Here's A Guide To Abortion Resources In A Post-Roe America
When it comes to reproductive rights in this country, things have gone left fast. Well, if you’re on the outside looking in that is. In this case, being on the outside simply means those of us who weren’t on the frontlines of activism as it pertains to abortion access. Those who had been anticipating this outcome were laying the groundwork for the overturning of Roe v. Wade for quite some time now. And honestly, it didn’t take much to notice the direction things were headed in with the many trigger bans. So perhaps I underestimate all of our intelligence when I say those on the frontlines understood what was going on when in reality I think many of us could see the writing on the wall, but just thought we had more time.
What I hadn’t considered was how difficult and real having to talk my sister through all the ways her rights could now be violated would feel. Particularly her right to privacy as a young Black woman, who is already under hyper surveillance in this world. I hadn’t considered how cringe it would feel having companies like Dick’s Sporting Goods pledge to stand by their employees. Because yes, kudos to them for getting the big picture, but can we also admit how wild it is that we now have to disclose to our employers our abortion history in order to get the medical attention we need? Not only is it heartbreaking but it’s a slippery slope, and just the beginning of our right to privacy being peeled back — even if and when the intention is well-meaning.
But one thing we must not do is wallow. It’s pivotal that we dust off our big girl panties and forge ahead learning, understanding, and setting measures that protect us.
If you find yourself or a loved one needing an abortion, here are some things you can do to be as safe as possible from the political circus show.
1. Go off the grid.
Use a private browser when booking your abortion appointment. I can’t stress enough the overturning of Roe v. Wade has also stripped you of your right to privacy. And if you are using apps to track your period, go back to tracking your menstrual cycle using a paper calendar. It will be possible for the government to access assumed information about your pregnancy history. Though it seems wild that they might be able to use this against you, understand this is the same government that has prosecuted women for having miscarriages.
2. Schedule your appointment ASAP.
If you want to get an abortion, but are not sure where to find abortion services and care, resources like Abortion Finder provide a directory of verified abortion service providers in the U.S. I would go as far as to say the moment you’re even considering an abortion, go ahead and schedule it. There were already so many things that could go awry but now that we’re living in a post-Roe world you can expect that the roadblocks to safe abortion care will be made even more sturdy. Don’t worry about the money quite yet if that’s on your mind. Don’t worry about the how and the when. You’ll want to have the most accurate last menstrual period (LMP) on hand so the staff can give you the most accurate cost for your service, as abortion prices rise based on how far along you are.
Likewise, if you change your mind you’ll want to call and cancel especially if you’ve received funding. In this climate, it’s imperative to be considerate of those who may need the appointment or the funding.
3. Look into funding options for your abortion.
The time to worry about money is while booking your appointment, not a minute before that. While talking to whichever clinic you go with, ask them about funding such as the National Abortion Federation or NAF. NAF provides funding to people seeking abortion across the country. But don’t stop there if you need more funding. Call your local funds as they only tend to give to state residents. Keep in mind local funds don’t care what state you’re having your abortion in. They want your ID to be within the bounds of the region they serve. Use the National Network of Abortion Funds to locate a local fund near you!
Most funds have an intake form that requires them to ensure you qualify, though I understand the irony of this, it will become more necessary to ensure they’re being sparing since the need for funding will go up drastically. Larger funds may also have the ability to provide funding that can be used for travel arrangements, child care, hotels, etc.
4. Avoid crisis pregnancy centers.
This is no easy feat, but NNAF does have a page dedicated to how to find an abortion clinic for you. The intention here is to help you weed out clinics that might otherwise be crisis pregnancy centers. These places don’t assist you, they’re often run by some of the same people who protest and shame people outside of actual abortion clinics. They use similar practices to convince you to change your mind, including promises to help you with your postpartum experience if you decide not to move forward with your abortion.
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5. Have a reliable driver.
If you opt to use anesthesia or even Xanax to provide comfort during your abortion, you’ll need a driver. Not only do you want to be sure that you have a driver who won’t make you wait around all day, but one who can’t be swayed while waiting on what can be up to an eight-hour day and now maybe even longer wait times due to the lack of access. With COVID demanding that drivers begin waiting outside during the appointment time, they spend a good deal of time listening to and in some cases talking to the protestors. I have seen a time or two when drivers have been convinced to leave their friend mid-appointment because protestors have guilted them into not supporting their friend's decision.
