Iman Opens Up About Losing The Love Of Her Life: “I Am Just Trying To Keep It Together”
Grief is a process. There are different stages and everyone processes loss differently. Whether it's a loss by a change in relationship status, the growing apart of two friends, or a loss by death, grieving the end of a relationship with someone that we love hurts. There is no timeline or right way to do it, and in some instances, you may never fully move on from that loss.
I've had to grieve several relationships, from friends that are no longer close to me to the end of relationships and even divorce. But what I can't imagine is the pain one must feel after the love of their life passes away.
When the news of David Bowie losing his battle with liver cancer became public back in 2016, fans all over the world began expressing their sadness. Social media was filled with tributes and fans played his music to comfort themselves through the pain. After a while, the tributes went away and the news cycle continued. But for his wife, supermodel and businesswoman Iman, she is still going through an immeasurable amount of pain.
Iman recently sat down with Net-A-Porter to discuss her past life as a model, her current life as a cosmetics industry mogul, and why she is still learning how to move through life without her husband. Iman was married to David for 26 years, and the couple seemed to share that rare connection that so many of us are looking for.
Through it all, Iman has maintained a tough exterior, but on the inside, the model says she isn't as strong as she appears. The 63-year-old reveals:
"And sometimes, I don't want people to know how sad I am… People say to me, 'Oh, you're so strong'… I'm not strong – I am just trying to keep it together."
Being a public figure certainly has its benefits, but the prying eyes of those who may feel entitled to your every move has to be overwhelming, to say the least. For Iman, she says that while she understands that the fans have a right to grieve, there is no way that they could possibly feel her pain.
While the world lost a role model, Iman and her family lost the most important man in their lives:
"People take pictures of me in the street, and say [touching my arm]: 'I am so sorry for your loss'… I'm like, don't touch me. You just took pictures of me, how can you be sorry?'... I get the fans' grief, but it's not the same… They have lost someone they look up to; we have lost a husband and a father."
Whether or not the cosmetics mogul is ready to move is still up in the air. While she remains open to possibly dating again in the future, Iman says she will never remarry. She still refers to David as her husband despite the fact that she may find herself feeling lonely from time to time. She says:
"I will never remarry… I mentioned my husband the other day with someone, and they said to me: 'You mean your late husband?' I said, 'No, he is always going to be my husband.'"
"I do feel very lonely… But do I want a relationship? I can't say never, but no, not now."
Sometimes we forget that public figures and celebrities are human just like we are. Everyone experiences loss, pain, emotions, and everything that comes with living this life on earth. It is refreshing in a way to hear Iman speak on her grief. Rather than sugarcoat her experience, she gave a real glimpse into the emotional battle she's been through and the process that she is currently navigating through. Thank you, Iman, for sharing your truth without coving up your pain.
To read the rest of her feature in Net-A-Porter, click here.
Featured image by Rob Kim/Getty Images
- Iman Talks Living With Loss, Modeling & The Fashion Industry ... ›
- Iman mourns loss of her mother just two months after husband David ... ›
- Iman Spotted for the First Time Since David Bowie's Death - YouTube ›
- Iman on the heartbreaking loss of her husband, David Bowie: 'I will ... ›
- Iman Opens Up About Her Marriage to David Bowie: “I Will Never ... ›
- Iman Posts Heart-Wrenching Tribute to David Bowie - Iman ... ›
- Iman's Year Since David Bowie's Death | PEOPLE.com ›
- David Bowie: Iman on David Bowie: I'll never get used to losing him ... ›
- Iman Talks For First Time About Death of David Bowie at Tom Ford ... ›
- Iman reveals she'll never remarry after losing David Bowie as she ... ›
Michelle Schmitz is a writer and editor based in Washington, DC originally from Ft Lauderdale, FL. A self-described ambivert, you can find her figuring out ways to read more than her monthly limit of The New York Times, attending concerts, and being a badass, multi-tasking supermom. She also runs her own blog MichelleSasha.com. Keep up with her latest moves on IG: @michellesashawrites and Twitter: @michellesashas
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images