor in the hair industry amongst brands that are comparable such as OUAI and Olaplex. Both competitor brands have similar items at a higher price point and unlike Cécred, their products and brand messaging haven’t always felt inclusive to Black women and other hair types.
Cécred has been tested inclusively and the reviews from various hair types and backgrounds of consumers are allowing the brand to stand out.
I Tried Beyoncé's Haircare Line Cécred: My Honest Review
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
My hair has never felt cleaner and it shined for well over a week following the styling (but the oil should be used sparingly if like me, oil can weigh down your hair.) Immediately when my hair touched the sink, my aunt told me that she saw all the dirt and oils lifting from my hair when she applied the clarifying shampoo. As a girl who loves my curls, I am often judgy when I use any other shampoo and conditioner aside from Pattern, but not this time.
When my aunt guided my hands across my hair, she showed me how my curls weren’t tangled, and how she didn’t need to comb out my curls before applying the moisturizing deep conditioner or the deconstructing treatment mask.
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
She applied each step with care and walked me through the process, and to my surprise, the hair mask wasn’t thick - but through trial and error as a natural girl, I’ve learned that a thick mask doesn’t always equal what’s best for your hair. She styled me with a silk press that left my hair with shine and I can honestly say that each step of the line is needed especially if you are someone who changes up your hair and deals with breakage. If your hair is healthy, you can opt out of the reconstructing treatment mask but I recommend taking the product line to your salon, having a discussion with your stylist on where your hair health needs improvement, and then purchasing based on that.
We know ourselves better than anyone else, but your stylist knows your hair better than you do. I like to lead with their knowledge first and then incorporate what my hair goals are. If you’re a girly who’s committed to hair health and has either the discipline to incorporate each step at home or can bring your products to the salon, Cécred is for you no matter if you’re a silk press or a wash-and-go naturalist.
Give Cécred a try, I’ll be using the line for my hair appointments until it runs out and if I see long-term results, it will be added to the beauty regimen indefinitely.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image courtesy of CÉCRED