You’ll want to have a friend who can’t be easily swayed as a decision like this could stop you from getting an abortion that day. That then requires some people to come out with more money, should they reach a new gestational age the following day, require childcare, or any number of things.
6. Know when to seek legal counsel.
Should you be criminalized at any point for abortion, birth control, miscarriage, or anything pertaining to your reproductive health that feels it may be a violation of your reproductive rights, reach out to If/When/How – an organization that prides itself on “lawyering for reproductive justice.”
7. Know your abortion rights.
Keep in the know with the latest updates so that you know your rights. Whether scheduling an abortion appointment or leaving one, you’ll want to know how to best protect yourself. Organizations like Guttmatcher offer trusted information regarding your abortion rights.
8. Donate to local funds.
Larger funds like Planned Parenthood are offered federal funding and though that money cannot be used for abortion, it does free up so much more of their money. When possible, donate to local abortion funds where you know the money is going directly to abortion services. To learn more about abortion funds you can donate to, Women's Health created a comprehensive list that you can check out here. Black-led abortion funds are even better!
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Featured image by Hannah Beier/Getty Images
Motor City native, Atlanta living. Sagittarius. Writer. Sexpert. Into all things magical, mystical, and unknown. I'll try anything at least once but you knew that the moment I revealed that I was a Sag.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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'Love Is Blind' Star AD Smith Shows Us That The Journey To Self-Worth Is Ongoing And She Shouldn't Be Criticized For It
This season of Love Is Blind was undeniably a rollercoaster ride of emotions. From intricate love triangles to deeply rooted attachment issues, it offered viewers a compelling glimpse into the complexities of modern relationships.
Yet, amidst the drama and romance, I think it serves as a poignant reminder of how we can possess a keen awareness of our relationship patterns; we can even find ourselves in therapy for years yet find ourselves repeatedly entangled in the same destructive cycles. Without the necessary tools and strategies to dismantle old habits and embrace healthier alternatives, we are destined to remain ensnared in a cycle of repetition and stagnation.
Amber Desiree “AD” Smith was left shocked and confused at the altar when her fiancé, Clay Gravesande, ultimately decided not to go through with the wedding ceremony. His actions throughout the season consistently indicated hesitancy towards commitment despite initially expressing readiness for a long-term relationship when he and AD first connected in the pods.
Throughout the season, Clay's journey revealed layers of immaturity stemming from childhood wounds caused by generational trauma, along with a clear unpreparedness for a healthy relationship. His relationship with AD began on shaky ground when he hesitated to commit without knowing her appearance first.
@netflix.reality.clips Clay and AD in the pods #clayloveisblind #ADloveisblind #loveisblindseason6 #libs6 #dating show
Despite AD's initial surprise, she decided to give Clay a chance, continuing their relationship. However, this initial compromise led to recurring issues, such as Clay's insensitive comments about potential weight gain and his insistence that AD join a gym if she were to gain weight in the future.
Despite these challenges, Clay and AD left the pods engaged with a road ahead of them of ongoing struggles in the real world. Clay and AD's relationship seemed shallow, mainly revolving around superficial interactions reminiscent of casual social media banter. Clay's fixation on physical appearance and fear of commitment clashed with AD's idealized vision of their relationship, blinding her from facing the reality of who Clay truly was.
Clay often centered conversations around himself, indicating a deep need for validation, which AD eagerly provided. From my point of view, this mutual reinforcement bolstered Clay's ego while fulfilling AD's need for validation in return.
Throughout season 6, Clay grappled with committing to a single partner, influenced by his upbringing witnessing his father's multiple relationships and extramarital affairs. The absence of healthy marriage examples shaped his perception of relationships. Despite these challenges, AD remained steadfast in her support, demonstrating a willingness to confront and overcome obstacles with Clay, given her upbringing in a household where her father was absent, an attachment wound that she has gained awareness about in therapy.
In the season finale, AD's excitement turned to confusion when Clay unexpectedly responded with "I don't" after her "I do." Clay's decision wasn't about AD's worth but stemmed from his own lack of emotional maturity and focus on superficial traits like physical appearance and achievement.
@stephmoneymonster Justice for AD #loveisblind #loveisblindseason6 #fpy #viralvideo #foryoupage #single #dating
Despite Clay's repeated expressions of self-doubt throughout the season, AD was visibly taken aback, holding onto the hope that he would change. AD's desire to be with Clay overshadowed her ability to discern if he was the right guy for her. Throughout the season, she found herself caught up in a fantasy of who she wanted Clay to be and the idea of being married to him. Clay's repeated statements about how AD made him a better man and how he wanted to change for her likely boosted her ego.
Many of us can relate to AD's struggle; grappling with feelings of unworthiness due to childhood trauma and abandonment often traps us in cycles that reinforce our deepest fears.
At the altar, AD was left devastated, questioning her worthiness and desirability. However, it’s not that AD isn’t worthy; she’s just stuck in a pattern of choosing emotionally unavailable partners, reminiscent of her father. Though she desires a different outcome, she finds herself unable to connect with a man who is emotionally present, reflecting her own emotional unavailability.
In our society, there's a common expectation for women to take on the role of nurturing and guiding men, often justified by the belief that “boys will be boys.” Like most women, AD frequently excuses Clay's behavior and does much of the emotional work in their relationship.
Deep down, AD likely felt the need to show unwavering support to Clay, hoping to secure his commitment by accommodating his flaws. For AD, love has become synonymous with earning someone's affection, a belief she reinforced by investing her heart in Clay, hoping to prove her worth to him. Yet, in doing so, she unwittingly perpetuated her own cycle of dysfunction.
AD's journey highlights the importance of being discerning in relationships, distinguishing between genuine compatibility, and settling for something less (the "right" from the "kinda sorta right"). Unfortunately, she lacked the tools to see Clay clearly, especially when dealing with her own attachment issues. Relying solely on physical attraction can be risky, as it often leads to repeating old patterns, with judgment clouded by the intensity of emotions.
Netflix Love Is Blind season 6 Clay and AD/ Screenshot
Engaging in inner work through therapy is undoubtedly a crucial step toward personal growth and healing, but it doesn’t fix us. It provides us with the opportunity to delve into our past traumas, confront deep-seated insecurities, and develop healthier coping mechanisms. However, despite the insights gained and the progress made within the therapeutic setting, applying this newfound self-awareness to real-life situations, especially in the realm of romantic relationships, can be challenging.
For someone like AD, the journey towards self-discovery is ongoing. I love the way Yung Pueblo puts it: “If the pain was deep, you will have to let it go many times.” While therapy equips her with valuable tools for introspection and self-reflection, it doesn't necessarily guarantee an immediate transformation in her dating behavior or decision-making process because she needs to grieve what she didn’t get from her father and create a new identity for herself.
One of the biggest reasons for this disparity between inner work and practical application lies in the complexity of human emotions and behavior.
Despite understanding the root causes of her attachment issues, AD found herself still drawn to partners who perpetuate these dynamics. This phenomenon often occurs because our emotional responses are deeply ingrained and may override rational thought processes, particularly when it pertains to matters of the heart.
'Love Is Blind' Season 6 Finale AD and Clay's Wedding/ Screenshot
Furthermore, the dynamics of therapy sessions differ vastly from real-life interactions and relationships. In therapy, individuals are in a controlled environment where they can explore their thoughts and emotions without fear of judgment. However, the unpredictability and vulnerability inherent in dating can trigger old wounds and defense mechanisms, making it challenging to maintain the same level of self-awareness and emotional regulation.
Moreover, societal expectations and cultural norms can exert significant pressure on individuals like AD, influencing their perceptions of what constitutes a successful relationship. The desire for validation, societal approval, or the fear of being alone may cloud judgment and lead to compromising on core values or overlooking red flags.
So, how can we bridge the gap between inner work and practical application in our own dating lives?
Firstly, it's essential to acknowledge that growth is a gradual process and setbacks are inevitable. Instead of expecting instant results, we can practice self-compassion and patience while holding ourselves accountable.
Additionally, we can also work on slowing down, setting boundaries, and practicing assertiveness in our interactions with potential partners. Start getting to know people from the inside out. Not just by what they say but by what they do. These two things should always walk hand in hand.
By clearly communicating our needs and values and slowing down on physical intimacy, we can better discern whether a relationship aligns with our values.
Furthermore, seeking support from wise counsel (trusted friends and family), mentors, or even continuing therapy BEFORE things get too serious can provide us with additional perspectives and guidance as we navigate the dating landscape. Having a support network can offer reassurance and validation while also providing accountability in making healthy choices.
Lastly, by staying attuned to our emotions and paying attention to what our intuition is saying, we can make more informed decisions and avoid falling into familiar traps.
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Feature image Netflix Love Is Blind Season 6/ Screenshot